Catching Up

I realized there are some things I haven't told y'all so wanted to catch up a bit. Also, in my last blog, I tried to highlight a couple of phrases and inadvertently mostly blocked them out. Keegan fixed that for me, so if you weren't able to read those lines, go back and all will be visible now.

Most importantly, I failed to write that the day after the 7 year anniversary of Mike's accident, his father, Jim, passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack. Jim and his partner, Sonia, lived in Florida. Mike's brother and sister flew down for the weekend to help with arrangements and be with Sonia. His ashes will later be returned to Ohio. Jim lived with Mike and I for 6 months when we lived in Ohio. Our boys were young at the time and I also took care of other children in our home. It was a busy time of life and while I kept a relatively straight and clean home, Jim liked cleaning and asked if I minded if he cleaned. Have at it, Jim! It's not my favorite thing to do and I was not offended! My house had never been so clean as when Jim lived with us. He even did the dishes, so was a great help to have around. The boys were financially blessed, because he always gave them his coins. On his rare visits after he moved away, he still brought them bags of loose change. 

Over the past 7 years, I have actually come to know Jim and love him more than before. Usually it was Mike who would talk with him on the phone every other Sunday, but after the accident I was the one to talk with Jim or Sonia. Conversations with Jim were usually short and somewhat abrupt, but occasionally he would chat more and once he shared some from his young years. Stories I had never heard before. His growing up was very different from mine with family relationships not coming as easily. It gave me a glimpse into why he was a bit distant. I had the opportunity to visit Jim and Sonia in March of 2018 and am so glad I did. I think Mike's accident hit Jim hard and he never failed to ask me if the doctors gave me any hope of a full recovery. I believe Jim loved his family, he just didn't always know how to show it. He was kind and helpful to me when he lived with us and in these post-accident years he was an encouragement to me to continue strong. He often thanked me for taking such good care of his son and he knew it was only possible because of "the good Lord".  I will miss those short, but heartfelt conversations. 

As a follow-up to my last post, I received a call from the PA who was none to happy with the RN for calling her and me with such an alarming report when in actuality Mike was nowhere near as bad as she made it sound. The PA also thought Mike was in serious trouble until she spoke with the day nurse who painted a different picture and later when she heard of my morning with Mike. She was going to be speaking with the RN and the director, but I don't know what came of that. The RN is still there and we haven't had any more alarming phone calls; however....

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that Mike was chewing his food differently and it was staying in his mouth a long time. His norm had been gorging, so this was quite noticeable. I wondered if his teeth hurt, but when a dentist came to check patients, Mike wouldn't let him look in his mouth. He doesn't really let anyone brush his teeth either, so it's very likely something is wrong; however, he's been uncooperative with oral hygiene ever since that last fall and resulting surgery in June 2018. I think he would have to be sedated in order to check his teeth. There is no noticeable swelling or redness that we can see. 

On the 16th his poor handling of food was more noticeable so I asked if he could be re-evaluated by Speech Therapy. This past week he was and was put back on a pureed diet. Thursday when I was there, ST worked with him and found that he swallows thick liquid well, but even applesauce stayed at the back of his throat and he didn't swallow unless given liquid to chase it down. This is a danger because he could aspirate if food stays in the back of his throat where the esophagus and trachea meet. The ST was going to train the CNAs to feed him slowly and make sure he swallows after the soft foods. She tried giving him a mashed banana that evening, but he didn't handle it well either. It will have to be pureed foods for now and she will work with him 3 times a week to see if she can get him back to soft or solid foods. The ST noted that with his constant omming, his jaws rarely get a break. It's possible that he is having joint pain there which would make sense in regard to chewing, but I don't know that it would affect his swallowing. He's also had several episodes of vomiting and diarrhea, so an ultrasound of his abdomen was done later that day. Everything seems to be in good working order, only some gas. Bottom line is we don't know why the change.

I did tell him about his father dying, and it's possible there is some depression or sadness related to his Dad's death, but that shouldn't cause these types of issues. There has been some medication change also, but it was getting rid of medication and one was dropped about a month ago and the other on Tuesday of last week. He had not been sleeping well and was disturbing Mr. B. The nighttime Seroquel was reduced and the Trazodone increased. Mr. B said Mike's been sleeping great, which allows him to sleep well also. One problem solved, two more pop up.

A true blessing this past Thursday was taking communion with Mike. Our Pastor from Grace drove up to the facility and we had our own private communion service on the deck. Pastor, Mike, Mr. Ommm and me. Mike ommmed through most of it, but it was a blessing all the same and had been far too long since he had partaken. My one regret is that I didn't get a photo of our special service together. 

It was beautiful at church today to remember the One who gave his life to pay for our sins, Jesus, plus remember those who gave their lives for our freedom. Tomorrow is Memorial Day. As you enjoy family, friends and cook-outs, take a few moments to remember those who gave all so that we may enjoy these simple pleasures. Many homes have empty seats and hurting hearts, remember their families also.

John 15:13 (NIV)

Greater love has no one than this:

to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

A Gamut of Emotions

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Grateful - Waking up after a good night's sleep even after overtaxing my back the day before.

Anticipation - It will be a good day. Mom is doing well, I turn 59, and it's TABS day. (Tuesday Afternoon Bible Study)

Peaceful - Time in God's word

Surprise - I missed a call at 6:19 from Appomattox Health & Rehab while taking Mom's vitals and doing our morning stretches. Didn't look at my phone until almost 7:00.

Alarmed - After speaking with the night nurse. Seems Mike didn't eat or drink well on Monday (very unusual) and was not passing urine. She said his eyes looked more sunken than usual and he was very quiet. She was able to put in a catheter, but very little came out. She had contacted the PA and they were drawing blood to check his kidney function. He sounded very dehydrated. It all sounded very bad and possibly life-threatening. If he wouldn't drink, they would have to put in an IV.

Calm - I suppose after 7 years of varying crises, I don't get overly frantic, but instead go into crisis mode. Text to see if Betty can come early to be with Mom, get dressed, pray without ceasing, go prepared to stay the night, take Power of Attorney, Guardian & Conservator paperwork, fix Mom's breakfast and pills, call family and friends to pray.

Racing Thoughts - How bad is this, Lord? Are his kidneys shutting down? Is he dying? What kind of decisions will I have to make? Will Mike leave an IV alone? Will he have to go to the hospital? He's been through so much already, no more feeding tubes or drastic measures.  Will I be going against medical advice with any decisions? I remembered a former nurse at another facility telling me that if I ever had to make a decision in this regard, that dehydration was not a bad way to go - that it brought on a sort of euphoria. 

Crying - After I informed Keegan, he prayed for Mike and me. We were both thinking God could be calling Mike home. We ended up in tears. 

Hopeful - That Mike's earthly struggle may soon come to an end and he'll be free from this physical trapping of flesh and see his Savior face to face. Hopeful for an end of these yo-yo days for me.

Blessed - Many were praying for us and I had offers from folks to ride with me. At that moment I was thankful for something my counselor had told me last Friday. "Don't feel obligated. Be sure God is leading you and not yourself." She knows me well - hard to say no, but needful at times. 

Courage - God is with me; therefore, I can make it through whatever happens today. One thing at a time. It's OK to turn down help, at times. The drive gives me time to think, pray, and prepare myself, so sometimes it is best to go by myself. I've also learned that when someone is with me my focus is divided. I am concerned about them and their time. This is not always the case, sometimes I want support with me, but so much of this has been done alone with God and often I function best that way. 

Prayerful - Please go before me dear God and give me wisdom and guidance. Be with Mike. Comfort him, hold him. 

Normal - When I arrived at 10:00 AM, I thought Mike looked the same as he always does. The day nurse said he had eaten his breakfast and drank a little, but still no urine. She would have to cath him if he had not voided by 1:00 PM. They keep a little cooler in his room with thickened drinks, so I took out a tea and he sipped on it. I really think he gets tired of all the flavors. Even the pre-mixed thickened water has lemon flavoring, so I asked for a big Styrofoam cup with a bit of ice. I keep thickener there and have asked them to give him cups of water, but I don't think they do. 

Praise - He took a few sips of the water, then I got him up to walk and took the water with us. I kept pushing the water every few steps and by the time we circled the parking lot and came back around, he had finished the entire cup and his Depends was soaked. Praise God! 

Relaxed - I fixed him a second cup and we sat on the deck. He read his Bible, I fed him his lunch and he drank all of the second cup, plus the two small drinks that came with his lunch. He read some more and I closed my eyes and relaxed. He was his usual normal to me. I attempted to brush his teeth and then left.

Contemplative - The need to be alone and away from busyness was strong. After picking up a sandwich, I headed to Holiday Lake. It was a gorgeous day and the drive through the country was beautiful. I thought back through the day and the various emotions. In complete candor, I must include disappointment. Maybe a strange emotion to have, yet knowing that Mike has given his life to Jesus and how energetic, active and lively he was pre-accident, I cannot wish him to stay as he is. I know he will be free and whole when he dies and best of all he'll be with Jesus! Seven years of seeing him locked inside his own broken body is tough for him and me. I desire freedom for both of us.  

Alone - Both Sunday and today I felt the need to be alone with God. Sunday I was dressed for church and halfway to my car when I stopped and reconsidered. It had been raining, but wasn't at the time, my sister was with Mom and I wasn't running the media that morning. I turned right around, changed my clothes and struck out on a walk. I enjoyed walking and talking with the Lord, I sang and listened to some worship music and then was quiet and relished in the sounds of nature. It's odd that as I prayed for God to be merciful to Mike, the thought of him dying on my birthday passed through my mind. Oh please not on my birthday, Lord.  When I received the call Tuesday morning, it sure sounded like it might indeed be on my birthday, but no, not yet.

Joyful & Listening - I arrived at the lake and was the only one there. It was so beautiful, quiet, and peaceful. The air was crisp and the wind off of the water was pleasant. I took a little walk around, ate and then sat and read. It's taking me a long time to get through this book, Walking with God through Pain and Suffering by Timothy Keller, but I see God's hand even in my slow progress. The right words at the right time. 

Trusting - Chapter 13 - "Trusting the Hidden God"

Remember Joseph? Favorite of his father, despised by his brothers who sold him into slavery, falsely accused and thrown into prison, yet rises to a high position and saves his family and many from starvation? Keller says: 

"Despite all the years of unanswered prayer, Joseph was still trusting God. The point is this--God was hearing and responding to Joseph's prayers for deliverance, rescue, and salvation, but not in the ways or forms or times Joseph asked for it."

"We must never assume that we know enough to mistrust God's ways or be bitter against what He has allowed." 

"If the story of Joseph and the whole of the Bible is true, then anything that comes into your life is something that, as painful as it is, you need in some way."

Keller quotes a portion of a letter written by John Newton to a grieving sister. Two parts stood out to me: 

"Her illness grieves me: and were it in my power I would quickly remove it: the Lord can, and I hope will, when it has answered the end for which he sent it....You have need of patience, and if you ask, the Lord will give it. But there can be no settled peace till our will is in a measure subdued." 

Loved & Humbled - Mike will not die or be healed until God says so. God is working everything according to His will. I have no idea what that is, but I've learned God is trustworthy and His timing perfect. Lots of unpleasant things had to happen to Joseph before he could be in a position to help others. He didn't understand along the way, yet he trusted. Hopefully when the next crisis comes, my first response will be "Your will be done, Father God, Your will be done." 

My Husband IS Amazing

7 YEARS AGO TODAY life took a very dramatic change of direction for Mike and me. From this vantage point it's gone by quickly, yet in another sense I feel every bit of it. Today as Mike and I were walking on the sidewalk I thought of all he had been through and yet here he was walking. I cannot imagine the amount of pain he has endured all of these years. He really is amazing. From the initial accident with all of his injuries to subsequent falls, a broken nose, multiple skin tears, breaking the same femur but a different location, multiple hospital stays, 3 different homes with me, plus the confinement of 4 different facilities. It amazes me how strong he remains and how he has the ability to persevere and work through the pain with a mind that cannot function properly. He is a strong man.

At this time of day seven years ago, I was sitting in a hospital waiting room with a few friends while Mike underwent emergency surgery. I had no idea how bad his injuries were or that 7 years later we would still be living with the effects. I am so glad that we only have to live one day at a time and that we do not know what the future holds. One day is doable and after making it through that one, the next comes and God's strength is sufficient for that one also. I remember thinking somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd year mark that I'd never be able to make it year after year and prayed God would work a miracle. I believe the miracle is learning that God is there second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, and as we focus on Him we continue to move. It may not always be forward, but we are moving and He is there to hold us, pick us up, carry us or pull us along and provide what is needed at the present time.  

During these 7 years, I have no idea what God and Mike have talked about, but I have talked with God a whole lot about a whole lot! I've cried, begged, pleaded, yelled, wept, been silent, questioned, thanked, praised, and rested with Him. I've also been challenged and grown in my understanding of who He is and who I am. I've learned how HUGE He is and how small I am. I've learned He is sovereign and His ways are always best and He doesn't have to explain anything to me. He doesn't owe me anything. I've come to love His word, the Bible, and the blinders are coming off more and more as I dig deeper and open my heart to hear what He has to say. I know that I can trust Him completely for He is in control, He is awesome, He is Sovereign, the Almighty One, He is HOLY and He loves fiercely. 

I do still feel sorry for my husband and long for him to be healed or home with his Lord, yet I will trust God's timing. He is God and I am not. I am thankful for what God has done in my life as a result of this trauma. I don't want to go back to who I was and how I believed 7 years ago. Growth has happened due to pain and that is a very good thing.

I also appreciate all of the prayers and support from our family and friends. You have been God's hands and feet to us and a huge part of our story. I love you all.

James 1:2-4 & 12

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, 

whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

Let perseverance finish its work so that 

you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

For anyone who does not know what happened to Mike, here's what I wrote on CaringBridge the day after the trauma began:

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikerice

Site created on April 26, 2012

Wednesday afternoon, April 25, Mike went out to run as is his routine around 4:30pm. Evidently he ran in front of a woman as she was driving down the road and she could not avoid him. He was hit and rolled on the hood of her truck before striking the road. According to the policeman, she did some very quick thinking and turned to the right so that when he fell on the road she did not run over him. 

He is in critical condition. The injuries that they know of so far are: badly broken bones below the knee on both legs that were open wounds (the left suffered more soft tissue damage and is of more concern), broken right femur, broken left ribs, collapsed left lung, and there is bleeding on the brain. They believe he will not need brain surgery at this point - the blood should resolve or whatever you call it.  A bolt was put into his head to relieve the pressure and to monitor the pressure. He is intubated and has a chest tube but they are hopeful that he will be able to breath on his own very soon.  Because he is in such great physical condition, they are very hopeful for lots of things but kept telling me they can't guarantee anything, of course. There is the possibility of infection,  especially in his legs.

Last night after they got him stabilized, I was able to quickly go see him before they took him to surgery. He was taken into the OR around 7:30pm by the orthopedic surgeon to try to thoroughly cleanse the open wounds on his lower legs and put external devices on his legs with pins that go through the skin to the bone to set and stabilize the bones as much as possible.  This took approx. 2 hours and Mike came through it well. There are multiple fractures in both lower legs and he had lost a lot of blood.  If all goes well, later they will go in and place rods in his legs. 

He was put into an ICU room around 11pm and about 12:30pm I was able to go see him. Of course, right now he is in a drug induced coma and they plan to keep him that way for at least a couple of days.

Thanks so much for all the prayers!!  I know prayer warriors have been busy, because I felt such peace and calm throughout the afternoon and evening.

Our church family came out in force - you are wonderful West Fay. Baptist!!!  Thank you so much! I'll try to keep you posted. Love you all! Jennifer

A Fantastical Day

Just recently, we started having an additional caregiver come stay with Mom which allows me a bit more freedom two days a week. On April 9th I packed a whole lot in and enjoyed a fantastical day. Betty arrived about 8:15 and within 15 minutes I was on my way to Appomattox. My car was on empty, but I prayed it would get me to Crewe and it did. Praise God! The rest of the drive was absolutely gorgeous as the purple blossoms of the Redbud trees were in full display along the sides of the road and I oooed and ahhhed my way along.

Once in Appomattox, I found Mike sound asleep in his reclining wheelchair. I could not wake him at all. So I decided to roll him around and found that everyone was headed to the dining room to listen to singing. Mike and I joined them, although he slept through about 40 minutes of the hour program. It was a gospel singing group that were very joyous and straightforward in their love for Jesus and I enjoyed singing along with the songs I knew. Mike woke in the last 15 minutes or so and looked around like he couldn't figure out where in the world he was. His eyes seemed clearer than usual as he looked at me quizzically and all around the room. After about 5 minutes of this, he started to get a little antsy and then right when the group finished their concert, one of the women came over and prayed for Mike and me. She and I held hands and put our hands on Mike. She prayed a beautiful, passionate prayer for God's will to be done.

With so many people in the dining room, there was a traffic jam of wheelchairs to maneuver through or move before I could get Mike out. By this time, Mr. Omm was in full control and Mike was pulling up his left left leg and rocking back and forth. I quickly rolled him down the hall and got his walker and he popped up easily. I told him I had a banana in the car for him so we stopped at the car and I got the banana. I asked Mike if he wanted to walk or go straight to the deck and eat his banana. He didn't answer but was just staring at the banana and then blurted out "I want that!" Alrighty then! We were able to take a good walk after he consumed the banana. It was the only sentence of the day, but I'm always happy when he is verbal, even if it isn't much.

The nurses said one day he clearly blurted out "I want cheese!" It was so unexpected and clear and they were thrilled to go get something he wanted. Last night I called to see how he was and the nurse told me he had sung "Only You" clear as could be. That's a new one! The two times I had been there after our anniversary, he was antsy and totally not speaking other than the ommm. We never know from moment to moment or visit to visit what he might say or do. This next one is on me though...It has not been easy to brush his teeth because he's moving all the time, so a few weeks ago I had the bright idea to use a wash cloth and see if I could sort-of scrub his teeth. Well, if you've ever seen the little video ("Ow, Charlie bit my finger!") of the 2 little boys and one sticks his finger in the other one's mouth and gets bit....yeah, well....thankfully I had the washcloth doubled over my finger!

Anyway, back to April 9. I left Mike later than I wanted to, but arrived just in time for the last lesson of our Job Bible study which I didn't want to miss. It was a wonderful video series by Dr. Derek Thomas. In the last lesson I loved how he wove the book of James into the book of Job. He spoke of how it's really not the patience of Job (he does lose patience with his friends and even God's silence throughout the course of the book), but rather the steadfastness of Job. Job stood strong in believing that God is Sovereign and that nothing could touch him that God didn't will. We can trust God completely through whatever comes our way.

I left Bible study, picked up my friend, Nancy, and we joined about 15 other ladies at church for a scone-making demonstration by a representative of King Arthur flour. It was loads of fun, educational, and we ended up with something delicious to eat and take home. I usually think of scones as slightly sweet, but this time tried savory using cheese and chives and they were yummy.

After that I ran into town to pick up Mom's medicine and a few groceries and came home. It was a full day but a wonderful day and I so enjoyed each part while knowing that Mom was in good hands.

Last week I had the privilege of going to Ohio to see Mike's Mom while my sister, Gayle was here. Mom R. and I enjoyed visiting, plus I enjoyed a long walk with a former co-worker/friend, Gail, and a former neighbor/friend, Joanna. Blessings abound.

I hope you have each had a wonderful celebration of Christ's resurrection today. Mom and I went to church and then enjoyed a quiet, restful afternoon and evening.

Matthew 28:5&6

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid,

for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 

He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay."

Happy Anniversary to US!

This past Sunday marked Mike's and my 35th wedding anniversary. Wow! We've made it half of the way to where my parents would have been if Dad had lived just 37 days more this past summer. What a wonderful heritage and example for us.

My friend, Nancy, was kind enough to drive me up to Appomattox on Sunday and help Mike and I celebrate. We stopped in Farmville to pick up lunch and arrived about 11:30. Mike was SOUND asleep in his chair and did not want to wake up at all! The CNA and I tried a couple of times to no avail and then the RN came and after a couple of attempts, we were able to get him up and moving. It was very slow at first, but we managed to make it down to the deck where Nancy was waiting for us with all our lunch goodies. There was a definite chill in the air, but it was sunny and bright so we were able to enjoy a delicious picnic in the sun.

Mike was calmer than I have seen him his entire time at AH&R and Mr. Omm only made a very small appearance the entire 3 hours we were there. That was wonderful. He still didn't really talk, but did answer a couple of yes/no questions. He also fed himself most of his lunch with only a few cues from me to slow down and take small bites.

After lunch, we walked down the road for a bit, crossed the street and then continued the entire length of the school parking lot before crossing back over and going inside. Mike did really well. We move slowly, but he does it all on his own power, with the walker for stability. Back inside, he was not ready to sit down yet, so we walked in the hallway for a bit also. Before we left, I read to him from the Bible app on my phone, as his Bible seems to have walked away. I hope someone else is reading it, and it didn't simply disappear like his shoes seem to have done. It's hard to keep up with everything, but his things do stay put better here than they did at The Harbor. Most people here are not prone to wandering from room to room and moving things about which is a plus.

It was quite a pleasant anniversary and I was so happy to see Mike more peaceful. When we left, I handed him a book and he started reading out loud and then to himself. What an extra blessing; it put the cherry on top of our visit! 

Thank you, gracious Lord!

James 1:17 (NIV)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, 

coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, 

who does not change like shifting shadows.

*P.S. If you have been following us via Google+, I'm sure you have seen that it is going away completely as of April 1. I have changed my profile to Blogger, but honestly, I don't really know what all of this means. I'm not sure everyone is getting the post notifications and if not, I don't know what to do about it. I usually share the posts on Facebook, so hopefully you can follow us that way. Thank you for your continued interest and prayers!*

Happy Valentine's

 For the first time since Mike has been at Appomattox Health & Rehab, I decided to take him lunch. I stopped at a small coffee/sandwich shop in Farmville, picked up a Philly cheese steak sandwich with a side of pasta salad for him and a strawberry pecan salad with chicken for me.

When I arrived, he was dozing in his chair. As soon as I spoke to him, he started omming and rocking back and forth. We made our way down to the dining room which was packed today with families visiting their loved ones. Valentine decorations hung from the ceiling and every table was adorned with festive red & white balloons. His omming and rocking continued throughout lunch, but he ate all of his food, plus half of mine which is normal.

After lunch we took a walk outside to the deck and he quieted and allowed me to clip his fingernails and even file them. We didn't stay long as it was a bit chilly. Back in his room, he needed to be changed and then seemed to want to lie down on the bed. This has not been something he has wanted to do since coming to AH&R, but we decided to try it. I read a couple of Psalms to him and then some in Romans. The omming came and went.

It was almost time for me to leave, so I handed the Bible to Mike and  he started reading to himself, plus wasn't in constant motion. Praise God! I think other than a very few minutes when he first came to AH&R, it is the first time he has actually been still and read since July.

It was such a beautiful blessing to look back, as I left, and see  a quiet, relaxed, reading Mike. That was how I liked to leave him when he was at The Harbor. Either napping in bed, or quietly reading.

He is now completely off of Depakote and the Seroquel has been reduced. Buspar was started on Monday. That is something Mike took for generalized anxiety before his accident and so we are trying it. Overall I didn't see much change today, but the few moments before I left, were a huge change. I have no idea how long it lasted, but it was the best Valentine's gift to see him relaxed and reading again. I hope we'll see more of that.

The nurse and the CNA said he was a bit calmer and more cooperative lately. A woman in the dining room said that Mike played volleyball with them earlier this week and then she and Mike tossed the ball back and forth for 45 minutes. She also said he had called out some of the numbers or letters during Bingo. Probably just repeating what he heard, but at least he was listening. It's so nice that some of the other residents have taken a liking to him and try to interact with him, wanting to see him improve. It really was great to have good news.

I hope you have each enjoyed a day of celebrating those you love. Remember that God's love is the greatest love.

John 15:12-14

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 

You are my friends if you do what I command you.

Agitation & Understanding

My last 2 visits with Mike have reminded me more of how Mike was when he was home with me, with a few differences. The perseveration is still there, but it's one sound instead of repeating a word or phrase over and over. His walking and determination are stronger lately and he wants to get away. He understands what I am saying, but doesn't really comprehend or understand the "why". 

Last week, the weather wasn't too cold and we walked for a good while outside. Mike really wanted to continue down the road, away from the facility, and it took quite a bit of coaxing and maneuvering to get him to turn around each time. As you can see from the photo, he was so anxious to get outside that he wouldn't let me get his jacket on him. After walking for 10 minutes or so, he calmed down enough so that we got his arms in the sleeves. At one point, we stopped and sat on the deck for a little while and he did answer a few questions. 

At lunch, he seemed to have some trouble chewing his food. "Mike, do your teeth hurt?" NO!  "Do your gums hurt?" NO!  He rubs his head a lot. "Is your head hurting? Do you have pain?" NO! "Does too much noise bother you?" YES!  I was glad to hear a yes so that I knew he could say another word and hopefully it meant that he really wasn't feeling any pain. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about the noise in the facility or even as we sat outside. It's hard to find a quiet spot inside and the road is fairly close outside. Then he blurted out I want to get out of here!  This has been a cry of his heart for almost 7 years. I've shared before about a time when we were walking on the farm and it suddenly dawned on me that he wasn't talking about the location, but his body. He wanted out of his body and mind that didn't function correctly anymore. At that time, I asked him if he meant his body and he responded with a resounding YES!! Recently I shared this with friends who came to visit me and Harrison said: "It's his soul crying out." Yes, yes I believe it is and only God has the power to free him. 

It doesn't matter where he lives physically, his mind and body are trapped by injury. Yet the only way his damaged brain knows how to deal with this is to try to run away physically. I really think he understands so much of what I say, but doesn't have the capacity to understand his own limitations and what other people are trying to do for him. It's hard to explain. Physically, he is able to stand up and walk by himself with the walker, but he doesn't initiate that movement. In some ways this is good, because if he did, he would be trying to walk out of the door or he may fall. Often he will NOT walk with the staff, this is not a good thing because he needs the physical activity and sleeps better at night. His incontinence makes him uncomfortable, but he is not able to communicate that he needs to go or needs to be changed. He doesn't like being dirty, but he resists being cleaned up. He used to cooperate with me to shave him or help brush his teeth, but now it's a struggle. His mind simply doesn't work right. 

It is so sad and I have to remember all of the above and that there truly is nothing I can do to help him get away. I have been reading the Bible to him and trying to sing, but his agitation is great right now and I cannot tell if he is listening or even hearing. The only thing that really seems to calm the agitation is walking, especially outside. 

Yesterday was cold and very windy so we walked the halls several times. Each time we came to a door, we faced off about not going outside. The first couple of times I had to force him to turn around, but the last few times I gave verbal cues and he turned around himself. That's how I know he understands, at least somewhat. I also know that if his mind were working correctly, he would do everything possible to cooperate and get better and he would be talking with people. Mike always loved being with people and talking! Plus, he liked noise. I was the one who liked silence, at times. He never did. 

As always, thank you for your thoughts and prayers for us. We appreciate you and need the prayers. God works through the prayers of his people and I know you are a huge part of our story. Thank you for "holding our arms up" in this battle to stay strong on a field of suffering and separation. We love you.

Exodus 17:11&12

Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed,

and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. 

But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, 

and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, 

one on one side, and the other on the other side. 

So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.  

Peaceful Haircut

Yesterday, when I arrived, Mike was sitting in the dining room, clutching his Vikings pillow and sound asleep. The CNA started to wake him, but I asked her not to. It was so nice to see him peaceful, and after a while I took the opportunity to try to trim his fingernails. I successfully finished one hand, but when I tried to move the pillow from the other hand, he, Mr. Omm and his body woke up. One by one with pauses in-between, I was able to clip his right-hand fingernails, but trying to smooth them with the file was out of the question. 

We walked the halls and briefly went outside before Dot was ready to cut his hair. I handed him his new Sports Illustrated and he sat very still - partly looking at the magazine and partly napping. I was so glad! It makes it much easier and less stressful for everyone. Trazodone was started during the day last Friday, and may have contributed to his calmness while getting his hair cut, but otherwise he was much the same. We did walk more than we have recently, so that was a plus also.

A dear friend from our missionary days sent me an email after my last post and shared a couple of stories from his time of visiting people with dementia or cognitive illness and how it was apparent "that we can communicate in the spirit what we cannot communicate in the flesh." He shared that even though the person could not remember names or possibly even who they were, when he read the Bible to them it awakened their spirit. His letter was such an encouragement to me and I want to share portions with you.

"...she did not remember her husbands name. But when I read the Bible to her, she would repeat with me the Psalms that she knew and she also would speak her husbands name when we prayed together. Her memory came back as God spoke to her spirit through his word and prayer." 

"...he went on to teach me the meaning of the Psalm where just minutes before he couldn’t even make sense of who he was....I hope that gives you some encouragement that Mike is most probably communicating with God in his spirit. His body is being controlled physically by the brain damage, but his spirit is alive, whole and well."

What comfort and renewed purpose those words have given me. As I read the email, I was convicted and ashamed to realize that I rarely read the Bible or sing hymns to Mike any more. It used to be a regular practice, but with no seeming response from Mike, it began to slip away more and more. These stories reminded me of when Mike joined me in singing Amazing Grace while recovering from his accident. If I remember correctly, he had not spoken up til that time. I would regularly sit by his bed and read Scripture and sing hymns. It was the sweetest sound ever when I heard his voice joining mine.

Even at The Harbor when he was agitated or uncooperative, he would often calm down if I began to sing to him. I have tried it at AH&R, but so far it has not worked. He may pause from his ommms for a few seconds, but that has been it. Nevertheless, I am going to try my best to read a passage of Scripture and sing to him each time I visit again. 

In Appomattox, it is harder to find a quiet spot within the facility and now that it's cold, sitting outside does not work. Yesterday we made our way to the dining room, after lunch had been cleared away, and had about 10 minutes when there was no one else in the room and the TV was off. I read from Ephesians and a bit from Romans. A couple of times Mike became quiet and peered at the Bible. I tried to sing, but my voice has not fully come back after being sick, so it was more of a squawk. Anyway, I'm glad to be reminded of the importance of Bible reading and familiar hymns or worship songs and hope it will help Mike. What beautiful words to remember..."his [Mike's] spirit is alive, whole and well"! (Thank you, Steve!)

Ephesians 5:15-21 

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 

making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, 

but be filled with the Spirit, 

addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, 

singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  

giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father

in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

What to say...

There has not been much change, if any, with Mike since I wrote over a month ago. The Depakote was restarted and there may have been a slight calming effect for a few days, but really not noticeable. He continues to rock back and forth and the left leg works up and down as Mr. Omm doesn't let up. 

Christmas day was mild and sunny and Mike was in the mood to walk. For the first time, we walked outside, turned left and walked to the end of the parking lot, up the hill to the sidewalk, turned right and walked parallel to the road and down to the other end of the parking lot. Thankfully we maneuvered the hills without incident both going up and coming down. We continued around the end of the parking lot and followed the sidewalk to the outside deck, sat for a while and then returned to the front door and back inside. It's the most I've walked with him since he came to AH&R. 

I brought him a few gifts, but he wouldn't open them. I opened them for him, but he had no interest. I had ordered him an OSU blanket. The wrapper said OSU, but when I took that off, it was an Aztec blanket - who are the Aztecs?! Oh well, I didn't want to bother trying to return it and the colors are almost the same as OSU. 

Several local churches or civic organizations had come by and given the residents gifts of socks, word search books, pens, toiletries, etc. I organized those and wandered down the hall to give away things Mike wouldn't use. 

Last week I was able to speak with the Nurse Practitioner who is affiliated with Mike's new insurance. I am pleased with this insurance because this NP will see Mike every week and be more accessible to me. She will work closely with the other doctors and NP's who are already involved in Mike's care and she will be able to contact them more quickly than I can. She saw how agitated (or in-motion) Mike was and we discussed medication again. Later that day she let me know that she had spoken with the Psych NP and they were going to try giving Mike Trazodone during the day to see if that would calm him. We discussed the brief time when Mike seemed better after starting the Namenda, and she thought it was possible that his body quickly became adapted to it and therefore the improvement didn't last.

I so appreciate your prayers. It is difficult to see Mike like this all the time. I'm asking God to be merciful and hoping that Mike is able to communicate with God through his spirit. I really believe Mike understands quite a bit, but cannot verbalize. While I cannot hear his spirit, God can. Meanwhile I pray that this injury, pain, agitation, darkness, confusion, suffering will be lifted from Mike. I cry out to God for him and I thank each of you who do as well. 

Dear God, please be merciful to Mike. Release him and heal him in Your time and way and help me to persevere in what You have called me to do.

Psalm 57:1-3

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,

    for in you my soul takes refuge;

in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,

    till the storms of destruction pass by.

I cry out to God Most High,

    to God who fulfills his purpose for me.

He will send from heaven and save me;

    he will put to shame him who tramples on me.

God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!

Reverse

Thursday's visit with Mike was a tad better than last week. At least he walked with me. He didn't really want to, but once I got him moving he did fairly well. It was in the 40's and sunny, so I put his jacket on before we started walking. We didn't stay long, but at least he was able to sit in the sun for 10 minutes and breathe some crisp air.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I was directly facing his room and could see him rocking back and forth through the window. That's a sign of agitation or being uncomfortable or ???  Once in the room, I could see that his left leg was working up and down as his upper body rocked forward and back. So restless.

I spoke with the RN and asked if she would contact the Psych NP - Mike needs something to calm him.  When he first arrived at AH&R, the Psych. doctor took him off of Haldol immediately. Lots of facilities won't even take a person who is on Haldol and they were hesitant, but agreed to take him anyway. I was not sorry to see it go and asked if we could later try taking him off of Amantadine. That was done also. Neither of these seemed to affect Mike's behavior or comfort level, so the Psych. NP increased the Depakote. The nurses and I thought Mike seemed to get more agitated with the increase over a 3 week span. That's when the NP recommended putting Mike on Namenda and if he tolerated that well, then after a month or so we would begin to titrate down on the Depakote which was done slowly and then about 2 weeks ago stopped completely. It didn't work.

I was so impressed with this RN. She immediately called the NP and came back with an answer within 10 minutes or less. They are going to start Mike back on the Depakote.  I do think he was calmer when he was on a smaller dose of Depakote along with the Namenda. It's all trial and error.

Maybe now the gnawing feeling that the medication is a big part of the problem will go away. I've always wondered what he would be like if he were taken off of everything, but no one has wanted to try to do that in the past 5 years. At least here they dropped two and tried to drop a third. There was a small window in there where Mike was better than he is now. I hope putting him back on a smaller dose of Depakote will get us back there. Just watching him is exhausting, so I can't imagine how he makes it through the day. He really has no choice. That makes it so HARD! If only he could say how he is feeling or what he needs, but he cannot. Coveting your prayers for wisdom for the nurses, doctors, NP and me.

God's blessings to you all.

Conquerors

Visits with Mike the past few weeks have been discouraging. The omming is like a constant itch that you can't reach and thus the relief of a good scratch can't be realized. Doctors and nurses call it his self-soothing or comfort habit, but I often think Mike would gladly give it up, if he could. There are times when I sense that he is exhausted by his constant verbal companion, Mr. Omm, yet is powerless against him.

Two weeks ago, even though he could not interact with me verbally, he did walk with me a lot. It was too cold to go outside, so we kept the halls busy. He wanted to go outside, but every time we passed his room and I tried to maneuver him into his room to get a jacket, he stubbornly kept moving down the hall. Then when we would come to the door to go outside, it was a struggle to get him to turn around. Last week, with the help of the CNA, we put his jacket on before we tried to get him up to walk and then he refused to walk. Sigh... I coaxed him to the door of his room and then he started walking backwards to his chair. After a few attempts, I gave up.

I try to remember my counselor's wise advice and have "no expectations", but I have battled discouragement and anxiety more in the past several days. While I want to go see him, when the visits are like this, it is a struggle to go. I appreciate your prayers for us both.

Mr. B. continues to struggle to breathe. He has had at least one trip to the hospital due to pneumonia and is having breathing treatments still. Please pray for him too.

I spend time with the Lord every morning, and there are always nuggets of truth that keep me going even when I am discouraged. Here are a couple of verses that have been meaningful recently.

Romans 8:37

No, in all these things

we are more than conquerors

 through him who loved us.

In and of myself, I would be defeated, lost in my anguish 

and the anxiety that threatens to pull me under. 

Yet, because of Christ who loves us and gives us the victory, we are conquerors of those things that attempt to take our breath away and suck all of the life right out of us. We can be triumphant over the enemy who wants to throw us down and smear mud in our face. 

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and He will give you

the desires of your heart.

Delighting comes before desires. My job is to delight or please the Lord. My concern should be always to bear witness for Him, think of Him first, please Him, glorify Him in all things and at all times. He knows my desires, but those are of secondary importance. I've walked with the Lord long enough to know that when my desires claim my attention, then my gaze has shifted and the desolation and problems soon take over and drag me down. Only when I delight in the Lord Jesus can His desires become mine and calmness be restored even when my situation remains the same. He is my refuge in the storm. 

I also need exercise and friends. Having my mind on Christ and the ability to move, stretch, and walk, plus walking with a friend where conversation is non-stop or talking with friends on the phone, anxiety melts away. God doesn't leave us to walk our hard paths alone. He is with us and He brings others along beside. If you are struggling through a difficult season, I encourage you to get into God's word every day; stretch, move, or walk; and seek out a friend (or friends) to share the path with you. This life is difficult and we need each other to stay strong in the Lord and stay out of the mire.

So GO! Delight yourself in the Lord

and be a mighty conqueror in Jesus' name!

Holding Hands

Two weeks ago today, Mike and I were able to walk outside and sit in the sun and he actually held my hand instead of pushing me away. He didn't speak much, but as we were walking outside, I asked him if he wanted to sit in the shade or the sun and he came out with "I want to sit in the sun!" All of his words come out loud and with force, as if it takes a lot of effort. That was about all he said, but the drive had made me sleepy and so we both enjoyed sitting quietly in the sun with our eyes closed for about 20 minutes. I had forgotten that I had put Mike on the schedule to have his hair cut that day, but after lunch the hair stylist came looking for us. Mike was having a calm day and cooperated well; therefore, received a good haircut. It was a good day.

Last week he didn't stop ommming until we were outside. He walks with the aid of a walker and was maneuvering better than previously. He was actually going around people and things on his own with minimal prompting. Again we walked to the outside deck and sat in the sun. As soon as we sat down he looked right at me and asked "Can you take me home!?" I'm sorry, no. You are improving, but still need to get better. Since he was having a good day, we called and he spoke with his Mom and our sons.

As we were going back to his room, he strongly maneuvered toward the barber shop room. Mr. Ommm was in full command and nothing I said or did made any difference. It is amazing how strong he still is. He actually got in the room and the stylist was about to call for assistance when I finally managed to get him turned around and out the door. Once on his hall, his favorite CNA told me that he spoke to her and asked for a drink of water a few days prior. Now that is new! At The Harbor I don't think he ever talked to the staff or asked for anything. Mr. B said Mike has spoken to him also, or said things out loud during the night. I really believe it is helpful to Mike being in a room with someone who talks to him and looks out for him. It might also be why Mike has spoken to the staff. I know he hears Mr. B. requesting things, so he is possibly mimicking what he has heard. Cognitively he is having moments of more clarity, so I think the new medication has had a positive effect.

Please keep Mr. B in your prayers. He is on oxygen 24/7 and is battling pneumonia right now. He has not looked well for the past couple of weeks. Today his breathing seemed better, but he was feeling down in the dumps.

It was a rough day for Mike today. Mr. Ommm was in constant control and Mike was quite antsy. He did some things today that really show he doesn't know what he is doing. We did walk a couple of times, but he only sat for about a minute outside before he popped up and walked again. No holding hands today. No words or sentences. Mr. B. said Mike had been like that the past 3 or 4 days.

For the past year and a half, I have led a Bible Study on the book of Acts. I learned so much from God's word and from my fellow study members. I listened to Dr. R. C. Sproul's sermon series on Acts as part of my preparation in which Dr. Sproul included an Epilogue. This past Sunday morning, we finished our study and then gathered together for supper Monday night and I shared the Epilogue from II Timothy 4 where Paul knows that he will soon be departing this life and entering his new life.

II Timothy 4:6 & 7

"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, 

and the time has come for my departure. 

I have fought the good fight,

I have finished the race,

I have kept the faith."

Today I was reminded of what Dr. Sproul said regarding verse 7. Fight the good fight - As Christians we are not to be argumentative and quarrelsome, but we are to contend for the faith - the good fight. Like a boxer, to be a contender, you have to fight and win several fights before you are considered a contender. Mike and I have fought through several "fights" since his accident 6.5 years ago and we are still fighting. We are contenders. This is no 100 yard dash. This is a marathon. Our race is not finished yet, we must keep running. Slow, endurance running, keep going, don't give up, don't quit. There will be a finish line one day. Keep the faith. Like a soldier, fidelity to the General. A good soldier does not give up when the battle rages close upon him. Paul never changed his message even when beaten, ship-wrecked, imprisoned, chained. He stood strong for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the word of God in the midst of battle. Pleasing man was not his concern, pleasing and honoring and glorifying God was of utmost importance. May Mike and I keep that kind of faith til our last breaths. Standing strong as witnesses for Jesus, God's word, and our marriage even when we are in the midst of the hardships of emotional, physical and spiritual battle. 

It is a good fight. The Lord is always by our side and with Him we can persevere.

Medicaid Approved, yes? No?...Yes? No?....Yes!

I realized a few weeks ago that I had not updated you on Mike's Medicaid process, but forgot to write about it. Was just as well, since it's been a bit dragged out.

On the 24th of August, I received a letter stating that Mike had been approved. That seemed really fast compared to what everyone had told me. I guess when you don't have much, it goes fairly quickly...or so I thought. As soon as I received the letter, I started calling all the places that were waiting for payment and soon discovered that when they input his Medicaid number it said he did not have benefits.

I contacted his case worker and she discovered that his Social Security number had been keyed in incorrectly. She quickly corrected that, but then it said there was a duplicate. Evidently when I had started the process four years ago, a number was generated even though I did not pursue it to completion. When his Social was put in incorrectly, it did not register that there was already a number in the system under his name, so generated a new number. Now that the case manager fixed the Social number, it said there were two records for Mike. This was an issue that our case manager could not correct. She had to send it to the state level and thought it should be corrected in a couple of days. I called every couple of weeks to see if it was straight. No.

The end of September, I received Mike's Medicaid card in the mail. I called our case manager and she said it was OK now, so I started calling everyone we owed money and again was informed that the system said he was not covered. So much time spent holding on the phone and nothing accomplished. Frustrating. Called case manager back, voice mail, she didn't return my call. Waited a few days and asked Appomattox Health & Rehab to try the number again and this time it worked!! Praise God! So, last week I was able to call all of the billing departments and everyone was able to see Mike in the system this time and would submit his bills to Medicaid. I was so glad to check that off my mental list. I really don't like having unpaid bills going past due.

I saw Mike on Monday and it was almost like last Thursday never happened. He did not talk at all. With help from the PT aide, we did walk with him down the hall, but he would not walk with just me. Once I was able to get him to stand, but then he sat right back down. Later, he wouldn't budge from his wheelchair. Mr. B. wasn't feeling well and there was a lot of sickness going through the facility, so they kept everyone in their rooms during meals. Maybe he wasn't feeling well either. He wasn't agitated, simply omming and sitting. The podiatrist was there and worked Mike into his schedule and Mike did let me clip his fingernails. That was about it.

Thank you for your comments and praising God with me that Mike did so well last week. I expect we'll see more of that off and on.

Please pray for my Mom, she has not been feeling well and no one can pinpoint the problem, so far. We have a couple of doctor appointments for her in the next week and really hope one of them will find some answers that will help her feel better. Thank you for partnering with us in prayer for God's wisdom for the doctors. God is Awesome and the master physician - there is nothing He doesn't know!

Positive Signs

Two weeks ago, while visiting Mike, I took him out on the deck along with Mr. Ommm.  I brought a deck of cards and started playing War. I turned over my card and Mike's, verbalizing what I was doing. Soon Mr. Ommm disappeared. After a few turns, I asked Mike to turn over his card. He would do it, but only when I asked him to. After a bit of that, I pointed to one of the cards and asked him what it was "A JACK!" he said with force. Not like he was angry, but as if that was the only way he could get the words out. Each time I would point to a card and ask what it was he would do the same, inhale then exhale the words "A SIX!, A NINE!" Which card is higher? "THE NINE!" 

I was very glad that when the Psych NP came out to find us, she heard him speaking. I introduced Mike to her, as she sat down, and told him that we were going to talk about his medication. Silence. Thankfully, the NP waited to see if he would respond, then when he didn't, she asked him if it was OK for us to talk about his medicine. Mr. Ommm was back in a flash and prevented Mike from more talking. Natasha wanted to try a different medication with Mike called Namenda which she has found beneficial to patients with dementia and Alzheimer's. I, along with the nurses, believe that the increase in Depakote made him more agitated instead of calmer. Once the Namenda has had a chance to get into his system (approx. a month) and we see how he responds to it, then she will begin to titrate down on the Depakote. 

I was also able to speak with the OT that afternoon. They have put Mike in a different chair which seems to be working well. He's not sliding out of it, but is able to sit upright and wheel around the halls on his own to some degree. She was also trying to get the staff to get him up and walking more and possibly to the bathroom after lunch when he gets really antsy. 

Monday - doing better. "Smile, Mike!"
Eyes closed. "Smile with your eyes open." 😊😍

Monday when I was there, Mike was calmer and spoke a bit more. Eating was still rushed, but I walked with him by myself for a short distance for the first time since June. Quite an encouragement to me. And yet, after lunch he was so agitated and kept pushing me away. I asked him if he would prefer I leave and go home. "YES!" Well...thank you very much. I don't really take it to heart, we've had stuff like this before - it has been 6.5 years after all. So I didn't leave, but I didn't touch him or speak. Figured at least he was getting a sensory break by sitting outside. He would close his eyes and drop his head, then every little bit he would peek out of the corner of his eye in my direction. I wonder what he was thinking? We sat in silence for about 20 minutes, then I needed to get going. I asked him if he would brush his teeth and shave or let me do it when we returned to his room. Silence. Once there, he was a little bit more cooperative than he has been and said "YES!" a couple more times. Mr. B. was so glad to hear him speak and believes he will just "pop" out of it one day and be fine. I responded "With God all things are possible!".

The past two weeks I've only gone once a week. It was just too draining and stressful seeing him fidgety and agitated and nothing I could do about it; plus my Mom hasn't felt real well either, and I've been working on getting flowers and decor ready for the big Fall Farm Festival. However, since I saw such positive signs on Monday, I wanted to go back this week and thankfully our helper, Betty, could come stay with Mom, so I went today. 

So many positive signs!

I walked with him a short distance and he seemed quite stiff when I first got there about 11:30. Was also being obstinate. If there was anything in the hall, he went directly for it. He's strong, but I prevailed and got him to maneuver around objects and people. Back in the wheelchair, he peddled his way down to the deck. I gave him a tissue to blow his nose and in the process he felt his face and came right out with "I haven't shaved in a couple days!" After that we made a video and tried to call his Mom. She called us back later once we were in the room and he did speak with her, with prompts from me. He also was calmer while eating and I was able to let him feed himself at the end with no problems. 

After lunch, he brushed his own teeth and between the two of us we got him shaved. Another first since June. He didn't fight the entire process, just every now and then. Also, with prompts, he told Mr. B. that he used to do push-ups and sit-ups. Again we walked down the hall and this time he moved quicker, more upright and easier and he even maneuvered around things with cues. Bill, one of the OT's was coming down the hall with another resident and I told Mike who he was and to say "Hi Bill". Bill and the resident proceeded on into the OT room (it takes Mike a few seconds to process and get the words out) and then Mike said "HI BILL!" As if in slow motion, Bill leaned his head out of the door and said "Did I just hear what I think I heard?!" Yes! He's been talking a lot more today! "I've heard him be verbal, but not like that!" Bill said. 

Hurray! We're almost back to the baseline where he was before this last fall. Woo Hoo!! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you all for all your prayers! Thank you to the NP, nurses, CNA's, therapists, kitchen crew, Mr. B. and the other residents. As we continued down the hall, we came to Ms. Patty who I often stop and speak to and who has talked with Mike from the very beginning. Say hi to Patty, Mike. "HI PATTY!" At this point we are right in the center of the facility at the nurses station, so everyone around there heard him. There were lots of wide eyes and "I've never heard him speak!" Bill and Patty were the only two he would say hi to, but it was truly a great day after 3 months of turmoil and very little speaking.

We attempted the bathroom and then walked the halls a 3rd time and he was getting faster which is a sign of getting tired as the walker was getting away from him. I was able to get him settled in bed and he looked like he would be asleep soon. He was much calmer than he has been since he's been there. As I was saying my goodbyes and walking out of the door, I told him I loved him and paused to see if he would respond. I wasn't disappointed. "I LOVE YOU!" As I was walking down the hall, I heard Mr. B. say "There you go, Mike." I'm so glad Mike has Mr. B. to encourage him and watch out for him. I hope having a roommate that talks to him will help Mike to talk more also. A new prayer point. 

It was so nice to walk away smiling today. I drove away giving thanks to Jesus for such an encouraging day and vast improvement in Mike. 

Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Puzzle Pieces

Jigsaw puzzles can be fun and they can be frustrating. So much time can be spent looking for a certain piece to finish the edge, or complete a section. Working together with others can make it go together more quickly, since there are more sets of eyes searching. Once all the right pieces are put together and the puzzle is finished, there is a sense of satisfaction and completion. 

Monday, we found a missing piece in regards to Mike. Last Friday I called and talked with the RN who is the Floor Manager, regarding Mike's agitation. As I was explaining his actions, she thought they should check to see if he might have a UTI. She was right, tests came back positive for UTI on Monday morning. Mike was extremely agitated on Monday, plus threw up his lunch and generally seemed miserable. I am so glad the UTI was discovered and antibiotics were started that evening. Yesterday, he was so much calmer and I praise Jesus for answering prayer and am so thankful that the RN thought to test Mike for that. One more puzzle piece found by working together.

Yesterday Mike was more cooperative when I tried to brush his teeth, but still nothing doing on shaving. It was getting him upset, so I didn't push it. He was generally pushing me away no matter what I was doing, so I let him be. Mr. B. said Mike had been more cooperative with the CNAs after Monday too, so that's all improvement. Still no talking or reading yet.

If you read my last post regarding the missionaries, you may have missed one of the comments left by a sister-in-Christ, Pam Wilson, whom I have never met, but who has been following our TBI journey. It truly blessed my heart and I want to share it with you. It's another piece of a puzzle that God has allowed us to see of His master plan.

"Such beautiful reminders. An elderly missionary - when I was a young missionary - asked me what year I was born. When I told him 1957, and I mentioned that half my team were born in 1957, he nodded knowingly and said, 'Yes I meet so many missionaries who were born in 1957 because when the martyrs were killed in 1956, people began praying for others to take their place.' So good to know we do live in a Kingdom that is sure, with a sovereign King!"

Isn't that beautiful? Who knows how many missionaries went out as a result of those prayers? Where there were 5 men, maybe now there are thousands, tens of thousands, or more! Even Mike, who was born in 1956 and me in 1960, though we were short-term missionaries, could be due to those very prayers following the martyr of 5 missionary men in the jungle. God's multiplication to bring salvation to as many as possible. It makes me think of Joseph and this passage from Genesis 50:19-21.

19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Whatever trial, loss, difficulty or success you find yourself in, look for God there. God's intentions are always for our good or the good of someone in our circle of influence. Let's allow Him to use us for His glory and the saving of many lives and trust that He will provide for us and our children as He did for Joseph. God knows where all the pieces of the puzzle are and in His time they will all be put together perfectly into His grand masterpiece.