Two nights - So different

Two nights could hardly be more different from each other than the last two have been.  Last night I decided at the last moment for Mike and I to go to the Maundy Thursday service at Grace. I had forgotten about the service so it was a bit of a rush to get us both changed and out the door. That could have been the problem or it was just typical. Over the last few months, when I have tried to take Mike somewhere at night, it hasn't gone too well and last night was no exception. It seems disorienting to him or maybe he's just too tired by that point in the day. I don't remember what he was repeating in the car, but I started singing Jesus Loves Me, so Mike picked up that line. That continued into the church and into the service.  Then he would repeat what Pastor Linda said, pop up to stand, would quiet down during the songs and a while afterwards and was quite animated during communion. Pastor Linda was so gracious and took it all in stride, even turning embarrassing moments into teachable ones (to those of us around Mike, not at him) and not being alarmed or frazzled by Mike's behavior. Thank you, Linda!  You helped me be more at ease.  Hugh, TR and I all got a chuckle while trying to get him in the car after the service.  He would sit, pop right back up, turn around in a circle and do it all over again.  As soon as we got home, he went to straight to bed and was out.

Tonight, after supper, he said "I want to brush my teeth".  We came upstairs, he brushed his teeth completely by himself, went to the bathroom by himself, and for the rest of the evening he responded to everything I said or asked - he did NOT repeat what I said or asked. This is HUGE!  He told me the shower was too cold; yes his wound hurt and that was why he needed to sleep on his left side; he brushed all of his hair (usually only the top); he sat and read a book on his iPad; asked Mom if he could watch TV; and told me he would get up and go to the bathroom if he needed to tonight!!!  Wow!  Thank you, Jesus!  Another reason this is so amazing is because he has been so uncooperative the last 2 mornings and was so hyper and anxious this morning that I prayed hard out loud for God to deliver him from his anxiety, to remove any hold Satan might have and take away his pain in the name of Jesus.

Kallyn came and stayed with him while Mom and I went to town for haircuts and groceries.  He was tired by the time we left and they mostly hung around in the house. (he was up at 3 and then again at 6:30)  This afternoon, we worked in the calf barn for a couple of hours. As we were coming to the house, he noticed that my shoes were wet.  I think he was concerned, because he mentioned it a couple of times. Is so great to have work to do. I even went under the house for a small project for Daddy!  Thankfully there weren't any spider webs where I was - I'm not keen on spiders.

Tracey gave me a book "The Other Side of Chaos" by Margaret Silf to read and I just read the first chapter tonight.  This is a quote about transitions: "They make you ache, in every joint and muscle and in every brain cell, and in every fiber of your heart."  She goes on to give an example of a new baby and then says: "What if the other transitions in our lives were also births? What if all that pain and grief, that loss of control, that questioning and doubting, that fear and anxious anticipation, were also the labor pains through which something new and special might be breaking through?"  That is my hope. That we are on the brink of a new Mike mixed in with some of the pre-accident Mike.  Some of the people I have talked with and stories I've read of recovering TBI survivors seem to indicate that they are never the same as before, and often are actually "better" in some aspects. Less anxious or worried, more easy going, more kind, considerate or compassionate, etc. I guess when you've been through all that they have, what could there be to worry about? I hope I too, will be a better person. I feel like I've been rather whiny and selfish quite often through this transition and adventure. There is still a lot of work for God to do in me. As 2 Thessalonians 3:5 says "May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance." without whining! (my addition)  One of my devotionals today talked about how Christ suffers with us and especially how much Christ suffered FOR us.  As we remember his death on this Good Friday, let's remember just how much He gave up in order that we may spend eternity with Him. Let's run this race with perseverance just as Christ did for us. And rejoice that Easter is coming!  He is Risen! He is Alive!