Information

I have really been procrastinating writing this blog, but here goes….  A couple of weeks ago, my sister-in-law, Tracey, came over to discuss Mike’s CT scans. She had taken the disk I had from WakeMed and had one of her associates (actually his brother, I think) review the scans. One was taken in early June just after Mike arrived at WakeMed and the other was taken in October after Mike had fallen and hit his head. There was no change in the scans. The good news of that is he did not receive more damage in the fall, the bad news is there was no improvement from the initial TBI. Tracey asked if Diffuse Axonal Injury (DAI) had been explained to me.  No, I’d never heard those words. I heard swelling and bleeding on the brain and shearing.

Here is a link to a short video explaining DAI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RgzIjeKbXo and here is a portion of Wikipedia’s definition:

    Diffuse axonal injury (DAI) is one of the most common and devastating types of traumatic brain injury, meaning that damage occurs over a more widespread area than in focal brain injury.

    Unlike brain trauma that occurs due to direct impact and deformation of the brain, DAI is the result of traumatic shearing forces that occur when the head is rapidly accelerated or decelerated, as may occur in auto accidents, falls, and assaults.

    The major cause of damage in DAI is the disruption of axons, the neural processes that allow one neuron to communicate with another. Tracts of axons, which appear white due to myelination, are referred to as white matter. Acceleration causes shearing injury, which refers to damage inflicted as tissue slides over other tissue. When the brain is accelerated, parts of differing densities and distances from the axis of rotation slide over one another, stretching axons that traverse junctions between areas of different density, especially at junctions between white and grey matter. Two thirds of DAI lesions occur in areas where grey and white matter meet.

    The lobes of the brain most likely to be injured are the frontal and temporal lobes.

Mike’s frontal lobe has severe DAI. (Here is a good link that describes the functions of the Frontal Lobe. http://voices.yahoo.com/frontal-lobes-brain-functions-they-361802.html.) From a medical standpoint, the Axons and Neurons have been severely sheared to the point that they cannot regenerate or reconnect and no amount of therapy or rehabilitation is going to help him recover. I’d never seen the images or had them explained to me and I guess that was a good thing, because I would not have been ready to hear it or understand it.  I still don’t really understand, but have lived through enough in the past 16 months that it does help make some sense of all the chaos.  I do wonder how he can have those seemingly lucid times, if the damage is so great, but as Tracey reminded me, even when he seems clear, he is still not rational and does not think there is anything wrong with him. Also, those times are few and far between.  He’s had some very rough days this week at NR.  Even grabbed a staff member by the throat and threatened to kill them. This is NOT the Mike I married, but I am coming to grips with the fact that it is who Mike is now and unless God intervenes, this is our reality. 

I am reading Beth Moore’s book Believing God.  Here are a few quotes that I wrote in my journal on Aug. 12, the day before Tracey and I talked.  God’s perfect timing.  “All that will matter forever and ever in our heavenly state is the glory that came to God through our lives. Life is just a breath.” Mike was always such an out-spoken advocate for God. I believe and pray that people will remember him in that way, not as he is now. 

Beth talks about how God is able to do anything, He can perform a miracle in Mike’s brain, healing him perfectly, that is not too hard or impossible for God. However, God may not choose to do so, because He has a greater purpose in mind.  “If I don’t get my miracle, but God gets greater glory, I choose to believe I received the greater miracle with the most eternal dividends. Undoubtedly and ultimately we will be most blessed when God is most glorified.”  If somehow our story causes someone to come to know Jesus as their Savior, or strengthens another Christian, or helps someone else whose life has been flipped this way and that to focus on God, then Praise be to God!  Do I still pray for Mike to be healed?  Absolutely!  Will I still advocate for the best care and stick by him? By all means! I will continue to hope and expect improvement, but I will also research long-term facilities, because the reality now is that I cannot bring him home any time soon and maybe never.

The last think I wrote in my journal that day was: “2 Corinthians 4:16-17 I pray this is true for Mike – that he is inwardly being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

“Therefore we do not lose heart.

Though outwardly we are wasting away,

 yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

 For our light and momentary troubles

 are achieving for us an eternal glory

 that far outweighs them all.”