Dr. Sommers, Mike, sadness

Dr. Sommers

Philippians 3:7-14

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

I forgot to mention in my last post that April 25 marked the one year mark since Mike's accident.  Wow!  What a year. We have lost so much and yet we have seen God's hand and His faithfulness all along the way also. Mike's physical recovery is amazing especially when you recall how many broken bones he suffered. Everyone in the brain injury association keeps reminding  me that the injury is still really new.  Not sure that is a real comfort, and yet it does speak of hope for more recovery. Just feels really slow and long from my standpoint. I absolutely love what a little girl said during the praise and prayer time at church on Sunday. It went something like this: "I went outside and found a warm spot and knew it was God." Isn't that precious? Look for Him. He is always with us. Plain and simple. Focus on Him.

Friday morning Mike called and wanted me to come get him and bring him some things. During my time with the Lord that morning, I had been praying about whether to go to the hospital or not and had a real sense of release from guilt about not going. After Mike's call, I was floundering again, but would remember the peace from earlier. About 1:00pm Dr. Sommers called. He seems very compassionate and knowledgeable. He told me "Don't let Mike pull at your heart strings. He is right where he needs to be. Why don't you take the weekend off and we'll see where we are on Monday." Thank you, Lord. I needed permission to take a few days off.  Dr. Sommers was starting Mike on Zyprexa on Friday. I spoke with a nurse or Mike every day and nothing was really changing. On Sunday afternoon, I did go over to see Mike and he was fairly lucid. We were able to talk and he even remembered that his sister's birthday had just passed. He did keep repeating a story about a lady in the ward who was wailing and crying and her mother came to get her, but he was much clearer than usual.  Of course, he wanted to come home with me and even asked if he called and wailed and cried would I come get him. So he was thinking!

Yesterday, I drove Mom and Dad to Richmond to a doctor's appointment and since it was only about 15 minutes away from Mike, I drove on over to visit. Was not a good morning. He was quite agitated, pacing, repeating, antsy. Dr. Sommers had seen him earlier and increased the dosage on the new medication to see if it would help.

Although I am enjoying the freedom and ability to be productive, my mind is not free. The doctor and a few of the nurses have asked me if I plan to bring Mike home.  Well, yes, but that depends on what can be accomplished during this stay in the hospital. If nothing changes, I don’t see how I can bring him home and continue as before, but what are our options? It is such a sad situation. I hate to see Mike locked up, but what facility is equipped to handle him as he is? Would a residential facility have to give him more drugs in order to contain him? These are very tough things to think about and options to consider.  I’m going to call the social worker tomorrow and see if he has any information or input. I had hoped to speak with the Dr. again today, but was not able to. Please be in prayer that the Lord will show me clearly what path to take. I pray that there would be a breakthrough in his recovery or balancing of medications that would make a huge difference in his cognitive abilities, so I don’t have to consider placing him in a facility. It’s just too sad. 

I Corinthians 12:26 

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; 

if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

Tucker Pavilion

Background to previous message:  Due to the increase in agitation/anxiety over the weekend, I called Dr. Silver's office on Monday and asked if there was anywhere Mike could go to be observed and have medication adjusted. We've been on this anxiety-aggression-agitation-calm-lucid-out-of-control roller coaster several times over the past 9 months and frankly, I'm worn out with it. Mike has continued to grow stronger and I'm more tired, plus don't have the knowledge or power to change the circumstances. I was a little bit afraid in recent days that someone was going to get hurt. Dr. Silver was not in on Monday, but his nurse called on Tuesday and said the doctor felt it would be good for Mike to be evaluated. He recommended and would send a referral to Tucker Pavilion, a psychiatric ward at Chippenham Hospital, if I was agreeable.  I voiced my concern that Mike would just be drugged, but was assured by the nurse that this facility would work to get Mike on a more even keel, as much as possible.

I called Mike's insurance company to see if this type of treatment would be covered by insurance and was told that inpatient psychiatric care was only covered for those under 18 years old. Feeling a bit desperate, I called Mike's health coach, Rebecca. (she calls approximately every 2 weeks to check in and is a great source of information) She didn't know, but knew who to call to verify and soon we were on a conference call and Praise God! found out that this treatment would be covered. All these phone calls took place while I was sitting in a parking lot in Farmville just after attending the brain injury support group there. Feeling nervous about this decision, but sensing the necessity of it, I called Dr. Silver's nurse back and asked them to send the referral. I'd much rather take this step now and try to avoid someone getting hurt, plus I really believe that Mike is very close to having a clear mind, it's just the medication combination is not right. I hope this will expedite finding the right combination, and I really need a time of respite.

While waiting for almost 5 hours to have Mike evaluated and admitted, we ran the gamut of his behaviors. Thankfully, the various folks were able to see his unpredictable behavior and agreed that he needed to be admitted. The process took so long that by the time we were taken upstairs, Mike's night meds had kicked in and he was so tired that he could hardly stay awake. This made the event of being taken back to his room very untraumatic. He just wanted to go to bed and didn't complain at all.

Even though I have power of attorney, it does not cover psychiatric care. I would have to be his legal guardian. Therefore, part of the long wait was so that a representative from Richmond Behavioral Health could come and determine if they thought Mike needed to stay. Also, Wednesday morning, we had to have a hearing with a judge to obtain a TDO (Temporary Detention Order). I was back at the hospital at 8:00am and spoke individually with the head nurse, a social worker, and an attorney who was assigned to Mike. Then they all met with a judge and observed Mike. After that, the judge told me he had approved the TDO and that Mike would remain at the facility until the Psychiatrist, Dr. Summers (Sommers?) along with the staff and myself deemed that he was stable enough to return home. Everyone was very kind and the lawyer even prayed for us after we talked!  What a blessing. Thank you, Lord!

When I first got there Wednesday morning, I could hear Mike and see him pacing by a door. Business as usual. After all the meetings, the nurse came out and said Mike was very lucid and telling him about our children and where we met. So he brought Mike out for a while so we could visit.  We didn't talk much, but when it was time for me to go, Mike wanted to come with me and said he didn't want to go back to "the prison". :-(  I called later in the day, and it wasn't a good moment. In the evening, I received a call from the nurse because Mike wanted to talk to me.  M - "Where are you?" J - "At home." M - "You're at the farm." J - "Yes"  M - "How did you get there?" J - "I drove our car." M - "How did you get the car?"  Some things are clear, some not.

I did not go today. I spoke with his nurse. Dr. Summers has already stopped the Risperdal and tried Geodon by injection and pill, but Mike started drooling a lot so that was stopped also. Another drug, Zyprexa was prescribed, as needed.  I'm not sure if that was used or not. Evidently Mike was rather aggressive yesterday. Today they gave him Ativan. I'm not sure of the sequence of events (before or after the new drug), but the nurse said Mike just stood in one spot for about an hour today so that was a concern.  Tonight he was doing his usual pacing and repeating. I have not met Dr. Summers yet, but the nurse said he is very good with patients like Mike and obviously, he didn't waste any time trying some new medication. I am very thankful. Sounds like Mike is in good hands and they will figure out what is best for him.

After I left the hospital yesterday, I stopped and enjoyed leisurely walking around 2 nurseries.  I bought a few flowers and a little fig tree.  Fresh figs are SO delicious and I just couldn't resist.  I spent the rest of the afternoon planting, watering, and trying to relax.  Today Daddy and I planted squash, sweet potatoes, and mint in the back garden and the fig tree in the orchard - Dad made space for two, so now we HAVE to go buy a 2nd fig tree. :-) We ran the rototiller through the front garden and ran a small fake electric fence around the flowers just in case the cows get out. Hopefully they won't test it. I planted lots of flowers and weeded, then tonight I made banana bread.  It's so nice to be able to be productive; however, my mind was mostly with Mike. Praying that the staff is kind, praying for his healing, praying for the doctor, etc.  Also fighting the condemning and guilty thoughts that pop up. It will probably take a bit to really relax, I kept feeling like there was something I was forgetting.  I heard a noise during the night and instantly woke up, then realized Mike didn't need me, he wasn't there.

Thank you for all your notes, prayers, and love.  We really need and appreciate the support.

Difficult, but Necessary

12:00pm Details will have to follow another day, but please be in prayer for Mike (and the Doctors, nurses, aides, techs, etc.). I had him admitted to a psychiatric ward tonight. Not easy to do, but somebody needs to figure something out to help us. I am thankful that Dr. Silver did not hesitate to give us a referral. Hopefully this will have a beneficial outcome. My hope is that this will allow the professionals to adjust medication and deal with the fallout since they have the knowledge and staff to handle the behavior. Tracey drove us over and after almost 5 hours, he's admitted, we're home, and now I'm going to bed. Please pray this will make a huge difference in Mike's recovery and our lives. Thank you so much.

Physically Exhausting Day

Today was a very physically exhausting day.  Mike had several periods of extreme anxiety/agitation. Just trying to keep him from grabbing food, me, or hurting himself due to his franticness, gave me a real workout.  At one point, I thought I was just going to have to call 911 he was so wild-eyed and out-of-control.  I was able to push/walk with him, which is the best thing I've found, to try to counteract this behavior. However, that wasn't working too well today, and at one point I told him he needed to pray for Jesus to take away that evil spirit of anxiety because it was killing him and me. I started praying for the Lord to release Mike from this anxiety in the name and by the blood of Jesus. Mike was repeating what I said. He never did really calm down on the walk, but did get to the point where I didn't have to push/direct him anymore.  I did give him the Trazadone at about 12 or so and although it took a while, we were able to play a couple of games of Sequence AND he talked on the phone with his Mom and his Dad. After lunch, he was wound up again, but I finally was able to get him to rest on the couch. It was after lunch that the worst episode (above) occurred. I just don't understand why he was so out of it most of the day.  There was no obvious trigger. Chalk it up to the mysteries of TBI.

The beginning of the week went so well.  Monday and Tuesday he was so clear headed, helpful, able to work, kind.  Today has brought more questions for Dr. Silver. It seems with more clarity comes more frustration. Maybe he is more aware of his real situation and when he realizes his limitations, it brings about the anxiety which causes these out-of-control behaviors. Please pray for peace and healing for him (mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally), plus more awareness of his actions and their affect on those around him. Pray that I stay calm and not escalate the behavior by getting out-of-control myself, plus that I'll have patience, love, strength and wisdom.

From Revealing Jesus with Darlene Zschech a Bible reading plan from the YouVersion Bible app. :  "God is not cruel and does not bring temptation and trials into our lives. That is the result of our enemy and the fallen nature of the world in which we live, a world which God so loved that He sent His best (Jesus) for.  When God allows trials and tribulations--even persecution--in your life, know that His love and faithfulness is just as real and present. Focus on Jesus and the finished work of the cross, for His grace is sufficient for your every need." Today was very hard, but Jesus is still in control and He is everything to me even if I don't understand why we have to go through this. I hope He is your everything also.

Dr. Silver

I am so encouraged after our appointment with Dr. Silver. He is very personable, relaxed, and looks at the whole picture, not just at Mike. His main experience with TBI comes from working with soldiers and he actually has an office at Ft. Pickett, which is right here in Blackstone. We can’t go see him there, of course, since we aren’t military. He made me feel at ease right away with a short introduction that went something like this:  “I’m a doctor during the week, a Colonel in the National Guard about once a month, and just a Dad.” The office is quiet, not overbooked, and he was comfortable allowing Mike to walk in and out of the examining room quietly observing Mike’s movements, speech, cognition, awareness, etc.  He wants the main focus right now to be on the cognition which will help with all the other therapies and treatments. He is going to get a neuro-psychiatrist on board and is going to contact Speech and Occupational therapists.  The therapists will contact me and hopefully we can schedule them back-to-back and start real soon.  It takes about 45 minutes to drive to Dr. Silver’s office, but is mostly country until the last few miles, so not a bad drive at all.

We agreed that Mike is still in a transitional period which is causing some of the anxiety and agitation. Dr. Silver wants to move slowly in regard to changes in medication, but was pleased to see that Mike is on very few meds. He did give me a prescription for Trazadone, which Mike has taken before to help him sleep; however, Dr. Silver is prescribing this in a low dose to be used during the day, as needed, for those moments of extreme agitation.  He’s also going to give me a scale to help Mike and I gauge the level of agitation and what should be done at each level to try not to reach the extreme.  Another suggestion he had to try to help Mike sit and relax more is audio books.  He has had good results with this in some of his autistic patients who also have this need-to-move problem. (has a name, can’t remember it)  If these two things work, it sure could make a big difference in our daily lives.

After we left, we stopped and got milkshakes then went to Kroger so Mom and I could get some groceries. Mom was gracious enough to go with us today and I am so thankful. Mike became agitated on the way to Richmond and Mom kept him occupied with the game “4 pics & 1 word” on his iPad. While at Kroger, Mike started obsessing about what to do about the Holiday Inn reservations he had made.  I couldn’t figure out where that came from and he would not be distracted.  Dr. Silver is with Sheltering Arms Rehabilitation Hospital and this office is on the campus of the St. Francis Hospital.  This is a VERY nice hospital with beautiful flooring, waterfalls, sitting areas, etc.  All I can figure is that he thought it was a hotel and that we were going to stay there tonight.  On the way home, he blurted out “that was a cruel joke!”  My poor honey, his mind gets so confused.  Thankfully, by the time we were almost home he said “I had fun today.”

Please pray for Mike’s Mom, Margaret.  She was taken to the hospital today in Ohio with a temperature over 104 and a very rapid heart rate.  It’s been discovered that she has a severe case of strep throat so has been started on antibiotics and will spend a few days in the hospital. Hopefully they have been able to get the fever down and she will be able to rest and recuperate quickly.

Same Guy?

You prayer warriors are waging a mighty war.  Today Mike was fairly lucid most of the day with the exception of a couple of hours around lunchtime and early afternoon.  We ran an errand for the farm and Mike walked right in to the hardware store, handed the clerk the bolt and said "we need a dozen of these." Wow! He did his upper body exercises with Londa and they played Sequence. He even taught her how to play!  He helped me plant some vegetables this afternoon, was using his manners, helped put things in the car to give away. (Mom and I cleaned out a closet and trunk today) He even mostly showered himself.  My thoughts are all over the place - up, down, here, there, everywhere!  Brain injury is certainly a whole new world.  I wanted to write more, but I keep falling asleep, so am just going to give it up and turn off the light. Love to all. Was a full and blessed day.

Tough Times

I Timothy 4:9&10

“This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe.”

Well, as I continued to try to go down on the Risperdal dosage, the perseveration and anxiety increased and we lost the cognition improvement. So I cannot get him completely off of the Risperdal for now. The good times were few and far between this past week and the tough times were tougher.  Today (Sunday) was rough until about 7pm.  Here's some of the highs and lows of the week:

Mon. – Pulled weeds, trimmed some shrubs, and put down some mulch in the morning. Mike and I drove to Farmville in the afternoon to get his photo ID. He was very anxious in the car so had to give a pill. He calmed down, was OK at DMV, we ate out at Charlie's sitting on the patio by the river, and went to a movie.  Thankfully there were only 4 of us in the theater, because Mike kept standing up.  

Tues. - Calm morning, worked outside. Hit a rough spot with Londa, while I was in town.  He went out and got in her car and she had left her keys in the ignition.  Thankfully she beat him to the keys! After that, he was riled up, wanted the keys and would not be distracted.  I was given another wonderful gift while in town.  Our taxes were done "on the house".  It made me cry right on the spot.  The generosity of folks throughout this past year has been a truly humbling experience and a very real blessing to us. I am very grateful for these unexpected gifts and am learning to graciously accept. I think, too often, our own pride gets in the way of being blessed and allowing someone else to be blessed in the giving. So many people want to do something, and it is like a shower of blessings all around both the givers and the receivers.

 A funny happening - Mike was not able to focus in the afternoon, but he did ride with Daddy over to the pond.  When they came back, I was planting flowers and did not hear Mike come up behind me. He walked up behind me, said "boo" and turned and walked away.  That was a highlight and I laughed out loud! J

Wed.  - Even with the meds., it was a very rough day.  I became aggravated with having to clean Mike up again after numerous times of trying to get him in the bathroom and evidently fussed at him too much. He got stuck on phrases having to do with "poop or pee" almost all day.  Lots of agitation and repeating. He was unable to focus on anything else.  

Coley and the sign language interpreter.

Thurs. - Rough start, but then a terrific morning, then a very difficult afternoon.  Mike was pacing around when the cleaning ladies came and then he went out the door and sat in their car. (no keys)  Next thing we know, he is walking fast toward the highway!  I took off running, Coley saw us and came zipping down the lane on the Kabota and picked us up. Mike wanted to GO somewhere so she took him with her to do something with the heifers. (Coley has been so kind and come and given me an hour off here and there, while she does something with Mike. She even helped me one day when he was not cooperating in getting cleaned up. He's very strong and now if he doesn't want me to clean him up, I cannot do it on my own. She commented that that was a better work out than P90X! Constant resistance!) After he came back, we worked in the yard and then followed Coley around as she gave a farm tour to a middle school group of special needs students.  Mike got back into his teacher role for a bit by trying to get a reluctant student to enter the barn and then telling another student to "pay attention".  Afterwards he was asking Coley more questions too.

After lunch, Coley took him to go ride with Hugh on the huge tractor that pulls 3 things behind it, one of them planting corn.  Soon TR switched with Hugh and Mike rode with him. Well, when Hugh brought Mike home later, he was very upset that TR had not come with them and was determined that TR needed rescuing. Rescuing turned to wrestling him to the ground and Mike was frantic that TR had just been left behind and abandoned.  After a pill, I push/walked (I walk behind him with gentle pressure and direction so that he cannot grab me) with Mike all the way around by both ponds trying to distract him and change the subject, but to no avail. We even had Daddy call TR and Mike talked with him, but Mike would not be distracted.  I tried playing a game, puzzle, working in the yard, snack, etc.  Finally got him walking around the outside of the house (instead of in and out) and I planted some hostas. He was so tired that he was listing to the side and stumbling, but he would not sit down. Tried the porch rocking chair, inside with the TV, in the golf cart - not happening.  He finally came out with me and would walk, stop and sit in the golf cart or the truck for about 2 seconds and then walk some more.

Fri. - Mike up at 5am could not go back to sleep, became frantic.  Finally calm at breakfast and able to answer some questions.  Kallyn was with him most of the day. He seemed tired. (no wonder!)  I had to go to town to sign Farm Bureau car insurance papers. I was feeling down about our situation, discouraged and just generally dragging. The underwriter had been a bit difficult about not having Mike on the insurance. I had done all they asked, Dr. note saying he cannot drive, voided NC driver's license, etc. The agent told me that last Friday he had seen Mike, Kallyn and I at Wendy's so he had finally told the underwriter "Look, this lady's got it tough already, you don't need to make this any harder for her. From what I saw, Mike is not able to drive anything at this time." She approved the insurance.  God-incident?  I think so. Mike was fairly lucid in the afternoon.  Played 4 Pics/1 word on iPad.

Sat. - Mike helped plant lettuce on his hands and knees!  This is great because he needs to stretch his left fingers and wrist.  In the afternoon we had the great fortune of watching my niece, Erin, practice flying a black hawk helicopter while scooping up

water and then releasing it over the reservoir just outside of Blackstone. It was so exciting!  There were 2 helicopters and they did a great job of hovering so still over the water.  We were sprayed with water (lightly) and nearly blown off our feet (slight exaggeration!) when they were close to the bank. We watched for almost an hour, then did some errands in town.  After we got home, Dad and I planted corn he had started in the green house and Mike paced.  

Sun. - Mike was calm first thing, but started repeating. I went upstairs to get ready for church, and when I came back down he was nowhere to be seen.  I drove all over and then came back through the farmyard, praying and asking God where to look. As I sat there, I could hear a tractor running and looked and there was Mike sitting in the cab of a large tractor with the huge spreader attached. FEAR!  Praise God for allowing me to hear that tractor and that Mike did not figure out how to get it in gear.  He got a tongue lashing from me.  We made it to church and he did well.  

Lately, he just acts like he is starving and thinks I'm not feeding him.  I had him write down what he ate yesterday and even took a video of him eating his lunch. After watching the helicopters, he said "you cannot say we have had lunch". I pulled out the video, but he wasn't convinced.  Today was particularly bad.  He wanted lunch just after we had eaten and cleaned up, plus he eats so fast that sometimes he chokes. We took a walk, had a nice visit from my cousin Billy and his wife, Carolyn, finished a puzzle, rested and then from 6-7pm Mike walked up the back steps, through the bedrooms, down the front steps, through the living room, kitchen, over and over. Then he started bringing things down with him. Oh dear. Before supper, he read a National Geographic, was calm during and after supper and watched TV on his own for a bit also. So unpredictable!

This Thursday we go to the new Dr. in Richmond.  Please pray.  After some of the incidences this week and especially the tractor incident, I am concerned. He is not able to really work with us in the gardening.  He does well pulling weeds, but the heat does seem to bother him. I am really thinking I need to find a day program for him and if he doesn't improve, we may even have to consider a residential place. This is not easily done emotionally or financially. Please pray. I cannot keep up with him 24/7 and he can be a danger to himself, others, and farm equipment.  This is very tough to even think about, but it's been almost a year and in some things we are going backwards instead of forwards, plus I cannot keep up this pace.  I still wonder if there was already some dementia before the accident and if that was the cause of the accident. Will mention it to Dr. Silver.

I did submit an application for a brain injury camp in May, Camp Bruce McCoy at the Triple R ranch in Chesapeake, VA. Please pray that they still have openings and that Mike will be able to attend and enjoy that.  He says he wants to go. I'm hoping for 2 weeks. I would just really like the break and it would be good for him to be catered to also. Am also looking at Camp Jaycee in July that Coley told me about.

I must say that I am experiencing and enjoying much more freedom being here.  My family is so helpful, being able to garden is my kind of therapy, and having wide open spaces to walk is wonderful. I don’t think Mike feels much freedom, yet. Please continue to pray for his healing, wisdom for the Doctors, and wisdom in decision making.  It's 11:18 and time for bed.  I just want to share this portion of a devotional by Charles Spurgeon:

"Perfect in Christ Jesus."  Colossians 1:28

"Do you not feel in your own soul that perfection is not in you? Does not every day teach you that? Every tear which trickles from your eye, weeps "imperfection;" every sigh which bursts from your heart, cries "imperfection"; every harsh word which proceeds from your lip, mutters "imperfection". You have too frequently had a view of your own heart to dream for a moment of any perfection in yourself. But amidst this sad consciousness of imperfection, here is comfort for you--you are "perfect in Christ Jesus." In God's sight, you are "complete in Him;" even now you are "accepted in the Beloved." But there is a second perfection, yet to be realized, which is sure to all the seed. Is it not delightful to look forward to the time when every stain of sin shall be removed from the believer, and he shall be presented faultless before the throne, without spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing?" 

Oh, how I long for that day!  When I will be done with sin forever! I have seen my own heart far too frequently in these months and there is no perfection in myself.  Thanks be to God for giving us His son, and that He only sees us through the perfect sacrifice of Jesus who paid our debt. Perfect in Him, Wow!

Amazing, Miraculous

A beautiful bouquet of my favorite
 flowers fresh from the garden.
Thank you Bubba & Betty!

7:30pm Fri. night - Mike was very agitated and would not sit down or quiet down. he fought going upstairs, taking a shower and getting dressed. I figured he was just overly tired. It had been a busy day with a Dr. appt., errands, lunch at Wendy's, cleaning out the calf barn, etc. So I closed us up in the back to bedrooms and he walked and walked, talked and talked for about 40 minutes or so. I finally was able to sort of push him into bed and he didn't move or make a sound.  He was just exhausted, but couldn't quit on his own. So sad.  He did great at the Dr. appt. Was mostly able to respond to the Dr. and didn't freak out when put into a small room. Dr. Rosenbaum and his nurse are wonderful!  They allowed us to come in the back door and we didn't have to wait in the waiting room. (I was there almost 3 hours on Tuesday.)

3:18am - Mike wakes up talking about calling Scot. I get him and myself back into bed 3 times, then give up and give him a Risp. and then later a Neurontin. The last time I wrap up in a blanket and sit on the floor by his bed to try to keep him in bed.  He finally quiets down and falls asleep. About 4:30, I crawl back in bed.

6:45am - Mike wakes up, is calm throughout the morning routine. Sits and reads his Bible on his own and helps me make the bed.  He starts to get wound up after coming down stairs so I give him a Risp.

Sequence time. Mom had beginner's
 luck and won both games!

After breakfast, he was walking around repeating some phrase over and over. I pulled out the Sequence game and although it took a bit for him to become engaged in the game, he did calm down and slowly began to remember how to play.  After that, he and Mom worked on a puzzle and then they played 2 games of Sequence while I baked toffee bars, did some laundry, etc. As soon as Mom got up to do something else, the perseveration (repeating) began again.  If Mike is not actively engaged in some activity, the perseveration is very prevalent. I was making the filling for a couple of coconut pies, so Mom made the crust and finished those up while Mike and I went out for a walk.  Again, we had a similar conversation as the one the other day.  It went something like this:
J - What is your brother's name?  M- What is your brother's name? J- Try to respond, not repeat. M-Repeats. J- Your brother is ___?  M- Repeats  J - You would say, "My brother is _____." M- "My brother is Mark." J - Yes, Mike! That's right!"  J- What's Mark's wife's name?  M- "Amy"  J- No that's Keegan's fiancee. Mark's wife's name is similar to mine. M-nothing J- Her name starts with a "J". M-Jenney!   Anyway, you get the gist of our conversation.  Once he gets away from just repeating what is said, he can somewhat answer the questions with prompts or cues.  We went through his family and then I asked about college, the cities they are in, etc.

He asked why I was quizzing him. I told him it was to work on his memory. The other day I apologized for myself and others talking about him in front of him and he said "y'all think I am dumb", ouch!...I said "no, we just think that due to the brain injury you don't understand." He said "I do understand." :-(  Big mental note to myself and everyone else! DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM WITHIN HIS HEARING - Talk TO him, INCLUDE him even if he seems completely unaware or unresponsive.

After our walk, we had lunch and I decided to try what Dr. Gualtieri suggested.  I did not give him a Risp. but gave him 2 neurontin.  It calmed him down, but didn't fog his mind.  We have had a really great afternoon.  He did walk down to the milking parlor and Jesse came to get me, but when I told Mike we don't work with the cows, we're the gardeners, he did not fight me to leave.  We walked out to the garden and started digging up weeds.  Then Hugh came and took Mike to help him do some yard work and I had my second horse riding lesson with Tracey.  Hugh and Mike did raking and picking up pine cones in their yard. When they drove up Mike asked me if I had ridden the horse and if I had some gum.  Now it is 10:30pm and we are both up and watching the Final Four. He has still had some perseveration, but mostly he has been able to communicate with us, be cooperative, get to the bathroom, and mostly showered himself!  Truly miraculous!  If you recall, I have tried to get him off the Risp. several times with disastrous results.  So this is really amazing.  The farm, the space, the work, the people, and no Risp. since breakfast = a calmer, more content, better cognition Mike and a VERY thankful Jennifer. :-)  He's also reading a National Geographic while watching the game!  Woo Hoo!!!

I had a thought earlier today that maybe we're entering our Year of Jubilee.  Leviticus 25:10 "This fiftieth year is sacred--it is a time of freedom and of celebration when everyone will receive back their original property, and slaves will return home to their families."  I know it's not a great analogy, but after such a year of pain, loss, trials, tears, transitions, and struggles, if this is the beginning of real change and healing, it will be "a time of freedom and of celebration" and in a very real sense, like we're receiving Mike back along with some original normalcy. Plus we'll have the added bonus of sharing this joy while surrounded by family and friends here in Virginia.  It is hard not to get my hopes up too high after an afternoon like today, but I will rejoice in every step forward and try to remember them when the backward steps come.  Through it all, the one thing I know for sure is that God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit is the ONE who has carried us through these difficult months and who holds our future in His more-than-capable hands.  I am not strong, HE is. I cannot bear a heavy load, HE can and does. Without Him my worst days would have been many times worse. He is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my counselor, my guide. He continues to do miracles in my life and Mike's every day.  I hope you are looking for the miracles He's doing in your life too.

Red Letter Day - April 2, 2013

Such exciting happenings and hopes today!  Will write details another day as it is already after 11pm, but just had to share at least a snapshot.

Praise God for Londa!  After a few really rough days and a rough night, she came today and was so gracious to stay longer and give me a long day off.

After a doctor's appointment (which other than the long wait was actually kind of fun - really great/funny doctor) and a couple of errands, I enjoyed sitting in a cafe, reading and enjoying an extremely long and relaxing lunch, strolled through Clay's nursery, bought to shirts at the Goodwill thrift shop and went to the grocery store all in an unhurried fashion.

Mike and I took a long walk and I started asking him questions about the past, family members, events, college, etc. and he responded. Needed a few prompts, but we had a conversation!  A couple of times he asked me why I was quizzing him, but he was not agitated or upset, just curious.  Will write the dialog later.  After supper he said "that was a great meal, Mom."  Woo Hoo!  :-)  Risperdal going down, cognition going UP! (and personal care!)

Keegan had a 2nd interview via phone today and has a person-to-person interview on Friday (all with the same company)! Sounds very promising and a great fit, so pray that if this is the Lord's will for him, he will be hired.  So exciting!

My nephew, Chris, and his wife, JoyLynne had a baby girl tonight at 10:10pm.  How exciting!

God's word is always so uplifting and gives so much hope.  Just a portion of my reading today:

Hebrews 6:18b-20a

"... it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf..."

Even though tomorrow morning might be just as rough as the past few have been, these moments of clarity are happening more often and that brings so much hope and Praise to God who hears my frantic cries for help and is answering.  Thank you for praying!  What a red letter day! :-)