Hello Changes, Goodbye Haldol

Hello Changes

I really have been working on Part II of the "Do You Trust God?", but have been distracted by many projects and changes lately. About a month ago, I was experiencing increased stress and anxiety. My Mom was not feeling real well and I desired to be home more to help her and Daddy, plus be with & advocate more for Mike. Working at the dentist office was stressful for me also. I felt scattered in too many directions and was having trouble focusing. I have also sensed that God is developing me as a writer and that I'm supposed to write more, but it takes a concerted effort for me to get still, read, pray, and get words down on "paper".  I am a "Martha" more than a "Mary" and like seeing projects completed. Writing takes a lot of time!

In the past few months, there have been times when I sensed I was supposed to write about a certain thing, didn't sit down and do it, and then when I did finally go to the computer, the words were gone. That made me uncomfortable. It's as though God was giving me a word to share, I didn't do it in a timely manner, and so He took it away. I don't want to miss God's will for me and have to figure out a schedule that permits time to write. I can't blame anyone else, it's all me. I love to dig in the dirt, planting flowers, and keeping weeds out so everything looks pretty. I also greatly enjoy being of assistance to Mom and Dad, travelling to be with Mike, and setting up the Media Shout for church. These things all have a more immediate form of satisfaction; however, I've found that when I do get a blog post done like the "Do You Trust in God?", I am exhilarated and want to share more of what I'm learning.

Tracey gave me a book called Upside: The New Science of Post-Traumatic Growth. I haven't read much yet, but the author, Jim Rendon, talks about how trauma and stress can cause new and positive changes in people's lives and how stress causes us to look for a solution.  As I looked at my stress, I saw that I could do something about being with Mom & Dad and Mike more if I let go of the stress of the paying job. So, after prayer and talking with family and friends, I have let go of working at the dentist's office so that I'm more available to Mike, Mom & Dad, and hopefully I will be more diligent in writing. This has decreased my anxiety level, so is a change that is benefiting me also. Not just in the anxiety area, but I believe it is how God has gifted me. I find my greatest joy in serving and helping others, plus sharing about Jesus. There's nowhere I would rather be than right here with Mom and Dad and being with Mike. I am comfortable in behind-the-scenes positions; however, God often calls us out of our comfort zones.

Our Sunday School class has been studying John Ortberg's book "If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat." I never cared for writing. English was my least favorite subject, especially grammar. So to think about being a writer, is scary. I don't feel like a writer, but I find that when I obey that still small voice and sit down at the computer, the words just come. So, I'm starting to stick my toe in the water and risk getting out of my comfort zone. I am researching ways to write short articles or devotional type blogs online and even ways to possibly make some money through these avenues. This is also out of my comfort zone (to make money while sharing about Jesus). Paul talks about this in I Corinthians 9, so I will see how God leads in that regard. Eventually, I'll also pursue getting our story turned into a book, but that seems too overwhelming currently.

Please pray that I will be sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and not squander the time I am given. I think it is especially hard for me when I see everyone working so hard physically on the farm and it's how I grew up. If we were sitting around reading or not looking productive, Daddy always found something for us to do! (He's still good at that!) :-) I'm trying to learn to walk to the "beat of a different drummer" amidst the busyness of a working dairy farm where there is always a lot of activity and projects and weeding and watering and trimming and...you get the picture. I have to remind myself often of my counselor's words: "Not my circus, not my monkeys." It's not my job to try to help EVERYWHERE there is a need. I also find myself thinking I deserve a night off to just vegetate in front of the TV if I've had a really busy day or am just tired. Not that it's necessarily bad occasionally, but I don't want to get into the habit. Again, seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance as to the best use of my time, not being lazy or procrastinating. I want to do His will for me.

A few weeks ago I had a sudden revelation. It dawned on me that when I prayed I always asked for God's will to be done in Mike's and my life as though God had one will for the two of us. Suddenly I realized that I cannot live out God's will for Mike's life! I can only live out God's will for my life! Yes, I love Mike and I am his wife and guardian and have to make many decisions for him, but I cannot live his life for him or only do things in my life because they benefit Mike. I must follow the path that God has laid out for me, and trust God to work out His will in Mike's life. We are still connected, but we are also still two different individuals. This realization was so freeing for me and helped me decide to step out of the boat and take a God-sized risk.

Goodbye Haldol

Dr. B has taken Mike off of the last bit of the anti-psychotic drug, Haldol. Yay! The Seroquel has been increased, but it is supposed to be a milder anti-psychotic. I went up Wednesday afternoon and spent almost all day last Thursday and half a day on Friday with Mike. To be honest, he doesn't look real well. He does have a chest cold and I think all of the falls have taken a real toll on his body. Physically he has declined in the last year. His left leg was weakened by the accident and he seems to be having more trouble with it now. We try to make sure he walks with the walker or scoots around in the wheelchair, but because he is so impulsive, it is hard to always monitor his activity. 

I pushed him in the wheelchair up by the rehab facility.
He helped get up the hill by using his feet.

We played Yahtzee in the afternoon, and he beat me 369 to 287. Thursday afternoon, I took him for a short drive up to Lydia Mountain. He did well, but since it was shortly before supper, he didn't want to do too much exploring. By supper time, I think he is brain fatigued and loses the ability to break out of the repetitive "o" or humming sounds. He is much more subdued which makes him easier to handle, but is also difficult to see since he was such an active guy.

This brings me to the other GODincident. Way back in June, a friend from church, Lisa, sent me an email about a God-encounter she had while on their family vacation. Her youngest daughter started playing with another little girl at the beach and then the parent's started talking and later the 2 moms went to pick up pizza so that they could all eat together. As they talked and learned about each other, the other lady, C, said that she was a Brain Injury Specialist, Lisa felt a quickening of her spirit and knew that the Holy Spirit was at work. Lisa told her about Mike and in God's amazing ways had connected Lisa with C, a Brain Injury Specialist, who only lives 10 minutes from The Harbor!

C and I have sent text messages back and forth and phone tagged each other several times over the past few months, but our schedules had never meshed. I had sent her a text last week letting her know when I would be in town, but again her schedule was full during that time. Evidently after my October 8th post, Lisa called or sent a text to C to ask if she could meet with me, so Friday morning I received a text from C saying she had a little time that morning, if I could meet with her. We made it happen and I am quite impressed with her knowledge of the brain and the success stories she relayed to me from other brain injury and stroke cases. 

Her treatment is an alternative to traditional medicine and makes so much sense to me. I don't begin to understand what she really does, but the way she described it to me was "like acupuncture, but without the needles". She uses pressure points in strategic areas of the body that correspond to the different neurotransmitters to increase the communication across the brain. (I have no idea if I'm saying that right.) Anyway, she is going to send me the intake papers and then we will figure out the logistics of getting Mike started on the treatments. She believes 2 hour sessions would be best and that it will take approximately 20 hours total. Currently she works in Orange, but will soon have an office on her property. She was willing to come to The Harbor to work with him, if they have a room, but I'm not sure that is going to work out. 

Last Wednesday, as I was packing to head to Stanardsville, I received a call from the Speech Therapist who has been working with Mike. It wasn't real good news. Unfortunately, Mike will cooperate and work well with her when they are at the Rehab facility, but will not do the same things when he is at The Harbor whether with her or one of the other staff. It sounds all too familiar. Mike could act so much better when we were at church, or with a group of people than he could at home. There is something in Mike that makes him want to go, plus he thrives on the undivided attention. Due to the fact that he is not showing any forward progress in his day-to-day eating habits, she had to discharge him from therapy. The goal is to get him to slow down when he eats, chew his food, and swallow before putting more in his mouth so that he can go back on solid foods and thin liquids.

When sharing about these struggles with C, she knew what part of the brain was damaged and believes with treatment we can see improvement. I figure we don't have anything to lose by trying. Saturday I received the following text message from C: "Glad we could meet. I know some of the folks from the church you connected with here. They contacted me last night to see if I could help him, as well. Several have been clients in the past. They are good people." I believe God is in the midst of this and connecting the dots. I mean, how cool is it that from two "chance" (Not Really!) encounters we are connected with a church and a brain injury specialist all within 10 minutes of Mike, I met them both in two days, and then people from the church contact C about Mike also!! It was all just a matter of God's timing. Now we pray and keep moving, trusting the Lord to continue to make the path clear. All praise to our awesome God!

Thank you, my precious prayer warriors!