Romans

Romans has recently become my favorite book of the Bible. There is so much hope in those written pages. Here is one verse that I am reading often:

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him,

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy spirit."

Hope is definitely something I have held on to through these long months. "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5    Hope does not disappoint us, because GOD.  That says it all. God is our hope - the source and sustainer of hope - The One we can hope in. One of the definitions of hope is "a feeling of trust". In order to trust, we have to have something or someone to trust. There is no one better than God, the Almighty, who is always faithful to fulfill what He says.

It was hope that led Keegan and I to pursue the neuro unit at Wake Med and it was hope that led Mike's family and I to send him to NeuroRestorative back in July 2013. And those hopes did not disappoint because God went before us and it was where Mike received care he needed to help him improve. While we haven't "arrived", we sure are better than we were and there is still hope of continued recovery.

Overall, Mike is doing much better and the aggression is mostly gone. We've had a few episodes, but the good thing about living at Hugh and Tracey's is that I can just walk away from him and go somewhere else in the house. We're usually the only ones here so I don't have to worry about him bothering anyone else. He's usually stuck on a phrase which gets progressively louder and louder and he is doing some repetitive motion which eventually slows down and then stops. Sometimes he can be redirected, other times he has to get very tired or very hoarse before he will stop. 

When TR and Brittany were fixing up their trailer, Mike helped me clean out the refrigerator and he helped Coley paint the bathroom and kitchen. He did well and only got frustrated a little. He worked better with Coley than he did with me. 

I started out trying to keep a journal every day (it's sporadic at best) but here are a couple of entries:

Fri., Jan 24 – Debbie Moody went with us to Mike’s doctor’s appointment with Dr. Kreutzer a neuro-psychologist in Richmond. Mike started out rough that morning, but was calm and pleasant when Debbie arrived. Trip went well, he was asking Debbie questions, totally making sense. Then the doctor walked out, introductions were made and Mike asks “Are you a Christian? Do you believe in Jesus?” Dr. Kreutzer said “I can’t say that I do.” Well….Mike got stuck on “Do you?” and when he gets like this it is not quietly or softly spoken, it’s forceful and angry and persistent and usually gets louder and louder. The 2 doctors and I went on and talked and in a bit, Mike quieted down and even contributed to the conversation. Two or three times during the time with the doctors, Mike would latch onto some word or phrase and be stuck for a while and then all of a sudden he would be back with us. This happened frequently throughout the day. After his appointment, we ate at P.F. Changs (delicious), went to Lifeway to get Mike a new Bible, and stopped at Kroger. Mike really did great considering all that we did. He would leave us from time to time and The Repeater would take over and then Mike would return – polite, pleasant, communicating, etc. Just one little thing could make him anxious or if it wasn’t the way he wanted it, and The Repeater would reappear. It really is like there’s a dual personality.

Sat., Jan 25  - If it’s a good day, Mike usually wakes up and says “What are we doing today?” Saturday we did some house cleaning, fed calves and watched the movie “Paradise Road”. Sad, but good about prisoner of war women on the island of Sumatra during WWII and how they assembled a choral group. Before supper, we had an episode that I thought was quite funny. My mom had given us a small container of Chex mix on Friday. Well, Saturday as I’m cooking supper, I opened it and started snacking. Mike at first said, "that’s for Dad, he wanted one in every house". I told him no, Mom sent it for us to eat, Dad was grinding some up small for himself. Mike became so insistent that I shouldn’t eat it and then switched to “That’s for visitors!” He came over where I was, and put the lid on it. Well, I’m stubborn too, I reopened it, and then he started saying I was hoarding it!  He was grabbing for it, pushing me (not hard) and quite persistent and upset.  All I could do was let him take it and laugh! It struck me so funny, how determined he was!

Tues, Jan. 28 – Snowed again today just like last Tuesday and Mike was in a bad way again also. Maybe Debbie is right and it has something to do with the weather. Had to call in reinforcements this morning – thanks, Coley!  Mike woke up at 8 AM, as usual, but wanted to go back to bed so I let him. BIG Mistake! When he woke up the second time, he was all frantic, grabbing shoes out of the closet and wrapping them all up in a blanket along with his coat. I can’t even remember what the repeater was saying, but I was afraid to leave him to go downstairs to get his meds and no one else was in the house. Coley came and got his yogurt and medication and he gobbled that down. Still agitated, so Coley stayed with him while I fixed oatmeal and brought that up.  He began to calm down, still clutching his bundle, we made our way downstairs – Coley in front and me behind. The repeater was an almost constant unwanted visitor today.

Thurs., Jan. 30 – Morning went well, Leah (our home CNA aide) came and we all went to town. Took his wedding band to be re-sized and visited Johnny’s Firm and Fitness Center. Johnny is a retired Marine and police officer. Very  understanding and willing to work one-on-one with Mike. Took us around and let Mike try out a lot of the equipment. Only $35/month, so we both signed up. Home, Mike rested, we fed calves and then the repeater and Mr. Frantic again.  Any little thing can set him off and I just seem to exasperate him when he’s like this. Later, Coley came by and she led him in the kitchen and got him to calm down and set the table. Evening passed well, we started watching The Hobbit. Fun.

Fri., Jan 31 – Started our new routine which we’ll hopefully do M-F. Got Mike up at 7 AM, devotions, breakfast, shaving, etc. and then to Johnny’s Fitness. Today was a back work-out and some abs and cardio.  We both really enjoyed it. Then took Mike for a haircut and got a few groceries.  Johnny is great with Mike and although we had some of The Repeater, he usually went away with changed activity or ignoring and just continuing on.  Johnny even worked on my back with a vibrator and put Arnica Gel on it. Such personalized service and only $35 a month!  What a Godsend! I believe Mike will be more cooperative and benefit more from this than he did from PT and OT. The barber, Bill, wouldn’t let me pay for Mike’s haircut. There is a lot of kindness and generosity in this small town. Finished The Hobbit.  Such a great movie – love the scenery and costumes, etc.

Sun., Feb. 2 – Yesterday Mike and I went to Maymont Park in Richmond and walked around for about 1 hour. We enjoyed the outing and watching the antics of the otters in the nature center. I made Cheesy Chicken Chowder for the youth Souper Bowl lunch. We enjoyed Sunday School and Church and the lunch. Rested then took a long walk over to the horse barn and back to Mom and Dad’s. Mom brought us home. Watched Seattle Seahawks trounce the Broncos. Felt sorry for Peyton Manning, but thrilled for Russell Wilson, former NCSU quarterback during Keegan’s time at NCSU. The Repeater and Mr. Frantic took most of the day off, praise God!

Last Thursday, Mike started running a fever of over 101 and I could hear rattling in his chest. He is prone to aspiration pneumonia and had just finished a round of antibiotics right after he came home. We started an antibiotic on Friday which gave him terrible diarrhea, so Sunday the on-call PA changed his medicine and told me to get a pro-biotic also. It was a rather rough weekend, but by Monday he was doing much better and we were able to return to Johnny's. Tuesday Mike had an appointment in Richmond with a neuro-psychiatrist. It was his best day yet, I think. We had a good 1.5 hours of work-out at Johnny's, then to Richmond, where Mike was calm and did great with Dr. Sellman, whom we both liked very much. I liked the fact that he considers natural remedies (he called functional medicine), as well as, traditional medicines and the way he would describe how patients said the different treatments made them feel. This helped me to contribute to the decision of which things to try with Mike. Dr. Sellman, was very personable, as well, which made us both comfortable.

Today we are staying in. It started snowing yesterday about 2:30 and snowed until 10 or after last night. Earlier this afternoon it was raining and now it is back to snowing again. We just exercised and stretched on our own today, played Settlers with Coley, enjoyed cinnamon crisps that Tracey made, then Mike napped and read while I have been working at the desk and typing this. Very pleasant day inside. Mike even won the Settlers game!  

If you have been following our story since the beginning or for a long time, you can easily see where some of our hopes are being realized and we continue to hope for what we haven't seen yet also. Everyone has trials, suffering and/or difficulties in their lives. Please be encouraged and never ever give up hope. There is always hope for the believer in Jesus Christ our Lord, both for this life and for eternity. 

Romans 8:24b-25

Who hopes for what he already has? 

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

II Corinthians 4:18

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. 

For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.