The Changing Eyes of Mike

Luke 11:34

"Your eye is the lamp of the body. When your eye is good,

 your whole body is also full of light. 

But when it is bad, your body is also full of darkness.

We can really tell by Mike's eyes what type of mode he is in, which reminded me of the above verse. I believe the verse is actually talking about what we look at and take in and making sure that it is pure and good. Being sure not to take in evil or look at things that are bad and will contaminate our bodies, filling them with darkness. However, I am using it as an analogy of how Mike acts and reacts. When his eyes focus and light up, he can remember past things, hold a conversation, play a game, eat calmly, go to the bathroom, be cooperative, recognize that others are with him and there is a glimpse of the old Mike.  When his eyes are fixed and dark, he can do none of those things, all is dark, unknown, and unseeing.

Friday I arrived in the mid afternoon and for the first hour or two, Mike mainly ignored me. There was no light, recognition, or life in his eyes.  Just an unfocused look that didn't even seem to see me. He was working on a Word Search with the help of Jordan and would say "I'm not good at THESE!" then "Put the game aWAY!" We did go for a walk eventually, and at one point Jordan asked him who I was and he said "My wife, Jennifer." So he did know, but didn't want anything to do with me.  

Saturday morning when I arrived, he was watching a movie. I said hi and squeezed his hand and he pushed me away. We watched the movie for a while and he would yell out different phrases or tell people to be quiet. By lunchtime, he was doing better, ate all of his spaghetti and part of mine then wanted to walk. We ended up taking a long walk and he was doing really well, listening to Kira and I talk and occasionally interjecting an appropriate comment. When we came to a fork in the path, Kira and I were deciding which way to go and Mike became very worried that we were lost which started the downward spiral. "We're lost! We're lost!" accompanied by grabbing or jerking our arms. This continued for the rest of the 15 minutes we walked and continued about 10 minutes after we arrived back at NR. Thankfully, James found the Va. Tech football game on Mike's TV and we were able to watch the last quarter of that before Mike entered the dark eyes phase again repeating over and over "Boston College is winnING!". Something I have noticed this time is that he really accentuates the last word or syllable of a word when he is perseverating and he gets louder and louder.

About a month ago, his medication was changed. Klonopin was discontinued and Depakote gradually introduced. Due to aggression, Seroquel was added. The interesting part is that his perseverative times seem more intense, but his "clear" times seem more clear, as well. During the bad times, he may slap his hand on the table or stomp his feet, hit or kick. During the clear times, he remembers people's names, how they are related or things that happened in the past which is an improvement.  However, we never know when he's going to have light eyes or dark eyes and it can change in a second. Unfortunately, the dark outweighs the light considerably. 

I had really hoped to be able to take him to church yesterday. I searched on line and found a contemporary service that met in a middle school. I called NR about 9:15 and Mike was doing well, had just finished breakfast, and they were going to get him showered and dressed.  When I arrived about an hour later, he was very perseverative and none of us could distract him or engage him in any activity or conversation. He was holding the cards to Sequence and slapping the table saying "These are not the SAME!" over and over. After about 20 minutes, I decided to go on to church. I couldn't do anything for him and I needed to be in Worship. 

God is so good. The songs & sermon were wonderful and the young woman who sat beside me is a nurse who works in a brain surgery department of a local hospital. After the service we talked for a good while and it was just such a blessing, because she understood to some degree the challenges we are facing. Also more prayer warriors were added to our army who are storming the gates of heaven on our behalf! If you're in the Blacksburg area, check out Northstar currently meeting in the Blacksburg Middle School on Prices Fork Rd. Jesus is definitely there. 

After grabbing some lunch, I went back to NR and Mike was in a very agitated state wanting to go somewhere. We finally got him in a vehicle and tried to just take him for a ride, but he was hitting the seat, taking off his seatbelt, and yelling "Let me GO!" Back at NR, he eventually settled down enough to play Sequence, then we watched a TV show and he was doing so well at that point that I asked to take him to Waffle House.  We went and he was terrific!  He ate an entire All Star Breakfast, a quarter of my waffle, and 2 cups of hot chocolate. His conversation was appropriate, he was calm and cooperative and ate slowly.

As soon as we walked out of the door, he said he wanted to go to Wal-Mart. We said no, it was too late and Wal-Mart too far away. That set him off and he started throwing a tantrum, basically. We got him into the NR vehicle, Peggy locked him in, and headed straight back to NR. I headed to Silvia's and called to check that they had arrived back safely. They did and this morning said he had slept all night. 

This erratic behavior is making it very difficult to find a placement for Mike and this weekend helped me again see that I cannot handle him on my own. I had a meeting with the staff this morning, and they are going to check into the remaining Training Centers in the state. Lisa and Ivan believe that would be the best fit for Mike of the options that are available.  It is heartbreaking, especially after I see a glimpse of the real Mike, but that is so rare.  

Well, I need to hit the road back to Blackstone. I tried to see Mike after my meeting this morning, but it was not a good morning, so I came on back to Silvia's, ate her delicious leftovers (Thank you Silvia!) and wanted to get an update on here.  Next I'll have to tell you about the 2 beautiful country weddings last month and other happenings.  As always, thank you for keeping up with us and especially for your prayers and love.