Father's Day & New Granddaughter

Greetings,
(That was always Mike's preferred salutation.) :-)

I spent several hours on Father's Day with Mike. He was a bit agitated when I arrived, but after a small dose of medication, he calmed down and I was able to take him to church. Afterwards, I took him to a local park where we enjoyed a homemade picnic in the great outdoors. A man and his two children were practicing medieval sword play with their soft weapons and shields which provided fun entertainment as we ate and subsequently walked around the soccer field. We were able to video chat with both of our boys and their families also. Mike doesn't say much, but I do think he enjoys actually seeing them. Back at The Harbor, we tried to talk with Mike's Dad, but I think by then he was over-stimulated so the nurse and I got him to bed with a new book I had brought him. At that point, he was ready for me to go.

Even though we had several good hours together, the abrupt ending left me feeling down as I drove away. I'm usually the one who tells Mike that I have to go and this time, although he didn't tell me to go in words, his actions spoke clearly. It was such a lovely day that I thought we'd stay outside and play a game or sit and admire the flower gardens, but he couldn't that day and it made me sad. I had to remind myself how well he did at church and at the park, plus be thankful that he is comfortable in his space at The Harbor.

I left there and drove to NC to await the arrival of our third grandchild who arrived the following Friday, June 24, right on schedule! Riley is a beautiful baby girl who looks like her mother, red hair and all. She was 6 lbs. 11 oz. and 18 inches long. We praise God that everyone is healthy and doing well. After the first couple of nights, she was sleeping for 2-3 hours at a stretch which made her Mom and Dad very happy. I had the privilege of playing with and caring for Aria, while everyone else was at the hospital, plus learning how to handle and train their 5 month old puppy, Brody.

Aria is a real joy. She's at the age of taking in so much, mimicking what others do and say, full of laughter, fun, and inquisitiveness, plus testing the boundaries. I called this age the terrible and terrific two's when mine were little. Brody is fun and can be a challenge. Thankfully, he is a very trainable dog and rarely barks. He has his "mouthy" and hyper times, but overall is very good. It was a special time being with all of them for almost 2 weeks.

If you zoom in,
there is a hummingbird
sitting on the electric
fence. 

Back home it's all about gardening, humidity, heat and the normal day-to-day activities. I've been trying to do a little bit of writing, but it is not flowing easily right now and I'm having a very hard time settling into any real routine in that regard. I have multiple things I want to read about writing and blogging, plus I have The Great Courses classes I ordered, but I have not been disciplined to do it. I tend to work on whatever seems urgent and is staring me in the face or take a break and read a fun book instead of making the time for these things. The tyranny of the urgent meets procrastination and the result is frustration. I have some sort of fear of this new path which is paralyzing me and causing me to cling to what I know I can do well, rather than taking the risk of a new venture with God. Prayers please!

Matthew 16:24

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, 

let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Cut the Spareribs!

On April 26, I did meet with the Pastor and Jack from the Stanardsville UMC. I gave them some pointers of how to interact with Mike and some background information. We arrived at The Harbor just before lunch was being served. Mike was in his perseverative "o" and anxiously waiting for his food to arrive, so there was no possibility of visiting at that moment. I showed them Mike's room and where the games were kept, so at least they were oriented. They tried again to converse with Mike, but to no avail that day.

Later that afternoon, Mike was calmer and I decided to take him out for a haircut. After getting settled in the chair and telling the hair stylist to use the #3 guard, all of a sudden Mike blurts out "Cut the spareribs!" Whoa! What in the world? I pondered what he might mean and came up with "cut my sideburns." When I asked if that was it, Mike said a resounding "Yes!" Phew. Glad we got that straight.

I went to see Mike again on May 14 & 15. When I got there Pastor Chuck and Jack were there visiting with Mike in the sun room. Said they had been talking about OSU. The Pastor had to leave shortly after, but Jack stayed and took a walk with us. What a blessing to have these men take the time to spend with Mike. Mike and I played cribbage and then went down the other wing of The Harbor and played some of the computer games. He seemed to enjoy it for a while, but became bored after about 30 minutes. We video chatted with some family members which was the first time I had done that with him. It was fun and we'll do that more, since everyone else lives too far away to come and visit him in person.

On Sunday, I went to the early service at Stanardsville UMC which is a contemporary service and then went to get Mike ready to come to the 11:00 service. He did very well and we even stayed for their "Sip & Chat" (a light lunch) after the service. He also ate most of his lunch when we got back to The Harbor. He weighs more than he ever has, I think. Last time I saw his weight, it was 182. They feed him well at The Harbor, but he still forgets that he's eaten and is hungry all the time.

Oh that we would have that kind of longing for our Lord, Jesus Christ. An insatiable hunger for His Word with a burning desire to tell the unsaved about the free gift of life paid for and freely offered by God's one and only Son.

Psalm 63:1 (ESV)

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

    my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you,

    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Revelation 22:17 (ESV)

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” 

And let the one who hears say, “Come.” 

And let the one who is thirsty come; 

let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

Writers Conference

Hello beloved,

Here I sit, enjoying the solitude of my sister's house after an amazing week at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference held at the Ridgecrest Conference Center in North Carolina. It is a lovely day. I have the windows open, the breeze is gently stirring the leaves, and the birds are joyfully singing. I am thankful for the time to process all that I've heard and learned in the past few days, plus the opportunity to rest.

The conference started on Sunday, May 22. Due to the fact that my room wasn't ready until after 5 (I arrived at 2) I had the chance to take a walk and pray in the serene prayer garden. I'll be honest, I was asking God to help me stay calm and not become anxious or irritated. Once my room was ready, I took a little time to get settled and cleaned up before supper and the evening group session. This in turn caused me to be a little bit late getting to supper. Most people were already seated and eating, but shortly after I sat down, another newbie, Teresa, came in and sat at the same table. She and I hit it off and it was so nice to have her to meet up with at lunch and sit with at the group gatherings. She is a precious person who I might have missed meeting, if my room had been ready when I registered. Thank you, Lord, for the delay.

A huge SHOUT-OUT to Kris for informing me of the conference and to the family members who made it possible also. I'm still praying and feeling my way into this new venture of writing that the Lord has for me and this conference was a fantastic boost. The faculty and other conferees were so kind and we were often encouraged to never give up. The Lord's presence was felt and there was such a sweet spirit with no sense of competition among the writers. Each author, editor, and publisher was there to lend a hand in developing the God-given gifts of writing to each one they encountered. Worship was beautiful, keynote speakers were informative, hilarious, and genuine, and there were so many great choices for classes that it was hard to decide.

I told you about 2 posts ago that I had decided on a domain name for a new blog. I fully thought it would be up and running by now; however, even though I had actually started setting it up, I became overwhelmed and ended up backing out of that particular hosting package. Soon after that, my Mom's health became such that she needed more care and there were several doctor visits and one hospital stay, so setting up a new blog and writing have been low on the priority list. I am so thankful to be living with my parents and be able to provide the care that is needed and believe I am right where I belong. Care-giving and being available to my parents and Mike is my first calling, the writing will come eventually or as I carve out time.

There were great suggestions given at the conference of how to incorporate writing into a full day. I know I need to set aside certain times throughout the week to try to make it happen or it won't. Whether it's 15 minutes or an hour, if it means getting up early or staying up late, if it means going somewhere quiet, or turning off my phone, there are ways to incorporate more writing into my day.

The keynote that had the greatest take-away for me was given by Eva Marie Everson from a passage in Nehemiah. At the end of her keynote, she had us all get up and form a "wall", shoulder to shoulder around the room. Once in place, she pointed out that each of us has a place in the wall and that no one else can take our place, because they have their own spot in the wall. Whatever God has called us to do or write, do it. If there are those who heckle and ridicule and tell us to give up, remember what Nehemiah said to Sanballat and Geshem "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."

Nehemiah 6:3

And I sent messengers to them, saying, 

“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. 

Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?”

There were so many great lessons during classes also. The recurring theme was that, as writers, we must stay close in our relationship with God through Bible study, prayer, and community so that our words honor and glorify God and speak the truth of His word. It truly was a wonderful conference and spiritual retreat. Whatever our calling, the same truths remain. Do with excellence what we've been called to do. Don't be lazy in our calling or let negative thoughts or ridicule from others turn us aside from God's calling. Go! He will equip.

Four Years

At this time four years ago today, I was sitting in a hospital waiting room with friends from church while Mike was undergoing life-saving surgery. At that point, I had no idea how extensive his injuries were, how much blood had been lost, or how close he was to dying. I also had no clue that the Mike I had known for 30 years was already gone even though physically he was hanging on to life in a miraculous way.

Four Years. Feels so much longer. So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. I know the Lord in a way I never would have imagined, I trust Him more now than I did then, I've made it through the most difficult experiences ONLY by the grace, peace, love, and strength of Jesus, my Lord. My rock, my shelter, my provider, my sustainer, my joy, my peace, my deliverer, my strong tower, my refuge in the storm, my GOD who never fails me. My God who has a plan, a purpose, even though I cannot see it, I trust Him because He is trustworthy and true. It's not something I can fully explain to you, but I KNOW down deep in my soul that He loves me and wants the best for me and Mike. Do I wish it were different? Absolutely! BUT more than anything, I want to be in God's will and since there's nothing I can do to change our current situation, then I trust that we ARE in His will right where we are and who we are now.

Psalm 145:1-3

I will extol you, my God and King,

    and bless your name forever and ever.

Every day I will bless you

    and praise your name forever and ever.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,

    and his greatness is unsearchable.

Easter Sunday I had the privilege of taking Mike to church at the Stanardsville UMC. From the moment we got there, people were so kind and showed us the love of Christ. Folks outside helped us get up the stairs and into the front door, we were greeted warmly, and an usher offered to bring us communion when it was time. No one seemed bothered when Mike spoke out LOUDLY during the children's time or when he answered questions that the Pastor asked during his sermon. The most precious to me was when a member of the choir, noticing (and hearing!) Mike's impatience to take communion, halted the flow of people to the altar and helped me get him to the altar so that he didn't have to wait any longer. It was such a pleasant experience, with people we did not know at all, which is how it should be in the family of God. Plus, I had no anxiety or embarrassment. People just have to love us the way we are or not, nothing I can do about it.  Thankfully after the service we were shown the side entrance where there were no steps to navigate.

Two other blessings have come from our visit on Easter morning. That night I emailed the Pastor to thank him for their love and compassion and asked if he or some of his members might be willing to visit Mike. I heard back from him either that night or the next day saying he would put Mike on his visitation list. We made a plan to go together the first time so that I can give him some pointers and we are doing that tomorrow. He told me on the phone yesterday, that another member of the congregation wants to come, as well, so I am very thankful.

The other blessing was connecting with a lady whose husband had also been at The Harbor when Mike first arrived, but has since had to move to another facility. We had met, but had never really had a chance to talk. Pastor Chuck shared my email (as I requested) and she was one of the choir members. I thought she looked familiar, but couldn't make the connection. She emailed me, reminding me of who she was and we have really enjoyed talking and emailing back and forth. Although her husband has dementia instead of brain injury, we still "speak the same language" and are living very similar lives in regard to our husbands. It is comforting to have a new friend that truly understands.

Since coming to acceptance of who Mike is now, pre-accident memories have surfaced more regularly. I was crushing graham crackers one day and an image of Mike fixing his lunch popped very clearly into my mind of him breaking graham crackers to put in a clean, used yogurt cup along with peanuts. He took this every day only alternating vanilla wafers occasionally. There have been other memories, but it is late and my brain can't think of them right now. Is past time for bed so I will say "Good night."

This is who Mike is, now.

Together at Christmas. 

Greetings beloved friends, it's been a while!

I hope each of you were able to enjoy time with family and friends during the Christmas season, as well as, special times of worship and remembrance of our Lord Jesus' birth.

I made quilts for both
of my grands for Christmas.
Isn't she adorable?!

He does best when
reading.

For our Christmas, a large portion of the Rice family gathered together at Massanutten, Virginia for a few days. Aria, my granddaughter, is very active and jabbery now, so it's great fun to have her around. Some of the family had hoped to ski or tube, but it was a balmy 70+ while we were there and thus no snow. We picked Mike up on Christmas Eve and caught part of a beautiful Christmas Eve service in Ruckersville, then brought Mike back with us for 2 nights. Caleb's family had also planned to join us, but their son became very sick the Sunday before Christmas with an ear infection and croup and so it was impossible for them to fly. That was a huge disappointment, but now they are coming in March! Yay! (praying everyone is healthy and weather is good!)

Our time together with Mike went fairly well. The biggest challenge was food. He still has a tendency to gorge and so has to be watched closely. He has a hearty appetite, but still doesn't know when he's full and guessing when to stop him from eating is tricky. We took a walk each day, and with someone to support him, he did very well. By the third day, it appeared that he was over-stimulated because he kept taking his book and going into the bathroom with the door closed and staying for long periods of time. We had thought we'd keep him three nights, but I hadn't slept well, so was tired, and he seemed done too. We had no problems taking him back to The Harbor on Saturday. He got in bed with his book and we left. 

On the Sunday after Christmas, most of us went bowling and I really enjoyed playing. I even had the highest score the first 2 games, I think it was 135 both times! My nephew won the last game with 150, I think.  Aria even tried pushing the ball down the alley. Such fun with family.

After the Jones family gathering back here at the farm, I drove to Ridgecrest in North Carolina to participate in the annual Faithwalkers conference with Keegan & Amy. There were wonderful speakers and I was able to reconnect with Kris who was such a blessing to us while we lived in Raleigh, as well as, saw friends of K&A whom I've come to know and love also. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling real well and so I left early to head home. 

When I got home, I was completely exhausted and did not want to travel anywhere! The thought of driving the 2 1/4 hours to see Mike was not a thought I wanted to entertain any time soon. In November I'd had several trips to the doctor with my Mom, then 3 weekends in a row of travel, the disappointment of Caleb's family not being able to come, had Mike with us and had been around lots of people, plus the busyness of Christmas. All combined, I was worn out physically and emotionally. There was also the above phrase playing in my head that I had not had the time to completely examine. 

The weekend before Christmas, during one of the back-to-back sessions with the brain injury specialist, I was looking at Mike lying there so calmly, and a strong impression came to my mind: "This is who Mike is now." I didn't say much about it until a couple of weeks ago, because I wanted to pray and make sure it was from the Lord.

After over a month of pondering and praying, I have a real sense of release and acceptance. Release of my almost 4 years of striving to do one more thing for Mike, and acceptance that he is as he is and I can let him be. I talked with several family members about it at the end of January and Mom Rice and I talked about the stages of grief. She had mentioned it before, but when I asked her how she felt about what I was saying, she said she thought that most of the rest of the family had already come to that point of grief - acceptance, but they weren't as close to it as I was and everyone goes through it differently. 

What this really means for me is no more treatments with the brain injury specialist and no more trying to get Mike off of medication. Plus, as Gayle so aptly reminded me, taking every thought captive and not second-guessing why the connection with the specialist, but trusting that God had a reason and purpose for that also and I don't have to know the "why". It means that I trust The Harbor and it's doctors and nurses and caregivers to do their job and I will love and visit Mike without great expectation of change. I don't think I can ever fully give up hope - there's always hope in Jesus, if not for this life, then for the next. Yet, for this life, I will be grateful for the wonderful facility and people the Lord has provided for Mike and ease up on my expectations of myself also. Mike is as content as he's going to be anywhere, I believe, and I will be content with his situation. He is being well taken care of and I can be of more help to my parents right now. It means releasing Mike and his future into God's hands more completely than I have done thus far. Hopefully completely. Truly accepting that Mike is who he is.

During this time, I also realized (with the help of my counselor) that my detailed personality had slipped into perfectionism and I was exhausting myself in an effort to be the perfect wife, perfect Christian, and perfect daughter. Too much striving. God says if I focus on Him, I'll have perfect peace. That's the perfection I want to strive for.

Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)

"You keep him in perfect peace

whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

It's really hard to put into words just how much of a difference all of this has made in my life in the space of a month. It's like a huge 4 year weight has been completely taken away and I feel lighter and more alive than I have in a very long time. It truly has been a long adventure to acceptance and will continue to be an adventurous journey, I'm sure, yet I have definitely had a shift in my thinking and a release that's hard to explain. Maybe this will help you understand just a bit: After I wrote to the specialist and told her that I wouldn't be bringing Mike back, she emailed me and suggested that I bring Mike back for one more hour to work on a specific area. The previous me would have felt compelled to do this one last thing, but now I have such peace and release from God, that it wasn't a hard thing to write back, graciously thank her, but explain that I believe I'm supposed to let Mike be now. No guilt, no quandary.

We had a beautiful snow. 12-15 inches probably.

At the end of January, after our big snow storm here, Gayle & Tom, came for a few days. While they were here, I asked Gayle to help me go through clothing and things of Mike's which he has not worn or used in 4 years.  We threw away very worn things, like Mike's favorite running shirt & shorts, sent lots to Goodwill, and kept very little. That job had been hanging over my head for a long time. I had gone over one day to do it, but didn't last very long. It was time and she was the perfect one to help me. Then she and Tom took care of taking bags to the dump and the good stuff to Goodwill. Another weight gone. 

Clapping to the music.

I even felt different when I visited Mike last weekend. I had not seen him since Christmas, and wasn't feeling guilty about that either and didn't have any expectations or agenda. He was doing as well as he does and I tried to follow his lead. I saw another resident wearing Mike's OSU hat, and thought "Oh well, Mike isn't worried about it. Let it be." I helped Mike eat and we walked up and down the hall a few times, but otherwise I mostly sat with him while he read. We were at peace and not striving. The highlight was The Harbor concert series which featured an Irish band on Saturday afternoon. They were terrific! Their name is An Lar and Mike and I thoroughly enjoyed listening, clapping, and trying to sing-along. I tried to upload a video of Mike clapping, but it won't load.

This week, I've actually decided on a domain name and started setting up my own self-hosted blog. I'm so excited! (and a bit nervous!) I'm venturing out into a new life for me. I've been doing some writing in a journal that will eventually go on this new blog which will be a devotional-type blog. I'm learning a lot of blog-eze, but trying not to get too deep or overwhelmed.  The great thing is that this is my "baby" and there is no time frame or expectations except what I put on myself. No stress!!  As soon as I get it together and publish my first post, I'll let you know. Physically, other than the exhaustion and stress, I found out that I have acid reflux and with a small diet change and some medication, I am feeling much better. 

I may not be posting on here as much in the future, but will continue to occasionally let you know how Mike is doing (and me). For the "new" Mike, he's doing well, is well adjusted at The Harbor and well taken care of by loving workers. All is well for him and it is well with my soul too.

A Gift

This past weekend was one of those times when I was really missing my husband. I was missing the companionship, sharing concerns and joys, talking and sharing about what the Lord is teaching us and just being together. To be honest, Mike and I didn't always have the best or easiest marriage. It really took work and a concerted effort to decide to love each other even when we didn't always feel in love. There were other times when I think we knew we loved each other, but didn't really like each other all that much. Maybe you understand this, maybe you don't. What we had going for us; however, is that we both loved Jesus and so even when we were at odds with each other, we continued to look to Jesus, and through that commonality we would always draw back towards each other. In other words, Jesus was and is the glue that has held Mike and I together for 31 years. I have no regrets about sticking it out through thick and thin. I do have regrets of not always loving and respecting my husband as I should. I have given those regrets to the Lord and asked for forgiveness. My encouragement to you who are married is to cherish that relationship, speak encouraging words to each other, (like the old song says "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative"), let go of the small stuff (and there's lots of small stuff really), find simple ways to please your spouse, look for ways to be together,  and above all place the Lord Jesus front and center always. It's amazing that when we focus on Christ and what He endured because of His love for us, all that seemed so important suddenly fades away and we often see just how selfish we are.

Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, 

let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. 

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 

fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. 

For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, 

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, 

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Anyway, a wave of missing Mike had swept over me on Saturday and Sunday and I've been praying more fervently for God to restore him from his bed of illness (Psalm 41:3). He's had a rough few weeks. The hyper-activity was still prevalent and after speaking with Dr. B., it was decided to increase (not decrease) the Depakote. The doctor was concerned that lowering the dose would make Mike worse and said we would know within a few days if increasing the medication made Mike more hyper and go from there. The very next day I received a call that Mike had gotten the window in his room open, broke the screen, threw his family photos and Bible out the window and was trying to crawl out. At least his thinking is clearer and he was taking what was important to him! I called every couple of days to check on him and he was mainly hyper like he was when I was there, not really more hyper or less hyper, except for the window incident. Monday I spoke with the head nurse and she said he was still walking fast down the hall and they had a few incidents of him grabbing someone's arm, but she thought he might be a bit calmer. We both agree that we much prefer to see him this way rather than lying in bed half the day and falling when he was up and around.

Now that he is more physically stable, I decided to get him an appointment with an optometrist for new glasses. (He's lost or broken 4 pair in the past 3.5 years, so I've been slow to get more.) The Wal-mart in Ruckersville has an optometrist there 3 days a week. Monday I made an appointment online for Tuesday afternoon. When I arrived at The Harbor, Mike was sitting quietly in the dining room waiting for lunch, he was not repeating "o", he answered questions appropriately, we sang Christmas carols, he read some missionary newsletters that I brought, and was not frantic when his food came. This was fabulous!! At the doctor's office, he tried to cooperate and follow instructions and was not impatient. He needed extra prompting or additional instruction for some things, but so much calmer - it was amazing! 

Since he was doing so well, we walked to the other side of Wal-mart so that he could get a haircut. When the stylist asked if he liked his haircut, he said "it makes my wife happy". Ha! :-) Just for him to be "with it" enough to say something like that is so huge. He even asked me twice if I was cold. Usually he seems oblivious to others, so this was such a great day.

By now it was almost 3:00 and I hadn't had any lunch yet. I was hungry and Mike is always hungry, so I suggested we get something to eat. Mike usually wants a burger so we were headed to McDonald's when he saw a Subway and wanted to go there. I wasn't sure he'd be able to handle a sub sandwich, but he was super calm, so why not? He ate a 6" chicken sub, a bag of chips, 1/2 of my tuna salad, drank a bottle of orange juice, plus ate a piece of fruitcake with wine jelly and custard that I brought from home. Remember that he had eaten his entire plate at The Harbor at noon! He did fantastic, I kept reminding him to eat slowly and chew carefully and he did great. 

Back at The Harbor, one of the CNAs told me Mike had been super cooperative that morning while showering which is very unusual. She was saying how she would sure like to know what he is thinking on those days when he is so agitated. We have no idea what combination made yesterday such a calm, cooperative, clear day, but it was wonderful. A true gift from God. Mike was so pleasant to be with and after 3.5 years, I don't take those days for granted. I am so thankful that I was able to be with him yesterday on an extremely great day. He will probably never be like he was prior to the accident, but I am so thankful for an easy, relaxed, calm day with him whenever I can get it. God knew my heart's desire and provided a balm to soothe the ache. Yesterday I had a fun day with my husband.

So, go hug your spouse (or a loved one), tell them you love them, speak words of affirmation to them, and thank the Lord for every minute you are given the privilege of enjoying their company. It is a gift.

Hyper

Saturday, November 21, 2015
9:00 AM - I arrive at The Harbor. Mike is walking very fast down the hall (without the walker). Repeating "o". I start walking with him. He comes back up the hall, enters the dining room and goes around the corner to where a man is sitting. Mike grabs the man's arm and yanks. I pried him off, grabbed his walker and we proceed to walk up and down the hall for over 30 minutes. He is much more physically stable since the Haldol is out of his system. Each pass I block him from entering the dining room. M gives Mike his PRN (as needed) medication in preparation for going to see the Brain Injury Specialist, Chena.

9:40 AM - T brings out Connect 4 and we attempt to have Mike play. He wants to go to the corner and bother C. Finally he sits and tries to play, but is antsy. C leaves the corner, Mike is immediately up and in the corner to sit in the vacant chair. We play Connect 4 again. The "o" continues, but he's a bit calmer. I ask S if Mike has been sitting in that corner, she says "You know what? He does sit there a lot." That was the issue. It wasn't C, he just wanted the chair.

10:00 AM - I go to Mike's room and find his shoes, then ask T if Mike can have his morning snack since we need to leave soon. Shoes on, yogurt eaten. "Come on Mike, let's go for a ride." Nothing, Mike is not budging from his coveted chair. "Mike, let's go outside." Nope. "Mike, it's a beautiful day, want to go outside for a walk?" Nada. "Come on Mike, let's get out of here for a while." Not moving.

10:20 AM - T helps me move the chair and make Mike stand up. Once up, he cooperates to put his jacket on and we leave. In the car, he is calm and the "o" stops. A couple minutes down the road he shouts: "I don't need to be at this place anymore!" We talk about why he is there. I explain where we are going and why. Mike tells me he doesn't remember anything about the accident. I ask him to cooperate as much as possible with Chena. He is calm.

11:00 AM - Arrive at Chena's office. Mike waits patiently. He asks me what day my birthday is in May. (Wow! He remembered the month.) I ask him his birth date. He remembers. I ask how old he is, he says 56. (He's 59) I ask him what year it is and he answers correctly! First time since the accident that he hasn't said 2012. (The year of his accident.)

11:10 AM - Mike is very cooperative with Chena and lays quietly on the massage table. She begins the treatment, which is very different and unusual to us. She is pressing on different areas, mainly on his face and head. I don't begin to understand it, but believe God orchestrated our connecting with her and so trust there is a reason and some good is going to come of this alternative treatment.

11:50 AM - Mike raises his head and shouts: "I want to see the doctor!" We explain that Chena is the "doctor" and he relaxes again. He shouts out a couple of other times during the course of the 2 hour treatment, but otherwise does great. Praise God!

1:00 PM - Chena explains what she has learned from Mike's body so far. Depression comes through strongly. Noise and touch cause a breakdown. I can't really explain it, but the way I understand it is that too much noise and touch cause his brain to not function properly. Mike's never been a touchy/feely kind of guy - it all makes sense. She checked his neurotransmitters and said the epinephrine (adrenaline) was off. We are scheduled to go back December 18 & 19 for two more 2 hour sessions. She's thinking it will take about 20 hours total. She says he will be sleepy the rest of the day.

1:15 PM - Mike is doing well, so I ask if he would like to try eating a burger. I caution him that he has to eat slowly, chew carefully and swallow so as not to choke. He says he will. (He's always agreeable if it's something he wants to do.)

1:30 PM - Drive-thru at McDonald's. I ask if there is a park nearby. We drive the 3 blocks, find the park and walk to the hexagonal picnic tables. We get Mike's legs in and he plunks down, misses the seat and flops backwards. Thankfully, his feet kept him from going over completely and the table was heavy enough that it didn't flip over. Phew! With effort, we got him upright, he ate slower than usual and even drank a Coke. It was a lovely fall day and the sun was bright and warm.

2:30 PM - Back at The Harbor, they had saved his lunch plate and he ate the entire thing, but is back to being hyper. I had to feed him so he wouldn't gorge. The "o's" are back with a vengeance. I get him to lie down to rest so that later we can watch the OSU football game together. I drive up to the local library to take a break, sit in the car, and read.

3:20 PM - Mike is sitting in the dining room. He did not rest. He cannot sit still. He keeps wanting to grab wheelchairs (with people sitting in them) and push them around. They don't like this. The next 2 hours are spent walking, blocking him from wheelchairs, watching a bit of the game. Over and over and over. I ask if he had his afternoon meds. Yes. Seems they are doing the opposite of calming him down. M says maybe Mike has built up a tolerance to them. He was definitely NOT sleepy.

5:30 PM - I feed Mike his supper, then leave to spend the night with my Aunt. I'm exhausted and remember why I couldn't keep Mike with me 24/7. Without the Haldol, the hyperactive, can't-sit-still Mike is back. Something will have to be done for the safety of him and others.

Sunday, November 22, 2015
8:40 AM - I arrive at The Harbor. Mike is sitting at a dining room table looking at a catalog. Calmer than Saturday. We sit for a while, then walk the halls again.

9:30 AM - Start getting him ready to go to church. He's antsy. The slacks I brought are too small. Yay! He's gained weight. No big deal, someone else's jeans are in his closet, they're too big, but I brought a belt. Mike doesn't complain.

10:20 AM - Finally cleaned up and ready to go. Gateway Church meets in the local Elementary School. We sit half way between front and back. Without his glasses, he can't read the words to the song. This makes him agitated. (I make a mental note to try to get new glasses. He's either lost or broken 4 pair in the past 3 years.) He speaks out loudly during the music and is very fidgety during the sermon. I brought his notebook and pen which helps by giving him something to concentrate on. He takes a few notes.  We leave during the last song. Both Pastors greet us, Mike sees snacks, stuffs 2 mini-cinnamon rolls in his mouth, before I can get him away from the table.  He speedily walks to the car, starting the "o's". Maybe this was too much stimulation on the heals of the new experience yesterday.

12:00 PM - We get his clothes changed, he swallows his pureed lunch whole. Very antsy and hyper. We walk. He tried to lie down. Popped right back up. I try to settle him in a chair in the hall with a book. He can't sit still. I let M know that I am leaving to go home. Mike stuck with "o" and popping up and down in the chair.

12:30 PM - I leave. I want to go to a large restaurant, where I will be "invisible", I don't feel like talking with anyone. I take in my book, eat and read.

1:30 PM - I start the 2 1/4 hour drive home. It is a good time to enjoy the quiet, pray, reflect, and think. I decide to more thoroughly research the medication Mike is on now. I want to see if anything throws up red flags. I cannot shake the thought that the Depakote could be causing this hyper activity. That he doesn't need another sedating medicine, because possibly that is just treating a side-effect of a current medicine. I pray that God will give Dr. Bostic wisdom. I am tired. Half way home, I stop and buy a coffee. I try to call a couple of people to fill them in on the weekend and help me stay awake. My right hip and back are aching.

4:00 PM - Home safe. Thank you, Jesus. Drop my bags and crash on the bed.

I am very thankful that we had no problems while driving to Orange and to church, that Mike cooperated so completely with Chena, and for the pleasure of Mike being able to eat solid food outside in the sunshine. What a blessing that we did not have any mishaps. God is good!

Please be in prayer for Mike and pray that God will impress on Dr. Bostic what is needed in order to keep Mike and others safe. Mike is not having peace and rest right now. It's been 3 years and 7 months since his accident, and we have yet to find the right, sustained balance for him between hyperactivity and droopy sedation. Pray for me also, that I don't internalize the stress. I'm praying that God will take away this feeling regarding Depakote, if it is unfounded and give me peace. If the Depakote is causing some of Mike's issues, then I pray that God will impress what to do about it on Dr. Bostic. Researching the medication and taking Mike to the Brain Injury Specialist are the only things left, that I can think of, for me to do in regard to Mike's situation. I have not gotten a sense that it is time for me to give up, yet. There is always hope.

God gives grace and peace. I pray that for Mike and me. We have been rescued from sin. One day we will be rescued from this decaying world. Hallelujah!

Galatians 1:3-5 (NIV)

Grace and peace to you from God our Father

and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for

our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, 

according to the will of our God and Father,

to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Connect the Dots

I was in Stanardsville with Mike on November 4-6. I think he looks much better now that the Haldol is out of his system. He has lost the really dark circles under his eyes and his eyes seem brighter and clearer. He is more stable physically also. His mind seems a bit clearer; however, he is a bit....edgy. It's hard to explain, but since he is not as sedated, the fast-blood Mike (his nickname in Palau) is more apparent. When his fastness is combined with the no-filters-TBI component, the impatience and quickness to action can cause problems for his overall well-being. (i.e. eating and walking too fast) I still think it's better than being overly sedated and unstable.

The Harbor has connected with students from a nearby high school who have volunteered to spend time with some of the residents. On Tuesday, November 3, two students from the cross-country team and their father came and took Mike for a walk. This is great, but unfortunately their first time out with Mike, he fell. Evidently, as they talked about running, Mike became excited and tried to run. I'm assuming they semi-caught him, because he wasn't seriously injured, but did receive scrapes on his right arm and a cut above his eye. The volunteers said they would be back, but I don't know if they have or not.

Thursday was a lovely Fall day and Mike was doing well. We walked a little and then sat in the garden while I showed him photos & videos of Caleb, Anastasia, and Watson. It did not seem to phase him that I had gone to Arizona (I wasn't sure if it would upset him that I went and he didn't).  He asked me if I lived with Mark and Anastasia. He still gets people in our family confused. I told him "No, Caleb and Anastasia live too far away."  Mike - "No, they don't!" Ah well, he enjoyed the photos. We do have the cutest grandson ever!

Sleepy Watson

I can see for miles and miles!

Cool hats

I had a great 10 days in Arizona. Watson is at such a fun age. He was crawling fast and would take several steps. I'm convinced that ottomans are a must for those learning to walk. He would careen around those things, fall, scramble up again, go round and round, giggling and having a fine time! His laugh would have all of us laughing. Such a doll.  I am so blessed to have been able to go and see Watson during this quickly changing phase of his life.

We also enjoyed a short 2 day trip to Sedona and Flagstaff so that I could see more of the beauty of Arizona. We saw the red rocks and visited some adobe ruins which I found very interesting plus a volcano site. (Sunset Crater?)

From the ashes

Beautiful scarred tree
preserved from the volcano 

Anyway, back to Mike. He is still on pureed foods and thickened drinks. They brought his plate and I asked for a lunch plate too. He ate all of his plate and I shared my solid food with him. I had to constantly remind him to eat slow, chew and swallow. Since he was doing so well, I decided to take him out to get his haircut. We found a local barber and he did OK. I'm guessing that the noise of the clippers bothered him, because he would keep turning his head. The barber was very kind and worked with him. Afterwards, we went through the drive-thru at McDonald's to get him a milkshake. While waiting in line, he kept moving things around in the car. I asked him if he needed something to do with his hands and he said "yes!" All I could find in the car was a straw, but he took the paper off and played with the flexible straw until we placed our order and got the milkshake. Now that he had something to occupy him, I decided to drive a little so we could see the beautiful fall foliage. We drove up Lydia Mountain which isn't far and then he was ready to go back to The Harbor.

 On Friday he had a dentist appointment for a filling. After seeing how he did at the barber, I asked the director if he could be given his PRN medication before going to the dentist. That was granted. Now let me back up. On Tuesday night, I had the idea to email Pastor Aaron at Gateway to see if anyone from their church was available to go with Mike and I to the dentist on Friday. I received an automated response that the Pastor was unavailable until Nov. 11, but it gave another Pastor's name, phone number, and email in case of emergency. This wasn't an emergency, so at first I wasn't going to email, but decided I would, just in case this other pastor had heard of our situation and knew of any volunteers.

Well, I think God has been having a lot of fun connecting dots for Mike and I. When I heard from Pastor Matt, it turns out that he is from a small town close to Blackstone, he went to the same high school that lots of my family went to (including me) and was in the band with 2 of my nieces. He even went to a dance with one of my nieces! God's small world! He was available Friday, so came and assisted Mike and I to the dentist office. It was so great to already have connections which made it all more comfortable for me and gave us things to talk about right away. The best part is that he was able to meet Mike, learn more about him, and is going to work at getting a couple of guys to come visit Mike on hopefully a regular basis. Mike did fantastic at the dentist. He was calm while driving back and forth plus conversed a little bit with Matt.

When we returned, it was lunch time and Mike became very anxious. We were able to show Matt where Mike's room and games were and then proceeded quickly to the dining hall. Lunch was difficult and I could not get him to slow down and relax. Matt went on and left while Mike was eating. After getting his noon medication, we took a walk and he began to calm down. By then he was tired, so I got him in bed with a book then headed home myself. All in all, I believe he did very well with both outings and meeting a new person. I'm very glad he did well on both drives. That gives me more confidence to take him out for short trips which is a pleasant diversion for him and makes me happy to get him out.

I will be going up again this Friday. Mike will have his first treatment with the brain injury specialist on Saturday from 11-1. I would appreciate prayers. I will be taking him to her office in Orange which is about a half hour drive from the Harbor. It's right at lunch time, so I will take him yogurt before and maybe after also, until we can get back for his lunch. Since he's on the pureed diet, I don't want to take him out to eat. I'm excited to start this treatment and hope we'll see some improvement as the treatments progress.

He does seem to be settling in and more comfortable at The Harbor, so I am thankful for that improvement. The staff said he has really enjoyed watching football. They were amazed at how different he was while watching a Redskins game. They said that Mike and another lady were cheering and Mike knew all the rules of the game. That long-term memory is there when given the right stimulation. Is always a joy to hear those good reports. The other interesting thing is that the older women there seem to have taken Mike under their wing. When we returned from the barber shop on Friday, one lady came up, took me by the arm, looked at me with such kindness, and said "Thank you, that was so good for him."  It reminds me of how God shelters us under His wings.

Psalm 91:1-4

The one who lives under the protection of the Most High

dwells in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust."

He Himself will deliver you from the hunter's net,

from the destructive plague.

He will cover you with His feathers;

you will take refuge under His wings.

His faithfulness will be a protective shield.

Do You Trust God? Part II

"If you pray that God will move a mountain and He doesn't,

assume Christ wants you to climb it instead and see Him transfigured.

God, please don't let me be the kind of person to whom You can say, 

'Unless you see miraculous signs and wonders,

you will never believe'."

Beth Moore/John 4:48

Do we seek Jesus more, as much as, or less than we seek things from Him? Do we view Him as the one to go to when we need something or do we simply desire to sit at His feet and be with Him? Are we able to quiet our spirit and racing thoughts so that we can hear His Holy Spirit and thus align our will to His? Are we so busy asking for a miracle that we fail to see the Miracle Worker? Have we become discouraged by the mountain or become complacent in the valley instead of putting one hard step in front of the other to climb with Jesus and experience new heights of understanding and new depths of closeness with our Lord? Does the prayer have to be answered only in the way we imagine in order for us to believe that God hears us?

Psalm 131

My heart is not proud, Lord,

    my eyes are not haughty;

I do not concern myself with great matters

    or things too wonderful for me.

But I have calmed and quieted myself,

    I am like a weaned child with its mother;

    like a weaned child I am content.

Israel, put your hope in the Lord

    both now and forevermore.

A weaned child - content to just be with their mother, trusting that she will provide whatever is needed at the proper time. The MacArthur Study Bible says: "David has been trained to trust God to supply his needs as a weaned child trusts his mother." This tells me that, no matter the circumstances or difficulties that come into our lives, we can find contentment by spending time with our Lord Jesus and trusting Him to provide exactly what is needed. We all know that needs are different from wants. None of us want pain, suffering, trials, persecution, sickness, etc. Yet, if we try to shortcut and avoid all pain, difficulties, and struggles, or try to get around the mountain when He is calling us to climb it, I believe we miss out on what we actually need to grow in our dependence on God and the richness of close communion with our Heavenly Father. When we find that we are able to enter His presence, calm, and quiet ourselves in the midst of the raging battle and be content to go wherever He is going, the struggles lose their power to overwhelm or defeat us because we are with Him. Then it's not about us at all, it's all about Jesus and accepting His perfect will for our lives.

Recently I was talking with a friend who shared that one of her favorite images of Jesus is one where He is sitting with little children around Him and one child is on His lap. She said there are times when she just imagines herself crawling up onto Jesus' lap just to be close to Him and how it is especially comforting during rough times. I love that! When all around is turmoil and uncertainty, we may always "crawl onto the lap" of our blessed Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. In His embrace is security and serenity and the more we are with Him, the more we trust that His will and way are the best. Whether it's climbing a mountain of difficulty or losing a husband to TBI or losing a child, we discover that we certainly "can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". (Philippians 4:13)

Nancy Guthrie definitely understands that God's will is often not our will as she mourned the loss of 2 babies within the first 6 or 7 months of their lives. In her book Holding on to Hope she states it this way: "Often, I see the body of Christ put so much into pursuing God for healing. With great boldness and passion and persistence, we cry out to God, begging for physical healing. And in these prayers, there is often a tiny P.S. added at the end where we say, 'If it be your will.' But shouldn't we switch that around? Shouldn't we cry out to God with boldness and passion and persistence in a prayer that says, 'God, would you please accomplish your will? Would you give me a willing heart to embrace your plan and your purpose? Would you mold me into a vessel that you can use to accomplish what you have in mind?' And then, perhaps, we could add a tiny P.S. that says, 'If that includes healing, we will be grateful.' Isn't real faith revealed more through pursuing God and what he wants than through pursuing what we want? ....Rather than running from your suffering or trying to pray it away, would you embrace it and look for God in it? ....Would you hold tight to the truth that there is no meaningless suffering for a child of God (emphasis mine), and would you refuse to allow pain to be wasted in your life?"

"A willing heart". Everyday, we need to do a "heart check". Today is my heart willing and open to what the still, small voice of God's Holy Spirit is speaking to me or am I in self-mode, Martha-mode, what's popular mode or running on auto-pilot off of Sunday's worship service? Have I bowed my knee and will to Jesus today? Am I pliable in His hands every moment of every day? Am I giving up the things I want daily?

Luke 9:23-25 (NCV)

Jesus said to all of them, “If people want to follow me, 

they must give up the things they want. 

They must be willing to give up their lives daily to follow me. 

Those who want to save their lives will give up true life. 

But those who give up their lives for me will have true life. 

It is worthless to have the whole world if they themselves are destroyed or lost.

I desire to have that "true life", I don't want to waste the pain in my life, if God can use it for His glory. I want my "wants" to become God's wants. I want this trial, with all of it's pain, anxiety, despair, and pressure, to catapult me into new depths of love, trust, devotion, and risk for Jesus Christ. I want to know and to submit to His will for me, no matter the difficulties that come along the way. I want to be faithful to the Lord who has been so very faithful to me and trust that as I seek His face, He will show me the way He has for me. And above all, I want to reflect my Master and glorify His precious name. Jesus.

Philippians 3:8b-14 (NCV)

I think that all things are worth nothing compared with the greatness
 of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of him, I have lost all those things,
 and now I know they are worthless trash. This allows me to have Christ and to belong to him.
Now I am right with God, not because I followed the law, 
but because I believed in Christ. God uses my faith to make me right with him.
I want to know Christ and the power that raised him from the dead. 

I want to share in his sufferings and become like him in his death. 

Then I have hope that I myself will be raised from the dead.

I do not mean that I am already as God wants me to be. 

I have not yet reached that goal, but I continue trying to reach it 

and to make it mine. Christ wants me to do that, which is the reason 

he made me his. Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal, 

but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward 

what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize 

for which God called me through Christ to the life above.

I know that I am not yet what God wants me to be and I don't want to run away from the path he has for me. I want to persevere. I want to know Christ, the power that raised Him from the dead, and become like Him in His death. He was totally submitted to God and died a horrible death. He totally trusted His Father and was raised with power.

The goal seems a long way off, but I want to keep straining toward what God has ahead for me here on this earth and continue to look forward to that time when all pain and suffering will be a thing of the past when I see Him face to face in eternity. Obviously, God has not chosen to remove the TBI mountain, but we are assured that healing awaits Mike when he sees Jesus face to face in the life above. That is power and will be complete healing forever. No more falls, no more confusion, no more pain, no more suffering, no more tears or sadness. Oh what a day that will be!

Revelation 21:4 (NCV)

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, 

and there will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain, 

because all the old ways are gone.”

In September, I had the privilege of a weekend in Raeford, NC with our former Sunday School teacher and her husband. What a wonderful time of rest and heart-sharing with a precious woman of God. Her husband had to work most of the time, but it was also a blessing to get to know him a bit better. They were both so hospitable and made me feel right at home. On my way from Stanardsville to Raeford, I had been anxious about Mike and the evening agitation he experiences. That morning I was undecided as to whether I should go back to The Harbor before heading to NC, but it would have added a lot of time to the day and really all I needed to do was speak with the nurse and doctor. Thankfully, I didn't let my anxiety dictate what to do, but instead lifted the burden to the Lord. I drove about one hour toward North Carolina and then stopped to call the nurse. I asked her to have the doctor call me and he did in just a couple of minutes! He listened to my concerns and made a couple of adjustments in Mike's medication which I told you about previously.

Anyway....as I continued driving down the road, I passed a sign (see photo) that said "Tightsqueeze". It gave me a laugh to think that a place was named that and it was so fitting to how I felt that morning that I did a U-turn so I could take a picture. Not 20 minutes later, I passed what looked like a used car lot and in HUGE letters across the top of their building was the following:  "NOT I, BUT CHRIST!"  I wish I had done another U-turn to get that photo, but alas, I didn't. I'd already stopped twice and thought I'd never get to my destination if I kept making U-turns. 

It was such a lesson from God to me that rainy Friday. Why do I worry and get anxious and in a tight squeeze when I can go to the source of peace and calmness at any moment? There really was nothing I could do for Mike except speak with the doctor. When I calmed my anxious thoughts and spoke with God, He spoke truth to my heart. Then in a humorous way there were signs along my path to remind me that when I'm in a tight squeeze I just need to remember that it's "Not I, but Christ!" He will guide and direct, if I trust Him and seek Him. His will is perfect and He is always available. I just need to walk with Him or crawl into His lap.  That I'm allowed to do that is miracle enough for me. I love you, Jesus.

Hello Changes, Goodbye Haldol

Hello Changes

I really have been working on Part II of the "Do You Trust God?", but have been distracted by many projects and changes lately. About a month ago, I was experiencing increased stress and anxiety. My Mom was not feeling real well and I desired to be home more to help her and Daddy, plus be with & advocate more for Mike. Working at the dentist office was stressful for me also. I felt scattered in too many directions and was having trouble focusing. I have also sensed that God is developing me as a writer and that I'm supposed to write more, but it takes a concerted effort for me to get still, read, pray, and get words down on "paper".  I am a "Martha" more than a "Mary" and like seeing projects completed. Writing takes a lot of time!

In the past few months, there have been times when I sensed I was supposed to write about a certain thing, didn't sit down and do it, and then when I did finally go to the computer, the words were gone. That made me uncomfortable. It's as though God was giving me a word to share, I didn't do it in a timely manner, and so He took it away. I don't want to miss God's will for me and have to figure out a schedule that permits time to write. I can't blame anyone else, it's all me. I love to dig in the dirt, planting flowers, and keeping weeds out so everything looks pretty. I also greatly enjoy being of assistance to Mom and Dad, travelling to be with Mike, and setting up the Media Shout for church. These things all have a more immediate form of satisfaction; however, I've found that when I do get a blog post done like the "Do You Trust in God?", I am exhilarated and want to share more of what I'm learning.

Tracey gave me a book called Upside: The New Science of Post-Traumatic Growth. I haven't read much yet, but the author, Jim Rendon, talks about how trauma and stress can cause new and positive changes in people's lives and how stress causes us to look for a solution.  As I looked at my stress, I saw that I could do something about being with Mom & Dad and Mike more if I let go of the stress of the paying job. So, after prayer and talking with family and friends, I have let go of working at the dentist's office so that I'm more available to Mike, Mom & Dad, and hopefully I will be more diligent in writing. This has decreased my anxiety level, so is a change that is benefiting me also. Not just in the anxiety area, but I believe it is how God has gifted me. I find my greatest joy in serving and helping others, plus sharing about Jesus. There's nowhere I would rather be than right here with Mom and Dad and being with Mike. I am comfortable in behind-the-scenes positions; however, God often calls us out of our comfort zones.

Our Sunday School class has been studying John Ortberg's book "If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat." I never cared for writing. English was my least favorite subject, especially grammar. So to think about being a writer, is scary. I don't feel like a writer, but I find that when I obey that still small voice and sit down at the computer, the words just come. So, I'm starting to stick my toe in the water and risk getting out of my comfort zone. I am researching ways to write short articles or devotional type blogs online and even ways to possibly make some money through these avenues. This is also out of my comfort zone (to make money while sharing about Jesus). Paul talks about this in I Corinthians 9, so I will see how God leads in that regard. Eventually, I'll also pursue getting our story turned into a book, but that seems too overwhelming currently.

Please pray that I will be sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and not squander the time I am given. I think it is especially hard for me when I see everyone working so hard physically on the farm and it's how I grew up. If we were sitting around reading or not looking productive, Daddy always found something for us to do! (He's still good at that!) :-) I'm trying to learn to walk to the "beat of a different drummer" amidst the busyness of a working dairy farm where there is always a lot of activity and projects and weeding and watering and trimming and...you get the picture. I have to remind myself often of my counselor's words: "Not my circus, not my monkeys." It's not my job to try to help EVERYWHERE there is a need. I also find myself thinking I deserve a night off to just vegetate in front of the TV if I've had a really busy day or am just tired. Not that it's necessarily bad occasionally, but I don't want to get into the habit. Again, seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance as to the best use of my time, not being lazy or procrastinating. I want to do His will for me.

A few weeks ago I had a sudden revelation. It dawned on me that when I prayed I always asked for God's will to be done in Mike's and my life as though God had one will for the two of us. Suddenly I realized that I cannot live out God's will for Mike's life! I can only live out God's will for my life! Yes, I love Mike and I am his wife and guardian and have to make many decisions for him, but I cannot live his life for him or only do things in my life because they benefit Mike. I must follow the path that God has laid out for me, and trust God to work out His will in Mike's life. We are still connected, but we are also still two different individuals. This realization was so freeing for me and helped me decide to step out of the boat and take a God-sized risk.

Goodbye Haldol

Dr. B has taken Mike off of the last bit of the anti-psychotic drug, Haldol. Yay! The Seroquel has been increased, but it is supposed to be a milder anti-psychotic. I went up Wednesday afternoon and spent almost all day last Thursday and half a day on Friday with Mike. To be honest, he doesn't look real well. He does have a chest cold and I think all of the falls have taken a real toll on his body. Physically he has declined in the last year. His left leg was weakened by the accident and he seems to be having more trouble with it now. We try to make sure he walks with the walker or scoots around in the wheelchair, but because he is so impulsive, it is hard to always monitor his activity. 

I pushed him in the wheelchair up by the rehab facility.
He helped get up the hill by using his feet.

We played Yahtzee in the afternoon, and he beat me 369 to 287. Thursday afternoon, I took him for a short drive up to Lydia Mountain. He did well, but since it was shortly before supper, he didn't want to do too much exploring. By supper time, I think he is brain fatigued and loses the ability to break out of the repetitive "o" or humming sounds. He is much more subdued which makes him easier to handle, but is also difficult to see since he was such an active guy.

This brings me to the other GODincident. Way back in June, a friend from church, Lisa, sent me an email about a God-encounter she had while on their family vacation. Her youngest daughter started playing with another little girl at the beach and then the parent's started talking and later the 2 moms went to pick up pizza so that they could all eat together. As they talked and learned about each other, the other lady, C, said that she was a Brain Injury Specialist, Lisa felt a quickening of her spirit and knew that the Holy Spirit was at work. Lisa told her about Mike and in God's amazing ways had connected Lisa with C, a Brain Injury Specialist, who only lives 10 minutes from The Harbor!

C and I have sent text messages back and forth and phone tagged each other several times over the past few months, but our schedules had never meshed. I had sent her a text last week letting her know when I would be in town, but again her schedule was full during that time. Evidently after my October 8th post, Lisa called or sent a text to C to ask if she could meet with me, so Friday morning I received a text from C saying she had a little time that morning, if I could meet with her. We made it happen and I am quite impressed with her knowledge of the brain and the success stories she relayed to me from other brain injury and stroke cases. 

Her treatment is an alternative to traditional medicine and makes so much sense to me. I don't begin to understand what she really does, but the way she described it to me was "like acupuncture, but without the needles". She uses pressure points in strategic areas of the body that correspond to the different neurotransmitters to increase the communication across the brain. (I have no idea if I'm saying that right.) Anyway, she is going to send me the intake papers and then we will figure out the logistics of getting Mike started on the treatments. She believes 2 hour sessions would be best and that it will take approximately 20 hours total. Currently she works in Orange, but will soon have an office on her property. She was willing to come to The Harbor to work with him, if they have a room, but I'm not sure that is going to work out. 

Last Wednesday, as I was packing to head to Stanardsville, I received a call from the Speech Therapist who has been working with Mike. It wasn't real good news. Unfortunately, Mike will cooperate and work well with her when they are at the Rehab facility, but will not do the same things when he is at The Harbor whether with her or one of the other staff. It sounds all too familiar. Mike could act so much better when we were at church, or with a group of people than he could at home. There is something in Mike that makes him want to go, plus he thrives on the undivided attention. Due to the fact that he is not showing any forward progress in his day-to-day eating habits, she had to discharge him from therapy. The goal is to get him to slow down when he eats, chew his food, and swallow before putting more in his mouth so that he can go back on solid foods and thin liquids.

When sharing about these struggles with C, she knew what part of the brain was damaged and believes with treatment we can see improvement. I figure we don't have anything to lose by trying. Saturday I received the following text message from C: "Glad we could meet. I know some of the folks from the church you connected with here. They contacted me last night to see if I could help him, as well. Several have been clients in the past. They are good people." I believe God is in the midst of this and connecting the dots. I mean, how cool is it that from two "chance" (Not Really!) encounters we are connected with a church and a brain injury specialist all within 10 minutes of Mike, I met them both in two days, and then people from the church contact C about Mike also!! It was all just a matter of God's timing. Now we pray and keep moving, trusting the Lord to continue to make the path clear. All praise to our awesome God!

Thank you, my precious prayer warriors!