The Christmas Card

This week I received a very nondescript envelope and assumed it was some generic Christmas card from a business or insurance company. However, when I opened it, this is what I saw - a beautiful wintry, country scene with a female Cardinal and a red bow.  The real gift was inside. Click on the image of the card and you will see the special surprise that awaited me. If the video doesn't work, you can scroll down to the bottom to see the inside of the card. 

The last time I visited Mike, we sat in the sun room and watched as the staff decorated their tree. Mike was having a good day and we were able to enjoy Subway sandwiches and play Yahtzee and Sequence. Sequence was a challenge since the blue and green chips have disappeared and we only had red, but we just worked together to get our chips in a row.  Mike was a little bit more talkative, but still is not walking. I will be going up there Christmas morning after spending a little time here with Mom and Dad. I am anxious to see Mike. 

It's been 3 weeks, because I went to see  his Mom in Ohio. We all missed having Mike and the rest of the family with us, but did enjoy an early Christmas with Keegan, Amy and the girls, plus seeing Mike's brother and his family. It was COLD in Ohio. We had dustings of snow a couple of times and then a really nice fluffy flakes snow all day on Tuesday. It was beautiful to look at and fun to play in. Aria loved it! Keegan enjoyed showing Amy some of his favorite places and we enjoyed time just being together. 

My writing is very sporadic so far, but I want to share with you the one I posted today. It's actually a post that I started writing several months ago, but with a few changes, I felt it was something that might be of help to someone "out there" who has also struggled with unmet expectations, especially during special occasions. Here's the link: https://lookingforbrightspots.blogspot.com/. 

Tomorrow is Christmas!  I am very excited to celebrate Jesus, to be here with Mom and Dad, and then to be with Mike. I hope each of you have a very joyous celebration and amid the gifts, laughter, and family, remember that we are celebrating the birth of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. 

It's been a very long time since I have seen Mike write
his name. What a precious gift and wonderful surprise
to open the card and find his signature. It almost looks
like it did pre-accident.  Oh, what joy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Lots of Thanks Giving

1 Chronicles 16:34 (ESV)

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

    for his steadfast love endures forever!

Mike is doing so much better since Dr. B cut his medication in more than half. It is making a big difference compared to how he was a couple of months ago. While there on Thanksgiving day, he could move from the wheelchair to a chair or bed with assistance and was talking more also. What I really noticed was he could drink thin liquids without choking.

We watched some of the Macy's parade and then some of the Vikings football game. Mike was cheering for his team and wore his Vikings jacket in support. He and I enjoyed a private Thanksgiving dinner in The Parlor which is at the end of the hall with a TV where I can control the volume. (Very important to me!) We enjoyed a delicious traditional meal all prepared right there at The Harbor. They really do eat well. After we ate, the med tech came to give Mike his medication and said the kitchen staff had forgotten to put mashed potatoes on the plates! I had not even noticed. I really like stuffing, so hadn't missed them at all. Mike still tends to gorge so I fed him and me. He ate everything on his plate and since I eat slower I had to share mine too so that we finished at the same time. :-) There was a lot of food on the plate and way more than I could eat anyway. Then pumpkin pie arrived too. We were full, very full.

Keegan, Amy and the girls arrived about 3. Mike did hold Riley for a little bit and later we had a family coloring time with Aria. The highlight was when we were leaving and Mike said "I love you, Riley. I love you, Aria." It was very sweet and we thank the Lord that he was having such a good day when they were all there. Something that would not have been possible just a few weeks ago or even on certain days.

I'm glad to say that restaurants around the area were all closed in celebration of Thanksgiving day, but we were also thankful that Sheetz was open. After getting settled in the hotel, we ordered food from there. It worked out perfectly. Keegan picked up the food and we had supper in the privacy of the hotel breakfast area where Aria could be free to roam and Riley could kick and squirm on a blanket on the floor. They had been cooped up in tight car seats most of the day and needed the freedom. I am so thankful they made the trip and it truly was a very Happy Thanksgiving. 

Friday we returned to spend time with Mike, but it was an off day. He really had a difficult time breaking out of the oh/hum which is a little frightening for Aria and makes it hard to interact with him so we didn't stay long. It made us all the more thankful for the day before. After having lunch, we came back to the farm where Mom and Dad met Riley for the first time and enjoyed the rest of the weekend here. 

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving time with family and friends while counting your many blessings. I Timothy 6:8 says: "But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content." I know I for one have way more than food and clothing, so there is much to be thankful for and no reason not to be content.  

I love you and am so thankful for each of you and your love and prayers. May God bless you all.

Worship in Spirit & Truth

We're having a lovely
warm Fall.

My visit with Mike last week was more encouraging. He was definitely more alert and was scooting himself around in his wheelchair. He cannot coordinate using his arms to turn the wheels along with doing the walking motion with his feet, so just thrusts his upper body forward for momentum and then moves his feet along. It was good to see him mobile again, but I can see where he could fall out of the wheelchair rather easily.

I spoke with the head nurse about restraints, but that gets into a lot of government regulations and restrictions. I looked it up when I got home and I see what the government is trying to avoid: abuse & convenience for facility staff. However, I think if anyone spent a day or two in the facility they would see why Mike, as well as, others could benefit from a simple seat belt. As it is, it involves lots of paperwork and the facility has to prove that there is a definitive medical necessity in order to use restraints. Now I'd prefer that Mike stay in this type of wheelchair because he can at least be a little bit mobile, whereas if he's put in the high back wheelchair he will not be able to scoot around at all. Ugh...what a dilemma! Risk of falling out versus being able to motor around a bit on his own.

I was able to speak with Dr. B briefly on Wednesday and he is pleased that Mike is more alert and mobile and so is going to further reduce the Seroquel. Yay! The urine tests did not show any abnormalities so we still don't know why the albumin is low. The fluid pill is keeping the swelling down and they will do regular blood tests to keep an eye on everything.

Holding hands with
my hubby.

I left The Harbor about 3 and went and spent a couple of hours with Sandy and then returned to feed Mike supper. When I arrived, he was sitting at the table holding onto the wrist of the woman next to him. His grip is strong and so I got him to let go hoping he didn't leave a bruise. The woman told me that "someone needs to sit beside him. He thinks I'm his wife and I don't even live here!" I told her that I was his wife and she said, "Well he doesn't know that!" Ha! The woman proceeded to feed a man sitting beside her and I fed Mike not only his supper, but also a container of yogurt and a piece of coconut pie that my Mom had made. When he was finished, he looked over and saw that the man's plate was still full (the woman was feeding the man from her plate). Mike lunged across the table trying to grab the other man's plate. As the med tech said, "Mike's back!" :-)

All during supper Mike was doing his hum/oh and it makes it difficult for him to swallow. He could not communicate with me at all or stop the perseveration so I didn't stay long. I returned to Sandy's and we enjoyed talking and comparing our situations with each other. It is a blessing to talk with someone who totally understands how you feel and think. She is very kind to invite me to stay with her. Since she only lives 10 minutes away from where Mike is, it makes it a lot easier for me to see Mike more while I'm there. 

I returned Thursday morning and met the Encompass Home Health nurse, J. He is seeing Mike because Mike has developed sores on his heels. The nurse said the sores are healing and Mike is supposed to wear these big cushy boots at all times to take the pressure off of his heels. I  had trimmed his nails and rubbed lotion into his legs and feet on Wednesday and noticed how black the sores look. According to J that is due to medication/protectant that is being applied a couple of times a day. 

What a pleasure it was to meet J. When I spoke of how Mike used to get up at 4:30 every morning to spend time with the Lord, he said, "So Mike knows Jesus?" Absolutely! I loved what J said next. I know I won't get it exactly right, but J said what a wonderful thing that is, because even though Mike cannot communicate well with us, we are spiritual beings and God is spirit, so Mike and God are still able to communicate with each other from spirit to spirit. I had not thought of it like that and it is a beautiful truth. Mike is worshiping God in spirit and truth. I praise God for the encounter with J. 

John 4:21-24 (ESV)

21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour is coming

when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. 

22 You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know,

 for salvation is from the Jews. 

23 But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers 

will worship the Father in spirit and truth, 

for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. 

24 God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” 

25 The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming

(he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” 

26 Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.”

I fed Mike lunch and as he was eating, Jack from Stanardsville UMC walked in the door. I forgot to tell you what a source of encouragement Jack was during that week of October 12 (previous post). One or two days after that difficult visit, I received an email, for the first time, from Jack letting me know that he has been going to see Mike twice a week ever since the time that I met with him and the Pastor of SUMC. He wanted to make sure I knew that Mike had fallen. Of course, the staff could not disclose any information to him, but I so appreciated his concern and making sure that I knew. I had no way of knowing that he had been visiting and it gave me such joy to know that he is seeing Mike regularly and when he noticed that something wasn't right he contacted me. That email came at a perfect time to bring encouragement and know that Mike was not alone so much.  

Jack said he had really enjoyed watching the Olympics with Mike and that Mike was quite captivated by the games. I since have asked him if he would mind reading Mike's mail to him, because I seriously doubt that Mike is able to do it on his own and the staff do not do that. Now the receptionist holds Mike's mail until Jack comes by and reads it to him. I was glad that our paths crossed this visit and I was able to personally thank Jack for taking the time to visit Mike so regularly.

God really provided 3 people who blessed me abundantly during this latest visit. He is my great provider and never leaves me without hope and encouragement just when I need it.

Ephesians 3:20 (ESV)

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, 

according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church

and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

October 12

On Saturday morning October 8 I woke up at 5 AM and couldn't go back to sleep. I picked up my phone and saw that I had missed a call from The Harbor at 11:37 PM. Never a good sign. I called immediately, but had to wait until the head nurse came in to find out the details. When I was able to speak with the head nurse, I found out that Mike had fallen out of the wheelchair onto his face. It appeared he had broken his nose again and had a couple of scratches. By this time, it was mid-morning and she said Mike had eaten a good breakfast and his behavior was his norm.

The nurse and I had a long talk and she started telling me how much they loved Mike and that she brought her dog to specifically visit him one day. Then she said that just the week before, Mike was reading the Bible out loud to the other residents in the dining room and then said a prayer. She had never even heard him say a complete sentence before and this brought her to tears. Her stories helped ease the anxiety in my own heart and mind and brought a smile as I imagined the scenes.

Earlier that week, I had received a call from the Physical Therapist saying she would have to discharge Mike on Thursday because he was not showing any signs of improvement in walking and actually wouldn't even try. When I was talking with the nurse, she said Mike would just go limp when the PT tried to work with him. By now the swelling was down, they had checked his body thoroughly for signs of sores or other problems, but he had no interest in walking.

On Wednesday, October 12, my pastor's wife, Karen, and I drove up to see Mike and I wanted to be able to speak with the Doctor, as well. Mike looked rough. His nose definitely broken and his right eye black and blue. Behaviorally, he acted like he usually does. He talked some, did his perseverative "oh/hum", ate every bit of his lunch and even looked at Karen and said "What is her name?" It was a lovely day and we enjoyed sitting out in the courtyard with our Subway lunch. I'm so thrilled that Mike is back on a solid food diet! He still must be fed or monitored closely so that he will not take huge bites or just keep stuffing food into his mouth, but he is more content and so am I.

After lunch I wheeled Mike in to brush his teeth. It was not easy. His feet were down so that he could help motor the wheelchair, but he either couldn't remember to do it or just didn't want to move his feet. It would at least give him more movement, but I finally gave up and asked for the foot rests. While inside, Dr. B came in. While he tried to see if he could "pop" Mike's nose back into place, the nurse and I went out to the hall. The doctor did not want to cause undo trauma to Mike, so was not able to realign his nose. It would require putting Mike to sleep in order to correct the break and that seems like too much for him now.

At this point, the visit became very difficult. I asked Dr. B if he thought I should try to get Mike to an orthopedic doctor to see if he has a chipped bone or something that is making him not want to walk. As we talked, we came to the same conclusion as the nose. Even if there is a problem, how would Mike do with surgery? If it involved a knee or hip replacement, what's the point if Mike will not work with therapy? He could end up worse than he is now. Dr. B said he's been trying to figure out how to help Mike, but it all just seems to come around to the same thing. Without Mike being able to understand the benefit and participate in therapy/recovery, there isn't a lot we can do.

Then the real bottom dropped out. I asked if there was a better wheelchair for Mike so that he won't fall out so easily. The nurse said that therapy was recommending a high-backed wheelchair. It took my slow mind a bit to grasp what she was saying. I asked if she was talking about the ones I see in the dining room which are only used for those residents that are the worst off. She nodded. My heart sank. I fumbled for words and she mistook the reason assuring me that insurance would pay for it. Dr. B stood there listening and he recognized my grief and said "You're feeling that the chair is a step back, a decline." Yes, that was exactly it. I really appreciated the doctor's compassion and kindness and that he was really listening and paying attention to our conversation and it's effect on me.

The decline seems sudden and devastating. Dr. B feels that we are on a downward spiral. That possibly the brain is not able to handle all the bodily functions as well as it has been. Mike's albumin level is low although he eats really well, so now they are trying to find the cause. That explains the swelling, but not why the albumin is low. A urine sample was necessary to search for the cause and the nurse would have to use a catheter to get one.

After our conversation and while the CNA was putting Mike to bed, I went outside to inform Karen of the meeting and the tears came. When I got back to Mike's room, he was almost asleep. I sat in a chair by his bed and read portions of the Bible to him, sang a couple of hymns and then just laid my head on his chest and wept. He was oblivious. It was one of the sweetest times I've had with him since the accident. He often doesn't really want to be touched and I savored the chance to be close, feel his warmth and hear his strong heartbeat.

I was so thankful to have Karen with me as I was a bit of a mess. She drove us home and then we were on our way to the church supper and revival. It was good to have the distractions.

October has had a lot of distractions which has been a gift from God. Revival ran from October 10-14 with excellent preaching by a Baptist minister, the joy of singing old-time favorite hymns, and the beautiful harmony of a wonderful Mennonite men's quartet - all in our little United Methodist Church. What a combination. It was wonderful!

The Farm Fall Festival here at Richlands Dairy Farm ran the last 4 weekends of October and we had record numbers in this the 3rd year. It was a very busy and fun time for those of us who work and live here, plus the families that came seemed to really enjoy every aspect of the event. (corn maze, hay ride, farm tour, petting zoo, kids zone, face painting, pumpkin patch and concessions) I tried to keep the mums watered in the warmer-than-usual October, plus helped make hamburger patties, homemade caramel apples, desserts & bread, plus a Brunswick stew. I worked in Concessions along with other family members and really enjoyed being part of the festival. The farm crew gave tours during the week for large groups, so they are really exhausted.

I haven't been back to see Mike and he continued to have a rough time throughout the rest of October. I received a call on October 15 that Mike had cellulitis. Later that week the nurse told me that having to cath Mike had been traumatic and then the lab threw away the specimen saying it wasn't marked properly. The following weekend she did it again and personally took the sample to the lab. This Saturday I received a call that Mike had fallen out of his wheelchair again. The new one has not come in yet.

I spoke with the nurse today and she said the lab results were back, but she did not have them with her at the time. I'm planning to go tomorrow, so will find out the results then and ask about tying Mike into the wheelchair. I don't think they like to restrain the residents in that way, but to me that seems better than him falling out of the chair.

Mike has been sleeping a lot and due to that, the marked decline, and the fact that he is not a behavior problem anymore, Dr. B started reducing Mike's medication. YAY! This is an answer to a long-time prayer and desire of mine. In the past 3 weeks, he has reduced both the seroquel and the depakote and the nurse said Mike is a little bit more alert.

With all that's been going on, I haven't done any writing the past few weeks. I hope to get back to my other blogs by the weekend. Sometimes I wonder where the days go. They get filled up and pass quickly. This one has too. Good night!

I Had a Dream

I had a dream last night that Mike and I were walking side-by-side and quietly talking together. In my dream I sensed that he was walking and talking healthily even though I could only see from his shoulders up and couldn't hear our conversation. The one line I heard was when I said to Mike, "You are so much better!" and then he turned his head toward me and smiled.

Hope never dies.

If you remember from last month's post, Mike was having a great deal of swelling in his lower extremities. Dr. B was slowly increasing the fluid pill, then had an echocardiogram and Doppler imaging done. Mike's heart is fine and no blood clots were found so we have no idea where the sudden swelling came from. It is much better, but not completely gone. Due to the swelling, Mike was not able to walk as much as he had been, then he became mostly wheelchair bound.

Last week I spent several hours with Mike and thankfully my visit happened to coincide with the Physical Therapist's visit. She is working with Mike twice a week trying to get him mobile again. We walked down the hall and halfway back up before Mike needed to sit. She had a gait belt around his waist, he was using the walker, and I was following behind with the wheelchair. He did fairly well, but was much more bent than he was previously. It's times like this when I really wish I lived close enough to go for an hour a day, to help him regain his mobility. The Harbor just doesn't have enough staff to spare two people to walk with him each day.

A real praise is that Dr. B put Mike back on solid foods!! This made me very happy! The staff had to feed him anyway since he tends to gorge, plus he was trying to grab rolls or other food off of plates near him. He does well with the solid foods as long as he's reminded to take small bites and eat slowly. Well, actually, as long as someone is limiting how much he takes in. At least it gets rid of the problem of grabbing other people's food!

While we played Yahtzee on the front porch, Mike smiled a couple of times and was adding the numbers on the dice correctly. As he tired, that became difficult and it was time to get his legs up too so we went inside. He laid down with a book to read which always seems to bring contentment.

*************************

Would you say an extra prayer for me, please?  I've been having what I think is increased anxiety (panic attacks?) that randomly hit. I'm also frustrated with my time and food management. Mike was always so disciplined and such a routine kind of guy. He helped keep me on track. He was also the bold one that would forge the way in new circumstances. Now I'm stepping out of my comfort zone not only in writing, but also at church and in trying to reach out to others. I believe it's what the Lord wants me to do, but I'm still hesitant and unsure and most probably way too inward focused.

I know when God leads, He also equips and provides. I just need to make sure that knowledge moves to all areas of my mind, emotions and heart, plus keep the focus on Jesus where it belongs. Why is it so easy to say that, yet so much harder to practice?  I feel like Paul - "Oh, what a wretched [wo]man I am!" Thankfully Paul goes on to say that God delivers us from this body through Jesus Christ our Lord!!

Romans 7:21-25

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 

For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 

What a wretched man I am! 

Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, 

but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Birthday Blessings

Thank you for responding to my request and giving Mike many birthday blessings! He received 35 cards and a few gifts. What a joy it was to open all of the cards and read them with him. THANK YOU for making his 60th birthday special!

My sister and brother-in-law made it lots more fun by joining us at The Harbor on Friday. I had hoped to take Mike to the park to celebrate, but he was not maneuvering very well and his lower legs and feet were very swollen. We did walk a very little bit in the hall, but mainly he stayed in a wheel chair.

The nurse and I felt it was best if we stayed there in case there were any problems, so Carol, Ed, Mike and I went out in the courtyard with coolers, gifts, cards and cake. With sweat rolling down our backs, we huddled under the bit of shade given by the table umbrella and Crepe Myrtle tree and enjoyed our lunch. Mike ate well and slowly. Praise God!

He did not enter into the conversation very much and responses to questions were very slow in coming. At one point Carol remarked how pretty the courtyard was and asked Mike if they had squirrels. He did not respond. Then about 10 minutes later, when we were talking about something entirely different Mike says "Yes, we have squirrels." We need to really slow down the conversation so that he can process and keep up.

 Hugh and Tracey sent him a new shirt and pair of shorts. After he opened it, I started putting them back in the box, but Mike wouldn't let go of the shirt. Of course! He wanted to put it on right then. So we did. Then he was content. He received 2 books, some money, an OSU banner and a Brutus Buckeye pillow. We saved the cards to open in the coolness of his room and there he could get his legs elevated also.

After Carol and Ed left, he read/slept while I organized his wardrobe, drawers and photo board. Every time I tried to lay the book aside, he would wake up. I prayed with him, sang a few hymns and read a portion of Scripture and then he was really asleep. It was pleasant just to sit with him while he was resting so peacefully.

I received a call from Dr. Bostic as I was driving away from The Harbor. Mike was started on a fluid pill about 10 days ago and it is working, just very slowly. Blood tests have been done and all came back normal. If the swelling persists, then the doctor will order imaging of Mike's abdomen to check his stomach and kidneys. I told the doctor that Mike seems to be having trouble moving his right leg properly and that he has arthritis in that hip. Dr. B. wants to get the swelling under control before checking any other issues in case it has something to do with Mike's decreased mobility. His feet were extremely swollen, so I'm sure that makes walking uncomfortable.

I spent the rest of the weekend with Gayle and Tom. Gayle and I got pedicures on Saturday morning and I spent the afternoon writing on my other blogs. Last week got busy and I was behind on my self-imposed deadlines. I have to work on my time management.

Please pray that the cause of Mike's swelling will be discovered and that he'll soon be up walking again. I am so thankful for nurse C who recognizes when Mike is not his usual self and contacts the doctor promptly. He had a sinus infection last weekend and due to her diligence, antibiotics were started Saturday afternoon. I am very thankful for The Harbor and all the caring staff. Please keep them in your prayers also, they have to deal with a lot of difficult situations. Thank you!

Thank you for continuing to love and care for us. Your prayers, cards, and encouragement mean so very much to us. May God bless you each and every one!

2 Corinthians 9:11

"You will be enriched in every way

so that you can be generous on every occasion,

and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."

Mike's Birthday

Last Friday I spent a few hours with Mike. The staff was hesitant to let me take him out of the facility because he had been uncooperative with them all morning. He also was not walking very well.

It was hot Friday so I knew we couldn't do much, but I had brought him some homemade goodies and I like to get him out of the facility when I can. He had on a long sleeve shirt and long pants that would never do outside in 94 degree weather with high humidity. If he wanted to go, I was sure he'd cooperate to change into something cooler.

When I finally coaxed him out of his chair, he was having problems maneuvering. I asked if he was in pain. "Yes!" "Where do you hurt?" Confused look. "Point to where you hurt." He stopped and palmed his right thigh. Often when he was super uncooperative at home, I would give him Tylenol. He rarely would complain of pain, but his behavior spoke for him. It usually helped at least a little. The nurse gave him some and we proceeded to get him changed so that we could venture out to the park. 

Physically he was not doing well, but his demeanor was very calm and sweet with me. We drove to the park, but it was too hot to get out. We just sat in the shade in the air-conditioned car and enjoyed a snack together. We were able to speak with both of his parents before he became anxious to get back.

I was able to help him with his dinner and thought we'd go watch some of the Olympics or play a game, but after dinner he was not able to communicate with me anymore. He became stuck in his humming "o". 

I spent Friday night through Sunday morning with Gayle and Tom who live a little over an hour away. We walked around a huge greenhouse and went to a movie on Saturday. Sunday I had hoped to take Mike to church, but it took a good while for him to break out of his perseveration. By the time he did, we would have been late and I didn't want to push it. 

We watched the Olympics for a little while, played Yahtzee, and sat on the porch. When I left, he was lying on his bed reading. It always makes me feel better to leave him when he's peaceful, quiet, and content.

On the way home I made a little detour and stopped at Lake Anna for 3 hours. I've had a yearning to sit by the water and just decided to take the opportunity. Even though it was too hot, too crowded, too noisy (someone had a boom box), and I got stung by a wasp, I still enjoyed the water and lying on the beach. It was a joy to see and hear so many families/friends out enjoying time together.

Mike will be 60 on August 26. I would love for him to get a flood of birthday greetings. If you have a chance, would you send him a note or card, please?  His address is: 422 William Mills Drive, Stanardsville, VA 22973. I'm going to ask the receptionist to hold the cards so that I can open them with him on his birthday. Hopefully some other family members will be able to come either Friday or Saturday and we can go to the park to really celebrate with him. I think I'll bake him a raw apple cake with caramel sauce. It's yummy.

Go with God and be blessed!

Two Are Better Than One

Ecclesiastes 4:9 & 10

Two are better than one,

    because they have a good 

return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,

    one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

    and has no one to help them up.

Last week I enjoyed two days with Mike’s Mom and his sister, Lynn. We met at The Harbor on Wednesday and spent about 3 hours with Mike mainly playing games. Lynn is lots of fun, lively and animated and Mike smiled a lot as we played Sequence in his room. On Thursday, we took him out for a haircut and a picnic at the park where we played more board games and took a little walk. He did very well eating his sandwich slowly and not choking on his drink. By the time we returned to The Harbor, he was totally worn out and ready to lie down for a while.

With Mom Rice and Lynn to do things with, this felt like a vacation. We all enjoyed swimming in the hotel pool which overlooks beautiful farm land and the first night we even swam while watching the sunset and lots of birds flying overhead. It was gorgeous. Lynn and I spent a long time in the water swimming and talking the entire time. Thank you, Lynn, for coming all the way from Texas. It’s so much fun to spend time with you! 

Enjoying time with Mom R. & Lynn
at The Vintage Restuarant

Fancy & Delicious!

We ate at two memorable restaurants with very different, but beautiful décor and delicious food. One was an old mansion made into a restaurant and inn with a rustic, yet elegant atmosphere in Orange called The Vintage Restaurant at The Inn at Willow Grove. The other had a European flare with full-wall murals, overflowing service and probably the best food I’ve ever eaten at a restaurant. If you are ever in Culpeper, Virginia and want to feel like you’re in Europe while delighting your taste buds, I highly recommend It’s About Thyme. Thank you Mom R. for the fun dining experiences. I always enjoy having time with you!

It's About Thyme. We ate it all!
Their bread was superb. So flavorful.

Thank you for your prayers about my writing. I’ve actually started two new blogs. That was not my original intention, but is what’s happening now. I’m still tweaking a little bit and learning the new things that I can do with a blog, but they are both up and I’m pushing myself to post at least once a week to www.lookingforbrightspots.blogspot.com and at least twice a week to www.reflectionsbythepond.com. Each one has two posts up as of today. I hope you’ll take a look and give me your honest feedback on the sites and content. 

The Looking for Bright Spots blog is geared mainly to caregivers so far, but we’ll see how it evolves. I am still figuring out what my voice and niche are, but needed to get something out there to get over my fear, stop stalling, and quit trying to have everything perfect. I hope that eventually it will be helpful to anyone going through a rough period of their lives – always pointing people to Jesus and helping them find encouragement and hope.

I’m having the most fun with the Reflections by the Pond blog. I love to take pictures with my cell phone and learned how to make memes at the writers’ conference. If you’ve never heard of a meme, neither had I, but I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of them. Basically, it’s a picture with words over it. I’m still learning this also, but it is a creative outlet and a way to use some of these bazillion photos I’ve taken. Purchasing a real camera and taking a photography class are on my bucket list, but cell phones actually do a satisfactory job.

The gardens are producing and neighbors are sharing from their gardens also, so Mom and I have been busy in the kitchen today. She canned tomatoes, while I put cucumbers in lime for more cinnamon pickles. Mom had heard of a Squash Pudding so I looked up a recipe and made that tonight. It was yummy! Dad says more corn will be ready in about two days and the apples are rotting on the trees so we’re picking and working on those too. If you’re bored, come on over. We’ll put you to work!

The above verse is perfect for this blog. Having Mom R. and Lynn with Mike and me was much more fun and we could do more than when it's just us, having your prayers helped pick me up when I was struggling to start something new, and Mom, Dad and I working together to store food for the winter sure is better than just one of us trying to do it all. God knows we need each other, sometimes I think we forget that we do.

"Two are better than one."

Father's Day & New Granddaughter

Greetings,
(That was always Mike's preferred salutation.) :-)

I spent several hours on Father's Day with Mike. He was a bit agitated when I arrived, but after a small dose of medication, he calmed down and I was able to take him to church. Afterwards, I took him to a local park where we enjoyed a homemade picnic in the great outdoors. A man and his two children were practicing medieval sword play with their soft weapons and shields which provided fun entertainment as we ate and subsequently walked around the soccer field. We were able to video chat with both of our boys and their families also. Mike doesn't say much, but I do think he enjoys actually seeing them. Back at The Harbor, we tried to talk with Mike's Dad, but I think by then he was over-stimulated so the nurse and I got him to bed with a new book I had brought him. At that point, he was ready for me to go.

Even though we had several good hours together, the abrupt ending left me feeling down as I drove away. I'm usually the one who tells Mike that I have to go and this time, although he didn't tell me to go in words, his actions spoke clearly. It was such a lovely day that I thought we'd stay outside and play a game or sit and admire the flower gardens, but he couldn't that day and it made me sad. I had to remind myself how well he did at church and at the park, plus be thankful that he is comfortable in his space at The Harbor.

I left there and drove to NC to await the arrival of our third grandchild who arrived the following Friday, June 24, right on schedule! Riley is a beautiful baby girl who looks like her mother, red hair and all. She was 6 lbs. 11 oz. and 18 inches long. We praise God that everyone is healthy and doing well. After the first couple of nights, she was sleeping for 2-3 hours at a stretch which made her Mom and Dad very happy. I had the privilege of playing with and caring for Aria, while everyone else was at the hospital, plus learning how to handle and train their 5 month old puppy, Brody.

Aria is a real joy. She's at the age of taking in so much, mimicking what others do and say, full of laughter, fun, and inquisitiveness, plus testing the boundaries. I called this age the terrible and terrific two's when mine were little. Brody is fun and can be a challenge. Thankfully, he is a very trainable dog and rarely barks. He has his "mouthy" and hyper times, but overall is very good. It was a special time being with all of them for almost 2 weeks.

If you zoom in,
there is a hummingbird
sitting on the electric
fence. 

Back home it's all about gardening, humidity, heat and the normal day-to-day activities. I've been trying to do a little bit of writing, but it is not flowing easily right now and I'm having a very hard time settling into any real routine in that regard. I have multiple things I want to read about writing and blogging, plus I have The Great Courses classes I ordered, but I have not been disciplined to do it. I tend to work on whatever seems urgent and is staring me in the face or take a break and read a fun book instead of making the time for these things. The tyranny of the urgent meets procrastination and the result is frustration. I have some sort of fear of this new path which is paralyzing me and causing me to cling to what I know I can do well, rather than taking the risk of a new venture with God. Prayers please!

Matthew 16:24

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, 

let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Cut the Spareribs!

On April 26, I did meet with the Pastor and Jack from the Stanardsville UMC. I gave them some pointers of how to interact with Mike and some background information. We arrived at The Harbor just before lunch was being served. Mike was in his perseverative "o" and anxiously waiting for his food to arrive, so there was no possibility of visiting at that moment. I showed them Mike's room and where the games were kept, so at least they were oriented. They tried again to converse with Mike, but to no avail that day.

Later that afternoon, Mike was calmer and I decided to take him out for a haircut. After getting settled in the chair and telling the hair stylist to use the #3 guard, all of a sudden Mike blurts out "Cut the spareribs!" Whoa! What in the world? I pondered what he might mean and came up with "cut my sideburns." When I asked if that was it, Mike said a resounding "Yes!" Phew. Glad we got that straight.

I went to see Mike again on May 14 & 15. When I got there Pastor Chuck and Jack were there visiting with Mike in the sun room. Said they had been talking about OSU. The Pastor had to leave shortly after, but Jack stayed and took a walk with us. What a blessing to have these men take the time to spend with Mike. Mike and I played cribbage and then went down the other wing of The Harbor and played some of the computer games. He seemed to enjoy it for a while, but became bored after about 30 minutes. We video chatted with some family members which was the first time I had done that with him. It was fun and we'll do that more, since everyone else lives too far away to come and visit him in person.

On Sunday, I went to the early service at Stanardsville UMC which is a contemporary service and then went to get Mike ready to come to the 11:00 service. He did very well and we even stayed for their "Sip & Chat" (a light lunch) after the service. He also ate most of his lunch when we got back to The Harbor. He weighs more than he ever has, I think. Last time I saw his weight, it was 182. They feed him well at The Harbor, but he still forgets that he's eaten and is hungry all the time.

Oh that we would have that kind of longing for our Lord, Jesus Christ. An insatiable hunger for His Word with a burning desire to tell the unsaved about the free gift of life paid for and freely offered by God's one and only Son.

Psalm 63:1 (ESV)

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

    my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you,

    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Revelation 22:17 (ESV)

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” 

And let the one who hears say, “Come.” 

And let the one who is thirsty come; 

let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

Writers Conference

Hello beloved,

Here I sit, enjoying the solitude of my sister's house after an amazing week at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference held at the Ridgecrest Conference Center in North Carolina. It is a lovely day. I have the windows open, the breeze is gently stirring the leaves, and the birds are joyfully singing. I am thankful for the time to process all that I've heard and learned in the past few days, plus the opportunity to rest.

The conference started on Sunday, May 22. Due to the fact that my room wasn't ready until after 5 (I arrived at 2) I had the chance to take a walk and pray in the serene prayer garden. I'll be honest, I was asking God to help me stay calm and not become anxious or irritated. Once my room was ready, I took a little time to get settled and cleaned up before supper and the evening group session. This in turn caused me to be a little bit late getting to supper. Most people were already seated and eating, but shortly after I sat down, another newbie, Teresa, came in and sat at the same table. She and I hit it off and it was so nice to have her to meet up with at lunch and sit with at the group gatherings. She is a precious person who I might have missed meeting, if my room had been ready when I registered. Thank you, Lord, for the delay.

A huge SHOUT-OUT to Kris for informing me of the conference and to the family members who made it possible also. I'm still praying and feeling my way into this new venture of writing that the Lord has for me and this conference was a fantastic boost. The faculty and other conferees were so kind and we were often encouraged to never give up. The Lord's presence was felt and there was such a sweet spirit with no sense of competition among the writers. Each author, editor, and publisher was there to lend a hand in developing the God-given gifts of writing to each one they encountered. Worship was beautiful, keynote speakers were informative, hilarious, and genuine, and there were so many great choices for classes that it was hard to decide.

I told you about 2 posts ago that I had decided on a domain name for a new blog. I fully thought it would be up and running by now; however, even though I had actually started setting it up, I became overwhelmed and ended up backing out of that particular hosting package. Soon after that, my Mom's health became such that she needed more care and there were several doctor visits and one hospital stay, so setting up a new blog and writing have been low on the priority list. I am so thankful to be living with my parents and be able to provide the care that is needed and believe I am right where I belong. Care-giving and being available to my parents and Mike is my first calling, the writing will come eventually or as I carve out time.

There were great suggestions given at the conference of how to incorporate writing into a full day. I know I need to set aside certain times throughout the week to try to make it happen or it won't. Whether it's 15 minutes or an hour, if it means getting up early or staying up late, if it means going somewhere quiet, or turning off my phone, there are ways to incorporate more writing into my day.

The keynote that had the greatest take-away for me was given by Eva Marie Everson from a passage in Nehemiah. At the end of her keynote, she had us all get up and form a "wall", shoulder to shoulder around the room. Once in place, she pointed out that each of us has a place in the wall and that no one else can take our place, because they have their own spot in the wall. Whatever God has called us to do or write, do it. If there are those who heckle and ridicule and tell us to give up, remember what Nehemiah said to Sanballat and Geshem "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."

Nehemiah 6:3

And I sent messengers to them, saying, 

“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. 

Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?”

There were so many great lessons during classes also. The recurring theme was that, as writers, we must stay close in our relationship with God through Bible study, prayer, and community so that our words honor and glorify God and speak the truth of His word. It truly was a wonderful conference and spiritual retreat. Whatever our calling, the same truths remain. Do with excellence what we've been called to do. Don't be lazy in our calling or let negative thoughts or ridicule from others turn us aside from God's calling. Go! He will equip.

Four Years

At this time four years ago today, I was sitting in a hospital waiting room with friends from church while Mike was undergoing life-saving surgery. At that point, I had no idea how extensive his injuries were, how much blood had been lost, or how close he was to dying. I also had no clue that the Mike I had known for 30 years was already gone even though physically he was hanging on to life in a miraculous way.

Four Years. Feels so much longer. So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. I know the Lord in a way I never would have imagined, I trust Him more now than I did then, I've made it through the most difficult experiences ONLY by the grace, peace, love, and strength of Jesus, my Lord. My rock, my shelter, my provider, my sustainer, my joy, my peace, my deliverer, my strong tower, my refuge in the storm, my GOD who never fails me. My God who has a plan, a purpose, even though I cannot see it, I trust Him because He is trustworthy and true. It's not something I can fully explain to you, but I KNOW down deep in my soul that He loves me and wants the best for me and Mike. Do I wish it were different? Absolutely! BUT more than anything, I want to be in God's will and since there's nothing I can do to change our current situation, then I trust that we ARE in His will right where we are and who we are now.

Psalm 145:1-3

I will extol you, my God and King,

    and bless your name forever and ever.

Every day I will bless you

    and praise your name forever and ever.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,

    and his greatness is unsearchable.

Easter Sunday I had the privilege of taking Mike to church at the Stanardsville UMC. From the moment we got there, people were so kind and showed us the love of Christ. Folks outside helped us get up the stairs and into the front door, we were greeted warmly, and an usher offered to bring us communion when it was time. No one seemed bothered when Mike spoke out LOUDLY during the children's time or when he answered questions that the Pastor asked during his sermon. The most precious to me was when a member of the choir, noticing (and hearing!) Mike's impatience to take communion, halted the flow of people to the altar and helped me get him to the altar so that he didn't have to wait any longer. It was such a pleasant experience, with people we did not know at all, which is how it should be in the family of God. Plus, I had no anxiety or embarrassment. People just have to love us the way we are or not, nothing I can do about it.  Thankfully after the service we were shown the side entrance where there were no steps to navigate.

Two other blessings have come from our visit on Easter morning. That night I emailed the Pastor to thank him for their love and compassion and asked if he or some of his members might be willing to visit Mike. I heard back from him either that night or the next day saying he would put Mike on his visitation list. We made a plan to go together the first time so that I can give him some pointers and we are doing that tomorrow. He told me on the phone yesterday, that another member of the congregation wants to come, as well, so I am very thankful.

The other blessing was connecting with a lady whose husband had also been at The Harbor when Mike first arrived, but has since had to move to another facility. We had met, but had never really had a chance to talk. Pastor Chuck shared my email (as I requested) and she was one of the choir members. I thought she looked familiar, but couldn't make the connection. She emailed me, reminding me of who she was and we have really enjoyed talking and emailing back and forth. Although her husband has dementia instead of brain injury, we still "speak the same language" and are living very similar lives in regard to our husbands. It is comforting to have a new friend that truly understands.

Since coming to acceptance of who Mike is now, pre-accident memories have surfaced more regularly. I was crushing graham crackers one day and an image of Mike fixing his lunch popped very clearly into my mind of him breaking graham crackers to put in a clean, used yogurt cup along with peanuts. He took this every day only alternating vanilla wafers occasionally. There have been other memories, but it is late and my brain can't think of them right now. Is past time for bed so I will say "Good night."

This is who Mike is, now.

Together at Christmas. 

Greetings beloved friends, it's been a while!

I hope each of you were able to enjoy time with family and friends during the Christmas season, as well as, special times of worship and remembrance of our Lord Jesus' birth.

I made quilts for both
of my grands for Christmas.
Isn't she adorable?!

He does best when
reading.

For our Christmas, a large portion of the Rice family gathered together at Massanutten, Virginia for a few days. Aria, my granddaughter, is very active and jabbery now, so it's great fun to have her around. Some of the family had hoped to ski or tube, but it was a balmy 70+ while we were there and thus no snow. We picked Mike up on Christmas Eve and caught part of a beautiful Christmas Eve service in Ruckersville, then brought Mike back with us for 2 nights. Caleb's family had also planned to join us, but their son became very sick the Sunday before Christmas with an ear infection and croup and so it was impossible for them to fly. That was a huge disappointment, but now they are coming in March! Yay! (praying everyone is healthy and weather is good!)

Our time together with Mike went fairly well. The biggest challenge was food. He still has a tendency to gorge and so has to be watched closely. He has a hearty appetite, but still doesn't know when he's full and guessing when to stop him from eating is tricky. We took a walk each day, and with someone to support him, he did very well. By the third day, it appeared that he was over-stimulated because he kept taking his book and going into the bathroom with the door closed and staying for long periods of time. We had thought we'd keep him three nights, but I hadn't slept well, so was tired, and he seemed done too. We had no problems taking him back to The Harbor on Saturday. He got in bed with his book and we left. 

On the Sunday after Christmas, most of us went bowling and I really enjoyed playing. I even had the highest score the first 2 games, I think it was 135 both times! My nephew won the last game with 150, I think.  Aria even tried pushing the ball down the alley. Such fun with family.

After the Jones family gathering back here at the farm, I drove to Ridgecrest in North Carolina to participate in the annual Faithwalkers conference with Keegan & Amy. There were wonderful speakers and I was able to reconnect with Kris who was such a blessing to us while we lived in Raleigh, as well as, saw friends of K&A whom I've come to know and love also. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling real well and so I left early to head home. 

When I got home, I was completely exhausted and did not want to travel anywhere! The thought of driving the 2 1/4 hours to see Mike was not a thought I wanted to entertain any time soon. In November I'd had several trips to the doctor with my Mom, then 3 weekends in a row of travel, the disappointment of Caleb's family not being able to come, had Mike with us and had been around lots of people, plus the busyness of Christmas. All combined, I was worn out physically and emotionally. There was also the above phrase playing in my head that I had not had the time to completely examine. 

The weekend before Christmas, during one of the back-to-back sessions with the brain injury specialist, I was looking at Mike lying there so calmly, and a strong impression came to my mind: "This is who Mike is now." I didn't say much about it until a couple of weeks ago, because I wanted to pray and make sure it was from the Lord.

After over a month of pondering and praying, I have a real sense of release and acceptance. Release of my almost 4 years of striving to do one more thing for Mike, and acceptance that he is as he is and I can let him be. I talked with several family members about it at the end of January and Mom Rice and I talked about the stages of grief. She had mentioned it before, but when I asked her how she felt about what I was saying, she said she thought that most of the rest of the family had already come to that point of grief - acceptance, but they weren't as close to it as I was and everyone goes through it differently. 

What this really means for me is no more treatments with the brain injury specialist and no more trying to get Mike off of medication. Plus, as Gayle so aptly reminded me, taking every thought captive and not second-guessing why the connection with the specialist, but trusting that God had a reason and purpose for that also and I don't have to know the "why". It means that I trust The Harbor and it's doctors and nurses and caregivers to do their job and I will love and visit Mike without great expectation of change. I don't think I can ever fully give up hope - there's always hope in Jesus, if not for this life, then for the next. Yet, for this life, I will be grateful for the wonderful facility and people the Lord has provided for Mike and ease up on my expectations of myself also. Mike is as content as he's going to be anywhere, I believe, and I will be content with his situation. He is being well taken care of and I can be of more help to my parents right now. It means releasing Mike and his future into God's hands more completely than I have done thus far. Hopefully completely. Truly accepting that Mike is who he is.

During this time, I also realized (with the help of my counselor) that my detailed personality had slipped into perfectionism and I was exhausting myself in an effort to be the perfect wife, perfect Christian, and perfect daughter. Too much striving. God says if I focus on Him, I'll have perfect peace. That's the perfection I want to strive for.

Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)

"You keep him in perfect peace

whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

It's really hard to put into words just how much of a difference all of this has made in my life in the space of a month. It's like a huge 4 year weight has been completely taken away and I feel lighter and more alive than I have in a very long time. It truly has been a long adventure to acceptance and will continue to be an adventurous journey, I'm sure, yet I have definitely had a shift in my thinking and a release that's hard to explain. Maybe this will help you understand just a bit: After I wrote to the specialist and told her that I wouldn't be bringing Mike back, she emailed me and suggested that I bring Mike back for one more hour to work on a specific area. The previous me would have felt compelled to do this one last thing, but now I have such peace and release from God, that it wasn't a hard thing to write back, graciously thank her, but explain that I believe I'm supposed to let Mike be now. No guilt, no quandary.

We had a beautiful snow. 12-15 inches probably.

At the end of January, after our big snow storm here, Gayle & Tom, came for a few days. While they were here, I asked Gayle to help me go through clothing and things of Mike's which he has not worn or used in 4 years.  We threw away very worn things, like Mike's favorite running shirt & shorts, sent lots to Goodwill, and kept very little. That job had been hanging over my head for a long time. I had gone over one day to do it, but didn't last very long. It was time and she was the perfect one to help me. Then she and Tom took care of taking bags to the dump and the good stuff to Goodwill. Another weight gone. 

Clapping to the music.

I even felt different when I visited Mike last weekend. I had not seen him since Christmas, and wasn't feeling guilty about that either and didn't have any expectations or agenda. He was doing as well as he does and I tried to follow his lead. I saw another resident wearing Mike's OSU hat, and thought "Oh well, Mike isn't worried about it. Let it be." I helped Mike eat and we walked up and down the hall a few times, but otherwise I mostly sat with him while he read. We were at peace and not striving. The highlight was The Harbor concert series which featured an Irish band on Saturday afternoon. They were terrific! Their name is An Lar and Mike and I thoroughly enjoyed listening, clapping, and trying to sing-along. I tried to upload a video of Mike clapping, but it won't load.

This week, I've actually decided on a domain name and started setting up my own self-hosted blog. I'm so excited! (and a bit nervous!) I'm venturing out into a new life for me. I've been doing some writing in a journal that will eventually go on this new blog which will be a devotional-type blog. I'm learning a lot of blog-eze, but trying not to get too deep or overwhelmed.  The great thing is that this is my "baby" and there is no time frame or expectations except what I put on myself. No stress!!  As soon as I get it together and publish my first post, I'll let you know. Physically, other than the exhaustion and stress, I found out that I have acid reflux and with a small diet change and some medication, I am feeling much better. 

I may not be posting on here as much in the future, but will continue to occasionally let you know how Mike is doing (and me). For the "new" Mike, he's doing well, is well adjusted at The Harbor and well taken care of by loving workers. All is well for him and it is well with my soul too.