The way camp ended...

On Friday, July 25, I received a call from Dr. O'Brien, the camp director. The medication that had been prescribed for the rattle in Mike's lungs had sent him into a "full-blown psychotic episode". EMT's were called in, full restraint had to be used and Mike transported to the hospital. The hospital gave him some medicine and sent him back to camp. My nephew, TR, and I arrived at camp about the same time and gathered Mike's things to bring him home. Mike was slightly agitated and fixated. He believed we were leaving behind one (or 4) of his boxes and even though we double and triple checked his cabin and the infirmary, he was adamant.

TR finally gently, forced Mike into the backseat and I got in on the other side, buckled him up and we took off. He was upset for the first 10 minutes or so and then calmed down and asked for his book. The next 2.5 hours were fine with Mike reading and riding calmly. As soon as we got home and started unloading, the fixation on a missing box(es) started again and for the next 3 hours he did the following: paced around the house, paced out to the car and back, started walking back to camp, was retrieved and would start out again, went for a ride supposedly back to camp, until Hugh had to come and we got him in the house and into the shower, then he calmed down. So his camp experience was cut short by 2 days and initially he said he didn't like camp and didn't want to go back, but that changed in a few days. The camp would allow him to come back, they knew it was medication induced psychosis.

The next day was one of our best days. Mike helped me wash windows at Mom and Dad's, we ran some errands related to the party for Mom and Dad, started learning the new automated calf-feeding system and only had a short bout of thinking he left a box at camp. This time we called the director and she assured him he did not leave anything. With a heavy sigh he said "Guess I have to let it go."

Dad and one of his
granddaughter's in law, Courtney

The following Sun. - Thurs. were fairly rough. Lots of repeating, non-compliant behavior. We were all getting ready for Mom and Dad's big party (A combination celebration of Mom's 85th birthday

Guests beginning to arrive.
There were over 150 people.

Beautiful Mom.

Memories & flowers from
Dad's garden

66 Years of marriage

brother-in-laws...

on July 13, Dad's 90th birthday on July 31, and their 66th wedding anniversary on Aug. 8) I don't know if he was worried that he wasn't going to be included or what was going through his mind. I even wrote out what was happening on each day and kept writing "Mike is included", "Mike is part of all of the activities".

Whenever Mike was with all of the people throughout the weekend, he did fabulously. He helped set up at the church fellowship hall, enjoyed being at Mom and Dad's among all the chaos of people, and eating meals together.  At the party, he mingled, talked, was calm, and seemed to enjoy himself very much. I was so thrilled and able to completely relax and enjoy the party also with no worries. We had cut out another pill and he was needing Trazodone a good bit, but this was fantastic!  He would still repeat and lose it at home when we were alone, but it seemed like a good sign.

Sunday after breakfast, we went to see the Hidden Treasure at Green Meadows Farm house where my Aunt's family was staying and visit with them one last time. Mike did great and enjoyed the tour. Then we went to church and during the praise time, I praised God for how great Mike had been doing over the past few days. It was communion Sunday and when it was time to serve, Pastor Randy asked Mike and I to serve communion with him. It was very special and brought tears to our eyes, as well as, many others who know our story. Was a real sign of how far Mike has come and how much God has done for us. Faye, a member of the church who rode with me to Blacksburg one time, gave me a bracelet after the service that says "With God all things are possible."

That afternoon, when everyone was leaving, Mike was a little agitated and worried. I figured he had to be really tired and so about mid afternoon, we came back home to rest. He could not. Kept thinking "they" were calling us to come back over (to Mom and Dad's). I was very tired and tried to rest, but he couldn't. We went back up for supper, and now it was only Mom, Dad, and my sister, Vivian, there. I thought he would calm down now that he knew everyone was gone, party over, but no. He seemed so afraid that he was missing something.

From then until now, it has been like Psalm 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". It was like we had had "a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.", but suddenly the tree was cut down again.
After talking with Dr. Sellman several times, we are trying to taper off of some medication. I just didn't want to try yet another medicine. I want to see where he is without medication. Who knows? Maybe the medicine is causing this craziness, and how can we know unless we get him off of medication to see what he, by himself, is like.  This is not an easy time, so please pray for all of us who deal with Mike and especially for Mike. I again marvel at what his body can handle and still keep going. Today, he seems especially irritated with Max and is not being very kind. Please pray that Max sticks it out with us. These breaks are extremely vital to my well-being. I carry a lot of stress in my body, and need time to breathe and when I am not totally responsible for him. Being on constant alert is very wearing.

Want to get outside and cut grass, before Max leaves, so that's all for now. Thank you so much for continuing to lift us up before the throne of our Holy God. He has never left me, nor forsaken me.

Cathedral Cafe

Hello!  I have enough thoughts & things to share to probably make 3 blog posts, so I'll try to go chronologically and get started.

#1

One thing I forgot to mention about my respite trip was the very unique Cathedral Cafe in Fayetteville, WV where Lynn and I ate lunch after zip-lining.  Lynn is very outgoing, like Mike, and as we were driving/hiking along the New River Gorge, we saw 3 people gearing up to go hiking. Lynn stopped to talk and see what they were doing. In the course of the conversation, the guide said that his shop was across the street from the Cathedral Cafe in town. Lynn asked if that would be a good place to have lunch and he said "Yes, tell them Steve sent you!"  It was a very quaint cafe with bookshelves lined with books, unusual menu items, and a very casual, comfortable atmosphere. I ordered a beef and brie sandwich with reduction onions that was amazingly delicious. The staff were very friendly and accommodating. If you are ever in the area, I would definitely recommend putting Cathedral Cafe into your GPS and heading on over for a delightful culinary experience. Your taste buds will thank you!

 With all of the travelling and eating out, sometimes it is hard to have self-control. During the weeks surrounding this trip, the Lord was bringing me to verses regarding living by the Spirit rather than yielding to the sinful nature. I used to have no problem eating until I was full, then stopping even if there was food on my plate. Over the years, I have gotten away from that and especially this past winter with the stress, boredom, loneliness and, yes, depression of this never-ending trial. Seems I always wanted something in my mouth. Clothes that fit last summer, are too tight this summer and my self-control definitely non-existent. So I have been reading and meditating on Galatians 5:16-26 for a few weeks. Then Romans 8 joined also. These verses especially have spoken to me:

Galatians 5:16 & 24

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."  

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature 

with its passions and desires." 

Romans 8:6-8

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;

 the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 

Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."

As believers in Christ Jesus (those who belong to Christ Jesus), ones who have given our lives to the Lord, we are called to "live by the Spirit". This not only applies to self-control when eating, but also to being self-less in my dealings with Mike, even when I feel like I'm going to lose my mind in respect to his behavior and incessant repeating. I have to keep my mind focused on Christ or the sinful nature takes over. The language in Romans is very strong - "hostile to God", "death", "cannot please God" when I am living in the sinful nature mindset. I want to please God, not be hostile to Him. I covet your prayers as I seek to live by the Spirit

Mike-camp, Jennifer-vacation/respite

Lynn, Mike and I left Charlotte on Sunday morning, July 13 to head to Camp Virginia Jaycee near Roanoke, VA. Mike is spending 2 weeks at camp. The drive went fairly well, with just a couple of hiccups along the way, but nothing major.  It was very nice to have Lynn with us. When we arrived at camp, Mike headed directly to the bathrooms by the pool repeating "no, no, no" as he went. Another car pulled up right after us and a woman got out of the car saying "ok, ok, ok". This may sound strange but it was comforting to me to know that Mike was not the only one that repeats. It became funny as we walked up to the registration area, because the woman was in front of us with her father and it was like a duet "ok, no, ok, no, ok, no" then Mike switched to "ok, ok, ok" too! Positive peer pressure. :-) After another visit to the indoor bathroom, Mike was able to tell them his name and answer some initial questions. We met with the nurse regarding his medication and then went to the car with Gilbert, one of Mike's counselors, to get Mike's belongings.

Kavon, whom we had met on our previous visit, greeted Mike and took us in the golf cart up to Mike's cabin. At first, I wasn't sure if Lynn and I were supposed to go to the cabin with the guys since it is an all male cabin, but Mike grabbed my arm and said "you come with me!" Robert, the sports and recreation leader laughed and said "I think you better go with him." Lynn and I piled onto the back of the golf cart and it started pouring down rain. It wasn't far to the cabin and the trees made good umbrellas. We put sheets on Mike's bed and got him somewhat settled and then started to leave. Mike started to come with us, and another camper walked right out the door with us too. Kavon rounded everyone back up and back into the cabin and we told Mike it was time for us to go. At this point, Mike takes my arm and with a little push said "goodbye" and that was it. I was much relieved that it wasn't an ordeal. Thank you, Lord!

 Lynn and I left, planning to head toward West Virginia where we had a hotel for the night. GPS was not working, so I pulled out a map and decided which route we would take. Upon looking at the map, I saw that Mountain Lake was just a little way off of our intended path, so Lynn and I decided to take a little excursion. We drove up to Mountain Lake Lodge, inquired about the area and learned of a half mile hike right behind the lodge that went to the top of the mountain via the Bald Knob trail. It was a bit of a strenuous hike, but the view was well worth it.

 Psalm 19:1

"The heavens declare 

the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the

work of his hands."

 After our hike, we continued on our way to Beckley, WV arriving at our hotel about 8:30pm. We opted to eat at the hotel restaurant and split a ceasar salad and mini-burgers appetizer. After supper we enjoyed a swim and the hot tub and slept wonderfully after all the exercise. It was such a fun carefree afternoon.

Monday morning, we headed to Adventures on the Gorge for our Tree Top Canopy Tour - 10 zip lines, 5 rope bridges, and one rappel. I have wanted to go zip lining for a long time and Lynn made it happen. Thank you, Lynn! It was so much fun!! I felt so free, zipping above the trees, whooping it up and having a grand time.
 

After our zip line adventure, we went to the New River Gorge visitor's center and gathered information and a CD to drive along the old route to the old, small New River Bridge, while viewing the amazing large 4 lane one. We stopped at several pull-offs to enjoy the views, or take short hikes to see waterfalls and wild flowers. It was a marvelous trip with so much beauty to see.

Then we were on our way to Ohio to spend a few days with Mom Rice.  We helped her hang some pictures, visited the Africa exhibit at the Columbus Zoo, celebrated Mark's birthday with one of Lynn's delicious Mexican meals and played cards. I left on Friday morning and Lynn was leaving today.

Friday I drove to Wintergreen for a few days of quiet, rest, reading, walking and alone time. A family friend offered their home to me for a few days and it has been wonderful. Going for a walk here is serious business though!  I'm at the top of a mountain so any walks start down, but I have to come back up - huffing and puffing. Today, my sister, Gayle, joined me and we have enjoyed talking, watched a movie and she just fixed us a delicious spaghetti and salad dinner. So many blessings and so much fun. I will go home on Wednesday to regroup before picking Mike up on Sunday.

I have heard from Mike a couple of times and he is doing well. A little rough at the beginning of the week, but he has settled in and the director said he has been a joy to have. Sunday he read Scripture and shared some of his testimony with the group. She said he's even dancing with them at breakfast now. He does have a cold and this morning she called to say they were taking him to the doctor because there was a bit of a rattle in his chest. He is prone to chest congestion, so this is not out of the ordinary. Please pray this does not disrupt his enjoyment of camp very much.

I praise God for this wonderful time to enjoy Him and all the beauty that He has made and given to us to enjoy. Thank you, Lord Jesus!

John 1:3 & 4

"Through him all things were made;

without him nothing was made that has been made.

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind."

Hello Again

Well, more than a month has gone by since my last post. Is hard to know what to write sometimes. Our life continues to be much like a roller coaster. We have great days, rough days and so-so days or portions of days.  There are many stories I could tell, but really what is the point? This is our life and we're trying to make the most of what we've been given and some days are just thankful to get to the end of it. Other days I'm rejoicing that it was almost normal. I am trying to be more diligent about keeping a short journal and maybe one day I will write a book.  Some of our happenings over the last month have been:


Mike and I helped in the kitchen for VBS, plus I took pictures and set up a PowerPoint presentation for the closing. I enjoy working with programs like Power Point and it was such fun to be creative and help out in that way.


My nephew, TR & his wife, Brittany are creating a corn maze and pumpkin patch for the fall so we tested it out with my sister, Carol, and her husband, Ed.  Rains have been few and far between so the corn isn't growing as much as they'd like. TR set up irrigation to help it out.  If you live in the area, keep watch for when it will be open!


There are two people I want to introduce to you.  Unfortunately, I don't have a photo of either of them, but am very thankful for their help in the last month, in particular.

First I'll tell you about Max.  After losing 2 caregivers & multiple attempts to get someone from an agency to help with Mike, no one was working out. My niece, Coley, suggested asking a man from church who is a retired firefighter. So at the end of May, I called and asked Max if he would be interested. He started on May 27 and is a true God-send for Mike & me!  He is very calm, quiet-spoken, caring, and best-of-all Mike likes him! He really studies Mike and works at being careful not to agitate Mike as much as possible. He comes Monday and Thursday from 8:30 - 3:30, but thankfully is flexible and has worked longer days and more days, as needed. He's had to deal with the many faces of Mike, but takes it all in stride and as he said "deals with it automatically".  When Mike is with Max, I don't worry and can go and do what I need or want to do. I praise God for Max!

Me acting silly - "I'm trapped!"
May as well have fun with it!

Second is Dr. James Sellman, Mike's neuro-psychiatrist. We have been working together to try to minimize the amount of medication Mike is on. I am so thankful that Dr. Sellman is available via cell phone and is so good about calling me back. We are slowly decreasing one of Mike's meds and the new medication he tried, we have stopped because it was causing hallucinations.  The photo is after Mike barricaded me in my room to protect me from "them" - someone he thought was in the bathtub. Dr. Sellman even called one night while we were in Charlotte to make sure Mike was alright on the trip. That's a caring doctor, in my opinion.

As you can see in the photo, I have a bandage on my right hand.  I have had carpal tunnel issues for probably 6 years, but wore a brace at night and it wasn't too bad. Last spring, my PCP, Dr. Rosenbaum, gave me a cortisone shot and it helped me tremendously through the summer gardening season. By January, I needed another shot and then in late May/early June it really started to bother me again. It would wake me up at night - my hand would be numb and tingling and then I started to get shooting pains, plus could not write more than a page without it going numb. Dr. Rosenbaum said it was time to refer me to a hand specialist. On June 26, I had carpal tunnel surgery performed by Dr. Rawles. It was done out-patient under local anesthesia and was almost fun.  The Dr., nurses and I talked throughout the entire procedure. My hand immediately felt better. I have had less pain ever since than I was having the weeks prior to surgery. I still cannot really grip anything and cannot lift heavy items, but just today I removed the dead skin where the incision was made and the scar is barely visible. The lower hand and wrist is still a bit swollen, but Dr. Rawles said the ligament will grow back together and leave a wider space for the nerve that runs through the carpal tunnel. I'm so glad I had the surgery and so thankful for Carol and Gayle who came to help me (and Mike) that first week when I couldn't get it wet.

We finished The Holiness of God Bible study the end of June. What a wonderful study!  I am ready to do another study by R.C. Sproul. He is such an intelligent man and great teacher.

On July 4, Mike and I enjoyed picking blueberries with my cousin PJ. They were so delicious! PJ let me borrow her vacuum seal machine and I was able to freeze a few bags for later.  I also froze some squash to have in the winter. Mike helped me cut up the squash one day. The next day he was just pacing. Sigh...

On July 8, Mike and I packed his things for camp and our trip to Charlotte. Again, thank God for Max. He came on Mon., Tues., and Wed. so that I could get last minute things done before our trip. He took Mike to Johnny's Wednesday morning so I could pack my stuff and then when they got back we took off. Mike gets so anxious when we are travelling somewhere, so this made life much easier on me (and him). Mike did great on the trip, read the whole way. Thursday morning, Amy, Aria, Mike and I walked around the Ikea store and ate lunch there. Mike was having a fantastic day. Mark's family (Mike's brother) arrived in the early afternoon and then Mike rode with Mark & Jenney to pick up Mom Rice and his sister, Lynn from the airport. We played games, played with Aria and enjoyed a few days with family. Aria is such a cutie and so fun to be able to see her. She smiles a lot and is focusing on peoples faces more. So precious.

Amy is such a great Mom.

The center of attention.

 Well, I think this is enough for one post. I will have to write another one later today or tomorrow to fill you in on Mike's camp experience so far and what I'm doing with all this time off.  Blessings!

Joy, Joy, Joy! We gained another daughter!

On May 30, 2014 our oldest son, Caleb married Anastasia Reimann in a simple and beautiful outdoor ceremony. They exchanged their vows in front of a water fall at a large church on a hot, but lovely Arizona evening. Thanks to several family members who came to take care of Mike, I was able to be there in person to celebrate this joyful occasion. I arrived on Thursday night and enjoyed a wonderful "me" day on Friday. The hotel was very nice and I enjoyed eating my breakfast sitting outside by the fountain before it became too hot. A dear friend of Mike's, Debi, who lives in Arizona came over and we visited for over an hour which was a real pleasure. Debi was very instrumental in Mike's Christian growth during his high school years. It was a joy to be able to tell her how her influence in Mike had rippled out to his family and others throughout the years. Once hot, I had a relaxing swim, picked up lunch from the hotel restaurant, and then rested in my room until Caleb and Keegan arrived to get ready for the wedding.

Lantana is one of my favorite plants
and it grows very well in Arizona.

It is so soothing to sit and listen
to the sound of a fountain.

Wedding Venue

Their vows were very Biblical and
meaningful, describing their
roles as husband and wife.

Christ at the center, the jar of shells
and sand that Caleb brought back to
Anastasia from NC very early in their
 relationship, her bouquet (that she made).
Now they start their new life together as one.

Resort Dinner
Wonderful!

After Dinner.

Our son and new daughter-in-love.
Precious couple.
(Incidentally, this is the most
grass we saw in Arizona!)

Janette (Anastasia's Mom) and Keegan getting a
chuckle out of "reversal dinner". We did not have
reservations, but ended up in this practically private
room called the "Classroom Bar". No one else came in
until we were almost finished. We even tried prickly
pear cactus creme brulee. Delicious.

     

One Day anniversary. Special dessert from the restaurant.

After the ceremony, Janette had chosen a local resort for a special 5 course dinner. The private room was beautifully decorated and all the food was superb. Saturday morning, we all had breakfast together and swimming and then that evening we drove around and saw some areas of Scottsdale with large beautiful homes before having a rehearsal dinner in reverse which Keegan dubbed "reversal dinner".

Caleb and Anastasia were sweet to hang out with us all, right after getting married. They said we'd only be there a few days and they have the rest of their lives together. Aww.

More sap, please.

May 9, 2014

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Dr. Charles Stanley's devotional for Thursday, May 8, says: "Whenever we demonstrate kindness, patience, or gentleness, we see the Lord's love at work through us.........This fruit is not produced by trying harder to muster good will toward someone who is irritating or hard to get along with. Instead, think of the process more like sap running through a branch on a grapevine. The branch doesn't make grapes; the sap does. In the same way, the Spirit flows through us, producing God's love in us so that we, in turn, can pass it on to others...............Though the command to love is enormous and weighty, God's grace is enough to make it possible."  Today in Dr. Stanley's devotion he quotes Author Ray Stedman - here are 3 items from his list that pertain to me today: "kindness is love reacting, gentleness is love empathizing, self-control is love resisting temptation."  

Evidently, Mike has not been feeling well the past few days or something is going on that is making him more perseverative and "off" with less really lucid times. This morning he plowed through his breakfast and then headed out the door. I didn't feel like chasing him down so tried to stop him. This caused both of us to get mad, he tried to push, hit, and kick and I got behind him and pushed him inside the door, he tripped and fell (didn't get hurt), we had a shouting match, which in the middle he started to smirk and sort-of laugh (I truly believe he sometimes knows what he is doing and enjoys pushing my proverbial buttons.) At which point I thought, what am I doing? Stop it! He was still yelling and so I started loudly saying "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty! The whole earth is full of His glory!" We have just started facilitating 2 Bible studies on R.C. Sproul's book The Holiness of God. In class, I said how we need to reflect God's holiness in all that we do and say....ouch. Need to practice what I preach. More sap, please, Holy Spirit!  Mike continued to yell, but I ignored and then he turned and went out the door again, leaving the door open. I went to the door, said "Have a nice day." and closed the door. He went down the steps, out in the yard and just stood there.  I went back to finish my breakfast, checking on him every now and then. I guess it wasn't any fun if I didn't chase him so he came on back inside and in a little bit I got him to lie down. Phew. Help me, Jesus!

Tuesday, April 29, at 3:00 AM, I received a call from Anastasia, our son, Caleb's, girlfriend saying they were at the Emergency Room in Chandler, Arizona and Caleb was having a CAT scan done.  This was about midnight their time. It was found that his spleen had ruptured and he was bleeding internally. He was taken into surgery immediately and his spleen was removed. The doctor told Anastasia that if they had been a half hour or so later, Caleb would have probably bled to death. There had been an incident at Caleb's work about 2:30 in the afternoon on Monday, Caleb had finished work, gone home and to bed. About 10:00 PM, he text Anastasia and asked her if she could bring him some food, and said he wasn't feeling well. She got there about 10:30 and knew something was terribly wrong - he was very pale and when he tried to stand up, he passed right out, hitting the bathroom door as he fell. She called 911, praise God!  We have been so blessed to have Tony from Care Advantage with us and so between Tony and family here on the farm, they took care of Mike so I was able to fly to Arizona for a few days to be with Caleb and Anastasia.

**************************

May 25 - Well...as you can see, I started this blog the beginning of May and am just now getting back. Caleb is recovering nicely, Anastasia took great care of him, the guy was fired, and I am so thankful I was able to make the quick trip to the desert and help a little. It sure is different from Virginia. No real trees! You can see for miles and there is so much sand, rock, and cacti.

I wish I were a good journal keeper, but am not. Suffice it to say, life after brain injury continues to be an adventure with no real sense of steady progress in the preferred direction. The past few weeks seem to be the "3 steps back" phase and due to more unusual behavior and some hallucinations, I conferred with Dr. Sellman (neuro-psych) on Monday and we have dropped one dosage of a 3X/day mood stabilizer medication. The encouraging part of this is that Dr. Sellman said that it's possible that Mike's brain is recovering and so the medication is now causing an opposite effect. Must wean slowly and see how he does.

Yesterday was rough, and once again I video taped Mike when he was having poor behavior. Later in the day when he denied the previous behavior, I showed him the video and this time it seemed to register a bit that it was really him. I explained that when he acts like that it is best for me to get away from him until he calms down, both for my safety and so that I don't lose my self-control as in the story above.

Today has been the best day in several weeks. Right when we got home after church, he started the "No! No! No!" I told him it was too nerve wracking to stay with him when he was yelling that, so I was going downstairs and he could come when he was calm. In about 10 minutes he quietly came down stairs and for the rest of the day it seems he has made a conscience effort not to repeat. He even told me that our study has made him realize that he has not been treating me fairly, that sin is sin. I hope this continues! We read a chapter in Dr. Jacob's behavior book and took a nice conversational walk this afternoon. Blessings from heaven. Thank you, Jesus!

Two highlights of the month were:
1. A visit from my dear friend, Kristin and 3 of her children. Kristin is a precious woman of God full of patience and wisdom. Her children are also true blessings and hard workers. We weeded Dad's flower bed, they fed calves, divided day lilies, cut grass, washed sheets, and were very helpful in many ways. Kristin was especially a God-send to me, at just the right time, with words of encouragement and her can-do/keep moving/think-of-others attitude. Thank you, my precious friend!
2. Thanks to Vivian, Tracey, TR, Gayle & Tom, I was able to take my Mom to meet her newest great-grandchild, Aria Rice. This makes 11 greats for Mom and Dad. We drove leisurely down to Charlotte, stopping at a local diner in Mebane for lunch and then toured Replacements Ltd. in Burlington. It was a fun weekend with Keegan, Amy and Aria and such a joy to see Mom holding Aria. She's always loved holding babies. Back home, they had some rough times with Mike and then some fun times too. Took him to aqua zumba and bowling. Thanks to each one who helped throughout the weekend.

Well, Tony lasted 3 weeks with us and then he took another client that was closer to his home and 5 days a week. So again I don't have anyone on a regular basis. I am checking into other possibilities and we are making it through one day at a time.

The Bible study is challenging and stretching us as we are reminded of how absolutely marvelous, majestic, powerful and holy, holy, holy is our God. We highly recommend R.C. Sproul's book, The Holiness of God, and the study guide really makes us think and squirm. Just an example: "The slightest sin is an act of defiance against cosmic authority. It is a revolutionary act, a rebellious act where we are setting ourselves in opposition to the One to whom we owe everything. It is an insult to His holiness."  Look up these verses: Leviticus 16:21, 2 Samuel 12:9-10 and I Kings 13:21 and "write down the different words or phrases that are used to describe sin."  We flippantly use the word sin, but do we stop to really think what it means? What God says sin is? What Jesus looked like when He took on all our sin? How God couldn't look at the grotesque thing that Jesus had become for us? How we take grace and mercy for granted, then assume it and then demand it? God owes us nothing. He already gave His son to pay our penalty and we don't deserve anything.  Dr. Sproul brings out how God is never unjust. He is just, and often chooses to be non-just by giving grace & mercy, but he never punishes the innocent except His own son who bore our sins. Think about it.