7 Years Ago

Seven years ago today I became Mike's Guardian and Conservator. It's not usually a day that I remember or take note of, but today was different.

I was eating breakfast and received a call from a Virginia number that I did not recognize. Usually that means a nurse or someone who cares for Mike is calling. Today it was someone from the Commissioner of Accounts office in Richmond. The woman introduced herself and told me that the previous Commissioner had retired and the current one was going through the backlog of reports. Finally! I thought to myself.

For 7 years I have been submitting Conservator Accounting reports to the Commissioner's office and for 7 years have not heard one thing from them. At first I hand-delivered the reports. I mean all of our financial information, bank statements, receipts, etc. were in that packet and I am under a court order to turn these in every year. I am the type of person that takes all of this quite seriously and wants to make sure I do it exactly right. 

The first year I waited a few weeks and then called to see if they needed more information and how much I needed to pay. They assured me they would let me know. I waited a few months and called again. This went on the entire year. I'm sure I was driving the receptionist crazy. The next year I hand delivered it again and was told they were still behind, but I would get a call. I didn't call as much that year. The third and fourth year I still hand delivered, but I gave up calling. The remaining years I mailed the packet with a tracking number. The last two years my accountant has included a self-addressed return envelope and a letter that all they needed to do was sign and return saying they received the accounting. The letter was never returned. 

It was quite a pleasant surprise to get the phone call this morning and best of all the new Commissioner has gone through all of the reports and was ready to approve all 7 of them, but she needed to see a copy of Mike's most recent letter from the Department of Social Services before she could do so. Praise God! Hallelujah! Her assistant also told me that they do everything digitally, whereas the previous Commissioner did everything "with cards", so it is easy for them to keep track of all of the reports and documents and find what they need. Once they receive this last piece of information, they will give me a call and I can come over to pick up 7 years worth of bank statements and receipts, etc. and pay 7 years worth of fees. That might be a 7 year ouch!

It never dawned on me that it was exactly 7 years to the day until I was typing the cover letter to the Commissioner and went to save it under a file on my computer. After saving the document, I scrolled through some of the other files and one caught my eye. "Guardianship Night" I opened the file and there was the post that I wrote the night I became Mike's guardian, September 18, 2013. It was a rather long one as I recounted the day of Mike's accident; however, at 17 months post-accident God was stretching me and teaching me and today I needed to be reminded of some of those truths. It's easy to forget that Mike didn't recognize me even back then, that he was not getting better, that I could not and cannot change him in any way at all. God was and is the one in control. 

As the day moved on, I re-read the post again and had a sense that these truths were not for me alone today. With the world in such a chaotic state, maybe these truths were brought back in order to be shared with you also. So I share the link to this post from 2013 and hope it will encourage, or maybe challenge, someone else who reads this too. https://onlyadventures.blogspot.com/2013/10/letting-go-of-controlagain.html

God truly does work in mysterious ways and I believe He did so today. These were God-incidences today, not coincidences. Getting the call on "the" day, running across my very thoughts from "that" day exactly 7 years later. It also re-energized me about sharing our story via book form and changed the way I had started the book months ago. When I re-read my beginning, it sounded contrived and not like my writing in the above post. I want to be genuine and real in the book as I have been on this blog. I would appreciate your prayers that I would carve out the time to actively work on getting this book written. There are so many distractions and always something to do that seems to take priority or I simply don't make the time.

Mike continues much the same. The nurse and I have not connected this week to video chat, but hope to do that tomorrow. The last time we videoed, Mike studied his left arm the entire time and grabbed it with his right hand. He was not omming, but totally obsorbed in looking at his arm. I spoke with the night nurse a couple of nights ago and he was sleeping peacefully. She said he had talked randomly before going to bed and it was good to hear him saying words which is rare. They have had 5 staff and 3 residents to test positive for Covid-19 since the beginning of May. Only 1 is active now and there have been no deaths due to the virus. Much to be thankful for.

Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

Catching Up

I realized there are some things I haven't told y'all so wanted to catch up a bit. Also, in my last blog, I tried to highlight a couple of phrases and inadvertently mostly blocked them out. Keegan fixed that for me, so if you weren't able to read those lines, go back and all will be visible now.

Most importantly, I failed to write that the day after the 7 year anniversary of Mike's accident, his father, Jim, passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack. Jim and his partner, Sonia, lived in Florida. Mike's brother and sister flew down for the weekend to help with arrangements and be with Sonia. His ashes will later be returned to Ohio. Jim lived with Mike and I for 6 months when we lived in Ohio. Our boys were young at the time and I also took care of other children in our home. It was a busy time of life and while I kept a relatively straight and clean home, Jim liked cleaning and asked if I minded if he cleaned. Have at it, Jim! It's not my favorite thing to do and I was not offended! My house had never been so clean as when Jim lived with us. He even did the dishes, so was a great help to have around. The boys were financially blessed, because he always gave them his coins. On his rare visits after he moved away, he still brought them bags of loose change. 

Over the past 7 years, I have actually come to know Jim and love him more than before. Usually it was Mike who would talk with him on the phone every other Sunday, but after the accident I was the one to talk with Jim or Sonia. Conversations with Jim were usually short and somewhat abrupt, but occasionally he would chat more and once he shared some from his young years. Stories I had never heard before. His growing up was very different from mine with family relationships not coming as easily. It gave me a glimpse into why he was a bit distant. I had the opportunity to visit Jim and Sonia in March of 2018 and am so glad I did. I think Mike's accident hit Jim hard and he never failed to ask me if the doctors gave me any hope of a full recovery. I believe Jim loved his family, he just didn't always know how to show it. He was kind and helpful to me when he lived with us and in these post-accident years he was an encouragement to me to continue strong. He often thanked me for taking such good care of his son and he knew it was only possible because of "the good Lord".  I will miss those short, but heartfelt conversations. 

As a follow-up to my last post, I received a call from the PA who was none to happy with the RN for calling her and me with such an alarming report when in actuality Mike was nowhere near as bad as she made it sound. The PA also thought Mike was in serious trouble until she spoke with the day nurse who painted a different picture and later when she heard of my morning with Mike. She was going to be speaking with the RN and the director, but I don't know what came of that. The RN is still there and we haven't had any more alarming phone calls; however....

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that Mike was chewing his food differently and it was staying in his mouth a long time. His norm had been gorging, so this was quite noticeable. I wondered if his teeth hurt, but when a dentist came to check patients, Mike wouldn't let him look in his mouth. He doesn't really let anyone brush his teeth either, so it's very likely something is wrong; however, he's been uncooperative with oral hygiene ever since that last fall and resulting surgery in June 2018. I think he would have to be sedated in order to check his teeth. There is no noticeable swelling or redness that we can see. 

On the 16th his poor handling of food was more noticeable so I asked if he could be re-evaluated by Speech Therapy. This past week he was and was put back on a pureed diet. Thursday when I was there, ST worked with him and found that he swallows thick liquid well, but even applesauce stayed at the back of his throat and he didn't swallow unless given liquid to chase it down. This is a danger because he could aspirate if food stays in the back of his throat where the esophagus and trachea meet. The ST was going to train the CNAs to feed him slowly and make sure he swallows after the soft foods. She tried giving him a mashed banana that evening, but he didn't handle it well either. It will have to be pureed foods for now and she will work with him 3 times a week to see if she can get him back to soft or solid foods. The ST noted that with his constant omming, his jaws rarely get a break. It's possible that he is having joint pain there which would make sense in regard to chewing, but I don't know that it would affect his swallowing. He's also had several episodes of vomiting and diarrhea, so an ultrasound of his abdomen was done later that day. Everything seems to be in good working order, only some gas. Bottom line is we don't know why the change.

I did tell him about his father dying, and it's possible there is some depression or sadness related to his Dad's death, but that shouldn't cause these types of issues. There has been some medication change also, but it was getting rid of medication and one was dropped about a month ago and the other on Tuesday of last week. He had not been sleeping well and was disturbing Mr. B. The nighttime Seroquel was reduced and the Trazodone increased. Mr. B said Mike's been sleeping great, which allows him to sleep well also. One problem solved, two more pop up.

A true blessing this past Thursday was taking communion with Mike. Our Pastor from Grace drove up to the facility and we had our own private communion service on the deck. Pastor, Mike, Mr. Ommm and me. Mike ommmed through most of it, but it was a blessing all the same and had been far too long since he had partaken. My one regret is that I didn't get a photo of our special service together. 

It was beautiful at church today to remember the One who gave his life to pay for our sins, Jesus, plus remember those who gave their lives for our freedom. Tomorrow is Memorial Day. As you enjoy family, friends and cook-outs, take a few moments to remember those who gave all so that we may enjoy these simple pleasures. Many homes have empty seats and hurting hearts, remember their families also.

John 15:13 (NIV)

Greater love has no one than this:

to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.