Swimming

The swimming adventure went well. A bit sobering for Mike. He was so sure he would be able to just swim like he always has in the past.  He started out on his back and looked like he was struggling a little to keep his head above the water. Hugh and I stayed beside him to about the 5 ft. deep area and then we asked him to turn around. He did and tried to swim on his stomach and his body just wouldn't cooperate with what his mind knew he could do. He drank a little pool water and looked wide-eyed, but didn't say anything or panic. Thankfully they had swim noodles there, so I asked if he wanted one. He did and the rest of the time there, he swam with a noodle under his arms or head and did well. I encouraged him that he would get better as we continue to work out at Johnny's and get his shoulders and ankles loosened and flexible again. He said it also didn't help to have "sinking legs". I wonder how much the rods and plate weigh and what effect they do have on his legs. Anyway, he enjoyed the outing and I guess we would be OK there by ourselves, but I think I would still prefer to have someone else with us for a few more times.

Today is our 30th anniversary. We had planned to go out, but it has been sleeting and snowing, so we'll postpone the outing. We're just hanging out together at home. He's been repeating more yesterday and today, maybe it's the weather. We walked with a Leslie Sansone DVD this morning and then did some exercises and stretches on our mats. As we were laying out the mats, I wasn't watching Mike and evidently he tried to get down on the mat bottom first, every time he tries to get down this way, he just sort of crash lands. Johnny and I keep telling him to get down on his hands and knees, because he can go down more gently that way. Anyway, I heard a loud !SMACK! and flipped around to see him on the floor and sitting up from hitting his head on the chest of drawers. OUCH!  He turned around on the mat, rested a few minutes, and then started doing his sit-ups. He has a bump on the back of his head, but seems fine otherwise. He read and I made donut dough, we ate lunch and now he is resting. 

James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I read the above verses one day last week and find it a challenge to "consider it pure joy" when faced with these trials of living with brain injury. I have definitely lost my focus several times in the past few weeks when days were rough; however, this lack of focus only intensifies the rough days. I am working on daily, moment by moment, keeping my focus on Jesus and the joy that He gives even in the midst of difficulties and trials. When I focus on the perseverating, or wild behavior, I become anxious and immature and definitely lacking in self-control. I don't want to be that way and don't like myself when I am that way, plus it causes more anxiety in Mike. Obviously, perseverance has not finished it's work in me yet. I am still striving to be "mature and complete, not lacking anything" plus being joyful always.

Thank God for this beautiful day!

Well, after several rough days, stopping the Viibryd, resuming the Amantadine, using small dosages of Trazodone as needed for anxiety, me losing my patience, getting antibiotics for chest congestion again, the past 3 days have been terrific. We've only had one crazy episode on Thursday, but other than that, Mike has been trying really hard not to repeat and has been calm. He is so nice to be around when he's calm and can think somewhat rationally.

I also think he is becoming aware of his brain injury and the fact that sometimes it makes him do things he really doesn't want to do. I have video taped him on my phone several times, but in the past when I tried to show him how he acted, it would just set him off into an episode. After the episode on Thursday, I asked him if he would like to see what happens when he loses control and he did.  This time it really seemed to register that what I've been telling him was the truth.

When he is doing well, he says things like "Thank God for this beautiful day!", "Let me help you with your coat, Jennifer", "How can I help you?" "I'm sorry I yelled at you." Music to my ears! Yesterday he wanted to go visit friends from church, so we called Dick and Diane and went to visit. Diane fixed a simple and delicious lunch for us and we thoroughly enjoyed our visit.

In a few minutes, Hugh is going to go with us to VUMAC (Virginia United Methodist Assembly Center) to the indoor pool and see how Mike does swimming for the first time since the accident. He was a very strong swimmer before, but his body is a lot different now. His left shoulder is much better since working out at Johnny's, but still has some limited range of motion. I didn't want to try going by myself with Mike for the first time, so am thankful Hugh can be there with us. I hope and pray Mike just takes off with no trouble. He definitely thinks he's able to swim just like before.  He told me, it's just like riding a bike, you don't forget.

My nephew and his wife (TR & Brittany) stayed with Mike Wednesday afternoon and I was finally able to have lunch with a friend from High School. We've tried a few times and things just didn't work out. It was such fun to catch up with Daphne on some of the happenings during the 30+ years since high school.

Next weekend, I have the privilege of sharing at a women's retreat along with two other ladies. Please pray for family members who will be staying with Mike, for Mike to be calm and not worried, and for me and the other ladies to share what the Lord wants us to share. I have felt led to share about our God of Hope and it has been such a blessing to be praying and preparing for this retreat. I believe it has been a Godsend to me to have this message to focus on while transitioning Mike back home.

Time to go swim! Have a great weekend!

Sometimes more is just too much

At the eye doctor. Mike
kept saying "I'm smiling."

Cool shades
After having our eyes dilated.

Ever here that saying "If a little is good, more is better."?  Well sometimes more is just....more or even too much. When we had Mike with us at Christmas, I wrote down what medications he was getting at the time. When we picked him up from NeuroRestorative on Jan. 13, I was told that the Dr. had increased his Amantadine from just one in the morning to one in the morning and one in the evening and we were to start it when we got home.  This we did. Well, I knew we were having more episodes of perseveration and anxiousness, but I chalked it up to the move, new living arrangements, and the whole upheaval/transitioning. Then we saw Dr. Sellman and discussed these episodes and decided to try a medication to head these anxious times off before they came and chose to try Viibryd. Viibryd was introduced slowly 10mg one week, 20mg the second week and then 40mg. In the beginning, it seemed to help calm the anxiety.

Monday, Feb. 24. Mike went up to take a nap, Leah was here, and I left to do some errands. Evidently, he got up shortly after I left and seemed angry from the time he got up. He came down the stairs in only his socks, slipped on the last few steps, and landed on his bottom plus scraped his back. Leah got him up, tried to check for injuries, but he wouldn't let her. Told her he was going to Ohio and was tired of living here. She was able to help him get dressed, but then he headed out the door. When she tried to stop him, he pushed her so hard that she fell. Understandably, she quit. Well, I decided to take a step back, rethink, regroup, and let it just be the two of us for a while. (Ok, I forgot how confining and stressful it can be to have a very loud, repeating shadow and be on call 24/7.) Anyway, last Wednesday we started the 40mg tablet of Viibryd and by Saturday, Mr. Frantic and The Repeater were trying to move in full time.

One of Mike's previous doctors had told me I could give Mike trazodone in low dosages in the daytime to help with anxiety. This I did over the weekend. On Monday, I put in a call to Dr. Sellman and he told me to cut the tablet in half. On Wednesday morning Mike had a very rough episode. Stayed in the bathroom for over an hour, repeating loudly and wouldn't let me do anything for him. Once again, I called the doctor. Thank God, he is very good about calling back within a couple of hours. This time I told him I thought the extra Amantadine might also be part of the problem. I loved his response "If you didn't see a noticeable change for the better, then let's get rid of it!" Now he's getting one less Amantadine per day, is being weaned off of the Viibryd, and takes 12.5mg of Trazodone in the morning and as needed in the afternoon. Yesterday was better, he was just confused and agitated after his nap.

Today when he came down for breakfast he was very anxious and speaking nonsensically. He was becoming very forceful and determined to unplug the coffee pot. I could tell he was getting very frustrated and almost in tears because I didn't understand. When he finally calmed down, he was able to tell me that he had unplugged the heater upstairs because he couldn't remember how to cut it off. This is what he was trying to communicate to me, but due to his agitation, his words did not make any sense. He was still worried about the heater and so I went up to check on it. After that, he was fine. I had a dentist appointment and due to Johnny's kindness, was able to drop Mike off to exercise while I went to my appointment. Johnny is so great with Mike and a real blessing to both of us.

It's such a cold icy day here. We stopped to see Mom and Dad on the way home and we all watched Temple Grandin.  What an amazing true story. Highly recommend.

Last Friday we went to see a behavior analyst. He had some good things to share with us and I believe will be helpful during this part of our adventure. Mike almost always asks whoever we see for the first time if they are a Christian. Many of the doctors are not. Also, I recently met someone who is very disenchanted with the church, church-going people, and so-called Christians. Their experience has been that those who are in these categories bicker, gossip, exclude certain other people, and from their observation are not living any different from the rest of the world and possibly are worse because they think they are better than others.

The Word tells us in 2 Corinthians 2:14 & 15 that “…through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” So, what kind of fragrance are we? From the above perspective, it seems to be a stench. Yes, we are all humans and no one will be perfect this side of heaven; however, following Christ means we are to continually die to ourselves, our ways, our pettiness, our backbiting, and be a pleasing aroma to God and to the world that is perishing without Him. What’s more important? Getting my way? Going with the crowd? Doing what makes me happy?OR being obedient to God's word and letting Christ’s way live through me so that others are attracted to His smell and His purity?

It is a narrow road, but He promises to be right here with us the entire time giving us the strength to live separately from the world and its stench. Not that we are better than anyone, but that Jesus Christ’s way is best and with the desire that no one perish but all have eternal life. If a stranger is listening in on our conversation or observing our life, is there a pleasing fragrance and difference that makes them want to know why we are like that? OR is there the appearance of pleasantness, but upon close inspection it causes the stranger to desire to pinch their nose to keep out the bad odor or just no difference from those who don’t have Christ?  We are in the world, but are not to be part of the world. Be either cold or hot, not lukewarm. We can’t straddle the fence.  Let’s work on being the pleasing aroma of Christ no matter who is watching and listening. It is not easy, but neither was it easy for God to sacrifice His Son nor was it easy for Jesus to be that sacrifice. Look how much He loved us. How much do we love Him? It shows in our words and actions.