David got it. He questioned, cried out, didn't understand and didn't bottle it up. His anguish and pain, his questions and feelings of being overwhelmed and downcast, and his resulting decision to continue to seek God and praise Him through it is all written down for us. I am forever grateful. His Psalms/poetry teach me how to handle the tough. They let me know it's okay to go through a gamut of emotions and lead me to pant after God. God is the only one who fulfills, holds, sustains, and understands fully. He never leaves us and never will.
I went to see Mike last night and it wasn't good. Agitation, seemingly uncomfortable, omm, omm, omm. He wasn't grabbing his head this time, but seemed like he wanted to get up. The CNA said they had just laid him down. I fed him his supper, but he was not chewing his food well (thankfully he didn't choke). Maybe it was sundowning? Maybe my being there later in the day confused him? Maybe he was overly tired? All questions that will not be answered. I tried rubbing his arm or holding his hand and he pushed me away. I tried getting his shirt straight instead of balled up behind him - he pushed his back stiff against the bed. Nope! Not going to cooperate. I know he's usually worse in the evening, so I made a mental note to stick to visiting in the morning and early afternoon. Sometimes I think I agitate him more and so I didn't stay long.
This morning I read the following Psalm.
Psalm 42 (NIV)
1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
I don't cry as much as I used to, but today in church when I asked for prayer, my voice cracked and tears came, my heart beat wildly in my chest and anxiety was great. Where did all that come from? Anxiety is a strange thing. There are times when I know in my mind that I'm anxious or stressed, then there are times when I don't realize it until my body tells me - headache, pain between my shoulders, neck stiffness, heart racing, or shortness of breath. Yesterday and today I didn't feel like I was stressed, but my body told me otherwise. I'm not a huge advocate of medication, but I am thankful that I have some when it's necessary. Today was necessary.
With the help of modern medication and David's Psalm, my body is calmer and I will put my hope in God and yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
Thanks for sharing this mom, you are a great example of taking scripture and putting it into play today. Continue to cry out to God!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Keegan. Love you.
DeletePraying...
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lenore.
DeleteDear Jennifer, I'm very sorry you are going through such hard times and I will include you in my prayers. If you would like to get some help in regard to changes in the body that take place when we are under stress and what you can do about it naturally, please contact me.
ReplyDeleteLinda, Thank you. I've tried some natural remedies and I don't do well with herbs. Exercise and sleep help a whole lot, plus having or making time to get out and work in my flower gardens. That is the best therapy for me to relax. Best of all is the word of the Lord. Nothing calms the mind and anxiousness like reading his word and listening to the Holy Spirit. I rarely take prescription meds, but there are days when I just need it and am thankful for it. Blessings and love to you.
DeleteJen, I believe in the Bible to calm first and medication is sometimes necessary to hold it together. I commend you for taking that approach too. We are only human and I do believe God gave us Drs. to help us. I am glad you are looking out after yourself as well as Mike. You are a dear child of God's and He loves you too much to suffer when there are things you can do about it. I do not see my taking medication as a weakness but that I am strong enough to accept help. I am sorry Mike is going through this chronic hard time. His life was surely taken away from him to soon. Your marriage was taken away from you both too soon. We cannot ask why, but we do have to deal with it. It is all in how we handle it that matters and you have it all together. Bless your parents for instilling your strong faith, your love of God and saw that you were introduced to God into your life. I am proud to call you my friend. Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, sweet Daphne. I know you understand in ways many cannot. Your words mean a lot to me and although we don't see much of each other, you are a precious friend. Yes, I am truly blessed to have been raised by God-fearing parents who saw the importance of teaching us about Jesus and making sure we were in church. Family and friends play a huge part in my strength to continue strong in the struggle. Thank you for your love and encouragement. You are a blessing! I love you!
Delete