Sometimes more is just too much

At the eye doctor. Mike
kept saying "I'm smiling."

Cool shades
After having our eyes dilated.

Ever here that saying "If a little is good, more is better."?  Well sometimes more is just....more or even too much. When we had Mike with us at Christmas, I wrote down what medications he was getting at the time. When we picked him up from NeuroRestorative on Jan. 13, I was told that the Dr. had increased his Amantadine from just one in the morning to one in the morning and one in the evening and we were to start it when we got home.  This we did. Well, I knew we were having more episodes of perseveration and anxiousness, but I chalked it up to the move, new living arrangements, and the whole upheaval/transitioning. Then we saw Dr. Sellman and discussed these episodes and decided to try a medication to head these anxious times off before they came and chose to try Viibryd. Viibryd was introduced slowly 10mg one week, 20mg the second week and then 40mg. In the beginning, it seemed to help calm the anxiety.

Monday, Feb. 24. Mike went up to take a nap, Leah was here, and I left to do some errands. Evidently, he got up shortly after I left and seemed angry from the time he got up. He came down the stairs in only his socks, slipped on the last few steps, and landed on his bottom plus scraped his back. Leah got him up, tried to check for injuries, but he wouldn't let her. Told her he was going to Ohio and was tired of living here. She was able to help him get dressed, but then he headed out the door. When she tried to stop him, he pushed her so hard that she fell. Understandably, she quit. Well, I decided to take a step back, rethink, regroup, and let it just be the two of us for a while. (Ok, I forgot how confining and stressful it can be to have a very loud, repeating shadow and be on call 24/7.) Anyway, last Wednesday we started the 40mg tablet of Viibryd and by Saturday, Mr. Frantic and The Repeater were trying to move in full time.

One of Mike's previous doctors had told me I could give Mike trazodone in low dosages in the daytime to help with anxiety. This I did over the weekend. On Monday, I put in a call to Dr. Sellman and he told me to cut the tablet in half. On Wednesday morning Mike had a very rough episode. Stayed in the bathroom for over an hour, repeating loudly and wouldn't let me do anything for him. Once again, I called the doctor. Thank God, he is very good about calling back within a couple of hours. This time I told him I thought the extra Amantadine might also be part of the problem. I loved his response "If you didn't see a noticeable change for the better, then let's get rid of it!" Now he's getting one less Amantadine per day, is being weaned off of the Viibryd, and takes 12.5mg of Trazodone in the morning and as needed in the afternoon. Yesterday was better, he was just confused and agitated after his nap.

Today when he came down for breakfast he was very anxious and speaking nonsensically. He was becoming very forceful and determined to unplug the coffee pot. I could tell he was getting very frustrated and almost in tears because I didn't understand. When he finally calmed down, he was able to tell me that he had unplugged the heater upstairs because he couldn't remember how to cut it off. This is what he was trying to communicate to me, but due to his agitation, his words did not make any sense. He was still worried about the heater and so I went up to check on it. After that, he was fine. I had a dentist appointment and due to Johnny's kindness, was able to drop Mike off to exercise while I went to my appointment. Johnny is so great with Mike and a real blessing to both of us.

It's such a cold icy day here. We stopped to see Mom and Dad on the way home and we all watched Temple Grandin.  What an amazing true story. Highly recommend.

Last Friday we went to see a behavior analyst. He had some good things to share with us and I believe will be helpful during this part of our adventure. Mike almost always asks whoever we see for the first time if they are a Christian. Many of the doctors are not. Also, I recently met someone who is very disenchanted with the church, church-going people, and so-called Christians. Their experience has been that those who are in these categories bicker, gossip, exclude certain other people, and from their observation are not living any different from the rest of the world and possibly are worse because they think they are better than others.

The Word tells us in 2 Corinthians 2:14 & 15 that “…through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” So, what kind of fragrance are we? From the above perspective, it seems to be a stench. Yes, we are all humans and no one will be perfect this side of heaven; however, following Christ means we are to continually die to ourselves, our ways, our pettiness, our backbiting, and be a pleasing aroma to God and to the world that is perishing without Him. What’s more important? Getting my way? Going with the crowd? Doing what makes me happy?OR being obedient to God's word and letting Christ’s way live through me so that others are attracted to His smell and His purity?

It is a narrow road, but He promises to be right here with us the entire time giving us the strength to live separately from the world and its stench. Not that we are better than anyone, but that Jesus Christ’s way is best and with the desire that no one perish but all have eternal life. If a stranger is listening in on our conversation or observing our life, is there a pleasing fragrance and difference that makes them want to know why we are like that? OR is there the appearance of pleasantness, but upon close inspection it causes the stranger to desire to pinch their nose to keep out the bad odor or just no difference from those who don’t have Christ?  We are in the world, but are not to be part of the world. Be either cold or hot, not lukewarm. We can’t straddle the fence.  Let’s work on being the pleasing aroma of Christ no matter who is watching and listening. It is not easy, but neither was it easy for God to sacrifice His Son nor was it easy for Jesus to be that sacrifice. Look how much He loved us. How much do we love Him? It shows in our words and actions.