Therapy

It's one of those nights....2:00 a.m. - can't sleep.

Mike working on math
worksheets.

Great visit with our friends,
Dan & Kaylynn.

First, I want to share a couple of photos that I forgot to share previously. Mike's chin looks like it has a big bloody spot on it, but it is actually a piece of tissue covering a small razor nick - looked worse than it was.

Second, I just updated the "Encourage One Another" post due to a couple of mistakes I didn't catch the first time. (a "their" where it should have been "they are" and VCU should have been UVA) 

Third, I will continue the "Do You Trust God?" post, but it's time to catch you up on what's happening with Mike in this one. 

Two posts ago I was telling you about all the missionary visits and that I was waiting on our friends from Canada. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with Gert & Elke, but unfortunately both days that they saw Mike were not his best ones. If you remember, Mike had a great day with me the Friday before they arrived on Saturday. However, Mike never acknowledged that he knew Gert & Elke and did very little conversing while they were there. They were OK with it, but I knew how much better he could be, so fretted and wished he could have enjoyed their visit more. 

He was more subdued and quiet on that Saturday and I thought maybe he was just tired from doing so much on Friday. We did take him out to McDonald's for a burger and milkshake in the late afternoon and he did alright. On Sunday there was no way I wanted to try to take him anywhere. He seemed over-sedated and needed assistance walking. This was the Sunday before his birthday, so we just went out on the patio. We had brought his gifts, balloons and his favorite dessert - cheesecake. He opened his gifts and we played a few games of Yahtzee which Gert & Elke gave him. He really liked Yahtzee and shaking the dice in the cups. 

That night, I emailed the director with my concerns and on Monday I returned to check on Mike before heading home. He seemed a little bit better and we played more games of Yahtzee. Over the next couple of weeks, Mike had more falls, plus choked on a sandwich due to stuffing too much in his mouth and not chewing thoroughly. On 9/4 my brother-in-law, Tom, and I took Mike to the dentist and he did really well. The hygienist was really great with him and would take breaks whenever he seemed to need it. Afterwards we asked him what he wanted to eat for lunch and got the standard reply - a hamburger. McDonald's was right across the street and since it was almost 2:00 we were all hungry. 

Back at The Harbor, Tom went to work assembling a desk and chair we were putting in Mike's room while Mike and I played Yahtzee on the front porch. As long as I have known Mike, he always got up early, sat at the kitchen table, and had his time with the Lord. I had received permission to remove his chest of drawers and put the desk in it's place. Most of Mike's clothes were in the wardrobe anyway and I thought this might help Mike return to something familiar, plus have a spot of his own where it is quiet to read, journal, write letters, etc. Mike wanted to sit at the desk immediately when we returned to his room.

The next morning, he wouldn't even go to the dining room for breakfast. He wanted to sit at his desk. While I was glad he liked the desk, I asked the staff to at least give him a Boost to drink if he refused to go to the dining room to eat. Bringing his tray in there would just be messy. I brought Subway sandwiches for our lunch that day, and had to hold Mike's sandwich so that he would not just stuff it in his mouth. With repeated verbal cues, he began to slow down and be more patient.

The following Sunday and Monday nights, I received calls saying that Mike was found on the floor. No one had seen him fall. Tuesday I called Dr. L, the psychiatrist, and voiced my concerns about his medication, plus emailed Jane, the director. Dr. L encouraged me to speak with the MD, Dr. B, since he is there weekly and she's only there monthly, but said she would speak with The Harbor staff and the MD herself, as well. By Wednesday afternoon, I had received a call from the head nurse telling me that Dr. B had listened to my concerns and was making a medication change. I hope it helps, but no guarantees.

I am SO THANKFUL for D the new Nursing Director/Head Nurse. After our meeting a few weeks ago, she requested that OT, ST, & PT re-evaluate Mike for services. This past week, both Speech and Physical therapy evaluated Mike and started working with him. D even took Mike over to the Rehab facility next door and he was able to use the exercise equipment. She said he did fantastic, knew exactly how to use the equipment and seemed to enjoy the opportunity even though he tired quickly. The therapist also worked with Mike using a walker and he did well, so we are going to see if he can do well with it on his own too. I'll take his walker up this coming Thursday.

Friday I received a call from the Speech Therapist, B. She had just had a session with Mike and was very pleased. She said he did much better than he did on the day she evaluated him. He followed instructions to eat slowly and put the spoon down between mouthfuls. He has been put on a pureed diet and thickened liquids. This is a step backwards and I believe at least partly due to the over-medication or wrong-medication-for-him issue which slowed all of his physical movements down.  I hate that he's having to go through all of this again, but hope that we are on the upswing. I am encouraged by the interventions.

As always, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Also, thank you to everyone who sent Mike a card for his birthday. It means a lot to us.

The other morning as I was praying for Mike, I paraphrased a verse I sort of remembered about sustaining him and restoring him from his bed of illness. As I prayed, I made a mental note to look the Scripture up later.  I opened my Bible, turned to the Psalms and "randomly" turned to Psalm 41. When I got to verse 3, I had to laugh and praise God! There it was: The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness. What a mighty God we serve! He's always listening and attentive to His children. Go and worship Him with fellow believers this day. He loves you so.

Do You Trust God?

Part I

Over the past few months, there has been a topic that has surfaced in conversations, devotionals, on Facebook, during a counseling session, and in books that I am reading. I’ve been trying to condense my writing about it into one post, but it’s not going to happen; there’s just too much to share. I do not claim or pretend to be a Bible scholar, teacher or preacher, and I have not heard the audible voice of God. I didn’t even go in search of answers or information on this topic. It seems it “found” me through various avenues and resources one on top of the other in a steady flow. This is simply my thoughts and experiences, coupled with what I have been reading in both the Bible and other books. You may not agree with me and that is OK, I wouldn’t have agreed with me in the not too distant past either. What follows is what I believe God is teaching me about His sovereignty.

A few months ago, a friend sent me the book A Small Cup of Light by Ben Palpant. The following statement challenged me and sent me on a search: “Fear not,” he (God) said, “I am carrying you into the darkness.” This was what Palpant believed God was telling him as he went through a very difficult physical and mental struggle. Another quote: “…..the peace that passes understanding enveloping me in my utter brokenness, and I celebrate a God who will do whatever He must to draw us near to Himself.”

When I shared some of this with a trusted friend, she was taken aback and strongly disagreed that God would carry anyone “into the darkness” or that God would be the one to cause suffering. For as it says in:

I John 1:5 (NCV)

Here is the message we have heard from Christ and now announce to you:

 God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.

I came home and looked up all the Scripture passages about darkness and light. After reading through these Scriptures, my understanding is that wherever God is there is light.

I believe I’ve shared the following story before, but it helps with the darkness and light illustration so I will share it again. About 20 years ago, Mike and I were going through rough times in our marriage, finances were very tight, and then I got sick with a bad chest cold. I was miserable. One Sunday afternoon I clearly remember going upstairs to our bedroom, getting on my knees by the bed, and saying “God! If this is life with you, then I don’t need you!” in a split second, it was as if God said OK, I’ll go, and in that teeny, tiny moment He allowed me to experience the deepest, darkest, indescribably blackest, most nothingness that I could have never imagined. It was but a blink, but I immediately cried out “Oh God! Please don’t leave me!” and just as quickly the light returned and I was wrapped in the warm embrace of my loving heavenly Father and I will NEVER doubt that He is with me again. My circumstances had not changed, but my view had drastically changed. In His wisdom, He allowed me to have a very small glimpse of what it would be like without His presence in my life and it would have been a bazillion times worse than my situation at that time. I share this again to say that as a child of God, even though the experiences I have here may feel and seem awfully dark, with God by my side there is always light and I have nothing to fear because I know I can trust Him.  I like how The Message words Psalm 27:1

Light, space, zest—that’s God! 

So with Him on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing.

I also believe that having had that experience many years ago, is the reason that I have not doubted that God has been with us throughout these past 3+ years. Did God send those trials and give me that experience to prepare me for this rougher road that He knew was coming? I don’t know for sure, but again, I trust Him. A lot of people have a hard time believing that our loving God would intentionally bring a difficulty to His children. One night as I pondered and prayed over all of this and tried to wrap my mind around how my good God, (in whom there is no darkness at all and who is not tempted by evil, who is Holy, Holy, Holy in all His ways) could in any way “hurt” His beloved child, the following memory came to mind: This event occurred when our boys were small. At the time, I was babysitting a little girl full-time and sometimes I had other children on a part-time basis. This particular afternoon, we had decided to walk a few blocks to our favorite pizza place. I was walking pulling one or two children in a wagon, Caleb was riding his 2 wheel bike and Keegan was riding his tricycle. We made it to Donato’s just fine and then started back home. To get home, we had to cross a very busy 4 lane road before getting onto the residential street. As we neared the corner where the street light was, Keegan was slightly ahead of me and oblivious to all the dangerous traffic. Not only that, but the sidewalk sloped down for the cross walk and his tricycle picked up speed. There was no time for verbal warnings - seeing that my child was in serious danger of rolling right out into the busy street, I grabbed him by the arm and jerked him off of his tricycle just before he hit the street. Did I hurt him? Probably. Did I scare him? Most definitely! Did he understand why I treated him that way? No. Did he realize what could have happened? Not at all! He was too little to understand. He had just been pedaling along his merry way without a care in the world.

When I was sharing this story with our dear friends Dan & Kaylynn, Dan pointed out another correlation in my story. He noted that when I jerked Keegan off of his tricycle, I pulled him to myself. That’s what God does. No matter what the trial, pain, loss, or difficulty He is always drawing us to Himself. He always desires a closer relationship with us. I know for myself that it’s been through the rough roads that I have felt His presence more, seen my own pride, selfishness, and waywardness more, and desired to change and to be more fully His. It was not when I was merrily pedaling along. At those times He was still there, I just didn’t stay as close to Him or see that I needed Him as much.

I know how much I love my children and it pales in comparison to how much God loves His children. He sees so much more than I do and He has my best in His mind. How foolish of me to think that I know what is best, or that I know what God is thinking, or that I should be able to understand what He is doing. He is God and I am not! Is it too far-fetched to believe that sometimes in order to protect us from certain danger or to show us a better path, God has to jerk us up and out of our comfort, complacency, and satisfaction and place us on a new path? Even if it does scare us and hurt us and we don’t understand? Do I trust Him enough to know that it is for my best or the best of someone else?  I do not have to understand God, or His actions in order to trust Him, He does not have to explain anything to me. He does not owe me anything!

1 Corinthians 1:25 (NIV)

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, 

and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

If God needs to carry me through a temporary “fire” in order to save me or someone else from burning in hell for all eternity, then to me He is still a loving God. Plus I can be assured that He is right there with me the entire time. Even if I can’t see Him or feel Him, I know it’s true because that He has promised. 

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; 

do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Just because something is hard or difficult in our lives does not mean that it is bad or evil. There is NO evil in God and He never promised that life here would always be smooth and easy. He told us that in this life we would have trials and tribulations, but He is with us and He is victorious!

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. 

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Notice in the first quote from Palpant that he felt that God was “carrying” him into the darkness. Did you catch that? God was holding him close and walking through the “darkness” with him. Again, in my opinion, what felt like darkness to Palpant really wasn’t, because God was with him the entire time.

1 Corinthians 13:12 

(NIV) For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. 

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

(MSG) We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

I don’t know where this quote came from, but I think Keegan told it to me. “Evil is the absence of the presence of God.” A few months ago I agreed with this statement, but just last week when I read it again, this is what I wrote below it: “That can’t be true or else God is not omnipresent! How much worse would a tragedy or violent assault be if God was not there at all! That is no comfort! I’d rather believe that ALL is in God’s control – even the extremely difficult, than to think He was absent and not there at all leaving me in Satan’s hands. No! I think a better statement would be: Evil is the absence of the presence of God within the person who is committing the evil act. Is this a difficult concept to grasp?  Absolutely! Do I understand how God can be in total control, yet we have “free will”, and that He allows the world to seemingly run out-of-control? No, I don’t understand, but you know what? I don’t have to understand. I just have to trust the one who created everything and made me. I have to trust that He has a plan that far exceeds anything I can even think about. I have to remember that He did not even spare His own Son, but allowed Him to be cruelly beaten and crucified for me because He loves me.

Romans 8 is packed with so much in regards to this subject. Of course, there is the well-known Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, 

to those who are the called according to His purpose.

It also speaks of how the flesh wars against the things of God. A lot of versions use “sin”, but when I read a different version that used “flesh”, it made it more personal and real to me. The word sin can seem removed or nebulous and it’s easy to read right over it, but when I read “flesh” it made me squirm. “Flesh”, those things that I want for myself, selfishness, my way, pride, what feels good to me, what I want.

Romans 8:5 & 16-18 (NKJV)

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, 

but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 

16-18 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 

and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

It says we will suffer, and at the end of the chapter it lists many trials and distresses and says that none of those can separate us from the love of Christ!  This implies that we will go through tribulations, persecution, distress, perils, but not to worry because nothing can keep God’s love from us! He’s warned us that these difficult times will come, but stay strong in the Lord, persevere in His strength and love. Nothing is taking Him by surprise; His ultimate plan will prevail. Let others see Him in the way we handle trials and difficulties. Real faith can stand through whatever comes because as long as we are focusing on Christ Jesus, He will provide the strength needed and will either walk beside us or carry us through. He will never abandon His children.

Psalm 9:9-10 (NIV)

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,

A stronghold in times of trouble.

Those who know your name trust in you,

For you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Palpant’s story is one of a man changed by suffering and his “naked encounter with God”. One last Palpant quote: “He (Jesus) is after much more than happiness in our lives. He is after a sustaining joy and he will give us that joy by giving us himself, whether through the small gifts of life that bring us gladness or through the dark night of suffering.”

Two other books have been part of this theme that I believe God has brought me to in the past months. I will share some from those in future posts.

Holding On To Hope by Nancy Guthrie – I’ll be looking at the part where she talks about God’s will and our submission.

The Call to Joy & Pain by Ajith Fernando – This book was sent to me way back in October of 2012 from a missionary that I don’t even know. At the time, when I tried to read it I couldn’t handle it. It seemed like Greek to me. Several weeks ago I picked it up and oh, what a blessing! God’s timing is amazing.

What this boils down to, for me, is: God is in control and totally trustworthy even when I don’t understand. He also gives joy in the midst of sorrow and suffering which I don’t understand either, but have experienced. Whether a difficulty is from His hand directly, or He’s allowed Satan to have his way, or I’ve chosen freely, God is in control and I trust Him to work it all out for good because He said He would for those who love Him.

To Be Continued...