Hope continues to flicker

Psalm 10:17 (NLT)

Lord you know the hopes of the helpless.

Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.

Something in me snapped last night. After not receiving any advice from either doctor in Richmond regarding medication (after repeated phone calls), 3 difficult episodes over the last 2 days, and just generally feeling helpless, I snapped. In a good way, mostly.  Since I couldn't really calm Mike down last night, I just looked him in the eyes and started praying out loud for his healing, for God to calm him & me, for God's mercy, for God's wisdom regarding medicine and possibly a residential placement.  I just let Mike pace, etc. and sat down at my desk determined to get organized and make a list of places to call and papers to fill out, trying to ignore Mike's perseverating.  Something had to be done, and I've been in too much of a fog to do it or to do enough. 

Also, for months I have thought that what I call the "psych" medication (Risperdal and now ZyPrexa) might have been causing more problems than helping and that we needed something to calm the anxiety more than anything.  I know for a fact, that the incontinence came along with the Risperdal.  I have that written down in some of my notes back in October. Our weekend went fairly well, Mike did well on Saturday. We drove to NC in the afternoon to attend Amy's graduation. I gave Mike all the medication I was allowed and he really did quite well in the afternoon and evening.  Sunday morning we had a rough episode and Sunday afternoon a very rough episode. Same medications as day before. No even keel. One of our struggles last night was that Mike spit out some of his medication, I think the ZyPrexa was one of them, so figured I'd see how it went.  He got up twice and went to the bathroom on his own. I prayed and prayed last night for wisdom about the ZyPrexa today. Since I now have Atarax for calming, and because he did so well last night, I took that as a sign from God and left off the ZyPrexa today.  The day went much better.  We had one episode of agitation, but I believe that was due to a weed-eater and chain saw going at the same time along with tractors, etc. So I push/walked him back to the back of the property away from all the noises.  Plus this agitation was not the frantic/wildness of other times. He was more communicative, could follow instructions most of the time, was cooperative about bathroom necessities and did some of his showering himself, plus brushed his teeth better than he has in months.  He also didn't jump up out of his seat at the table like he's been doing.  Tomorrow may be very different, but I am going to hold on to Hope that it will be the same or better than today.

I also received a few return phone calls today (not from the doctors).  I did get some information about a day program in Petersburg, spoke with a lady from one of the residential/respite places where Tracey had stopped and brought information, have a guy coming to hang out with Mike tomorrow to see if he would be interested in helping with him, filled out paperwork for Occupational therapy and completed an application for Camp Va. Jaycee.  The Brain Injury camp turned Mike down since he had so recently had a medication change and their camp is May 19, so I had become discouraged and since Mike had been at Tucker, decided there was no use in applying. That "snap" last night changed my mind and I decided it didn't hurt to try. Am applying for a July 21 camp.  

BTW some updates.  I keep forgetting to tell you that the wound on his buttocks is completely closed - has been for about a month now. Praise God!!  About the same time, I got a shot in my wrist for carpel tunnel and it has made a huge difference. Especially with all this gardening! My pain in my lower abdomen has gone. Mike's Mom is home and doing well. As far as I know, our friend's daughter who is pregnant with twins and on bed rest, is still doing well - all 3 of them.

We are so proud of Amy and Keegan. Amy, Keegan's fiance', graduated cum laude in Biomedical Engineering from NCSU. It was such a privilege to be able to join her, Keegan, Amy's parents and grandparents for her graduation and share a couple of meals together. Then Sunday, Keegan gave a great teaching sermon at his church.  I am so thankful we were able to be there for both events and enjoy time with them.