Road getting smoother

Thank you for praying. Today Pastor Randy, Karen and I went to visit The Madison House. Just before we arrived, I heard my phone ding, notifying me that I had a text message. When I looked at it, it was from Emily at District 19 telling me that the increased funding proposal had been approved! Thank you, Jesus!!

The Madison House has been in operation for 40 years and looks fairly good from the outside, but is an older building that needs updating and sprucing up inside. Some renovations and painting are being done, but it is going slowly as money is available, plus they have to work around 80-90 residents with varying mental or physical disabilities. Initially, my heart sank just from looking at the physical makeup of where Mike would be living. However, after talking with Ms. Webber and being given a tour by Ms. Ida, it became very apparent that even though this building lacks appeal to the eye, it has a very warm, stable, faith-based, family-friendly, & caring feel because the staff make it this way. This is their calling and passion and they view the residents as their family.

I don't remember how long Ms. Webber has been there, but she is there from 11am - 11pm Monday - Friday, very personable and available for questions. Ms. Ida, a small older woman, has been there 25 years and is the undisputed, "boss". Possibly lives there, because she said she was always there. (...unless that was a joke.) She also is very personable, but you can see that she runs a tight ship and keeps everyone in line. Rod, a younger man, is the 3rd floor (locked unit) supervisor and is there M-F during the day and every other weekend. I am so thankful for the longevity of the staff, and believe that will be a real benefit to Mike as well.

Mike will have a roommate. A gentleman who is a higher functioning dementia patient. Ms. Ida said the residents help look after each other and tell on each other too! The memory care unit has their meals on the 3rd floor. Many of the residents go to a day program M-F and we hope that Mike will be able to do that eventually also. I plan to go 2 times a week and spend several hours there. Ms. Ida said she never wanted set visiting hours. She wants people to feel free to come whenever they can. Ms. Webber said only about 15% of the residents have anyone come to visit them. I'm hoping that Mike and I can play games, read the Bible, sing, or in some way interact with some of the ones who are there during the day. Maybe Mike will be able to see this as a ministry to those who don't have outside family or friends.

Ms. Ida said when the weather is nice, they do take them outside or go to a park. There is really no yard. The drive way and parking lot makes a U around the building. I guess there was a grassy area right in the front by the street, but the ones who smoke or who were sitting outside were by the parking lot. The Presbyterian Seminary is 1 or 2 blocks away and a friend said that's a nice place to walk. I'll be comfortable going to The Madison House during the day, but would not want to be out there by myself at night.

We also met Fred who started a ministry there and has a worship service there every Friday night. He was funny - he said the 3rd floor residents are his greatest worshipers. He said if he pauses to take a breath, they take over! An Elvis impersonator is coming to sing for them next week. Ms. Ida said "James Brown" lives on the 3rd floor and don't bother trying to tell him anything different! Although Ms. Ida runs a tight ship, she knows that sometimes you just have to let the residents "be" (i.e. sit in the bathroom, be "James Brown", don't be too rigid or demanding)

All in all, I came away much encouraged. I am so thankful that God is included in this house and the staff make it feel like a home. I believe this will be a good fit for Mike and he needs to move.

Mike was rather "off" at CSH this afternoon. The nurse had come and told me that she was trying to get him to come see me, but that he was reading. He eventually did come, but was having a hard time breaking out of the "no, no, no", seemed worried and became teary-eyed several times. I'm not sure if he was just a bit upset that I interrupted him or frustrated that he was stuck, or what. I told him that everything had been approved for him to move to The Madison House and hoped that would get him unstuck, but then he just remained slightly upset and started saying "I'll stay at the Madison hou, I'll stay at the Madison hou..." I asked that his supper be brought to us so that I could stay with him longer. I cuddled up next to him, rubbed his arm and started reading the Bible to him and he began to relax. His food came and he ate well. He had brought his book with him so after he ate, he wanted to read, so it was time for me to go. At least he was not worried and teary-eyed anymore and he was enjoying the book.

New request:  Please pray for our son, Caleb, he was rear-ended yesterday, has a concussion, headache and is sore and hurting today in his neck and shoulders. He did go to the ER last night and is going to another doctor tomorrow to be checked out more thoroughly. Thankfully the woman who hit him has insurance. His was an older car and will probably be deemed "totalled", so he'll be looking for another car also. Thank you.

So many of you have been such faithful prayer warriors and I am very grateful. How can I pray for you? Feel free to email me at mcjrrice@gmail.com. It is wonderful to be in the family of God and a privilege to be able to pray. Go with God and be blessed today by His abiding joy.

Bump in the Road

Quick update:

I received an email yesterday from the CSB saying that the Madison House had requested more money in order to care for Mike than was originally requested.  Therefore, a new proposal was drafted and submitted to the DAP team for approval. Evidently after reviewing Mike's case further, they requested additional funds in order to provide one-on-one care for Mike, for which I am grateful. Am trusting that God's hand is in this and His Will will be done.

Mike had another fall today. He's OK, but has another bump on his head. His balance has been off ever since the accident, so if he is pushed, he is not able to stabilize himself. He rarely tries to break his fall with his hands either, so always seems to hit his head. Please pray that he does not have any more incidences and falls. It's so distressing. He really does need the one-on-one supervision to keep him from bothering other people and receiving adverse reactions to his assertive actions.

Thank you for your prayers.

Timely Mercy

"All is well if it is in God's hands."

This morning during my time with the Lord, I looked back at what I had written yesterday morning in my journal. "All is well if it is in God's hands." (C.H. Spurgeon) How fitting that quote was for the answer we received yesterday concerning the DAP funds!  Honestly, yesterday morning I was having trouble staying awake while reading and couldn't even remember what I read. So I went back this morning and read that page again and it was all very timely. I want to share a bit more of it with you:

Title:  God's Timing
"Just when we need a mercy, and when the mercy is much more a mercy because it is so timely, that is when it comes. If it had come later, it might have been too late, or at any rate it would not have been so seasonable and thus not so sweet.   Who knows what is the right time? God, who sees all at a single glance, knows." (Beside Still Waters: Words of Comfort for the Soul by C.H. Spurgeon)

May this encourage you today.

DAP FUNDING APPROVED!!!!!

I received word during my lunch hour today that the DAP funding has been approved for Mike to go to The Madison House!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!  No details yet, but hopefully Mike will be able to transfer to The Madison House within the next two weeks.  I am so very thankful to God for this answer to prayer and so thankful to each of you, my dear, dear prayer warriors.

I am especially grateful to be getting him into a smaller place since he's had several incidences in the past 2 weeks at CSH. Mike had received his new glasses a couple of weeks ago, but just a few days after receiving them, he grabbed another patient, they pushed him and he fell and broke his glasses. The fall also caused him to receive a small cut above his left eye which required 3 stitches.  There was another incident this week and this time he fell and needed a few stitches on the back, upper right side of his head. His balance has been off ever since the accident and he's just not aware that he is bothering other people. He has a very strong grip also, and I used to have to pry his fingers off of me when he was in that mode.

I will keep you posted as I learn more details. I am very hopeful about this move and, yes, a bit anxious also. Please pray that all the details get worked out in the proper sequence and time and that Mike will transition well to this new "permanent" place.  I have spoken with Dr. Hammond, part owner and, I believe, a psychologist, and he seems to be a very calm and caring man. They are taking Mike at a reduced rate because Mike "captured" Dr. Hammond's heart. (I believe our Awesome God had a lot to do with that!) Dr. Hammond said Mike was "in and out" during their interview, but he just wanted to do this for Mike and our family. Totally of God and I am so thankful.

Job 37:5 

"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; 

He does great things beyond our understanding."

Yet

Yet

Such a small word that I've never really thought much about before;

however it is filled with hope & expectation, perseverance & strength.

Definition from Google search: yet

adverb

1. 1.

   up until the present or a specified or implied time; by now or then.

   
   

   synonyms:

   so far, thus far, as yet, up till/to now, until now

2. 2.

   still; even (used to emphasize increase or repetition).

   
   

   synonyms:

   even, still, further, in addition, additionally, besides, into the bargain, to boot, on top (of that)

3. conjunction

1. 1.

   but at the same time; but nevertheless.

   
   

Here are some of the ways this word has crept into conversation and thought lately:

I cannot handle bringing Mike home, yet.

I wrestled with this a couple of weeks ago and God has given me peace that bringing him "home" is not an option, yet. The very next day I received a call from Heather, the SW at CSH telling me about a possible placement or if I thought I could bring him home. This time I was able to answer without wavering. Over the past 2 weeks, Mike has been evaluated for a facility called The Madison House in Richmond, VA, they have agreed to take him, if the DAP funding is granted to Mike for this placement. Emily at the CSB has applied for the funds and is waiting to hear when the board will meet so that she can present Mike's case in person.

Not the best, yet hopefully better

While the Madison House is not a brain injury specific placement, they do have a few residents with brain injury and have a locked unit for Mike's protection, there are less residents than CSH, and it sounds like a homier environment with an open-door policy to family and other groups. Various church groups come in to hold worship/Bible studies, play games and interact with the residents, music groups come in weekly, etc. I've been told it is not much to look at on the outside, and I'm not sure about the surrounding area, but, so far, it seems the Lord is working things out in this direction, and so I will trust this is His will, unless the funding doesn't come through.

God has not chosen to heal Mike, yet,

nor to find a certain medicine or treatment that stabilizes him. The new medication seemed to work for a couple of weeks and then the same behaviors manifested, plus he became sluggish and less coordinated. Therefore, Dr. Ebeling is slowly weaning Mike off of that medicine. I, again, have asked about trying to decrease other meds to see if that makes any difference. Dr. Ebeling is open to that idea after Mike is off of the new med. 

God is not done with Mike, yet.

Thursday, February 12, there was an incident at CSH and Mike was pushed, hitting the back of his head against a wall. Karen and I saw him on Thursday evening and he seemed fine, except for a headache and a large raspberry place on the back of his head that was slightly swollen.

At 2:00AM, Friday morning, Feb. 13, I received a call from CSH saying Mike was being taken to the ER due to projectile vomiting. I called Hugh and we got down there a little after 3am. Mike was sleeping soundly. The CSH tech, Terri, said they had taken him for a CT scan and given him nausea medicine.  About 5:30, we finally saw a doctor and she said the scan was fine, just soft tissue damage and most likely the vomiting was due to a concussion. He was given juice and crackers to see if he could keep that down, prescriptions for nausea and sent back to CSH. I saw him Saturday afternoon and we had a very good Valentine visit. Played a game, talked, read the Bible, prayed and sang. One good thing about sitting in the hospital was talking with Terri. She's on the night shift from 11p-7:30a. She said Mike can be such a sweet person, does get up some during the night and sometimes is confused. She said it takes 2 women to handle him when he is having one of his bad moments. I understand.


I must confess that on the way down to the hospital in the wee hours of Friday morning, I prayed that God would just take him on to heaven and release him and me of the stress, pain, sadness, and hurt. But when they woke him up to give him something to eat in the ER, he looked straight at me for a few seconds and then said flatly "What are you doing here?" I laughed and thought, "He is one tough cookie. Obviously God is not done with him yet, so quit praying for him to take him. All will be done in God's time. My part is to love him, advocate for him and do what I can for him as long as he is here and leave the rest to God."

God is not done working on me, yet.

Saw Mike yesterday.  He looked good, but had steri-strips on his right eyebrow, so obviously some new incident. He said someone in a wheelchair did it. When I asked if he was trying to push this person and they didn't want him to, he said "yes". Sigh.....  Somehow, all of this stuff happening has helped me with the thought of Mike moving to The Madison House. Seems it's time.....God putting all the pieces together.

God is also continually working in my heart towards my husband. I had come to a place of such weariness and irritation that it was hard to look past all of that daily stress and work to really see Mike. God has been softening my heart and helping me to see Mike again, not just a brain injured patient with lots of issues and needs. Also that I can care for him and love him well (actually better, at this time) while he lives somewhere else.

He came to that which was His own, 

but His own did not receive Him.

YET to all who did receive Him, 

to those who believed in His name,

 He gave the right to become children of God.

John 1:11 & 12

My prayer is that through our story, the ups and downs, the struggles and triumphs, what each one that reads this hears the loudest is that Jesus is our reason for hope, for life, for purpose no matter what our situation in this fallen and temporary world. As Job said: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him..." (Job 13:15) Mike's and my greatest desire is that when people interact with us, they see Jesus. If you meet us and forget us, you've lost nothing. If you meet Jesus and forget Him, you've lost everything. He has come, have you received Him?  The "yet" is still there, there is still time.

How is Mike?

I hear this question often and often I don't know what to say other than "much the same". I know people are concerned, interested, and want to know how to pray, but (I'm going to be honest) sometimes I dread the question. Answering "much the same" is safe, easy, non-emotional and with most people is about all I say. Sometimes; however, I do go into more detail. Some people genuinely want to know and others really don't. That's OK. Sometimes I want to share and sometimes I don't. At times, details lead into tears and emotions that I would rather leave alone. Especially if I've just visited Mike, and he wasn't feeling well, or didn't look the best. So...how is Mike?

The Good News:  The last three times I've visited Mike he has been calmer and more relaxed. He did not come down the hall saying "no, no, no" either. Dr. Ebeling started a new medicine shortly after Christmas and so far it seems to be helping. I hope for the best, but am skeptical as we have been down this road before. However, maybe this is THE medicine or correct combo of medicines. Whatever the long-term outcome, I am thankful for Dr. Ebeling. He has not had experience with brain injury prior to Mike, but he is willing to try different approaches, read reports and proceed cautiously with medication adjustments. A neurologist friend of his gave Dr. Ebeling a 50 page report about some medicines that had proven successful for some TBI patients and he took the time to read this over his Christmas break. Previously, when Mike was acting up after being at the Treatment Mall, Dr. Ebeling made a plan to separate Mike from the rest of the residents until supper time. By limiting the amount of stimulation for a time, Mike's behavior improved and there were less behavioral issues. You have to remember that CSH is not really set up for brain injury patients, so Dr. Ebeling is also trying to train the staff in how to handle Mike as well. Please pray for continued wisdom for Dr. Ebeling and his staff in regards to Mike's treatment and care.

The Bad News:  Mike has an abscess on his back side. He said it was not hurting now and is healing. Last Saturday when I visited him, his throat was very sore. Spoke with a nurse or tech during the week and they said Mike was on an antibiotic and seemed to be feeling better. Mom, Randy, Karen and I visited with him last night and though he was calm, I didn't think he looked very good. To me his eyes looked like he wasn't feeling good. He is congested, but said his throat felt better. He hasn't been shaved in several days and there were signs of food spills on his clothes. Mike was always so fastidious, so it is hard to see him disheveled. He still doesn't have any glasses either, so I know that contributes to things just not being right with him. His glasses were lost before Christmas. He has seen the eye doctor, but things move slow with the government and so glasses may be another 2 - 3 weeks. Mike ate his snack, we read a bit of mail, prayed together, and played Uno. The visit was fine. I just want so much more for Mike and it's still out of reach.

Most places won't even consider taking Mike since there is a history of aggression and erratic behavior. I took a prayer walk today and wrestled with what our options are - there aren't many. Please pray that the Lord will open a door to a more homey, safe place. One that is close enough for me to be part of his care and be able to spend time with him in more than just an impersonal visiting room. Plus, one where others will be more comfortable visiting also. I'm going to start calling and looking again tomorrow. I was getting anxious and fretting this afternoon, but after spending time with the Lord, my spirit was calmed.

The past 2 weeks, this has been my go-to verse: Isaiah 30:15 "....in quietness and trust is your strength...." It was part of my daily reading a couple of weeks ago, then yesterday it was the verse of the day on a daily calendar that Mom has on a shelf above the kitchen sink. God's reminder to me to keep trusting Him. Another verse that came to my attention from the little daily calendar is Acts 3:19 (NKJV) "Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord." I like the New King James Version because it says if we have repented, our sins are blotted out and that we will be refreshed because of the Lord's presence. Other translations say that refreshing will come from the Lord. It may be subtle, but to me there is a difference. The later sounds like something the Lord hands to us, possibly from a distance, while the former says that the Lord's very presence with us will refresh us. I am so glad that our God is with us. Emmanuel - God with us. God's presence is with those who repent and come to Him. Don't you want to be refreshed today? Jesus is the only way and He loves you so much. Actually, the beginning of Isaiah 30:15 talks about repentance also. The quietness, trust and refreshing comes after repentance. When we stop going our way, turn and go with God, then there is peace. May you know that peace today.

Please remember Mike in your prayers and remember to write. He loves to receive mail and it gives him something to do when he writes back. Thank you. Here's his address again:

Mike Rice
Central State Hospital
Bldg. 94, Ward 4
P.O. Box 4030
Petersburg, VA 23803

Restful Wonderfulness

Psalm 13:6

I will sing the Lord's praise, 

for He has been good to me.

My trip to Arizona was truly restful and wonderful in every way and I thank God that I had the opportunity to go for an extended visit. There were a few airline/airplane glitches along the way, but I had a good book to read and kind, uncomplaining people sitting beside me, so we just waited it out pleasantly. Flying into the city at night was really a beautiful sight with all the various street and house lights shining brightly in the dark. Caleb, Anastasia, and Watson picked me up and once we arrived at their home, I was able to hold my first grandson. He is adorable, of course, and we are so blessed that he is strong and healthy. Caleb had a roast in the crock-pot, so after a hearty meal, shower, adoring Watson, and a bit of talking, I was ready for bed (they are 2 hours behind us). I usually don't sleep well the first night in a new place, but I was out in no time and slept 9 hours! The entire time I was there, I slept at least 8 - 10 hours every night. That is unheard of for me - at least in the past few years - and it was wonderful!

Caleb was working during the week, so it gave Anastasia and I a chance to get to know each other better which was wonderful also. We just hung out at home, reading, holding Watson, taking walks, I did some baking and we did a little bit of weeding while Watson slept in his bassinet-type portable bed.  The weather was also wonderful, upper 60's to mid 70's during the day and then down in the 30's or 40's once the sun went down. Lotus, the cat, and I would go sit in the sun for a while and enjoy the warmth. Lotus also became by sleeping buddy. She liked her own space, so we got along just fine.

I had the privilege of going with Caleb to church.  (they weren't ready to take Watson out around lots of people yet - smart) The pastor talked with us for a while and shared that Caleb and Anastasia have been a great addition to their small group. Is so nice to be able to picture where they are involved and the service was a blessing. Afterwards, Caleb took me on a drive to show me where he works and then back home we took Watson out for his first stroller ride. Arizona is a very different kind of beautiful compared to the east coast. Most yards are some type of stone rather than grass, palms and cactus replace oaks and pines, flowers were still blooming in January and the city is laid out in squares with straight streets, rather than windy roads.

Caleb took a couple of days off the following week and we did a little sight-seeing. I took lots of pictures, but will just share a few below. It was really great to see a different part of the U.S. and I enjoyed every minute.  I had such a fabulous time with the 3 of them and felt more rested and relaxed than I have in years. There were no responsibilities, no time schedule, no agenda or expectations, no worries or cares for 10 days and it truly was wonderful in every way.

 

We talked, laughed, played Settlers of Catan (a family favorite), watched movies, ate well - even some "nostalgic" (as Caleb said) food favorites and played with and cared for baby Watson. Although I would love for us all to live closer to each other, nothing could please my heart more than the fact that they love the Lord, each other and are settled and happy. It was such a joy to be in their peaceful home and feel their love and care for me, as well.  It's actually hard to put into words what my heart feels, but I really have felt better overall since this time with them! My heart is full, my body rested, my spirit renewed and I am very thankful to God and them for that gift.

Precious family.

Most beautiful scene of all!

God gave me wings

"If you were to remove from the Bible all the stories about afflicted men and women, 

all the psalm of the sorrowful, all the promises for the distressed, 

and all the passages for the children of grief, the Bible would be a small book. 

It is clear not only that the poor and needy are observed by our great King (Psalm 139:3) , 

but also that the Holy Spirit's pen has been greatly occupied in recording their affairs......

When your situation is recorded on high, it will be worthwhile to be among the poor, 

the despised, and the sad, for you will magnify the dignity of our Lord. 

Praying in the Holy Spirit, I say this to bless and cheer some depressed saint."  

C. H. Spurgeon

Psalm 139:3 (CEB)

"You study my traveling and resting. 

You are thoroughly familiar with all my ways."

This Christmas was hard for me and it wasn't until a few days afterwards that I figured out why that was true. Just like last year, Mike's Mom and his brother's family drove down from Ohio and we stayed in a Residence Inn. Mike did not stay with us this year, but we were able to pick him up from

10-5 both Christmas Eve and Christmas day. He didn't do as well as he did at Thanksgiving, but no aggression or real agitation either, so we were thankful. He would get stuck saying "no" for a while every now and then and was a bit impatient at times. We enjoyed eating out, playing games at the hotel, a mid-afternoon worship service on Christmas Eve and a big traditional Christmas meal on Christmas day, plus a nice walk in 

the afternoon. Mike has a very hardy appetite and although he doesn't talk a whole lot, he thanked his family for coming and enjoyed the time with us. It was especially wonderful to be able to 

Fun in a photo
booth! We tried
to get a Christmas
border & ended
up with this!

go to a worship service with him and hear him singing. There were no difficulties getting him back to CSH either evening. He just said goodbye and went right in with the staff. I felt anxious before we picked him up on Christmas Eve and became quite emotional when we dropped him off on Christmas day. There's been an underlying sadness within me throughout this Christmas season which has been hard to shake. In the days following our time together, I think I figured out the reason for my sadness. Last year he was so much 

better than he had been, so Christmas was very exciting, encouraging, and brought a lot of hope. This year, he's much the same as he was last year. When we took him back to CSH, he was anxious to get inside because it was time for supper. With prompting, he gave quick hugs to his family and then just he and I went inside. He was in such a hurry to get to the dining hall that he could barely spare a moment for a quick kiss before he disappeared behind the door to get his coveted supper meal. I gave the staff his Christmas gifts which they had to comb through and separate into different areas with very few things actually going with him to his room. While I waited for this to be done, the sadness overwhelmed me and I could not hold back the tears. Thankfully, one of his favorite staff members, Jay, was on duty and when she came to let me out of the door, she gave me a big hug and assured me they were taking good care of him. I'm thankful he is fairly content, it's just painful to see what he has been "reduced" to - where food is of such importance in his life and family is dismissed without a thought....seemingly. Mark, Jenney, Maggie & Sam helped soothe my broken heart through compassion and prayer before we drove back to the hotel. They headed to the pool and Mom Rice and I enjoyed some quiet companionship while working on a jigsaw puzzle. 

Keegan, Amy & Aria spent Christmas with Amy's family this year, but we were able to video chat with them. Of course, Caleb and Anastasia were in Arizona, but we were able to briefly video chat with them and see our grandson!  Watson Alexander Rice was born at approximately 11:00 pm Arizona time on Christmas Eve (1:00 am Christmas day, our time!). He weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. and was 21 inches long at birth. He is adorable, healthy and has a good strong cry! We are so blessed to have 2 beautiful grandchildren now and so thankful that they are healthy. It was a long day for Anastasia & Caleb, but all went well and they went home the day after Christmas. I have the pleasure of going out there January 8-18 to meet baby Watson in person. I can hardly wait! (see more photos at the end of this post)

New Year's Eve during my time with the Lord, the weight of sadness began to lift. The above quote was part of my reading for the day and I took time to meditate on Psalm 139 and Spurgeon's words. It's hard to form into words on paper just what the Lord was speaking to my heart, but I again was made aware of how much the Lord loves, cares for, and thinks of us, His children. It also let me know that I am in good company with many in the Bible who struggled and went through tough times. He knows me intimately and fully, I am totally hemmed in by Him, not in a cramped, confining way, but in a shielded, protected way. It's more than I can comprehend! There is no place where He cannot see me and no sadness or pain where He is not right beside me. There is no darkness with Him. He is my light, my creator, and all His works are wonderful. vs. 16 "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." He knows my story in it's fullness, He's got this! Waking or sleeping, He is still there. This is all true for me, for Mike and for you, O precious child of God. He loves you so much! Don't ever believe anything else. (those last two sentences were in a card I received a few months ago and were another needed reminder at the time.)

Please, if you do not know Jesus as God's Son and what He has done to grant you access to His Father, please search the Scriptures for yourself, let His Spirit speak truth to you, "taste and see that the Lord is good." Psalm 34:8 You may also contact me at mcjrrice@gmail.com. I'd love to talk about Jesus with you. Don't delay. His love and gift of eternal life is for all who seek Him. What do you have to lose? A lot.

To continue the above story...the afternoon of December 31, my niece, Erin, called and said she had spotted and was watching the eagle if I wanted to try to come and see it. There is a bald eagle that lives around here and everyone seems to see it except me. I have looked and looked for over a year probably, but it has always eluded me. I've even prayed at different times that the Lord would allow me to see it as a sign for various prayers for Mike's situation. I hear and see a hawk fairly often, which thrills my heart every time. I think they are so beautiful and I really like to hear their screech. Anyway, I rushed out the door and headed to the back field. As I passed the first fence posts, there sat 2 hawks - one on each side of the road - so I was able to see them fly off and observe their beautiful wing markings. As I approached Erin's car, I could see a white spot in the top of an old bare tree. Sure enough! It was the eagle turning his majestic head this way and that looking for a tasty morsel. I sat and watched him for a while and then drove slowly closer and closer, stopped and opened the sunroof and poked my head out to look at him, then a bit closer, and watched him fly away. Beautiful! Wings spread wide, white tail and head. He flew around to the other side of the strip of trees and after driving a bit more, I could still see him. I don't know why, but it just thrilled my soul to see this great creature soaring across the sky and it somehow fit with the release the Lord had given me in His word in the morning. A lightening of my heart and I praised God for the gift of seeing these 3 mighty birds that He made. It was as if the Lord had given me wings! See? God is thinking of us all the time. This wasn't in response to any specific prayer I had prayed that morning,  (The Bible does say that a "wicked and perverse generation asks for a sign", oh dear) but He knew it had been a desire of my heart and in some way it helped to remove the heaviness and brought great joy, praise and a lifting of my spirit. God is so worthy and sends us love notes all the time to encourage us and lift our eyes to Him. I'll leave you with another Scripture quote from my reading of December 31. Give it some thought:

I Corinthians 1:27-31

But God chose what the world considers foolish to shame the wise. 

God chose what the world considers weak to shame the strong.

 And God chose what the world considers low-class and low-life--what is considered to be nothing--to reduce what is considered to be something to nothing. 

So no human being can brag in God's presence. 

It is because of God that you are in Christ Jesus. 

He became wisdom from God for us. 

This means that He made us righteous and holy and

He delivered us. This is consistent with what was written:

The one who brags should brag in the Lord! (Jeremiah 9:24)

Photos of Caleb, Anastasia & Watson

Lessons for a Loner

I don't really consider myself a loner, but I am sort of a home-body and I do enjoy having some time alone-especially times of quietness. This is not always a bad thing, but I do have to watch the propensity of isolating myself and thinking that I am "bothering" others. Let me give you an example. Several weeks ago, I needed to go to Richmond to meet with my lawyer. That morning, I was talking with my friend, Karen, and she offered to ride with me. My quick response was "It's OK, I don't mind going by myself." As we continued to talk, I was having an inner struggle with myself (or the Spirit was prompting me) and so eventually said something like this "You know, it would be nice to have company, so if you really want to ride along, that would be great." She did and the ride was much more enjoyable. The business of meeting with the lawyer became a small part of a fun outing with a friend. Even though it was simply 2 hours of riding in a car together, the talk and laughter was energizing and uplifting. How many times do we miss out on such opportunities because we are afraid we might bother someone? What a blessing that Karen took the chance and offered to ride along. I'm glad I didn't go with my first response.

The first weekend in December, I decided to travel to Fayetteville to visit friends I hadn't seen in about 2 years. My propensity kicked in again and I thought about making reservations at a hotel for the weekend. Partly not wanting to be a burden on anyone at such short notice and partly to have some alone time (although that seemed too alone and not very appealing). As I was praying about it one morning, the Lord reminded me that I had friends there who had offered a room to me whenever I might come into town. Just as I was going to look up our former Sunday School teacher and his wife's number, I received an email from them. I hadn't heard from them in a good while so "Ok, Lord, I get the hint." As if that were not enough, He really nailed it in with the following verse and quote from Beth Moore's Praying God's Word Day by Day on December 3: "You warn us, 'He who separates himself seeks his own desire; He quarrels against all sound wisdom' (Proverbs 18:1, NASB). Help me to be very careful not to isolate myself."  Wow! That verse really convicted and intrigued me. I didn't remember ever hearing it like that before. God's word really is alive and active and strikes us differently at different times, just when we need it. Thank you, God!

I looked this verse up in several different versions. The Message states it this way: "Loners who care only for themselves spit on the common good."  CEB: "Unfriendly people look out for themselves; they bicker with sensible people."  HCSB: "One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires; he rebels against all sound judgment." We need other people in our lives in order to stay balanced. When I close myself off to others, I become or am selfish & am seeking my own pleasure, then it is hard to be objective and wise. "...spit on the common good, bicker with sensible people, rebel against all sound judgment."  Hmmmm...that doesn't sound good does it? Yet, I believe we can all see where this would happen, if we isolate ourselves too much.

Well, Calvin & Christy are so gracious and welcomed me with open arms. They gave me lots of freedom to come and go as I wished and I had a wonderful time visiting with them and many dear friends throughout the weekend. Not once did I feel like I was a bother to anyone as I went from place to place. It was such a joy to see many friends face-to-face and sit and chat without a phone stuck to my ear! I came away from the weekend with such joy in renewed friendships, encouraged by testimonies of God's faithfulness, reminiscing the past and hearing of great things to come in the future. I was able to attend Sunday School and enjoyed worshiping with friends at West Fayetteville Baptist on Sunday morning also. After lunch with Juan & Myriam, and another quick visit with Mrs. Capps, I drove to Cary and had a short visit with Kris, who was so kind to us while we were in that area. The entire weekend was just wonderful, energizing, relaxing, restful, encouraging and a real testament to how important other people are in our lives. Thank you, Calvin & Christy, Syn, Mrs. Capps, Darius & Kendra, David & Judy, Jenn & Kaitlyn, Juan & Myriam, Kris and everyone at church. It was fabulous seeing you! Those I didn't get to see, I'll try again next time!

So, I encourage you, don't isolate yourself. Go visit, call, ask to ride with someone, or ask someone to ride with you while you do errands, invite someone over for coffee, tea, leftovers, or just to come for no reason at all. Don't wait until the time is right, or you look just so, or you have something baked to take, or the house is clean, etc., etc., Just go! Just invite! You will be blessed and will be a blessing.

So Thankful

I Timothy 4:4&5

"For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected

 if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer."

Everything God created is good and should be received with thanksgiving. God has created so much and has given us many reasons to be thankful everyday all through the year. I am thankful, though, that the United States still observes a day to stop and really think about our blessings and give concentrated and corporate thanks. I hope each of you were able to take a breather from the rush of "normal" life and enjoy a time with family in thanksgiving to God for His many wonderful creations.

Here are a few of the many people and things for which I give thanks:

First, foremost & always - Jesus, God, Holy Spirit!

All my amazing big family - Jones', Rice's, Dew's and beyond!

My church families - here and in NC - Wonderful prayer warriors & friends

My new job! I'm learning a lot and REALLY like what I'm doing and the people.

Playing with my grandbaby, Aria!

Playing games with Keegan & Amy.

Cell phones and new gadgets that make the long distance family feel closer.
Photos of Caleb & Anastasia, texts, calls

Rest & reading

Cozy, warm fire at the push of a button

Watching calves frolic in the field

Pleasant walks

Great food & favorite desserts

Laughter and conversation
Lively discussions in Sunday school
Hanging of the greens at church
Staff of CSH and just the fact that CSH is there 

Smiles
and much, much more!

Aria was asleep in the car.

A BIG thanksgiving gift with loads of thankfulness was permission from Dr. Ebeling to take Mike out on Saturday afternoon.  Keegan, Amy, Aria & I picked Mike up about 11:30 Saturday, drove to a barber where he got his haircut and we watched the first few minutes of the OSU vs. Michigan game. Go Bucks! Then we went to Applebee's for lunch where we were able to finish watching the first half of the game. Mike enjoyed the outing immensly and did very well. His appetite is quite good and he'll try to finish what anyone leaves, if you let him! After lunch, we walked around in the mall a little while then sat and he was able to talk with his Mom and Caleb. His Dad wasn't available at the time. Then we returned to CSH and he went right in without incident or complaint.

Amy & Rascal

Back home, Amy was able to go riding with Tracey for an hour or so which I think she enjoyed greatly. Amy is an accomplished rider and Tracey said it was nice to ride with her since she knew how to handle Rascal if he became rascally.

Arm in action

It was such a joy to have Aria around for the weekend. She is such a happy baby. She is now rolling over and sitting, but she moves so much that she still falls over without support. I think they may be in trouble once she starts moving around on her own - those legs and arms are usually in motion!




More thankfulness: The following email was forwarded to me by Dr. Ebeling on Monday. It is from one of Mike's group leaders in Cognitive therapy on Monday, Dec. 1.

In cog rem today Michael R. appeared to be more oriented and alert. When asked about his haircut and new shirt he told me his wife gave him the shirt and that he got the haircut while he was out. Also in my loop we were talking about a color by number activity and I said it reminded me of a paint by number activity and then Mr. R reminisced about when he taught his sons to paint using primer and a roller brush for the outside of his house. It was the first time he has mentioned his family to me.

He also talked in depth about his bachelor degrees from Ohio State and Asbury College. He talked about how he hadn’t wanted to pursue a master’s degree in history so he did another bachelor’s degree to teach physical education. He also discussed teaching at a high school, both physical education and history, as well as a basic math class.

While I was surprised that Mike had not communicated that well previously, I am thankful that he did this week. I guess it just took something to trigger the memories or to bring up family.  So....as you can see, we had a lot to be thankful for this past week and continuing on each day. Even when life is hard and not the way we would choose, there is ALWAYS lots of reasons to praise God and give Him thanks. Thank you, God, for all these blessings!

Tomorrow I am going to head to Fayetteville for a short visit. I hope to see many friends, but time will go by quickly, I know. I kept hoping Mike and I could get down there, but we'll continue to hope for that in the future. I just decided it's been too long and was time to go. I believe Mike is where he needs to be for now, and we will continue to trust God for direction and a more homey place at some point. Who knows? Maybe some day we will be together again in our own place and able to travel around to visit friends. With God there is always that possibility. Never give up hope. 

Hand-picked by God

I had an interview this morning for a part-time job and start next week!!! I am SO excited!!! God TOTALLY orchestrated the entire thing.  So let me back up....

The day I was driving home from NC, I received a call from Emily at District 19 and she told me that I needed to commit all of Mike's income toward the funding for a placement for him. I was rather taken aback and told her I was not comfortable committing all of it at this time, because bills were still coming in, I had to pay for her services (since Mike is not on Medicaid, we have to pay), it is my only source of income at this point too, and my understanding is that there will still be other expenses that I'm expected to pay while Mike is in a "community" facility. I also didn't know if I should look for a job, because for all I knew, Mike might still come home. A few days later I received an email from her reiterating our conversation and telling me that "You need to be looking for a job sooner than later."

Not knowing what to do, I contacted my attorney and asked for his advice.  The long and short is that there is some federal law that protects some income for the "community spouse", he's checking into mental health code and will write the needed letters.  Nothing is settled yet, there is no placement in sight for Mike, but I do not feel as pressured about the need for a full-time job at this point and that relieved a lot of stress. However! The interim days between her phone call & email and my visit with my lawyer had my mind spinning. At first I was panicked and incredulous that this is how the system works. I just knew I was not ready for full-time employment with so much still unresolved for Mike and how was I going to pay for things like the attorney, and other expenses? I wasn't sure I could handle the stress of a new job, plus still keep up with all the players in this scenario, and I had hoped to travel to see friends and family for a bit, reconnect and de-stress and then start looking for jobs in January. Nevertheless, I started job hunting and as I did, it gave me a new energy and excitement. It was like Emily's persistence had given me permission to go on with life, like I'd been slapped in the face to wake up and move on.

For so long it has felt wrong to move on while Mike cannot, but as I've said previously, I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot change Mike's situation. I believe it will be very healthy for my mind to have something else to focus on and God has supplied what looks like the perfect job. This is how it happened. When we moved back here, I asked around about doctors, dentists, etc. Since my parents were wanting to find a new dentist, I asked others and my cousin, PJ, told me that she really liked her dentist. One day when I was up there, the dentist's wife, who does all the office work, said that at some point she was going to want to cut back her hours and she thought I would be a good fit for the job. So two weeks ago, I called to let her know I was starting to look for a job. She said she would like some time to think about it and would call me. She called Wednesday, we met and talked for 2 hours today and I start Tuesday! I'm only going to work Tuesdays and Wednesdays starting out with the potential to work up to more days as I want or feel comfortable or when she's ready to cut back. Obviously, we will work together for a few months, since I have never worked in a dentist office before. I have a lot to learn. Pray I catch on quickly.

I just told someone yesterday that I had an interview today, and that I was probably looking for the impossible. God heard my thoughts and inner prayers and answered above what I thought was truly possible. This is so great because I can still keep up with what I need to for Mike, hopefully not feel overwhelmed, help Mom and Dad, and visit friends and family for long weekends. I drove home loudly praising God and squealing with joy and thankfulness! It seems that my call came at just the right time, because they were really feeling the need for office assistance. So if I had waited until January, it might have been too late. Oh! I also told her I'd like to go to Arizona to see Caleb, Anastasia and the baby in January for a week, and that is absolutely fine! This really seems hand-picked by God for me. Praise God!

On a sadder note, Mike has not had a good week. Tuesday night I received a call that they were taking Mike to the ER because he had fallen and had a nasty gash above his right eye. He had grabbed the arm of another patient and would not let go. As the patient tried to get Mike off of them, Mike lost his balance and fell, hitting his head on the floor. I met them at the ER. Mike seemed fine and was glad I came. The CT didn't show any new damage to his brain or hemorrhaging so that was good. He did receive 6 stitches. His story of what happened changed every time someone asked him. He told me he was hit by a moving chair. He told the nurse he tripped. He did not think he had done anything wrong.

Last night I visited with him and he was irritable.  I spoke with "J" one of the techs that works with Mike and she said he had not been doing well for about a week. She wondered if his medication had been changed. I thought maybe his head was hurting and he needed Tylenol. He said it didn't hurt, but he rarely seems to be aware of pain, it shows up more in his actions. He didn't even flinch on Tuesday night when the doctor stuck the needle in his wound to numb the area before stitches. The rest of us in the room did, however. I asked the nurse to try to give him some Tylenol. Is difficult when he always says "no".

I spoke with Dr. Ebeling today and no medication changes have been made since the first couple weeks after Mike arrived. He said Mike has been getting into all kinds of "mischief" at night. The example he gave was Mike pushing another patient around in their wheelchair while this person was screaming and wanting him to stop. Dr. Ebeling said "I don't think Mike means to get into trouble." He also said it had been a rough week for Mike even before the fall. Seems we are following the usual pattern. He does well for a time on a new medication and then right back to problems. Boredom, frustration and not knowing how to deal with his new brain, plus not realizing that he's hurting and annoying others. So many unknowns and all the Doctor's know to do is try yet another medication. At least he's in the right place for that.

I wanted to clarify something I wrote in my last blog. I should have put in "Mike's typical flat, no reserve brain injury style". Not every TBI survivor speaks that way, but Mike often does. Many folks with TBI have recovered well and gone on to lead productive and independent lives. Every one of us has probably interacted with a TBI survivor at some point and never even knew it.

Tenacious Trees

James 5:11

As you know, we consider blessed those 

who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what 

the Lord finally brought about. 

The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. 

Several weeks ago, I started going through the Concordance in the back of my Bible starting with "A" and looking for words that describe the character of God. So far I've learned that He is able, Almighty, Awesome and inspires Awe, and He is beautiful. Currently, I am learning about His compassion.  When I took my trip to NC a few weeks ago, I stopped at a beautiful park in Greensboro and enjoyed a walk and stretch break. The above trees captured my attention as I felt we had some things in common. Maybe you have felt this way too. Ever felt that you were holding up a load that was more than you could bear and the pressure just keeps pushing you down? Then, while you are trying to hold everything up, a stream of difficulties, guilt, sadness, sorrow, confusion, anxiety, etc. is carving out the earth beneath your feet slowly but surely? I have days like that when it's just too much and I feel myself sinking into the mire.

What is encouraging about these trees, is that they have adapted to their situation and remain strong, continue to produce growth and tenaciously cling to the foundation that is still there. Even though their roots are exposed, crooked, & twisted, they are not giving up. Job was like that and the above verse reminds us to be encouraged. Look at all that Job went through, everything he lost, and yet he persevered and in time, the Lord's compassion and mercy restored much of what Job had lost and more.

I am trying to adapt and rearrange my roots to where God wants them to be. It is so hard to know. I have moved back in with my parents. Since I grew up here, it feels like home and I'm able to be of some help to Mom and Dad, plus Mom and I enjoy doing things together and each other's company. I sense that this is where I am supposed to be, but then that begs the question, what does that mean for Mike? For now, that seems to be Central State Hospital and probably for an extended time. He is OK there, not ideal and he'd rather not be there, but it is the best we can do at this point.

I've had some great visits with him where he is clear and calm in the past couple of weeks. However, a week ago Sunday, I received a call in the afternoon saying Mike had to be put in isolation because he would not leave another resident alone. The staff tried repeatedly, and he was determined, thus the isolation. His aggressive/assertive episodes are infrequent, but when he has them, it is very hard to redirect him. Same thing we experienced at home. As you know, I felt our trying to get him off of medication contributed to the event that led to CSH, but as I've read through past journal entries, I was reminded that from the day he came home from NeuroRestorative we have had those out-of-control episodes.

I believe I've been experiencing a different, more sorrowful grief and heaviness now that this seems more permanent than we had originally hoped. I have to constantly remind myself that he is more than I can handle. I can't fix this. God is in control. That although I dislike the un-homey atmosphere he is in, he is safe, well taken care of, able to go to the treatment mall and join in activities and they have the staff to handle him, no matter what situation arises.

Since Mike has been at CSH, I have read several books. Some just for fun & escape, some spiritual, and 2 by other families with a loved one or friend who has or had TBI. I've had these TBI books for 2 years, but could not bring myself to read them. Now they were helpful. Here are a few quotes from A Change of Mind that I could readily relate to and somehow it helped to see in words. This was written by a woman whose husband suffered TBI. They also had a friend who previously had brain injury. The text in bold is where I see ourselves: About their friend - "....unable to return to any type of work following her accident, a result of her inability to deal with stress."  About her husband - "Ironically, what was initially a godsend (the return of his memory) soon became the very thing that tormented him day in and day out." "...eyes no longer had a sparkle but instead had a flat hollow look...."  "...did not have the ability to make sound judgments, which meant he continually put himself and others at risk with his actions."  "everything was about his getting through the day. I don't say that in a spiteful or demeaning way. That was the reality of how we were living." "he desperately wanted to be the father and husband he had been prior to the crash.......but his inability to cope with even the slightest stress in his daily routine ....all worked to sabotage his efforts within hours of his awakening." She also talks about how, as a caregiver, we stay in a hypervigilant mode that cannot be sustained for the long haul without having repercussions to the caregiver. Her husband died of a heart attack 6 months after his accident.

All of this is helping me to wait, trust God, and continue on the current course, even though there are times when I just don't think I can leave him there another day. It helps tremendously that he is fairly content there and isn't miserable. Saturday afternoon, my Mom and I went to see him and played a couple of rounds of the card game Skipbo. My Mom had never played before. After our second round, Mike said in typical flat, no-reserve-brain-injury style:  "Mom needs to practice at home." Ha! She had done well, but a bit too slow for his liking! Then as we were leaving he said "I'm tired of this place, Jennifer. Get me out." :-( Heart-wrenching. Can you see why sometimes I am a mess?  I thank God for His word, His Son & Spirit, my family and Mike's family, my friends, and my counselor that help me be strong and keep going. I am also thankful for you, my readers, and your precious comments and encouragement. What a blessing you are to me.

There's a whole other side of all this with the legal stuff and placement issues. I'll get into that another day. Go with God and persevere on whatever path He has for you. Remember the trees and Job.

Golden Pond a No Go

Psalm 84:12 

O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in You.

To be honest, I'm not feeling overly blessed right now. Yes, I know, there are many things to be thankful for and blessings all around that I can name, but the main thing I am looking for continues to evade us. Healing for Mike or a good placement for him. Yet, God says that we will be blessed when we trust in Him so I hold on and fight the discouragement. I seem to have misplaced my garment of praise tonight and the natural me wants to bury my head in the sand. 

When Lori at Golden Pond realized that Emily had not even applied for funding for Mike yet, she went on and contacted others who had asked about her available bed. She had two people interested that already had everything in order and could come immediately. I understand. After talking with her, we followed her over to their other home which is run by their daughter. This home has 2 beds, but it is very close to a busy road and I don't believe it would be best for Mike. The home has alarms on the doors, but Mike can be quick and it just looked too dangerous. Lori did tell us of some other possibilities that I will check into next week.

I am also feeling pressure from District 19 about available finances and I need to contact our lawyer for advice. There are so many rules and regulations, criteria and eligibility and I need help to make the right decisions. It's overwhelming. 

So...let me see if I can find my garment of praise and put it on....

I praise God for a gorgeous fall day today.

I praise God for my sweet Mama that rode around with me today and kept me company.

I praise God for kettle corn made by Coley and having a chance to leisurely chat with her.

I praise God for calves that just make me feel loved for no apparent reason, wanting to suck on my arm, hat, shirt, lick my face, whatever they can get hold of.

I praise God for the sound the sheep make, and the funny baby pigs.

I praise God for family that opens their homes to me and allows me to make it my own while I'm there.

I praise God for my good health, yoga stretches that keep my back from hurting so much, walking on a country road on the farm, and zinnias that are still blooming.

I praise God that the little golden kitten let me pet it today.

I praise God that my car runs well.

I praise God for 2 great sons, their precious wives and our granddaughter and soon a grandson.

I praise God I have an older brother and 3 older sisters and that we enjoy being together.

I praise God for the laughter I hear outside right now. (corn maze actors)

I praise God for leftovers.

I praise God for His Word.

I praise God for Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

I praise God for good friends.

I praise God for hugs from my Dad.

I praise God for Mike's family and their love and support.

I praise God for the staff at CSH who cares for Mike.

I praise God for this garment of praise that has replaced the spirit of heaviness.

I praise God!

Phone calls, emails, hopes and prayers

Today I am thankful for Bluetooth technology that allowed me to talk with Emily at District 19 while driving home from NC. (Last night I had the privilege of spending time with my friend, Kristin, and her kids in Greensboro and finished my trip home today.) Emily was calling to tell me that there will be a meeting tomorrow to discuss a possible DAP funding plan for Mike. Honestly, I do not understand how there is any money for Mike since previously I was told it was all already earmarked for other people. She tried to explain it to me, but truly it didn't make sense to me, so I am just trusting her and being thankful it's not a lost resource yet.  She called to see what Mike's current income sources were and what portion of those could be used to supplement any DAP funding that might be available. She is really trying to get him funded so that he can go to Golden Pond.

Lori from Golden Pond went to see Mike yesterday and Mike is excited about the possibility of going there. My Mom and I are going to go visit Golden Pond tomorrow. I visited with Mike tonight and he prayed that it would be God's will for him to go there. Before I left we prayed together asking the Lord to provide the funding necessary for Mike to go where God wants him to go. If that is Golden Pond, it needs to happen soon. Lori has others asking about the 1 room she has available, so the funding is a deciding factor. Please, join with us that God's will be done and if this is the right place, that the meeting tomorrow will result in the necessary funding.

As I drove down to see Mike tonight, tension started to build between my shoulder blades. All of this up and down stuff is stressful, plus it's never easy to see Mike in this type of facility. I wondered if he would be upset that I had been gone, but he never mentioned it. We had a good visit, but it is heart-breaking. He can be so sweet and child-like and I just want to wrap him up and bring him home. Want him to have the comforts of familiarity, favorite foods, family. He has lost so much more than I have. I refrain from telling him all that I do because I don't want to rub salt in the wound. Yet, he's so.....I'm struggling to know how to describe him.....he's so blank, or unaware, or self-absorbed that it doesn't seem to matter what I tell him. It's hard to explain. Tonight he got upset a couple of times - fretting about his supper and snack money - reasoning with him doesn't work and he only gets louder, so the best is to abruptly change the subject, play a game, or some other distraction. This works for a time, until the thought resurfaces and then we go through the cycle again.

Tonight he was telling me about exercising and that he was up front with the leader. I said is that because of your Physical Education background? Mike said "It's because I'm a smart guy." and then he grinned real big! LOL!

The social worker said he's been harder to redirect and has been "targeting" some of his peers. Not aggressive just.....annoying. Like telling others to take their medication, taking their seat when they stand up, etc. I think it's an attention thing. He seems to do well when he's getting plenty of attention, but when left to his own, he gets into mischief or repeats or tries to get out. Same as when he was home. So, although there are moments when I want to bring him home, I know I just can't. It took 3 people to redirect him one day they said. He can be very stubborn and willful and overpowering.

Please, please pray that God makes a way for a great placement for Mike. Golden Pond would be so accessible for me to continue to be in his life as much as possible and is much less costly than the TBI specific facilities, is a home, not an institution, and really is our only hope at the moment. This is a very important meeting tomorrow. God is in control. Praying, seeking and trusting.