Stand Still!

“Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.”

Exodus 14:13

Stand Still! This is the word of the Lord to me today.  I’ve come to the realization that often I am too much of a doer and am not very good at being still.  Also, if things don’t seem to be progressing the way I think they should, I tend to look for alternatives or other solutions when I just need to be still and wait patiently for the Lord to act.

I went up to see Mike on Sunday and Monday.  He was sitting in his room, rocking back & forth, and watching TV.  At first he didn’t seem to know who I was, but I crouched down beside him, took his hand in mine and said “Hi, Mike, it’s Jennifer.”  He turned to me, tightened his hand on mine and tears started to fall – his and mine.  It seemed for a few brief moments that he was “there” and knew that we were in a very sad situation. Then he got up and told me he needed running shoes. We started looking for his and couldn’t locate them. He became fixated on the need to go shopping for a new pair, so for the next hour as we walked, talked, etc. that was almost his entire focus.  For the first time, I talked with him about Keegan and Amy being married and showed him wedding pictures. He took it all in stride, showing no signs of being upset about the news. I was very thankful. I also asked Mike if he was being treated well and he said yes. I commented that he seemed content and he said he was.

One of the LSTs (Life Skills Trainer), Laney, went with us to Cookout where Mike ate very well and not too fast.  He wanted to ride with her there and then rode back with me.  As we were driving, I said “I really like Laney.”  Mike said: “Yeah, he’s a nice guy.”  Me: “Um, Laney is a girl. She just has really short hair.” Mike: “Are you sure?”  Me: “Yes.”  Well, when we got back to NR, my cousin, Todd, came to visit. I was introducing Todd to Laney and Mike adds “She’s a girl.”  Then every time Mike said Laney’s name, he added “a girl”.  Too funny!  Those LSTs have to laugh off a lot of stuff and deal with even more.

We took another walk with Todd and although Mike didn’t do a lot of talking, I believe he was following the conversation as he was smiling at appropriate times. He seemed to enjoy listening and I think it does work really well having 2 people who can talk together, because it is very difficult to carry on a conversation with Mike.  It also helped having 2 family members, because we talked about people that Mike knows.  Afterwards, I helped Mike shave and we lost part of his razor down the sink. Todd to the rescue!  He took off the trap and retrieved the part.  I asked Mike where the other attachments were and he said he threw them away because he didn’t know how they worked.  I tried to encourage him to ask for help instead of just tossing items, plus encouraged him to try to shave every day, which would make the task easier. Todd and I prepared to leave, so I told Mike I would be back at 9:00 on Monday and kissed him goodbye. He was not bothered that we were leaving.

I followed Todd to his girlfriend’s house and stayed with her Sunday and Monday nights.  She is a wonderful lady, great cook, and lives only a few miles from NR which makes it very convenient for me. Silvia had prepared risotto and shrimp and it was delicious. She gave me a key to her house and sometime during the day on Monday, I misplaced it. Panic! The LST, Katie, Mike and I had been several places on Monday, so I frantically ran around to everywhere we’d been and still no key. I felt so irresponsible, was praying like crazy, and got up my nerve to call Silvia. (Did I mention she is wonderful?) She just told me to come to her work and she’d give me another key. After getting the 2^nd key, I drove to her house, took out my bag, and decided to look under the passenger seat, there was the key!  Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! I have no idea how it ended up there, but was so very glad to find it! Thanks for the prompting, Lord!

On Monday morning, I met with the case manager, recreational therapist (he makes the daily schedules for the participants) and the nurse.  I had several concerns, questions, etc., so we went through all of those and they filled me in on therapies, daily happenings, etc. Monday was not a very good day for Mike.  He was not as clear-minded as he had been on Sunday afternoon. He was playing Monopoly when I got there, but immediately got up when he saw me. He wanted to go buy new shoes. Thankfully, the staff found his shoes in the laundry. We did take him for a haircut, but he had some trouble sitting still and was concerned that all of his hair was going to be cut off. At first he wanted all of it cut off. We tried to take him out for lunch, but he became very agitated and started to be aggressive so we returned to NR. Once there, it was like a 3 ring circus.  Two other participants were not doing well, so we took Mike to his room, but could not get him distracted, he would only grab, push, etc. We finally got him to sit down to eat and once he ate some, he started to calm down. We played Sequence after lunch and then shot some basketball, and walked a bit. Then he went to rest, and that’s when I discovered I had lost the key, so had everyone looking for it. After Mike’s nap, he was in the perseverating and pacing mode, and we could not get him to go to PT. 

So basically, he’s exhibiting the same pattern – a few days or a couple of weeks of being fairly lucid, and then right back to not well. The psychiatrist has reduced the Zyprexa and upped the Neurontin. He would like to get Mike off of the Zyprexa, if possible, but needs to go slowly.  I know this, but realize our time there is limited, so became anxious that things need to move more rapidly. I have voiced some concerns to Lisa, the case manager, and we’ve been writing e-mails back and forth. Mike is just not having long periods of lucidity, so it is very difficult to do much with him at this point.

I know that the above scripture and the devotional that went with it, is the Lord’s word to me right now and I have had a tremendous peace today that I was not having Monday and Tuesday. I have to stay in God’s word to make it through all of this. I’m also starting to see a counselor beginning tomorrow and then going on an individual quiet retreat the first week of August.  I am also going to try to get caught up on medical, dental, and vision appointments that I have neglected. (Tomorrow will be 15 months since Mike’s accident.) It has been a joy to be able to just work in the garden and yard when I am home. The weeds and grass grow faster than we can keep up with, but it’s good job security and helps me sleep well at night. Harvesting squash, corn, cucumbers, potatoes, onions, tomatoes, blackberries, etc. is so satisfying. We’ve even made sweet and bread & butter pickles. It feels so good to be productive. (See? There’s the doer in me!)

Last week, I went out and had some fun. Hugh and Tracey had 2 IFYE (International Farm Youth Exchange) students staying with them for 3 weeks. Florian from Austria, and Tytti from Finland.  On Monday a week ago, I took them to Virginia Beach, and then Tuesday we spent the day at Water Country USA.  Thanks, Wendell & Lynn, for the great D, B&B!  Then on Thursday, TR, Coley, Tytti, Florian, and I all went to Kings Dominion and rode almost all of the roller coasters. I sat out of a couple of the really jerky ones, but I did ride The Drop!  What a scream! Literally.  It was quite a thrill.  It was a very hot day and not very many people which made for short lines and lots of rides.  Was really fun.  I did think of Mike a lot. He always loved amusement parks and being with others.

Sorry this is so long. I started to write a blog a couple of times lately, but just couldn’t seem to find the words. I’ll leave you with a portion of the devotional I mentioned earlier. It is, once again, from the Spurgeon Morning and Evening devotional book.

“Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.”

Exodus 14:13

“These words contain God’s command to the believer when he is reduced to great straits and brought into extraordinary difficulties. He cannot retreat; he cannot go forward; he is shut up on the right hand and on the left; what is he now to do? The Master’s word to him is, ‘Stand Still.’ It will be well for him if at such times he listens only to his Master’s word, for other and evil advisers come with their suggestions. Despair whispers, ‘Lie down and die; give it all up.’ But God would have us put on a cheerful courage, and even in our worst times, rejoice in His love and faithfulness. Cowardice says, ‘Retreat; go back to the worldling’s way of action; you cannot play the Christian’s part, it is too difficult. Relinquish your principles.’ But, however much Satan may urge this course upon you, you cannot follow it if you are a child of God……….What , if for a while thou art called to stand still, yet this is but to renew thy strength for some greater advance in due time. Precipitancy cries, ‘Do something. Stir yourself; to stand still and wait, is sheer idleness.’ We must be doing something at once—we must do it so we think—instead of looking to the Lord, who will not only do something but will do everything.”

When I looked up this verse in different translations, some say “stand still” others “stand firm”. The first part of the verse is “But Moses said to the people, ‘Don’t be afraid.’ God tells us that a lot. I need to hear it a lot.  I also like the next verse #14. “The Lord will fight for you; you must be quiet.” I need to hear that too. It's great to work, but being quiet before the Lord daily is of utmost importance too. So, I will work on being quiet, standing firm & still, and watching the Lord fight for us. 

“Don’t be afraid.” 

"Stand Still."