More sap, please.

May 9, 2014

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Dr. Charles Stanley's devotional for Thursday, May 8, says: "Whenever we demonstrate kindness, patience, or gentleness, we see the Lord's love at work through us.........This fruit is not produced by trying harder to muster good will toward someone who is irritating or hard to get along with. Instead, think of the process more like sap running through a branch on a grapevine. The branch doesn't make grapes; the sap does. In the same way, the Spirit flows through us, producing God's love in us so that we, in turn, can pass it on to others...............Though the command to love is enormous and weighty, God's grace is enough to make it possible."  Today in Dr. Stanley's devotion he quotes Author Ray Stedman - here are 3 items from his list that pertain to me today: "kindness is love reacting, gentleness is love empathizing, self-control is love resisting temptation."  

Evidently, Mike has not been feeling well the past few days or something is going on that is making him more perseverative and "off" with less really lucid times. This morning he plowed through his breakfast and then headed out the door. I didn't feel like chasing him down so tried to stop him. This caused both of us to get mad, he tried to push, hit, and kick and I got behind him and pushed him inside the door, he tripped and fell (didn't get hurt), we had a shouting match, which in the middle he started to smirk and sort-of laugh (I truly believe he sometimes knows what he is doing and enjoys pushing my proverbial buttons.) At which point I thought, what am I doing? Stop it! He was still yelling and so I started loudly saying "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty! The whole earth is full of His glory!" We have just started facilitating 2 Bible studies on R.C. Sproul's book The Holiness of God. In class, I said how we need to reflect God's holiness in all that we do and say....ouch. Need to practice what I preach. More sap, please, Holy Spirit!  Mike continued to yell, but I ignored and then he turned and went out the door again, leaving the door open. I went to the door, said "Have a nice day." and closed the door. He went down the steps, out in the yard and just stood there.  I went back to finish my breakfast, checking on him every now and then. I guess it wasn't any fun if I didn't chase him so he came on back inside and in a little bit I got him to lie down. Phew. Help me, Jesus!

Tuesday, April 29, at 3:00 AM, I received a call from Anastasia, our son, Caleb's, girlfriend saying they were at the Emergency Room in Chandler, Arizona and Caleb was having a CAT scan done.  This was about midnight their time. It was found that his spleen had ruptured and he was bleeding internally. He was taken into surgery immediately and his spleen was removed. The doctor told Anastasia that if they had been a half hour or so later, Caleb would have probably bled to death. There had been an incident at Caleb's work about 2:30 in the afternoon on Monday, Caleb had finished work, gone home and to bed. About 10:00 PM, he text Anastasia and asked her if she could bring him some food, and said he wasn't feeling well. She got there about 10:30 and knew something was terribly wrong - he was very pale and when he tried to stand up, he passed right out, hitting the bathroom door as he fell. She called 911, praise God!  We have been so blessed to have Tony from Care Advantage with us and so between Tony and family here on the farm, they took care of Mike so I was able to fly to Arizona for a few days to be with Caleb and Anastasia.

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May 25 - Well...as you can see, I started this blog the beginning of May and am just now getting back. Caleb is recovering nicely, Anastasia took great care of him, the guy was fired, and I am so thankful I was able to make the quick trip to the desert and help a little. It sure is different from Virginia. No real trees! You can see for miles and there is so much sand, rock, and cacti.

I wish I were a good journal keeper, but am not. Suffice it to say, life after brain injury continues to be an adventure with no real sense of steady progress in the preferred direction. The past few weeks seem to be the "3 steps back" phase and due to more unusual behavior and some hallucinations, I conferred with Dr. Sellman (neuro-psych) on Monday and we have dropped one dosage of a 3X/day mood stabilizer medication. The encouraging part of this is that Dr. Sellman said that it's possible that Mike's brain is recovering and so the medication is now causing an opposite effect. Must wean slowly and see how he does.

Yesterday was rough, and once again I video taped Mike when he was having poor behavior. Later in the day when he denied the previous behavior, I showed him the video and this time it seemed to register a bit that it was really him. I explained that when he acts like that it is best for me to get away from him until he calms down, both for my safety and so that I don't lose my self-control as in the story above.

Today has been the best day in several weeks. Right when we got home after church, he started the "No! No! No!" I told him it was too nerve wracking to stay with him when he was yelling that, so I was going downstairs and he could come when he was calm. In about 10 minutes he quietly came down stairs and for the rest of the day it seems he has made a conscience effort not to repeat. He even told me that our study has made him realize that he has not been treating me fairly, that sin is sin. I hope this continues! We read a chapter in Dr. Jacob's behavior book and took a nice conversational walk this afternoon. Blessings from heaven. Thank you, Jesus!

Two highlights of the month were:
1. A visit from my dear friend, Kristin and 3 of her children. Kristin is a precious woman of God full of patience and wisdom. Her children are also true blessings and hard workers. We weeded Dad's flower bed, they fed calves, divided day lilies, cut grass, washed sheets, and were very helpful in many ways. Kristin was especially a God-send to me, at just the right time, with words of encouragement and her can-do/keep moving/think-of-others attitude. Thank you, my precious friend!
2. Thanks to Vivian, Tracey, TR, Gayle & Tom, I was able to take my Mom to meet her newest great-grandchild, Aria Rice. This makes 11 greats for Mom and Dad. We drove leisurely down to Charlotte, stopping at a local diner in Mebane for lunch and then toured Replacements Ltd. in Burlington. It was a fun weekend with Keegan, Amy and Aria and such a joy to see Mom holding Aria. She's always loved holding babies. Back home, they had some rough times with Mike and then some fun times too. Took him to aqua zumba and bowling. Thanks to each one who helped throughout the weekend.

Well, Tony lasted 3 weeks with us and then he took another client that was closer to his home and 5 days a week. So again I don't have anyone on a regular basis. I am checking into other possibilities and we are making it through one day at a time.

The Bible study is challenging and stretching us as we are reminded of how absolutely marvelous, majestic, powerful and holy, holy, holy is our God. We highly recommend R.C. Sproul's book, The Holiness of God, and the study guide really makes us think and squirm. Just an example: "The slightest sin is an act of defiance against cosmic authority. It is a revolutionary act, a rebellious act where we are setting ourselves in opposition to the One to whom we owe everything. It is an insult to His holiness."  Look up these verses: Leviticus 16:21, 2 Samuel 12:9-10 and I Kings 13:21 and "write down the different words or phrases that are used to describe sin."  We flippantly use the word sin, but do we stop to really think what it means? What God says sin is? What Jesus looked like when He took on all our sin? How God couldn't look at the grotesque thing that Jesus had become for us? How we take grace and mercy for granted, then assume it and then demand it? God owes us nothing. He already gave His son to pay our penalty and we don't deserve anything.  Dr. Sproul brings out how God is never unjust. He is just, and often chooses to be non-just by giving grace & mercy, but he never punishes the innocent except His own son who bore our sins. Think about it.