My Husband IS Amazing

7 YEARS AGO TODAY life took a very dramatic change of direction for Mike and me. From this vantage point it's gone by quickly, yet in another sense I feel every bit of it. Today as Mike and I were walking on the sidewalk I thought of all he had been through and yet here he was walking. I cannot imagine the amount of pain he has endured all of these years. He really is amazing. From the initial accident with all of his injuries to subsequent falls, a broken nose, multiple skin tears, breaking the same femur but a different location, multiple hospital stays, 3 different homes with me, plus the confinement of 4 different facilities. It amazes me how strong he remains and how he has the ability to persevere and work through the pain with a mind that cannot function properly. He is a strong man.

At this time of day seven years ago, I was sitting in a hospital waiting room with a few friends while Mike underwent emergency surgery. I had no idea how bad his injuries were or that 7 years later we would still be living with the effects. I am so glad that we only have to live one day at a time and that we do not know what the future holds. One day is doable and after making it through that one, the next comes and God's strength is sufficient for that one also. I remember thinking somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd year mark that I'd never be able to make it year after year and prayed God would work a miracle. I believe the miracle is learning that God is there second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, and as we focus on Him we continue to move. It may not always be forward, but we are moving and He is there to hold us, pick us up, carry us or pull us along and provide what is needed at the present time.  

During these 7 years, I have no idea what God and Mike have talked about, but I have talked with God a whole lot about a whole lot! I've cried, begged, pleaded, yelled, wept, been silent, questioned, thanked, praised, and rested with Him. I've also been challenged and grown in my understanding of who He is and who I am. I've learned how HUGE He is and how small I am. I've learned He is sovereign and His ways are always best and He doesn't have to explain anything to me. He doesn't owe me anything. I've come to love His word, the Bible, and the blinders are coming off more and more as I dig deeper and open my heart to hear what He has to say. I know that I can trust Him completely for He is in control, He is awesome, He is Sovereign, the Almighty One, He is HOLY and He loves fiercely. 

I do still feel sorry for my husband and long for him to be healed or home with his Lord, yet I will trust God's timing. He is God and I am not. I am thankful for what God has done in my life as a result of this trauma. I don't want to go back to who I was and how I believed 7 years ago. Growth has happened due to pain and that is a very good thing.

I also appreciate all of the prayers and support from our family and friends. You have been God's hands and feet to us and a huge part of our story. I love you all.

James 1:2-4 & 12

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, 

whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

Let perseverance finish its work so that 

you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

For anyone who does not know what happened to Mike, here's what I wrote on CaringBridge the day after the trauma began:

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikerice

Site created on April 26, 2012

Wednesday afternoon, April 25, Mike went out to run as is his routine around 4:30pm. Evidently he ran in front of a woman as she was driving down the road and she could not avoid him. He was hit and rolled on the hood of her truck before striking the road. According to the policeman, she did some very quick thinking and turned to the right so that when he fell on the road she did not run over him. 

He is in critical condition. The injuries that they know of so far are: badly broken bones below the knee on both legs that were open wounds (the left suffered more soft tissue damage and is of more concern), broken right femur, broken left ribs, collapsed left lung, and there is bleeding on the brain. They believe he will not need brain surgery at this point - the blood should resolve or whatever you call it.  A bolt was put into his head to relieve the pressure and to monitor the pressure. He is intubated and has a chest tube but they are hopeful that he will be able to breath on his own very soon.  Because he is in such great physical condition, they are very hopeful for lots of things but kept telling me they can't guarantee anything, of course. There is the possibility of infection,  especially in his legs.

Last night after they got him stabilized, I was able to quickly go see him before they took him to surgery. He was taken into the OR around 7:30pm by the orthopedic surgeon to try to thoroughly cleanse the open wounds on his lower legs and put external devices on his legs with pins that go through the skin to the bone to set and stabilize the bones as much as possible.  This took approx. 2 hours and Mike came through it well. There are multiple fractures in both lower legs and he had lost a lot of blood.  If all goes well, later they will go in and place rods in his legs. 

He was put into an ICU room around 11pm and about 12:30pm I was able to go see him. Of course, right now he is in a drug induced coma and they plan to keep him that way for at least a couple of days.

Thanks so much for all the prayers!!  I know prayer warriors have been busy, because I felt such peace and calm throughout the afternoon and evening.

Our church family came out in force - you are wonderful West Fay. Baptist!!!  Thank you so much! I'll try to keep you posted. Love you all! Jennifer

A Fantastical Day

Just recently, we started having an additional caregiver come stay with Mom which allows me a bit more freedom two days a week. On April 9th I packed a whole lot in and enjoyed a fantastical day. Betty arrived about 8:15 and within 15 minutes I was on my way to Appomattox. My car was on empty, but I prayed it would get me to Crewe and it did. Praise God! The rest of the drive was absolutely gorgeous as the purple blossoms of the Redbud trees were in full display along the sides of the road and I oooed and ahhhed my way along.

Once in Appomattox, I found Mike sound asleep in his reclining wheelchair. I could not wake him at all. So I decided to roll him around and found that everyone was headed to the dining room to listen to singing. Mike and I joined them, although he slept through about 40 minutes of the hour program. It was a gospel singing group that were very joyous and straightforward in their love for Jesus and I enjoyed singing along with the songs I knew. Mike woke in the last 15 minutes or so and looked around like he couldn't figure out where in the world he was. His eyes seemed clearer than usual as he looked at me quizzically and all around the room. After about 5 minutes of this, he started to get a little antsy and then right when the group finished their concert, one of the women came over and prayed for Mike and me. She and I held hands and put our hands on Mike. She prayed a beautiful, passionate prayer for God's will to be done.

With so many people in the dining room, there was a traffic jam of wheelchairs to maneuver through or move before I could get Mike out. By this time, Mr. Omm was in full control and Mike was pulling up his left left leg and rocking back and forth. I quickly rolled him down the hall and got his walker and he popped up easily. I told him I had a banana in the car for him so we stopped at the car and I got the banana. I asked Mike if he wanted to walk or go straight to the deck and eat his banana. He didn't answer but was just staring at the banana and then blurted out "I want that!" Alrighty then! We were able to take a good walk after he consumed the banana. It was the only sentence of the day, but I'm always happy when he is verbal, even if it isn't much.

The nurses said one day he clearly blurted out "I want cheese!" It was so unexpected and clear and they were thrilled to go get something he wanted. Last night I called to see how he was and the nurse told me he had sung "Only You" clear as could be. That's a new one! The two times I had been there after our anniversary, he was antsy and totally not speaking other than the ommm. We never know from moment to moment or visit to visit what he might say or do. This next one is on me though...It has not been easy to brush his teeth because he's moving all the time, so a few weeks ago I had the bright idea to use a wash cloth and see if I could sort-of scrub his teeth. Well, if you've ever seen the little video ("Ow, Charlie bit my finger!") of the 2 little boys and one sticks his finger in the other one's mouth and gets bit....yeah, well....thankfully I had the washcloth doubled over my finger!

Anyway, back to April 9. I left Mike later than I wanted to, but arrived just in time for the last lesson of our Job Bible study which I didn't want to miss. It was a wonderful video series by Dr. Derek Thomas. In the last lesson I loved how he wove the book of James into the book of Job. He spoke of how it's really not the patience of Job (he does lose patience with his friends and even God's silence throughout the course of the book), but rather the steadfastness of Job. Job stood strong in believing that God is Sovereign and that nothing could touch him that God didn't will. We can trust God completely through whatever comes our way.

I left Bible study, picked up my friend, Nancy, and we joined about 15 other ladies at church for a scone-making demonstration by a representative of King Arthur flour. It was loads of fun, educational, and we ended up with something delicious to eat and take home. I usually think of scones as slightly sweet, but this time tried savory using cheese and chives and they were yummy.

After that I ran into town to pick up Mom's medicine and a few groceries and came home. It was a full day but a wonderful day and I so enjoyed each part while knowing that Mom was in good hands.

Last week I had the privilege of going to Ohio to see Mike's Mom while my sister, Gayle was here. Mom R. and I enjoyed visiting, plus I enjoyed a long walk with a former co-worker/friend, Gail, and a former neighbor/friend, Joanna. Blessings abound.

I hope you have each had a wonderful celebration of Christ's resurrection today. Mom and I went to church and then enjoyed a quiet, restful afternoon and evening.

Matthew 28:5&6

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid,

for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 

He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay."

Happy Anniversary to US!

This past Sunday marked Mike's and my 35th wedding anniversary. Wow! We've made it half of the way to where my parents would have been if Dad had lived just 37 days more this past summer. What a wonderful heritage and example for us.

My friend, Nancy, was kind enough to drive me up to Appomattox on Sunday and help Mike and I celebrate. We stopped in Farmville to pick up lunch and arrived about 11:30. Mike was SOUND asleep in his chair and did not want to wake up at all! The CNA and I tried a couple of times to no avail and then the RN came and after a couple of attempts, we were able to get him up and moving. It was very slow at first, but we managed to make it down to the deck where Nancy was waiting for us with all our lunch goodies. There was a definite chill in the air, but it was sunny and bright so we were able to enjoy a delicious picnic in the sun.

Mike was calmer than I have seen him his entire time at AH&R and Mr. Omm only made a very small appearance the entire 3 hours we were there. That was wonderful. He still didn't really talk, but did answer a couple of yes/no questions. He also fed himself most of his lunch with only a few cues from me to slow down and take small bites.

After lunch, we walked down the road for a bit, crossed the street and then continued the entire length of the school parking lot before crossing back over and going inside. Mike did really well. We move slowly, but he does it all on his own power, with the walker for stability. Back inside, he was not ready to sit down yet, so we walked in the hallway for a bit also. Before we left, I read to him from the Bible app on my phone, as his Bible seems to have walked away. I hope someone else is reading it, and it didn't simply disappear like his shoes seem to have done. It's hard to keep up with everything, but his things do stay put better here than they did at The Harbor. Most people here are not prone to wandering from room to room and moving things about which is a plus.

It was quite a pleasant anniversary and I was so happy to see Mike more peaceful. When we left, I handed him a book and he started reading out loud and then to himself. What an extra blessing; it put the cherry on top of our visit! 

Thank you, gracious Lord!

James 1:17 (NIV)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, 

coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, 

who does not change like shifting shadows.

*P.S. If you have been following us via Google+, I'm sure you have seen that it is going away completely as of April 1. I have changed my profile to Blogger, but honestly, I don't really know what all of this means. I'm not sure everyone is getting the post notifications and if not, I don't know what to do about it. I usually share the posts on Facebook, so hopefully you can follow us that way. Thank you for your continued interest and prayers!*

Happy Valentine's

 For the first time since Mike has been at Appomattox Health & Rehab, I decided to take him lunch. I stopped at a small coffee/sandwich shop in Farmville, picked up a Philly cheese steak sandwich with a side of pasta salad for him and a strawberry pecan salad with chicken for me.

When I arrived, he was dozing in his chair. As soon as I spoke to him, he started omming and rocking back and forth. We made our way down to the dining room which was packed today with families visiting their loved ones. Valentine decorations hung from the ceiling and every table was adorned with festive red & white balloons. His omming and rocking continued throughout lunch, but he ate all of his food, plus half of mine which is normal.

After lunch we took a walk outside to the deck and he quieted and allowed me to clip his fingernails and even file them. We didn't stay long as it was a bit chilly. Back in his room, he needed to be changed and then seemed to want to lie down on the bed. This has not been something he has wanted to do since coming to AH&R, but we decided to try it. I read a couple of Psalms to him and then some in Romans. The omming came and went.

It was almost time for me to leave, so I handed the Bible to Mike and  he started reading to himself, plus wasn't in constant motion. Praise God! I think other than a very few minutes when he first came to AH&R, it is the first time he has actually been still and read since July.

It was such a beautiful blessing to look back, as I left, and see  a quiet, relaxed, reading Mike. That was how I liked to leave him when he was at The Harbor. Either napping in bed, or quietly reading.

He is now completely off of Depakote and the Seroquel has been reduced. Buspar was started on Monday. That is something Mike took for generalized anxiety before his accident and so we are trying it. Overall I didn't see much change today, but the few moments before I left, were a huge change. I have no idea how long it lasted, but it was the best Valentine's gift to see him relaxed and reading again. I hope we'll see more of that.

The nurse and the CNA said he was a bit calmer and more cooperative lately. A woman in the dining room said that Mike played volleyball with them earlier this week and then she and Mike tossed the ball back and forth for 45 minutes. She also said he had called out some of the numbers or letters during Bingo. Probably just repeating what he heard, but at least he was listening. It's so nice that some of the other residents have taken a liking to him and try to interact with him, wanting to see him improve. It really was great to have good news.

I hope you have each enjoyed a day of celebrating those you love. Remember that God's love is the greatest love.

John 15:12-14

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 

You are my friends if you do what I command you.

Agitation & Understanding

My last 2 visits with Mike have reminded me more of how Mike was when he was home with me, with a few differences. The perseveration is still there, but it's one sound instead of repeating a word or phrase over and over. His walking and determination are stronger lately and he wants to get away. He understands what I am saying, but doesn't really comprehend or understand the "why". 

Last week, the weather wasn't too cold and we walked for a good while outside. Mike really wanted to continue down the road, away from the facility, and it took quite a bit of coaxing and maneuvering to get him to turn around each time. As you can see from the photo, he was so anxious to get outside that he wouldn't let me get his jacket on him. After walking for 10 minutes or so, he calmed down enough so that we got his arms in the sleeves. At one point, we stopped and sat on the deck for a little while and he did answer a few questions. 

At lunch, he seemed to have some trouble chewing his food. "Mike, do your teeth hurt?" NO!  "Do your gums hurt?" NO!  He rubs his head a lot. "Is your head hurting? Do you have pain?" NO! "Does too much noise bother you?" YES!  I was glad to hear a yes so that I knew he could say another word and hopefully it meant that he really wasn't feeling any pain. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about the noise in the facility or even as we sat outside. It's hard to find a quiet spot inside and the road is fairly close outside. Then he blurted out I want to get out of here!  This has been a cry of his heart for almost 7 years. I've shared before about a time when we were walking on the farm and it suddenly dawned on me that he wasn't talking about the location, but his body. He wanted out of his body and mind that didn't function correctly anymore. At that time, I asked him if he meant his body and he responded with a resounding YES!! Recently I shared this with friends who came to visit me and Harrison said: "It's his soul crying out." Yes, yes I believe it is and only God has the power to free him. 

It doesn't matter where he lives physically, his mind and body are trapped by injury. Yet the only way his damaged brain knows how to deal with this is to try to run away physically. I really think he understands so much of what I say, but doesn't have the capacity to understand his own limitations and what other people are trying to do for him. It's hard to explain. Physically, he is able to stand up and walk by himself with the walker, but he doesn't initiate that movement. In some ways this is good, because if he did, he would be trying to walk out of the door or he may fall. Often he will NOT walk with the staff, this is not a good thing because he needs the physical activity and sleeps better at night. His incontinence makes him uncomfortable, but he is not able to communicate that he needs to go or needs to be changed. He doesn't like being dirty, but he resists being cleaned up. He used to cooperate with me to shave him or help brush his teeth, but now it's a struggle. His mind simply doesn't work right. 

It is so sad and I have to remember all of the above and that there truly is nothing I can do to help him get away. I have been reading the Bible to him and trying to sing, but his agitation is great right now and I cannot tell if he is listening or even hearing. The only thing that really seems to calm the agitation is walking, especially outside. 

Yesterday was cold and very windy so we walked the halls several times. Each time we came to a door, we faced off about not going outside. The first couple of times I had to force him to turn around, but the last few times I gave verbal cues and he turned around himself. That's how I know he understands, at least somewhat. I also know that if his mind were working correctly, he would do everything possible to cooperate and get better and he would be talking with people. Mike always loved being with people and talking! Plus, he liked noise. I was the one who liked silence, at times. He never did. 

As always, thank you for your thoughts and prayers for us. We appreciate you and need the prayers. God works through the prayers of his people and I know you are a huge part of our story. Thank you for "holding our arms up" in this battle to stay strong on a field of suffering and separation. We love you.

Exodus 17:11&12

Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed,

and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. 

But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, 

and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, 

one on one side, and the other on the other side. 

So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.  

Peaceful Haircut

Yesterday, when I arrived, Mike was sitting in the dining room, clutching his Vikings pillow and sound asleep. The CNA started to wake him, but I asked her not to. It was so nice to see him peaceful, and after a while I took the opportunity to try to trim his fingernails. I successfully finished one hand, but when I tried to move the pillow from the other hand, he, Mr. Omm and his body woke up. One by one with pauses in-between, I was able to clip his right-hand fingernails, but trying to smooth them with the file was out of the question. 

We walked the halls and briefly went outside before Dot was ready to cut his hair. I handed him his new Sports Illustrated and he sat very still - partly looking at the magazine and partly napping. I was so glad! It makes it much easier and less stressful for everyone. Trazodone was started during the day last Friday, and may have contributed to his calmness while getting his hair cut, but otherwise he was much the same. We did walk more than we have recently, so that was a plus also.

A dear friend from our missionary days sent me an email after my last post and shared a couple of stories from his time of visiting people with dementia or cognitive illness and how it was apparent "that we can communicate in the spirit what we cannot communicate in the flesh." He shared that even though the person could not remember names or possibly even who they were, when he read the Bible to them it awakened their spirit. His letter was such an encouragement to me and I want to share portions with you.

"...she did not remember her husbands name. But when I read the Bible to her, she would repeat with me the Psalms that she knew and she also would speak her husbands name when we prayed together. Her memory came back as God spoke to her spirit through his word and prayer." 

"...he went on to teach me the meaning of the Psalm where just minutes before he couldn’t even make sense of who he was....I hope that gives you some encouragement that Mike is most probably communicating with God in his spirit. His body is being controlled physically by the brain damage, but his spirit is alive, whole and well."

What comfort and renewed purpose those words have given me. As I read the email, I was convicted and ashamed to realize that I rarely read the Bible or sing hymns to Mike any more. It used to be a regular practice, but with no seeming response from Mike, it began to slip away more and more. These stories reminded me of when Mike joined me in singing Amazing Grace while recovering from his accident. If I remember correctly, he had not spoken up til that time. I would regularly sit by his bed and read Scripture and sing hymns. It was the sweetest sound ever when I heard his voice joining mine.

Even at The Harbor when he was agitated or uncooperative, he would often calm down if I began to sing to him. I have tried it at AH&R, but so far it has not worked. He may pause from his ommms for a few seconds, but that has been it. Nevertheless, I am going to try my best to read a passage of Scripture and sing to him each time I visit again. 

In Appomattox, it is harder to find a quiet spot within the facility and now that it's cold, sitting outside does not work. Yesterday we made our way to the dining room, after lunch had been cleared away, and had about 10 minutes when there was no one else in the room and the TV was off. I read from Ephesians and a bit from Romans. A couple of times Mike became quiet and peered at the Bible. I tried to sing, but my voice has not fully come back after being sick, so it was more of a squawk. Anyway, I'm glad to be reminded of the importance of Bible reading and familiar hymns or worship songs and hope it will help Mike. What beautiful words to remember..."his [Mike's] spirit is alive, whole and well"! (Thank you, Steve!)

Ephesians 5:15-21 

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 

making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, 

but be filled with the Spirit, 

addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, 

singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  

giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father

in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

What to say...

There has not been much change, if any, with Mike since I wrote over a month ago. The Depakote was restarted and there may have been a slight calming effect for a few days, but really not noticeable. He continues to rock back and forth and the left leg works up and down as Mr. Omm doesn't let up. 

Christmas day was mild and sunny and Mike was in the mood to walk. For the first time, we walked outside, turned left and walked to the end of the parking lot, up the hill to the sidewalk, turned right and walked parallel to the road and down to the other end of the parking lot. Thankfully we maneuvered the hills without incident both going up and coming down. We continued around the end of the parking lot and followed the sidewalk to the outside deck, sat for a while and then returned to the front door and back inside. It's the most I've walked with him since he came to AH&R. 

I brought him a few gifts, but he wouldn't open them. I opened them for him, but he had no interest. I had ordered him an OSU blanket. The wrapper said OSU, but when I took that off, it was an Aztec blanket - who are the Aztecs?! Oh well, I didn't want to bother trying to return it and the colors are almost the same as OSU. 

Several local churches or civic organizations had come by and given the residents gifts of socks, word search books, pens, toiletries, etc. I organized those and wandered down the hall to give away things Mike wouldn't use. 

Last week I was able to speak with the Nurse Practitioner who is affiliated with Mike's new insurance. I am pleased with this insurance because this NP will see Mike every week and be more accessible to me. She will work closely with the other doctors and NP's who are already involved in Mike's care and she will be able to contact them more quickly than I can. She saw how agitated (or in-motion) Mike was and we discussed medication again. Later that day she let me know that she had spoken with the Psych NP and they were going to try giving Mike Trazodone during the day to see if that would calm him. We discussed the brief time when Mike seemed better after starting the Namenda, and she thought it was possible that his body quickly became adapted to it and therefore the improvement didn't last.

I so appreciate your prayers. It is difficult to see Mike like this all the time. I'm asking God to be merciful and hoping that Mike is able to communicate with God through his spirit. I really believe Mike understands quite a bit, but cannot verbalize. While I cannot hear his spirit, God can. Meanwhile I pray that this injury, pain, agitation, darkness, confusion, suffering will be lifted from Mike. I cry out to God for him and I thank each of you who do as well. 

Dear God, please be merciful to Mike. Release him and heal him in Your time and way and help me to persevere in what You have called me to do.

Psalm 57:1-3

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,

    for in you my soul takes refuge;

in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,

    till the storms of destruction pass by.

I cry out to God Most High,

    to God who fulfills his purpose for me.

He will send from heaven and save me;

    he will put to shame him who tramples on me.

God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!

Reverse

Thursday's visit with Mike was a tad better than last week. At least he walked with me. He didn't really want to, but once I got him moving he did fairly well. It was in the 40's and sunny, so I put his jacket on before we started walking. We didn't stay long, but at least he was able to sit in the sun for 10 minutes and breathe some crisp air.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I was directly facing his room and could see him rocking back and forth through the window. That's a sign of agitation or being uncomfortable or ???  Once in the room, I could see that his left leg was working up and down as his upper body rocked forward and back. So restless.

I spoke with the RN and asked if she would contact the Psych NP - Mike needs something to calm him.  When he first arrived at AH&R, the Psych. doctor took him off of Haldol immediately. Lots of facilities won't even take a person who is on Haldol and they were hesitant, but agreed to take him anyway. I was not sorry to see it go and asked if we could later try taking him off of Amantadine. That was done also. Neither of these seemed to affect Mike's behavior or comfort level, so the Psych. NP increased the Depakote. The nurses and I thought Mike seemed to get more agitated with the increase over a 3 week span. That's when the NP recommended putting Mike on Namenda and if he tolerated that well, then after a month or so we would begin to titrate down on the Depakote which was done slowly and then about 2 weeks ago stopped completely. It didn't work.

I was so impressed with this RN. She immediately called the NP and came back with an answer within 10 minutes or less. They are going to start Mike back on the Depakote.  I do think he was calmer when he was on a smaller dose of Depakote along with the Namenda. It's all trial and error.

Maybe now the gnawing feeling that the medication is a big part of the problem will go away. I've always wondered what he would be like if he were taken off of everything, but no one has wanted to try to do that in the past 5 years. At least here they dropped two and tried to drop a third. There was a small window in there where Mike was better than he is now. I hope putting him back on a smaller dose of Depakote will get us back there. Just watching him is exhausting, so I can't imagine how he makes it through the day. He really has no choice. That makes it so HARD! If only he could say how he is feeling or what he needs, but he cannot. Coveting your prayers for wisdom for the nurses, doctors, NP and me.

God's blessings to you all.

Conquerors

Visits with Mike the past few weeks have been discouraging. The omming is like a constant itch that you can't reach and thus the relief of a good scratch can't be realized. Doctors and nurses call it his self-soothing or comfort habit, but I often think Mike would gladly give it up, if he could. There are times when I sense that he is exhausted by his constant verbal companion, Mr. Omm, yet is powerless against him.

Two weeks ago, even though he could not interact with me verbally, he did walk with me a lot. It was too cold to go outside, so we kept the halls busy. He wanted to go outside, but every time we passed his room and I tried to maneuver him into his room to get a jacket, he stubbornly kept moving down the hall. Then when we would come to the door to go outside, it was a struggle to get him to turn around. Last week, with the help of the CNA, we put his jacket on before we tried to get him up to walk and then he refused to walk. Sigh... I coaxed him to the door of his room and then he started walking backwards to his chair. After a few attempts, I gave up.

I try to remember my counselor's wise advice and have "no expectations", but I have battled discouragement and anxiety more in the past several days. While I want to go see him, when the visits are like this, it is a struggle to go. I appreciate your prayers for us both.

Mr. B. continues to struggle to breathe. He has had at least one trip to the hospital due to pneumonia and is having breathing treatments still. Please pray for him too.

I spend time with the Lord every morning, and there are always nuggets of truth that keep me going even when I am discouraged. Here are a couple of verses that have been meaningful recently.

Romans 8:37

No, in all these things

we are more than conquerors

 through him who loved us.

In and of myself, I would be defeated, lost in my anguish 

and the anxiety that threatens to pull me under. 

Yet, because of Christ who loves us and gives us the victory, we are conquerors of those things that attempt to take our breath away and suck all of the life right out of us. We can be triumphant over the enemy who wants to throw us down and smear mud in our face. 

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and He will give you

the desires of your heart.

Delighting comes before desires. My job is to delight or please the Lord. My concern should be always to bear witness for Him, think of Him first, please Him, glorify Him in all things and at all times. He knows my desires, but those are of secondary importance. I've walked with the Lord long enough to know that when my desires claim my attention, then my gaze has shifted and the desolation and problems soon take over and drag me down. Only when I delight in the Lord Jesus can His desires become mine and calmness be restored even when my situation remains the same. He is my refuge in the storm. 

I also need exercise and friends. Having my mind on Christ and the ability to move, stretch, and walk, plus walking with a friend where conversation is non-stop or talking with friends on the phone, anxiety melts away. God doesn't leave us to walk our hard paths alone. He is with us and He brings others along beside. If you are struggling through a difficult season, I encourage you to get into God's word every day; stretch, move, or walk; and seek out a friend (or friends) to share the path with you. This life is difficult and we need each other to stay strong in the Lord and stay out of the mire.

So GO! Delight yourself in the Lord

and be a mighty conqueror in Jesus' name!

Holding Hands

Two weeks ago today, Mike and I were able to walk outside and sit in the sun and he actually held my hand instead of pushing me away. He didn't speak much, but as we were walking outside, I asked him if he wanted to sit in the shade or the sun and he came out with "I want to sit in the sun!" All of his words come out loud and with force, as if it takes a lot of effort. That was about all he said, but the drive had made me sleepy and so we both enjoyed sitting quietly in the sun with our eyes closed for about 20 minutes. I had forgotten that I had put Mike on the schedule to have his hair cut that day, but after lunch the hair stylist came looking for us. Mike was having a calm day and cooperated well; therefore, received a good haircut. It was a good day.

Last week he didn't stop ommming until we were outside. He walks with the aid of a walker and was maneuvering better than previously. He was actually going around people and things on his own with minimal prompting. Again we walked to the outside deck and sat in the sun. As soon as we sat down he looked right at me and asked "Can you take me home!?" I'm sorry, no. You are improving, but still need to get better. Since he was having a good day, we called and he spoke with his Mom and our sons.

As we were going back to his room, he strongly maneuvered toward the barber shop room. Mr. Ommm was in full command and nothing I said or did made any difference. It is amazing how strong he still is. He actually got in the room and the stylist was about to call for assistance when I finally managed to get him turned around and out the door. Once on his hall, his favorite CNA told me that he spoke to her and asked for a drink of water a few days prior. Now that is new! At The Harbor I don't think he ever talked to the staff or asked for anything. Mr. B said Mike has spoken to him also, or said things out loud during the night. I really believe it is helpful to Mike being in a room with someone who talks to him and looks out for him. It might also be why Mike has spoken to the staff. I know he hears Mr. B. requesting things, so he is possibly mimicking what he has heard. Cognitively he is having moments of more clarity, so I think the new medication has had a positive effect.

Please keep Mr. B in your prayers. He is on oxygen 24/7 and is battling pneumonia right now. He has not looked well for the past couple of weeks. Today his breathing seemed better, but he was feeling down in the dumps.

It was a rough day for Mike today. Mr. Ommm was in constant control and Mike was quite antsy. He did some things today that really show he doesn't know what he is doing. We did walk a couple of times, but he only sat for about a minute outside before he popped up and walked again. No holding hands today. No words or sentences. Mr. B. said Mike had been like that the past 3 or 4 days.

For the past year and a half, I have led a Bible Study on the book of Acts. I learned so much from God's word and from my fellow study members. I listened to Dr. R. C. Sproul's sermon series on Acts as part of my preparation in which Dr. Sproul included an Epilogue. This past Sunday morning, we finished our study and then gathered together for supper Monday night and I shared the Epilogue from II Timothy 4 where Paul knows that he will soon be departing this life and entering his new life.

II Timothy 4:6 & 7

"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, 

and the time has come for my departure. 

I have fought the good fight,

I have finished the race,

I have kept the faith."

Today I was reminded of what Dr. Sproul said regarding verse 7. Fight the good fight - As Christians we are not to be argumentative and quarrelsome, but we are to contend for the faith - the good fight. Like a boxer, to be a contender, you have to fight and win several fights before you are considered a contender. Mike and I have fought through several "fights" since his accident 6.5 years ago and we are still fighting. We are contenders. This is no 100 yard dash. This is a marathon. Our race is not finished yet, we must keep running. Slow, endurance running, keep going, don't give up, don't quit. There will be a finish line one day. Keep the faith. Like a soldier, fidelity to the General. A good soldier does not give up when the battle rages close upon him. Paul never changed his message even when beaten, ship-wrecked, imprisoned, chained. He stood strong for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the word of God in the midst of battle. Pleasing man was not his concern, pleasing and honoring and glorifying God was of utmost importance. May Mike and I keep that kind of faith til our last breaths. Standing strong as witnesses for Jesus, God's word, and our marriage even when we are in the midst of the hardships of emotional, physical and spiritual battle. 

It is a good fight. The Lord is always by our side and with Him we can persevere.

Medicaid Approved, yes? No?...Yes? No?....Yes!

I realized a few weeks ago that I had not updated you on Mike's Medicaid process, but forgot to write about it. Was just as well, since it's been a bit dragged out.

On the 24th of August, I received a letter stating that Mike had been approved. That seemed really fast compared to what everyone had told me. I guess when you don't have much, it goes fairly quickly...or so I thought. As soon as I received the letter, I started calling all the places that were waiting for payment and soon discovered that when they input his Medicaid number it said he did not have benefits.

I contacted his case worker and she discovered that his Social Security number had been keyed in incorrectly. She quickly corrected that, but then it said there was a duplicate. Evidently when I had started the process four years ago, a number was generated even though I did not pursue it to completion. When his Social was put in incorrectly, it did not register that there was already a number in the system under his name, so generated a new number. Now that the case manager fixed the Social number, it said there were two records for Mike. This was an issue that our case manager could not correct. She had to send it to the state level and thought it should be corrected in a couple of days. I called every couple of weeks to see if it was straight. No.

The end of September, I received Mike's Medicaid card in the mail. I called our case manager and she said it was OK now, so I started calling everyone we owed money and again was informed that the system said he was not covered. So much time spent holding on the phone and nothing accomplished. Frustrating. Called case manager back, voice mail, she didn't return my call. Waited a few days and asked Appomattox Health & Rehab to try the number again and this time it worked!! Praise God! So, last week I was able to call all of the billing departments and everyone was able to see Mike in the system this time and would submit his bills to Medicaid. I was so glad to check that off my mental list. I really don't like having unpaid bills going past due.

I saw Mike on Monday and it was almost like last Thursday never happened. He did not talk at all. With help from the PT aide, we did walk with him down the hall, but he would not walk with just me. Once I was able to get him to stand, but then he sat right back down. Later, he wouldn't budge from his wheelchair. Mr. B. wasn't feeling well and there was a lot of sickness going through the facility, so they kept everyone in their rooms during meals. Maybe he wasn't feeling well either. He wasn't agitated, simply omming and sitting. The podiatrist was there and worked Mike into his schedule and Mike did let me clip his fingernails. That was about it.

Thank you for your comments and praising God with me that Mike did so well last week. I expect we'll see more of that off and on.

Please pray for my Mom, she has not been feeling well and no one can pinpoint the problem, so far. We have a couple of doctor appointments for her in the next week and really hope one of them will find some answers that will help her feel better. Thank you for partnering with us in prayer for God's wisdom for the doctors. God is Awesome and the master physician - there is nothing He doesn't know!

Positive Signs

Two weeks ago, while visiting Mike, I took him out on the deck along with Mr. Ommm.  I brought a deck of cards and started playing War. I turned over my card and Mike's, verbalizing what I was doing. Soon Mr. Ommm disappeared. After a few turns, I asked Mike to turn over his card. He would do it, but only when I asked him to. After a bit of that, I pointed to one of the cards and asked him what it was "A JACK!" he said with force. Not like he was angry, but as if that was the only way he could get the words out. Each time I would point to a card and ask what it was he would do the same, inhale then exhale the words "A SIX!, A NINE!" Which card is higher? "THE NINE!" 

I was very glad that when the Psych NP came out to find us, she heard him speaking. I introduced Mike to her, as she sat down, and told him that we were going to talk about his medication. Silence. Thankfully, the NP waited to see if he would respond, then when he didn't, she asked him if it was OK for us to talk about his medicine. Mr. Ommm was back in a flash and prevented Mike from more talking. Natasha wanted to try a different medication with Mike called Namenda which she has found beneficial to patients with dementia and Alzheimer's. I, along with the nurses, believe that the increase in Depakote made him more agitated instead of calmer. Once the Namenda has had a chance to get into his system (approx. a month) and we see how he responds to it, then she will begin to titrate down on the Depakote. 

I was also able to speak with the OT that afternoon. They have put Mike in a different chair which seems to be working well. He's not sliding out of it, but is able to sit upright and wheel around the halls on his own to some degree. She was also trying to get the staff to get him up and walking more and possibly to the bathroom after lunch when he gets really antsy. 

Monday - doing better. "Smile, Mike!"
Eyes closed. "Smile with your eyes open." 😊😍

Monday when I was there, Mike was calmer and spoke a bit more. Eating was still rushed, but I walked with him by myself for a short distance for the first time since June. Quite an encouragement to me. And yet, after lunch he was so agitated and kept pushing me away. I asked him if he would prefer I leave and go home. "YES!" Well...thank you very much. I don't really take it to heart, we've had stuff like this before - it has been 6.5 years after all. So I didn't leave, but I didn't touch him or speak. Figured at least he was getting a sensory break by sitting outside. He would close his eyes and drop his head, then every little bit he would peek out of the corner of his eye in my direction. I wonder what he was thinking? We sat in silence for about 20 minutes, then I needed to get going. I asked him if he would brush his teeth and shave or let me do it when we returned to his room. Silence. Once there, he was a little bit more cooperative than he has been and said "YES!" a couple more times. Mr. B. was so glad to hear him speak and believes he will just "pop" out of it one day and be fine. I responded "With God all things are possible!".

The past two weeks I've only gone once a week. It was just too draining and stressful seeing him fidgety and agitated and nothing I could do about it; plus my Mom hasn't felt real well either, and I've been working on getting flowers and decor ready for the big Fall Farm Festival. However, since I saw such positive signs on Monday, I wanted to go back this week and thankfully our helper, Betty, could come stay with Mom, so I went today. 

So many positive signs!

I walked with him a short distance and he seemed quite stiff when I first got there about 11:30. Was also being obstinate. If there was anything in the hall, he went directly for it. He's strong, but I prevailed and got him to maneuver around objects and people. Back in the wheelchair, he peddled his way down to the deck. I gave him a tissue to blow his nose and in the process he felt his face and came right out with "I haven't shaved in a couple days!" After that we made a video and tried to call his Mom. She called us back later once we were in the room and he did speak with her, with prompts from me. He also was calmer while eating and I was able to let him feed himself at the end with no problems. 

After lunch, he brushed his own teeth and between the two of us we got him shaved. Another first since June. He didn't fight the entire process, just every now and then. Also, with prompts, he told Mr. B. that he used to do push-ups and sit-ups. Again we walked down the hall and this time he moved quicker, more upright and easier and he even maneuvered around things with cues. Bill, one of the OT's was coming down the hall with another resident and I told Mike who he was and to say "Hi Bill". Bill and the resident proceeded on into the OT room (it takes Mike a few seconds to process and get the words out) and then Mike said "HI BILL!" As if in slow motion, Bill leaned his head out of the door and said "Did I just hear what I think I heard?!" Yes! He's been talking a lot more today! "I've heard him be verbal, but not like that!" Bill said. 

Hurray! We're almost back to the baseline where he was before this last fall. Woo Hoo!! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you all for all your prayers! Thank you to the NP, nurses, CNA's, therapists, kitchen crew, Mr. B. and the other residents. As we continued down the hall, we came to Ms. Patty who I often stop and speak to and who has talked with Mike from the very beginning. Say hi to Patty, Mike. "HI PATTY!" At this point we are right in the center of the facility at the nurses station, so everyone around there heard him. There were lots of wide eyes and "I've never heard him speak!" Bill and Patty were the only two he would say hi to, but it was truly a great day after 3 months of turmoil and very little speaking.

We attempted the bathroom and then walked the halls a 3rd time and he was getting faster which is a sign of getting tired as the walker was getting away from him. I was able to get him settled in bed and he looked like he would be asleep soon. He was much calmer than he has been since he's been there. As I was saying my goodbyes and walking out of the door, I told him I loved him and paused to see if he would respond. I wasn't disappointed. "I LOVE YOU!" As I was walking down the hall, I heard Mr. B. say "There you go, Mike." I'm so glad Mike has Mr. B. to encourage him and watch out for him. I hope having a roommate that talks to him will help Mike to talk more also. A new prayer point. 

It was so nice to walk away smiling today. I drove away giving thanks to Jesus for such an encouraging day and vast improvement in Mike. 

Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Puzzle Pieces

Jigsaw puzzles can be fun and they can be frustrating. So much time can be spent looking for a certain piece to finish the edge, or complete a section. Working together with others can make it go together more quickly, since there are more sets of eyes searching. Once all the right pieces are put together and the puzzle is finished, there is a sense of satisfaction and completion. 

Monday, we found a missing piece in regards to Mike. Last Friday I called and talked with the RN who is the Floor Manager, regarding Mike's agitation. As I was explaining his actions, she thought they should check to see if he might have a UTI. She was right, tests came back positive for UTI on Monday morning. Mike was extremely agitated on Monday, plus threw up his lunch and generally seemed miserable. I am so glad the UTI was discovered and antibiotics were started that evening. Yesterday, he was so much calmer and I praise Jesus for answering prayer and am so thankful that the RN thought to test Mike for that. One more puzzle piece found by working together.

Yesterday Mike was more cooperative when I tried to brush his teeth, but still nothing doing on shaving. It was getting him upset, so I didn't push it. He was generally pushing me away no matter what I was doing, so I let him be. Mr. B. said Mike had been more cooperative with the CNAs after Monday too, so that's all improvement. Still no talking or reading yet.

If you read my last post regarding the missionaries, you may have missed one of the comments left by a sister-in-Christ, Pam Wilson, whom I have never met, but who has been following our TBI journey. It truly blessed my heart and I want to share it with you. It's another piece of a puzzle that God has allowed us to see of His master plan.

"Such beautiful reminders. An elderly missionary - when I was a young missionary - asked me what year I was born. When I told him 1957, and I mentioned that half my team were born in 1957, he nodded knowingly and said, 'Yes I meet so many missionaries who were born in 1957 because when the martyrs were killed in 1956, people began praying for others to take their place.' So good to know we do live in a Kingdom that is sure, with a sovereign King!"

Isn't that beautiful? Who knows how many missionaries went out as a result of those prayers? Where there were 5 men, maybe now there are thousands, tens of thousands, or more! Even Mike, who was born in 1956 and me in 1960, though we were short-term missionaries, could be due to those very prayers following the martyr of 5 missionary men in the jungle. God's multiplication to bring salvation to as many as possible. It makes me think of Joseph and this passage from Genesis 50:19-21.

19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Whatever trial, loss, difficulty or success you find yourself in, look for God there. God's intentions are always for our good or the good of someone in our circle of influence. Let's allow Him to use us for His glory and the saving of many lives and trust that He will provide for us and our children as He did for Joseph. God knows where all the pieces of the puzzle are and in His time they will all be put together perfectly into His grand masterpiece.

Party

Saturday, September 1, we had a little party for Mike since Keegan, Amy and the girls were able to come up to visit. I made a pound cake and brought strawberries, ice cream and whipped cream. Aria picked out party hats for us to wear and everyone was a good sport about wearing them (at least for a little while!). Mom and my good friend, Nancy rode up with me, our new pastor met us there, and Mike's roommate, Mr. B. came out and joined us also. Mr. Ommm was there also.

 I hope the gathering brought Mike some joy; it's hard to tell. Mr. B told me several times how much he enjoyed it. After we had sung "Happy Birthday" and eaten our fill of sweets, Keegan and I took Mike inside. With Keegan supporting Mike and me pulling the wheelchair behind them, Mike walked with the walker for about 15 minutes or so in the halls. 

While we were walking inside, the bottom dropped out of the sky outside and everyone else started coming in. The deck has a covering, but there are 3 open sides and the wind was sending rain everywhere. Thankfully we had finished the main part of the party before this happened. 

Keegan and I got drenched as we ran out to put things back in the car, I grabbed umbrellas, and his family prepared to head back to their home. It was very warm so was no big deal, just wet. I believe Pastor Randy had been soaked also when he left earlier.  I am so blessed to have great family and friends that support Mike and me and who are willing to go with the flow - from wearing funny party hats, to getting soaking wet without complaints. 

Please pray for wisdom for the doctors and nurses as they continue to try to find the right combination of medication to make Mike comfortable and calm. This week was not a good one in that regard. Mike was quite agitated and antsy. He will only walk if I am there which is not helping him. Although I believe he understands a lot of what I say, his reasoning ability is lost. He's not comprehending that walking every day will ease his fidgeting and help him get better and that he can walk with the aide or therapist or nurse or whoever will try. He just goes rigid, except when I'm there. I encourage him to walk with the PT aide, but he's not doing it. Therefore, he mainly sits in the wheelchair or lies in bed. This staff has never seen him any different, and so it is hard for them to realize that he can be different, calmer, reading. I'm advocating for him as much as I know how, but I cannot do anything about his resisting and going rigid. I'm all for getting him off of medication, but he needs something to help him be calmer. I keep on giving my input, but it is largely out of my hands. God, please have mercy on Mike.

I just finished reading Elisabeth Elliot's book, Through Gates of Splendor. If you are not familiar with her or the story of the 5 missionary men killed by Auca Indians in 1956, I highly recommend reading this book and End of the Spear by Steve Saint whose father was one of the men killed. Elisabeth's husband was another. The truth that shines through their witness is that God is sovereign, He is in control. In regard to the death of her husband and the other 4 missionaries Elisabeth says: 

"But we know that it was no accident. God performs all things according to the counsel of His own will." "The quiet trust of the mothers helped the children to know that this was not a tragedy. This was what God had planned."

Some of the wives stayed and continued to work with the surrounding Indian groups, letters arrived from all over the world telling of lives changed, prayers lifted, missionaries encouraged and strengthened in their commitment to live for Christ even unto death in order to bring others into the kingdom - all due to the witness of the 5 men and events in the Ecuadorian jungle. Eventually some of the very Indian men who had killed the missionaries came to faith in Christ. Elisabeth goes on to say:

"God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to."

I have no idea what God is up to in Mike's and my life, but I do know that our lives are in His hands and His hands are the very best place to be. No matter what. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He has a plan and it is a good one. I see narrowly and dimly. He sees infinitely and clearly.

1 Corinthians 13:12 (NIV)

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. 

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

I'll leave you with one more quote from this book:

"This is the context in which the story must be understood--as one incident in human history, an incident in certain ways and to certain people important, but only one incident. God is the God of human history, and He is at work continuously, mysteriously, accomplishing His eternal purposes in us, through us, for us, and in spite of us."

Thanks, Mr. B

Today is Mike's 62nd birthday. I celebrated with him yesterday. He was there, but not. It was a gorgeous day in the low 70's with a gentle breeze. I wheeled him out to the covered deck, presents and a small cooler in tow. If it was in my power to disinvite Mr. Omm, I would, but he was our constant companion. I tried to interest Mike in his gifts, but he wouldn't even take them out of the bag or try to open the cards. Omm, omm, omm.  So I showed him his gifts from his Mom, sister and me. Opened all of his cards and fed him yogurt, cookies, and watermelon, plus his lunch when it arrived. He wants to put everything in his mouth now. I gave him a deck of Uno cards and he tried to bite the box, a Nerf football - mouth. I tried to toss the football and get him to toss it back, no. Tried playing Uno, nothing. It's hard to describe what Mike is like now. Here's a link to a short video I took yesterday to give you a glimpse. https://photos.app.goo.gl/7kMgbcgzS3vt2a8L8. 

Recently, I was messaging with a friend who lost a loved one and one of her comments helped me to realize that part of my new struggle, was that again I have lost part of Mike. It's another death. Six years and 4 months ago, I lost the Mike I had married and known. I had grieved the loss of his personality and who we were and had accepted the new Mike and what we could now be and do together. Now there is a different "new" Mike. Whereas I could still take him out to the park, Subway, walking at Lowe's and the dentist, now I can't take him anywhere. We were able to play board and card games and he would talk with me sometimes, now we cannot do those things and he doesn't talk. I'm not giving up hope that he will get better, yet I must accept where we are now. My visits consist of wheeling him around the halls or outside, feeding him, washing his face, attempting to brush his teeth and shave him, and tacking photos and cards to his bulletin board.

A bright spot in all this is Mr. B, Mike's 3rd roommate. Friday, August 17, Mike was moved to the other wing. Mike's former roommate Mr. N (2nd roommate) had been discharged that morning and they needed a room for a lady to come in. Mr. B. did not want to move and has been there several months. Mike and I went down after lunch that day to meet Mr. B and introduce ourselves. The room is bright and somehow feels bigger. Mr. B's mind is clear and I enjoy talking with him. He's had a lot of sadness in his life and said his daughter doesn't visit very often. The day after Mike was moved, I was heading out of town with my Mom and sisters. I wasn't thrilled to have Mike moved, but since he hasn't really settled in yet and after meeting Mr. B, I saw the Lord's hand in it. Mr. B assured me that he would keep an eye on Mike and he would call the nurses if he saw that Mike needed something. "If they don't come when I push the button, I'll holler to get someone in here." I laughed.

Back in Mike's room yesterday, after our "celebration", I asked Mr. B how the week had been. He said he and Mike had gotten along just fine. He said Mike had dropped his Brutus Buckeye pillow so Mr. B used his grabber and gave it back to Mike, who promptly threw it back at Mr. B. Mr. B gave it back to him again and he did the same thing. "Now Mike, that's your pillow. I'm not going to keep it. I'll put it right here beside me in my wheelchair for now." He said Mike seemed content with that. Another time they were tossing a small pillow back and forth between their beds. Mr. B said they did that for a good while and Mike seemed to like the game.  He said he talks to Mike and thinks he is a good guy. It makes me smile that Mr. B is interacting with Mike and watching out for him. Next weekend, Keegan and family are coming and we'll have a bigger birthday party. I want to invite Mr. B to join us on the deck. He said he'd never been out there.

I tried to brush Mike's teeth and shave him, but he kept grabbing my arm which he has been doing for quite a while. I investigated his mouth as best I could without getting bitten, and I think he may have a bad tooth or some issue with his gums. Mr. B said I needed a bright light to look inside - great idea! - I used my cell phone flashlight and the gums looked swollen on the upper right to me. I informed his nurse and she was going to write it up so that we can either have Mike seen by the dentist that comes to the facility or make plans to have him taken out to one. I hope and pray that can happen this week. I don't know if he will let anyone prob around in there without being sedated. Since his current state could be due to anesthesia, I'm leery of more sedation, but if he's in pain, something needs to be done. We'll just have to see what a dentist says.

Due to the generosity and thoughtfulness of our cousins, my Mom and sisters and I enjoyed a gorgeous and relaxing week at Myrtle Beach. It was a wonderful get-away for us all and a special time together. We sisters took a long walk almost every morning just after the sun came up and then I remained on the beach and enjoyed doing my yoga stretches amid the sound of ocean waves breaking on the shore. God's beautiful creation was everywhere I looked. I thought of Mike often since the beach was his favorite place to be and I would love to be able to take him there. That's not possible now and may never be. As I thought about that, I realized if Mike never sees another beach this side of heaven, once we are in heaven, that won't matter because it will be even better and the beauty here will pale in comparison.

Psalm 33:6-9 NIV

"By the word of the Lord were the heavens made,

their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;

he puts the deep into storehouses.

Let all the earth fear the Lord;

let all the people of the world revere him.

For he spoke, and it came to be;

he commanded, and it stood firm."