I Had a Dream

I had a dream last night that Mike and I were walking side-by-side and quietly talking together. In my dream I sensed that he was walking and talking healthily even though I could only see from his shoulders up and couldn't hear our conversation. The one line I heard was when I said to Mike, "You are so much better!" and then he turned his head toward me and smiled.

Hope never dies.

If you remember from last month's post, Mike was having a great deal of swelling in his lower extremities. Dr. B was slowly increasing the fluid pill, then had an echocardiogram and Doppler imaging done. Mike's heart is fine and no blood clots were found so we have no idea where the sudden swelling came from. It is much better, but not completely gone. Due to the swelling, Mike was not able to walk as much as he had been, then he became mostly wheelchair bound.

Last week I spent several hours with Mike and thankfully my visit happened to coincide with the Physical Therapist's visit. She is working with Mike twice a week trying to get him mobile again. We walked down the hall and halfway back up before Mike needed to sit. She had a gait belt around his waist, he was using the walker, and I was following behind with the wheelchair. He did fairly well, but was much more bent than he was previously. It's times like this when I really wish I lived close enough to go for an hour a day, to help him regain his mobility. The Harbor just doesn't have enough staff to spare two people to walk with him each day.

A real praise is that Dr. B put Mike back on solid foods!! This made me very happy! The staff had to feed him anyway since he tends to gorge, plus he was trying to grab rolls or other food off of plates near him. He does well with the solid foods as long as he's reminded to take small bites and eat slowly. Well, actually, as long as someone is limiting how much he takes in. At least it gets rid of the problem of grabbing other people's food!

While we played Yahtzee on the front porch, Mike smiled a couple of times and was adding the numbers on the dice correctly. As he tired, that became difficult and it was time to get his legs up too so we went inside. He laid down with a book to read which always seems to bring contentment.

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Would you say an extra prayer for me, please?  I've been having what I think is increased anxiety (panic attacks?) that randomly hit. I'm also frustrated with my time and food management. Mike was always so disciplined and such a routine kind of guy. He helped keep me on track. He was also the bold one that would forge the way in new circumstances. Now I'm stepping out of my comfort zone not only in writing, but also at church and in trying to reach out to others. I believe it's what the Lord wants me to do, but I'm still hesitant and unsure and most probably way too inward focused.

I know when God leads, He also equips and provides. I just need to make sure that knowledge moves to all areas of my mind, emotions and heart, plus keep the focus on Jesus where it belongs. Why is it so easy to say that, yet so much harder to practice?  I feel like Paul - "Oh, what a wretched [wo]man I am!" Thankfully Paul goes on to say that God delivers us from this body through Jesus Christ our Lord!!

Romans 7:21-25

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 

For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 

What a wretched man I am! 

Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, 

but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.