Two steps forward, three steps back

Jude 1:20-21, 24-25

But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy spirit.

Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of

 our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.

To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy-to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power

and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

Saturday after surgery the weather was rain-turned-to-snow and the Mike I had seen on Friday was no where to be found.  He was a determined soul who wanted to be out of the apartment and going somewhere in the car and, right or wrong, I refused.  We didn't need to go anywhere and didn't need to be on the roads. We did go for a walk, but that didn't suffice. The snow was beautiful. Large wet flakes that stuck to our jackets and hair.  Trying to get him interested in anything else was pointless for quite a while until he grew tired. I cleaned house and that evening my sister, Gayle, came bearing Chinese food which we all enjoyed. Sunday we went to church without incident and Mike was mostly quiet. Keegan came and hung out with him while Gayle and I cleaned out the spare bedroom closet. We went through boxes that hadn't been opened in years, threw out some things and repacked and labeled the rest.

The rest of the week was up and down.  Just about anything having to do with the bathroom has become a real battle. Dr. Gualtieri ordered some lab tests just to rule out any infection that might be causing this behavior. Today I took him to the wound clinic because an area beside the incision has broken open and looked yellowish. The therapist took measurements and a photo and was going to e-mail the Dr. to see if he thought anything else needed to be done.  It may be that the incision or this opening is very painful and Mike just can't communicate that to me.  Also, my idea about the acetaminophen didn't pan out so he's back to taking that for pain. 

Due to this erratic behavior, the therapists decided to stop therapies as of last Thursday. They felt it was not being beneficial to him at this time.  They do believe he could benefit from more therapy, but they are not seeing a steady progression. Some days he's almost non-responsive, some days fixated, and other days he is hyper and can't sit still or concentrate. He's been very antsy and seemingly uncomfortable. It is so frustrating to not know how to help him, plus very aggravating to have to fight with him over everything from brushing his teeth and changing his clothes to sitting down to eat and getting into bed. He may be in excruciating pain and I just have no idea! I am trying to stay in God's love and am so thankful that He is able to keep me from falling; although, I have not reacted well a few times.  I am re-reading Mark Batterson's book "Primal" and the following quote really hit me between the eyes this time:  

“…your pain doesn’t give you a free pass to say whatever you want to say however you want to say it. But just as you are responsible for your actions, no matter how right or wrong they are, you are also responsible for your reactions. And compassion is always the right reaction. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for rebuking, correcting, and exhorting. Sometimes that’s the most loving thing you can do. But even those things can be and must be done in the spirit of compassion.  In my experience, it’s much easier to act like a Christian than it is to react like one. Anyone can put on an act. But your reactions reveal what is really in your heart. And if you love God with all your heart, you won’t just act like it. You’ll react like it.”  

Last week, I felt angry. Plain and simple and I did not always react in a compassionate manner. I know there are stages of grief and this was a tough one.  Thankfully, Keegan was able to come to my rescue and he and Amy prayed over me on Tuesday night. As Colossians 3:5 says, I want to "put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature..." and Colossians 3:8a, 12-14 "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage.....Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Prayer Requests:

Wed., Feb. 27, 10:00am - LabCorp appointment - Please pray that Mike will be cooperative and they will be able to draw blood and get a urine sample. This may sound weird, but I'm hoping there is an infection or something that can be treated and make Mike more comfortable.

Wound heal properly - wisdom for Dr. Schwarz when he looks at e-mail.

Brain healing - honestly, it seems things are just getting worse. That's why I'm praying it's one of the above causing the problems.

Continence - think this may be caused by one of the above or the Risperdal.  Dr. G. is having me cut back on the dosage.

My reactions - staying in God's word and His presence, also staying compassionate, kind, gentle

packing and moving details

Praises: 

Sunday we had a wonderful time giving a shower for my future daughter-in-law, Amy. Carol came over on Saturday and did laundry, baking, cleaning, etc.  I tried to help between taking care of Mike and helping him with his K'nex projects.   We probably had 20+ people in our little apartment and had a lot of laughs, food and fun. Mike and Keegan went out for a few hours and played frisbee and watched frisbee golf, I think. He had fairly good days on Saturday and Sunday.  Keegan and Amy even opened one of their gifts, Ninja Master Blender, and made us all smoothies after the shower. Then they and Carol stayed and helped me clean up.

Keegan and Amy - Always thankful for them and so proud of their example and witness.

Rod, our new Comfort Keepers guy, has been wonderful, available, and flexible.  He and Mike have walked a lot, played Wii and built several K'nex models. He is helping me stay sane.

Dr. Mike, my chiropractor. My back was really hurting Monday and Tuesday last week.  Saw Dr. Mike on Wednesday and felt much better.  Saw him again today.  Hoping I can find one similar in Richmond. He uses percussion instruments and Dr. Rockwell protocol.  Anybody know a Chiropractor like that in the Richmond area?

Caleb called - he is now the Inventory manager at Origami Owl. www.origamiowl.com (check it out!) He has worked hard, sought to learn other areas and it has been noticed and rewarded.  We're proud of you, Caleb! 

sleep - I've been getting at least 6 or 7 hours of sleep every night!! Praise God!

So thankful for Gayle and Carol helping me in various ways and for having them here to talk with.

Well, it is midnight. I'm usually in bed by 10:30 or earlier so I'd better get to bed.  I so appreciate your prayers and love. We still need them very much. I love you.