Hand-picked by God

I had an interview this morning for a part-time job and start next week!!! I am SO excited!!! God TOTALLY orchestrated the entire thing.  So let me back up....

The day I was driving home from NC, I received a call from Emily at District 19 and she told me that I needed to commit all of Mike's income toward the funding for a placement for him. I was rather taken aback and told her I was not comfortable committing all of it at this time, because bills were still coming in, I had to pay for her services (since Mike is not on Medicaid, we have to pay), it is my only source of income at this point too, and my understanding is that there will still be other expenses that I'm expected to pay while Mike is in a "community" facility. I also didn't know if I should look for a job, because for all I knew, Mike might still come home. A few days later I received an email from her reiterating our conversation and telling me that "You need to be looking for a job sooner than later."

Not knowing what to do, I contacted my attorney and asked for his advice.  The long and short is that there is some federal law that protects some income for the "community spouse", he's checking into mental health code and will write the needed letters.  Nothing is settled yet, there is no placement in sight for Mike, but I do not feel as pressured about the need for a full-time job at this point and that relieved a lot of stress. However! The interim days between her phone call & email and my visit with my lawyer had my mind spinning. At first I was panicked and incredulous that this is how the system works. I just knew I was not ready for full-time employment with so much still unresolved for Mike and how was I going to pay for things like the attorney, and other expenses? I wasn't sure I could handle the stress of a new job, plus still keep up with all the players in this scenario, and I had hoped to travel to see friends and family for a bit, reconnect and de-stress and then start looking for jobs in January. Nevertheless, I started job hunting and as I did, it gave me a new energy and excitement. It was like Emily's persistence had given me permission to go on with life, like I'd been slapped in the face to wake up and move on.

For so long it has felt wrong to move on while Mike cannot, but as I've said previously, I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot change Mike's situation. I believe it will be very healthy for my mind to have something else to focus on and God has supplied what looks like the perfect job. This is how it happened. When we moved back here, I asked around about doctors, dentists, etc. Since my parents were wanting to find a new dentist, I asked others and my cousin, PJ, told me that she really liked her dentist. One day when I was up there, the dentist's wife, who does all the office work, said that at some point she was going to want to cut back her hours and she thought I would be a good fit for the job. So two weeks ago, I called to let her know I was starting to look for a job. She said she would like some time to think about it and would call me. She called Wednesday, we met and talked for 2 hours today and I start Tuesday! I'm only going to work Tuesdays and Wednesdays starting out with the potential to work up to more days as I want or feel comfortable or when she's ready to cut back. Obviously, we will work together for a few months, since I have never worked in a dentist office before. I have a lot to learn. Pray I catch on quickly.

I just told someone yesterday that I had an interview today, and that I was probably looking for the impossible. God heard my thoughts and inner prayers and answered above what I thought was truly possible. This is so great because I can still keep up with what I need to for Mike, hopefully not feel overwhelmed, help Mom and Dad, and visit friends and family for long weekends. I drove home loudly praising God and squealing with joy and thankfulness! It seems that my call came at just the right time, because they were really feeling the need for office assistance. So if I had waited until January, it might have been too late. Oh! I also told her I'd like to go to Arizona to see Caleb, Anastasia and the baby in January for a week, and that is absolutely fine! This really seems hand-picked by God for me. Praise God!

On a sadder note, Mike has not had a good week. Tuesday night I received a call that they were taking Mike to the ER because he had fallen and had a nasty gash above his right eye. He had grabbed the arm of another patient and would not let go. As the patient tried to get Mike off of them, Mike lost his balance and fell, hitting his head on the floor. I met them at the ER. Mike seemed fine and was glad I came. The CT didn't show any new damage to his brain or hemorrhaging so that was good. He did receive 6 stitches. His story of what happened changed every time someone asked him. He told me he was hit by a moving chair. He told the nurse he tripped. He did not think he had done anything wrong.

Last night I visited with him and he was irritable.  I spoke with "J" one of the techs that works with Mike and she said he had not been doing well for about a week. She wondered if his medication had been changed. I thought maybe his head was hurting and he needed Tylenol. He said it didn't hurt, but he rarely seems to be aware of pain, it shows up more in his actions. He didn't even flinch on Tuesday night when the doctor stuck the needle in his wound to numb the area before stitches. The rest of us in the room did, however. I asked the nurse to try to give him some Tylenol. Is difficult when he always says "no".

I spoke with Dr. Ebeling today and no medication changes have been made since the first couple weeks after Mike arrived. He said Mike has been getting into all kinds of "mischief" at night. The example he gave was Mike pushing another patient around in their wheelchair while this person was screaming and wanting him to stop. Dr. Ebeling said "I don't think Mike means to get into trouble." He also said it had been a rough week for Mike even before the fall. Seems we are following the usual pattern. He does well for a time on a new medication and then right back to problems. Boredom, frustration and not knowing how to deal with his new brain, plus not realizing that he's hurting and annoying others. So many unknowns and all the Doctor's know to do is try yet another medication. At least he's in the right place for that.

I wanted to clarify something I wrote in my last blog. I should have put in "Mike's typical flat, no reserve brain injury style". Not every TBI survivor speaks that way, but Mike often does. Many folks with TBI have recovered well and gone on to lead productive and independent lives. Every one of us has probably interacted with a TBI survivor at some point and never even knew it.