Sadly, Mike is back at Tucker Pavilion. We had another ER experience on Saturday after an out-of-control episode in the car. No wreck or anyone hurt, but had to go to the ER in order to get Mike calmed down. I am very thankful for all of the very understanding Police, Sheriff, and EMS workers who came up with creative solutions and made a very tense situation much less traumatic.
Sunday, I had a bit of a melt down, and just knew I couldn't take care of Mike one more day. My niece, Coley, drove us to TP on Monday around 3pm and about midnight, Mike was admitted. We are working with his Primary Care Physician, the Case Manager at TP, Brain Injury Association of Virginia, searching the internet, and making phone calls. My desire is to get Mike into a facility with a progressive mind-set, not just a maintain mind-set.
The feelings of guilt and should of/could of were incredibly strong Monday night and yesterday. I went and spoke with Mom and Dad's pastor in the afternoon, and that was very therapeutic. Even though I have made mistakes and there is more I could have or should have done, I have tried to take care of Mike and keep him at home, but I'm too worn down to do a good job with him now. I need to let go and give myself some time to rest and recover some sort of normalcy.
Please pray that God will lead us to a facility that will be appropriate for Mike. Please also pray that I can be at peace and give myself some grace. Friday I have an appointment with a lawyer to start the process of getting Guardianship. This is necessary when someone is not competent to speak for themselves. Power of Attorney is not enough in regard to mental health issues. Please, please pray for Mike. When he has his lucid moments, he does not remember any of the rough episodes, so doesn't understand that there is a problem or why he is at Tucker. This is so tough. There is still hope that he will continue to recover and this is only a phase; however, there is also the possibility that he won't get better or may become worse. I am having to come to accept this and know I cannot continue as we have been for the past few months. It is too demoralizing and at this point not good for Mike or me.
This has been especially hard right now, because our youngest son is getting married on June 22, and I've had to decide that it's probably best if Mike is not there. We never know what might trigger an aggressive or out-of-control episode. Change, over-excitement, food, crowds, loud music, hotel, lots of strangers, etc. are not a good combination for a TBI survivor at this stage of recovery. Please pray for us all, this is such an exciting & joyful time and yet an incredibly sad time also.
Psalm 145
1. I will exalt you, my god the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever.
2. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.
3. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.
9. The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.
13. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations.
The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all he has made.
14. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
16. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
17. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
18. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
19. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
20. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.
21. My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.
ALL, that means no one is left out. I will take Him at His word and trust Him.
Jennifer-I am in Charlotte with David tonight-actually morning now! We went to Target and bought wedding gifts for Keegan and Amy and took them over afterward. As sad as it is, you are making good decisions, at least, in my opinion. I wish we could come back for the wedding, but it is so soon after my current trip which is getting expensive! If I could come, one of my reasons,other than to attend the wedding, would be to give you a BIG hug for your courage, perseverance, faith, and love that you have shown the past year! Perhaps, God is using this experience as your "mission field" work. I have certainly been changed by reading your blog. You are living the faith, young lady!
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking while reading this post. I've been a caregiver in a less difficult (and shorter term) situation and I'm truly amazed by your endurance. And your faith.
My prayers are with you and Mike every day. Tonight I pray that you'll treat yourself with tenderness. You expressed it so perfectly - you need grace and respite in a place where you can restore body and spirit. I know that God will provide for you, his dearest child.
with love,
Amy
I will continue to pray for Mike, for you and the rest of your family. While my heart rejoices with you over the upcoming marriage of your son, it breaks for and weeps with you over the realizations about Mike's continued care. I so admire your courage to face each and every day, trusting in God to bear your burdens. May God extend his loving hands to you, specifically this day so that you can literally "feel" His warmth and comfort.
ReplyDeleteMargaret
Ditto Margaret's comments. Part of your recovery is recognizing and respecting your own limits. So send that guilt packing -- you've done an amazing job to date, and been selfless in your relentless pursuit to give Mike the best care and the best shot at recovery. But surely you know by now all caregivers need a respite. Remembering you each week as I light a candle for you, Mike, and your family. and frequently checking back here to see how you're doing. Keep us all posted.
ReplyDeleteMelissa